Is something wrong, Doctor? She looked frightened. She had only assumed that she was exhausted. She had never really believed that she was seriously ill. Even the lack of menses she had attributed to the shock, the trip, and the readjustment.
I'm afraid so, little one. You're pregnant. He waited to see the look of grief and horror. What he saw instead was a look of total amazement, and then a small smile.
You didn't suspect it? She shook her head, the smile broadening slightly. And you're pleased? Now it was his turn to stare.
Ariana looked as though she had received a priceless gift beyond hope or expectation, and she stared at Dr. Kaplan with wide blue eyes filled with love and awe. It had to have happened right after they got married ' sometime near the end of April, perhaps on that last time before he'd gone to defend the Reichstag ' which made her about seven weeks pregnant. She stared at the doctor in disbelief. Are you quite sure?
I'll run a test if you like, but frankly I'm certain. Ariana, do you know '
She looked up at him, smiling gently. Yes, I know. She knew she could trust this man. She had to. The baby is my husband's. He is the only man I have ever ' known.
And where is he now, your husband?
Ariana's eyes dropped slowly, and two long tears drifted from her lashes to her cheeks. He is dead ' like all the others. She lifted her head again slowly. He is dead.
But you will have his baby. Kaplan spoke softly and silently rejoiced with her. Now you will always have that. Won't you? She smiled softly, finally allowing herself to think of Manfred, to see his face in her mind's eye, to remember his touch. It was as though now she could allow his memory to come back to her, to share in the joy of their child. Until then she had desperately wrestled with the memories, afraid to let them flood her mind. But now, when the doctor left the room, she sat there for a full ten minutes, bathed in the tender memories and the dreams, and now, when the tears came, she was smiling. This was the happiest moment of her life.
When she rejoined the doctor in his office, he looked at her seriously for a time. Ariana, what will you do now? You'll have to tell Ruth. For a long moment there was silence. Ariana had not yet thought of that. For a moment all the Liebmans had been blotted from her mind. But now she realized she had to tell them, and she knew what they would say. How could they welcome this baby whose baby? The child of a Nazi officer? She had to defend this unborn child. What would she do now? Silently she thought of her mother's rings. If she had to, she would use them to support herself until the baby was born. She would do anything she had to, but she could not impose on them any longer. In a few months she would leave.
I don't want to tell Mrs. Liebman, Doctor.
But why not? He looked distressed. She's a good woman, Ariana, a kind woman, she'll understand.
But Ariana looked adamant. I can't ask her to do more than she's already done. She's done so much for me. And this would be too much.
You have to think of the baby, Ariana. You owe that baby a decent life, a decent chance, as good a chance as you've been given, as the Liebmans have given you.
It was a heavy speech that weighed on her all that evening after she had made the doctor promise that he would not tell Ruth. He simply told her that Ariana was still obviously a bit tired, but that it was nothing to be concerned about. She should not overdo it, she should eat well, she should get lots of sleep, but other than that, she was fine.
Oh, I feel so much better hearing that, Ruth had told her on the way home. She seemed even kinder that day than usual, and it tore at Ariana's heart to be deceiving her about the child. But it seemed wrong to ask for still more from them. She had to do this herself, had to take care of this child on her own. It was hers ' her own ' and Manfred's. It was the baby they had both wanted so badly ' conceived amid the ashes of their dreams. He would now return to bloom on greener hillsides, a memory of how bright their love had been. She sat alone in her room that night, wondering, dreaming, would it be a girl or a boy? Would he look like Manfred ' or perhaps like her father? ' It was like expecting a visitor from an old familiar world, as she found herself wondering which of the faces she would never see again would be reborn in this small child. The doctor said that the baby would be born at the end of January, or perhaps even early February. Often, he insisted, first babies come late. And he thought that it would start to show sometime in September, perhaps even October, if she was careful of what she wore. So by then she would have to leave the Liebmans. And once she was settled, once she had a job, then she would tell them. When the baby came, Julia and Debbie could come to visit. She smiled to herself as she thought of the tiny little bundle in knitted clothes that the girls would come to see' .
What are you looking so happy about, Ariana? It was Paul, standing right beside her. She hadn't even seen him come in.
I don't know. I was Just thinking.
What about? He sat down on the floor next to her and looked up into the perfect little face.
Nothing special. She smiled slowly at him. Her happiness was almost impossible to hide, and now it touched Paul as well.
Do you know what I was thinking about today? Our summer. It's going to be wonderful for us out there in the country. We can play tennis and go swimming. We can lie around in the sun and go to parties. Doesn't that sound like fun? It did but now she had someone else to consider.
She nodded. And then, sobering, she looked at her young friend. Paul. I've just made a big decision.
What's that? He smiled in anticipation.
In September I'm going to get a job and move out.
That makes two of us. Want to become roommates?
Very funny. I'm serious.
So am I. And what kind of job are you going to get, by the way?
I don't know yet, but I'll think of something. Maybe your father can give me some ideas.
I've got a better one. He leaned over and kissed the soft blond hair. Ariana, why won't you listen?
Because you're not old enough to make sense. She was happier than she had been in months, and he laughed in answer. He could sense her good mood.
You know, if you're serious about getting a job in September, then this will be your last summer,' too. Our last fling before we all settle down.
As a matter of fact, she grinned broadly at him, that's exactly what it will be.
He smiled at her and stood up. Then let's make it good, Ariana, the best summer we ever had, She smiled at him, feeling her heart soar.
Chapter 38
A week later they all moved to the huge house in East Hampton. It had a main building with six bedrooms, three maids' rooms, a dining room large enough to feed an army, a large formal living room, a smaller den, and a family room downstairs. The kitchen was gigantic and friendly, and in the back there was a guesthouse, and a beach house where one could change one's clothes. In the guesthouse there were five guest bedrooms, which the Liebmans planned to keep filled all summer with relatives and friends. The vacation was off to a great beginning until Ruth heard from Paul the day after they got there that Ariana planned to move out and get a job in the fall.
But why, Ariana? Don't be silly. We don't want you to leave. Ruth Liebman looked at her, crushed.
But I can't impose on you forever.
You're not imposing. You're one of our children. Ariana, this is absurd. And if you absolutely must have a job, why can't you live at the house? She looked distraught at the prospect of losing the girl already. Go to university if you want to you said once that you'd wanted to do that. You can do all kinds of things, but there is absolutely no reason for you to move out.
Oh, Paul, she looked so hurt Ariana looked at him in despair as he drove her into the city in his roadster to pick up some special odds and ends they had promised his mother they would get in New York. There were two more bathing suits for Debbie, some medication for Julia, a bunch of papers relating to the Women's Relief Organization that Ruth had forgotten on her desk. They gathered it all up quickly, and then Ariana looked
at the little gold watch Ruth had given her to wear. Do you suppose I have time to do one more errand?
Sure, what's up?
I promised Dr. Kaplan I'd stop by for some vitamins if I had time.
Absolutely. He looked at her sternly. We should have done that first.
Yes, sir. She laughed at him and they gathered up all the things they'd promised to return with and headed downtown. It felt good to be young and enjoying the summer. The sunshine smiled down at them, and Ariana stretched out happily in the car.
Want to try driving on the way back?
Your precious roadster? Paul, what have you been drinking?
He laughed, glad she was feeling lighthearted. I trust you. You said that you knew how to drive.
I'm very flattered that you'd let me drive your new car. She was touched by his offer, knowing how much the car meant to him.
I would trust you with anything I own, Ariana. Even my new car.
Thank you. There was little more she could say until they arrived at Dr. Kaplan's office and she prepared to go inside. But he jumped out quickly to help her. He was wearing white linen slacks and a blazer, and with his long, easy stride and his warm smile, he looked youthful and elegant as they went inside.
I'll come in with you for a minute. I haven't seen him in a while. There was no longer much reason for him to see Kaplan the knee that had taken him out of action was almost healed. In fact, one couldn't even see much of a limp, and with the exercise he'd get that summer, by fall the knee would be as good new.
But Dr. Kaplan was delighted to see him, and the threesome chatted for a moment until Dr. Kaplan asked if he could see Ariana alone. Paul complied easily and sat down in the waiting room, putting his boater on the chair beside him.
In his office Ariana looked at the doctor with wide eyes.
How are you feeling, Ariana?
Fine, thank you. As long as I watch what I eat, I'm fine. She smiled at him and he thought that he had never seen her more at peace. She was wearing a summer dress with a big skirt and small waist, and a huge straw hat tied beneath her chin with blue ribbons the same color as her eyes.
You're looking wonderful. And then after an awkward pause, he looked at her more intently. You haven't told any of them, have you?
No. She shook her head slowly. I made up my mind. You said it would show in September, so when we get back from Long Island this summer, I'm going to move out and find a job. And then I'll tell them everything. And I'm sure they'll understand. But I refuse to impose on them any further, or to expect them to support my child.
That's noble of you, Ariana. But do you have any idea how you and the baby will eat? Have you thought of the baby at all, or just yourself? It was an unusually stern speech for him, and Ariana was briefly angry, and then hurt.
Of course I've thought of the baby. That's all I think of. What do you mean?
That you're twenty years old, you have no trade, no profession, that you're going to be alone with a baby in a country you don't know, where people may not hire you simply because you're German. We've just ended a war with Germany and sometimes people hold that kind of grudge for a long time. I'm telling you that you're not giving that baby a decent shake, and you could do it, if you don't wait too long. If you do something about it now. He looked at her intently and she stared.
What do you mean?
I mean, Ariana his voice gentled "get married. Give yourself and the baby a decent chance. I know, it's a hell of a thing to do, but, Ariana, since I saw you last, I've been tormenting myself. I think it's the only answer. I've thought and I've thought and I've thought I know Paul since he's a baby. I can see what he feels for you. It's hell on my conscience to suggest this but who will be hurt? If you marry that boy in the waiting room, you'll guarantee your baby's future, and your own.
I don't care about me. She was shocked at what he was suggesting.
But you do care about the baby. What about that?
But I can't do that ' it's dishonest.
Don't you think a lot of other girls do the same thing? Girls who have far less reason to do it than you do' Ariana, the baby won't be born for another seven months. I could say that it came early. No one would have to know. No one. Not even Paul.
She looked at the doctor, shocked by what he was suggesting. Don't you think that I could provide for the baby myself?
Of course not. When was the last time you saw a pregnant woman work? Who would hire you? And to do what?
She sat silent for a long moment and then nodded pensively. Maybe he was right She had just assumed she'd be able to get a job in a shop. But what a thing to do ' what a deception ' what a thing to do to Paul ' how could she lie to him like that? He was her friend and in a way she loved him. In fact, she cared for him a great deal.
How could I do such a thing, Doctor? It's wrong. She felt guilt and shame rise within her just at the thought.
You could do it for the sake of your unborn child. What did you do getting to Paris, getting here? Were you always so honest? Wouldn't you have lied or shot or killed to save your life? You must do the same for the baby, Ariana. To provide him with a family, a father, a decent life-style, meals in his belly, an education' . Ariana realized she was naive to think a few rings tucked away in a box could get her through this. Slowly she nodded her head.
I'll have to think it over.
Do that, but don't think for too long. If you wait much longer, it will be too late. This way, if the baby comes at seven months, I can easily explain it by your frail health, the trip from Europe, all of that.
You think of everything, don't you? She looked at him and realized he was giving her the push she needed to survive. He was teaching her the rules to a game she was getting very good at playing, and in her heart she knew he was right. But where would it end?
He was talking. If you do this, Ariana, your secret will always be safe with me.
Thank you, Doctor for my life and my baby's life.
He handed her the vitamins and touched her shoulder gently as she left. Make your decision quickly, Ariana.
She nodded quietly. Yes, I will.
Chapter 39
Ariana, do you want to come swimming? Julia was pounding on her door at nine o'clock in the morning, and Ariana sleepily opened an eye.
So early? I'm not up yet.
Neither was Paul. And he's coming, too.
That's right, he verified as he sauntered through her doorway, and if I have to get up to go swimming with these little monsters, so do you.
Oh, I do, do I? She stretched lazily and smiled as he sat down next to her and kissed the loose blond hair falling over her face.
Yes, you do, otherwise, I shall drag you from your bed and pull you screaming down the beach.
How charming of you, Paul.
Yes, isn't it? They smiled at each other for a moment By the way, would you like to go to a party in Southampton tonight? My parents are taking die girls somewhere overnight.
How come?
It's the Fourth of July weekend, my dear. American Independence Day. Wait until you see-it should be quite an event.
And as it turned out, it was. They went swimming with the girls that morning and on a picnic with the whole family that afternoon. After which Sam and Ruth took the girls off on their excursion and Ariana disappeared upstairs to take her nap. But at seven o'cloek she was dressed to go out for the evening, and when she came down the stairs of the big summer home, Paul whistled and grinned.
Say, lady, nobody ever warned me you'd look like that with a suntan. She was wearing a turquoise silk dress that highlighted her fresh brown skin. He looked equally dashing in a white linen suit, white shirt, and a wide navy blue tie with tiny white dots, and together they set out for the evening in his new car.
In gala spirit he let Ariana drive it to the party, and once there he immediately brought her a gin fizz. Hesitant about her reactions to the liquor, she only took very small sips. But the party around her was already swinging. There
were two bands playing, one in the house and one out on the lawn. Several yachts had pulled up for the occasion and were moored at the long dock where they were tended by a dozen boatsmen, and there was a ripe summer moon hanging overhead.
Would you like to dance, Ariana? He was smiling down at her gently, and smoothly she drifted into his arms. It was the first time they had danced together, and in the moonlight it was easy to pretend that it was Manfred, or her father, or anyone at all. Has anyone ever told you that you dance like an angel?
Not lately, I'm afraid. She laughed softly at the compliment and they danced on until the end of the set. They walked slowly to a railing where they could look down at the boats bobbing beneath them, and Paul looked at her with a seriousness Ariana had not yet seen.
I'm so happy when I'm with you, Ariana. I've never known anyone like you before. She wanted to tease him and ask about Joanie, but she knew that this wasn't the time.
Ariana he looked at her quietly I have something to tell you. , He reached over slowly, took both her hands in his, and then kissed them gently, one at a time. I love you. I don't know how else to tell you. I love you. I can't bear being without you. Being with you, I feel ' well ' so happy and strong ' like I can do anything, like everything I touch is some kind of a gift ' like it's all worth it ' and I never want to let that feeling go. If you go off on your own after the summer and I do the same thing, we'll lose that His eyes misted over as he said it. And, Ariana, I can't bear to let you go.
You won't have to. Her voice was a whisper. Paul ' IGe
And then, as though he had timed it, the first fire works exploded overhead. He reached into his pocket and took out a large emerald-cut diamond ring. Before she had realized what had happened, he had slipped it on her finger, and his mouth was pressing hard hers as his urgency and his passion readied toward her. She felt a longing and a stirring in her that she had thought never to feel again. She clung to him almost desperately for a moment, returning his kiss and fighting the longing in her own soul.
The Ring Page 27