The Summer Without You

by Karen Swan

  ‘She went to get the cake slice from the kitchen.’

  Male voice off camera – Ted’s father? ‘I heard her cell go. You want me to get her?’

  Ted rolls his eyes and shakes his head. Ella tries to sneak more icing.

  ‘Ella, sweetie, just wait one more minute.’

  ‘Binky’s hungry.’ Pushes bottom lip out and scowls at Ted. Folds arms across her chest.

  Marina walks back in, raking her hair back, smiling. Lithe in navy trousers and ribbed silky sweater. ‘You haven’t cut the cake yet, have you?’

  ‘No, we were waiting for you.’ Ted. Slight pause. ‘The cake slice?’

  Marina slaps her forehead. ‘Oh, yes. Right! I forgot.’

  Ted frowns. ‘Who was that on the phone?’

  ‘The locksmith. He called back.’

  ‘The locksmith?’

  ‘Yes, he’s coming over now. I told him it was an emergency.’

  ‘What? What is?’

  Marina puts her hand up to stroke Finn’s cheek. He’s sleeping on Ted’s shoulder. ‘We discussed this, Ted, remember? The kids mustn’t be getting out of their rooms in the night.’

  ‘Marina, what are you talking about? They’re both in cots.’

  Marina smiles. Pats his arm. ‘Listen, honey, you may sleep through it, but I don’t. I hear them every night. It’s for their own safety.’ Marina frowns. ‘Oh, yes. Right. Cake slice.’

  She walks out.

  Ted, frowning, looks to person behind the camera. ‘What?’

  Blackness.

  07/15/2011

  14h43

  ‘Turn it off, Mom.’ Ted, standing by baby Finn at changing unit. Ted holding both his ankles in one hand, lifting him up and sliding under new nappy.

  ‘You’ll thank me—’

  Ted looks to camera. Stony stare. Cold eyes. Red-rimmed eyes.

  Blackness.

  04/15/2012

  12h20

  Beach. Ted lying down, Ella covering him in sand. He scrunches his eyes shut as sand goes flying off her yellow spade.

  ‘Careful, Ella! Poor Daddy.’ Older woman’s voice behind the camera.

  Ella looks up. Hair in pigtails. Pink heart-shaped sunglasses on, red gingham swimsuit with frilled skirt. Chubby legs. ‘Daddy my pwisoner.’

  ‘I’ll never get out of here,’ he groans, making face to suggest effort. No movement. ‘It’s no good. I’m trapped here forever.’

  Ella squeals delightedly.

  Camera swings to show Finn sitting with a rubber ring round his waist. A floppy blue sunhat on his head, wearing a swim nappy. Hitting an upturned bucket with a small spade.

  ‘Right. Well, if Daddy’s well and truly stuck in there, I guess there’s no one to stop us going and getting an ice cream, is there, Ella?’ Woman’s voice.

  ‘Ice cweam!’ Ella shrieks, jumping up.

  ‘Ice cream? Who – said – ice cream?’ Ted. Putting on a deep voice. ‘Nobody eats the Sand Monster’s ice cream.’

  ‘Da Sand Monsder!’ Ella shrieks again, jumping up and down as Ted begins to wriggle side to side, cracks appearing in the sand ‘tomb’.

  ‘Quick, Ella, run! Run!’ Older woman’s voice.

  Ella scampers down towards the shore. Ted breaks through sand and stands up, still covered. Beats his chest like King Kong, raises his arms out with a roar. Grins at camera. Starts chasing Ella down the beach.

  Ella screams, half frightened, half delighted.

  Ted scoops her up in his arm and runs with her into the waves.

  Camera swings back to Finn, still beating the bucket. Oblivious. ‘You know, Finn, I’m not sure boys ever really do grow up.’

  Finn looks to camera. Tips his head. Smiles. Continues beating the bucket.

  Blackness.

  ‘I wish you’d stop looking at me like that. It’s just a job,’ Ro muttered, packing her camera into the protective soft case.

  Hump, assuming his usual position of arms behind his head and ankles crossed on his desk, shook his head. ‘Nup. It really isn’t.’

  ‘Are you prepared to forgo my last month’s rent?’ she said stroppily, wondering where she’d put the tripod.

  ‘I wish I could, but you know I need every last cent—’

  ‘In which case, I have no option but to do this shoot, so enough with the pointed stares.’ She ducked under the counter, rifling through the cardboard boxes that she’d kept from when her equipment was air-freighted over.

  Hump, taking in her pursed lips, changed tack. ‘Isn’t it weird when you see them? I mean, you know their lives pretty much inside out now. You’ve spent, like, hundreds of hours studying them. Doesn’t it feel weird that there’s so much imbalance?’

  ‘It’s a job, Hump. They’re not my friends. Do you expect to share your life story with the people you take to the beach?’

  ‘Yeah, but it’s different. You’ve seen all their most private moments. It’s like you’ve shared them with them.’

  Ro shot him a look but didn’t reply. The fact was, Hump couldn’t have been further from the truth. The more she saw about the Connors, the less she understood. Where was Marina? What had made the marriage fail? What hadn’t the camera shown?

  ‘A part of you must be sad that you’ve finished the movie.’

  ‘Not really.’

  ‘You’ve worked so hard on getting it finished. You were almost as bad as Greg and Bobbi. Honestly, if I’d known I was signing up a group of workaholics . . .’

  ‘What, you’d have chosen a girl in a string bikini from the foam pool?’ Her hands closed round the telescopic tripod.

  Hump chortled and she shot him an amused look. ‘It just seems odd that you’re suddenly so desperate to finish it and be done with him.’

  ‘Them. They’re a family.’

  ‘Nothing to do with the kiss, then.’

  Ro sighed. He wouldn’t let it go. All week she’d been putting up with this. This was the downside of brothers. Maybe it hadn’t been so bad being an only child after all. ‘I needed to get those films edited and done because they’ve been hanging over me almost all summer. At least now the stills are pretty easy to sort, and once I’ve done this shoot –’ she rubbed her hands together ‘– I can finally get my invoice in to him and get paid.’

  ‘It’s just all about the money with you, isn’t it?’

  ‘That’s me. Money-digger.’

  ‘You are ruthless.’

  ‘Yes, I am,’ she grinned.

  ‘So what are you gonna wear?’

  ‘Where to?’

  ‘The island tomorrow.’

  Ro straightened up. ‘Why? Is there some flipping dress code to adhere to before you can set foot on it?’

  ‘Nuh, I just thought you’d want to look nice for him, that’s all.’

  ‘Hump!’ she shrieked, picking up her elastic-band ball and lobbing it at him. Perfect hit.

  ‘Ow!’ he laughed, rubbing his shoulder.

  ‘You are a nightmare!’

  ‘And you’re in denial!’

  Melodie appeared at the doorway, her arms resting high up on the doorframe. ‘And what is going on in here?’ she smiled. ‘They can hear you two all the way in Bridgehampton.’

  ‘My housemate has discovered his death wish,’ Ro laughed, as Hump threw the ball back and she caught it with one hand. She put it next to her monitor and did a quick visual sweep of the various lenses and batteries before closing up her camera bag.

  ‘Where are you off to now?’ Hump asked, as she put the strap over her body and looked for the padlock key for her bike.

  ‘Home – to get away from you. Bobbi’ll be back soon and I’d like to spend some time with her given that I’ll be working tomorrow.’

  ‘I thought you might be going back to wash your hair,’ Hump teased.

  ‘Urgh!’ she cried, throwing her hands in the air. She stopped in front of Melodie. ‘He is maddening.’

  ‘I know.’ Melodie nodded sympathetically. ‘I don’t know how you put
up with him. It must be like living with an ape.’

  ‘A gibbon,’ Ro shot back.

  ‘Hey!’ Hump shouted as the two women joined ranks. He jumped up from his chair and ran round the desk, but Ro was already leaping over the steps and racing across the grassy square towards her bike. ‘Sorry, Melodie!’ she laughed. ‘He’s all yours!’

  It was just before 9.30 a.m. when she heard the car pull up outside the next morning. Ro ran to the window and crouched low at the sill, still only in her bra and knickers. Ted was pulling up the handbrake on a metallic pale blue vintage Mercedes convertible. Ro didn’t know the vintage, but she recognized the gull wings as being iconic, and therefore expensive.

  ‘Hey!’ Ted waved, spotting her at the window and flashing a brilliant-white smile that lifestyle-matched the car.

  ‘You’re early,’ she called down, visible only from the nose up.

  ‘I know. Sorry. The kids were so excited.’ He tipped his head back towards Ella and Finn, both in their car seats in the back.

  ‘Hi!’ she called – knowing she had to win their trust quickly if she was going to get the pictures she needed – instinctively standing up to wave at them and realizing only too late that the movement clearly flashed her bra to anyone on the street. How excellent. She pressed herself back down low again, her cheeks against the wood. ‘I’ll, uh . . . I’ll just be a minute!’ she shouted, hoping they could hear, and backing away from the window on her hands and knees.

  ‘Take your time!’ Ted called back. She could hear laughter in his voice, even twenty feet up.

  Her bag was already packed with her equipment, and she’d washed her hair last night – not for the reasons Hump had teased but in order not to be rushing this morning. She stepped into the white shorts and navy T-shirt she’d bought on sale in one of the boutiques off the backstreets in town and turned a circle in the room, wondering if there was anything else she was missing. Like her sanity.

  She stepped out of the house two minutes later, her camera bag on her shoulder, her plimsolled feet making no sound on the path.

  Ted, who was leaning against the car, jumped up as she approached.

  ‘Hi,’ he smiled, taking her bag from her and putting it in the boot.

  ‘Hi,’ she said, slightly clipped, wanting to establish a clear tone that this was work, business – not some jolly day trip.

  ‘Hop in.’

  She slid into the passenger seat, turning round immediately to make eye contact with the children. ‘Hi,’ she smiled. ‘You must be Ella and Finn.’

  The children nodded at her – not so much shyly as warily.

  ‘And these fellows here,’ she said, in a slightly lower voice, her eyes on the grubby, too-loved pink and blue toys. ‘They must be Binky and Boo.’

  Both children’s eyes widened with surprise.

  ‘How did you know that?’ Ella asked in a forthright voice that seemed should belong to a child older than four.

  ‘Oh, they’re famous where I live,’ she said, knowing her foreign accent would be discernible even to children as young as them. ‘Where I come from, everybody knows Binky and Boo.’

  Eyes wider still. ‘Why?’

  ‘Because they’re the most loved toys in the world – everybody knows that. And I live a really, really long way away from here.’

  Wonder filled their faces as they each held their toys to their noses and inhaled, closing their eyes at the familiar, comforting smell.

  Ro turned to face the front, to find Ted sitting beside her, the ignition still off, an expression on his face that she couldn’t interpret. She looked at the keys hanging idle. ‘Ready when you are,’ she shrugged.

  ‘Yes. Right,’ he said, jumping into action and starting the car. It made a lovely sound and Ro turned to look at the cottage as they pulled away.

  Hump was standing on the drive, holding his kayak paddle in one hand, wearing his brown and pink leaf Hawaiian baggies, yellow flip-flops and a bemused grin. Ro stuck her tongue out at him as she passed.

  A small gasp came from the back. ‘I saw that!’ Ella said.

  ‘What?’ Ted asked, peering at her in the rear-view mirror.

  Ro turned and put her finger to her lips, her eyes gleaming.

  ‘Nothing,’ Ella giggled, putting her finger to her lips too.

  They were in Sag Harbor within half an hour, everyone enjoying the feeling of the breeze and sunshine against their skin as the Mercedes glided gracefully along the streets, the grey, ice-blue and charcoal clapboarded houses becoming more densely packed together as they approached the town centre.

  They passed the old movie house, which had the name of the latest film spelled out in retro red letters, cruised past the smartly clipped hedges of the American Hotel and pulled up in the car park opposite a small marina.

  ‘Can you carry Finn for me and hold Ella’s hand while I get the bags out?’ Ted asked, pulling on the handbrake as she’d seen him do earlier.

  ‘Sure.’

  Ro unclipped the kids from their seats, hoisting Finn onto her hip and taking Ella’s hand with a wink. They were already allies, it seemed, Ella repeatedly trying to catch her eye in the mirror on the way over. Ro smiled down at her as they walked, her usual reserve banished. Going through the home videos was proving useful here – it was like a crash course in understanding the two children; she had studied them like a student and already she knew their histories, not just their names. But if she had mugged up on their pasts, she knew nothing about their present.

  ‘Oh dear, where should we go?’ she asked, looking at the rows and rows of jetties, all with dozens of moored boats.

  ‘I know where the boat is,’ Ella said proudly, tugging her along.

  ‘Maybe we should wait for your da—’

  ‘Lead on, Ella,’ Ted called behind them. Ro turned and saw him struggling with the bags, grinning away.

  Ella led the way down one of the boardwalks. Ro could see the water through the gaps, and she looked from side to side at the mix of boats. Most of them were small-use fishers, along with one or two smarter cruisers for buzzing in the bays.

  Ella stopped at a medium-sized sailing boat with a wooden cabin and a cheery yellow hull. What was it with yellow over here? she wondered, as Ted caught them up, bags stuffed under his arms, and one particularly heavy one hanging round his neck.

  ‘Here, let me help,’ she said, reaching up and unhooking it, making very sure she didn’t brush against him.

  ‘Thanks,’ he replied, as he dropped the bags gently at his feet.

  ‘Nice boat.’

  ‘Do you sail?’ he asked, rifling in his red and navy sailing jacket for a set of keys, his eyes on her all the while.

  ‘Not unless you count a one-week course when I was twelve.’

  ‘Oh, I think we will count that,’ Ted smiled, crouching down to pull the boat in with the ropes, before springing on board himself. ‘Given that otherwise my crew has a combined age of seven.’

  Ro couldn’t help but laugh, passing him the bags one by one, and he passed her back the lifejackets. She put them on the children, while Ted put the engine blowers on and disappeared below deck to run through his checks.

  There was a breeze and she shivered, wishing she’d thought to pack a jumper. She had become quickly accustomed to always feeling warm and never needing a cover-up.

  ‘Do you like sailing?’ she asked Ella, who was sucking her thumb and watching her as she fiddled with getting the straps between Finn’s wriggly legs. Finn was more interested in trying to watch the ducks swimming between the boats.

  ‘I’m Daddy’s first mate.’

  ‘Are you?’ Ro asked, eyes wide. ‘Well, then you’d better keep me straight on this, OK? I don’t have a clue about boats. I hardly know which end is the front and which end is the back.’

  Ella giggled, putting her finger to her lips again.

  ‘Exactly,’ Ro grinned, copying her. She straightened up.

  ‘You’re da lady who played in da sea w
iv Daddy.’

  Ro looked in astonishment at Finn, who was pointing up at her lest she should be in any doubt he was talking to her.

  ‘Yes. Yes, I am,’ she nodded. ‘How clever you are to remember, Finn.’

  ‘It looked fun,’ he said, putting his thumb in his mouth like his sister.

  ‘Oh, it was! It really was,’ she nodded, hands on hips, noticing that Ted had stopped halfway up the steps. She kept her eyes away from his. It was in no one’s interest to dredge up that particular incident again.

  ‘Are you ready for us?’ she asked, batting away the topic.

  He jumped up the steps and handed her a navy jumper. ‘For you. You may need it when we get further out. It won’t be a great fit, I’m afraid. It’s one of mine, but it’s all that’s on here.’

  ‘Oh. Thanks,’ she murmured, the tumble of cashmere sitting like a cloud in her hands. She couldn’t possibly put this on; after the sentimentality of wearing Matt’s clothes for the first month here, how could she possibly just shrug on another man’s clothes as though it would mean nothing?

  She draped it casually over one shoulder as Ted hauled on the ropes again, pulling the boat in towards the jetty. He reached out his arms for her to pass Finn and then Ella, holding out his hand for her to grasp as she jumped on last.

  ‘Thanks,’ she murmured, steadying herself and keeping her eyes safely down, determined not to acknowledge the tingle that came with his touch.

  They agreed it would be best if she sat on the bench behind the captain’s wheel, with Finn on her lap and Ella to her right so she could hold on to the side and ‘be the lookout’ for flying fish. They motored gently out of the marina, Ted handling the boat with refined ease, looking back intermittently to check they were all OK. When they were in open water, he cut the engine and moved over to wind power, unravelling the mainsail and jib, and letting them fill and billow, propelling the boat in leisurely tacks across the Sound.

  For the second time that morning, Ro tipped her head back and enjoyed the feeling of sun and wind on her skin, vowing to take up sailing the second she got home. Quite where, in the London suburbs, she wasn’t sure, but somewhere. Definitely.