by Lily Morton
I spare a second’s thought as to why Matt is different, but I don’t know the answer and that fucking irritates me as well. I like being in charge of my destiny, secure in my ability to handle events and people. Matt’s like one of those rogue breezes that appear out of nowhere and knock everything over and mess things up. I snort and then jump as I hear his sleepy voice behind me.
“What the hell are you laughing about by yourself you total weirdo?”
I laugh. “It’s not weird if the imaginary people laugh back.”
He sneers at me and yawns widely his eyes barely slits as he flings himself down into his customary chair, taking the coffee that I hand him and then snatching a croissant from the basket that I proffer. I smile evilly at him as he suddenly seems to catch onto the fact that I’m second guessing him and he shakes his head and yawns without covering his mouth, showing a pink tongue and white teeth.
“Why are you up?” I ask, eyeing his half naked body clad only in a pair of pink patterned board shorts, before tearing my own croissant up and adding some of Odell’s homemade jam to it. Delicious. “You’re surely not at work this weekend are you? It’s a French bank holiday. Nobody will be at work.”
He shakes his head wryly. “And that makes it different from any other day how?”
I smirk. “Having problems with the French workforce?”
“Well the half that actually turns up.” He flails his hand slightly. “They do an hour or two tops and then it’s like a buzzer goes off and they down tools, take out tables and chairs for fuck’s sake, and all this bloody food and wine. Lots and lots of wine, and that’s it for at least two hours. They even have serviettes.” I laugh out loud and he sneers. “Oh laugh away. I don’t take that much care or that much time to eat when I’m on holiday for fuck’s sake.”
I shrug. “They’ll probably live longer than you and I. They’ve maybe got the right idea.”
He smiles. “Probably, but if Charlie wants to get this villa done before he draws his pension, which by the way is going to be a small one the way that we’re going, then he’ll have to bring some other workers over to supplement the lunch hour alone.”
I smile. “You’ll get there. They like you.”
I’m speaking the truth. The French workers can be insular and take a while to warm up to people but they have warmed to him, as I’d seen when I’d visited the site a few days ago to find him sitting in the middle of them. He was filthy dirty, telling scurrilous stories in his quick French with a wide white grin as they roared with laughter.
I think some of it is because he speaks French and is happy to have the piss taken out of him for getting words wrong, but also because he works hard. He could totally sit back in the shade with his feet up supervising, but instead he’s hurled himself amongst them and no job is too dirty or tiring for him. Men appreciate that and the fact that he’s funny with this warm, scruffy charm doesn’t hurt either.
The ringing of his phone interrupts my thoughts and he lifts his narrow hips pulling his phone from his back pocket. He looks at the display and a wide smile curves his mouth as he answers it. “Dude you so can’t live without me.” He laughs loudly at the reply and then casts a glance at me and mouths ‘Bram’ which for some reason makes me relax. What the fuck is the matter with me?
I become aware of him gesturing to me. “What?”
He covers the mouthpiece. “It’s Bram. He’s coming over to visit for the weekend.”
I smile. “He really can’t live without you.”
He shakes his head dismissively. “Is that okay with you?” he asks seriously.
I’m puzzled. “Of course it is Matt. He’s your best friend. He’ll stay here of course?”
“I’d thought that he’d stay at a hotel but that’s a much better idea. Is that okay with you though?”
“Of course it is, I wouldn’t ask otherwise.” He looks at me, seemingly oblivious to the stream of words still coming from the phone. “Really,” I say when he still hesitates. “I never say anything that I don’t mean. I don’t make idle gestures.”
He stares at me for a second and something in him seems almost startled as if that’s a novelty to him, before he nods and smiles widely, his teeth white in his narrow, tanned face. “That’s great John. It’s perfect timing for a weekend. We can all go out.”
I nod and my surprise must show in my face because he looks fully at me. “Surely you didn’t think that I’d leave you out Johnny,” he says affectionately. “I’d never do that. You’re my mate.”
I warm inside at the thought of meaning something to him and then grab his arm as he turns back to his phone. He stills abruptly apart from a jerk that runs fully down his body like a wave breaking the stillness of the sea, and I still at the charge that runs through my body. I exchange a long look with him which I think adequately conveys that I have no fucking idea what just happened, and then I grab at my thoughts which have scattered.
“Tell him to bring Viv,” I say quickly, my tongue feeling a bit thick. He raises his eyebrows in question, a flush sitting high on his cheeks. “She sounded down when I spoke to her yesterday. I want her here where I can keep my eye on her.” He looks at me and I shrug. “Okay so that I can interrogate her.”
He laughs out loud and ruffles my hair with an affectionate hand before turning back to the phone excitedly and I sit for a long second staring at someone who I’d rather look at than a view that I spent millions on obtaining. I shrug. What the fuck is happening to me?
***
Five hours later we stand at the door and watch a taxi pull up the drive. “Jesus he doesn’t waste time does he?” I murmur and Matt laughs happily.
“Never has, never will. He gets an idea and he just goes for it. Apparently that’s why he’s so ‘successful’.” He says the last bit in air quotes and I laugh before turning back to the taxi where a long pair of jean clad legs are emerging followed by the rest of the bass guitarist. He’s a very good looking bloke and constantly in the papers for his exploits, but at the moment his face is split wide in a massive grin as he drops his bags and races to meet Matt who’s also rushing forward. They collide and Bram wraps his long legs around Matt’s waist, sending both of them plummeting to the ground in fits of laughter.
The driver emerges looking at the two of them with a raised eyebrow before taking the bags from the boot. I smile at him but my attention is mainly fixed on the woman emerging from the taxi clad in a long burgundy maxi dress, her silky dark hair flying in the breeze.
“Hi sweetheart,” I call out, opening my arms wide for her to step into and then hugging her tightly, resting my head on hers and inhaling the scent of her shampoo and feeling that sense of comfort that I’ve always had with her.
I’d first met Viv when she arrived as a secretary at the law firm at a time when I was still doing the grunt work as an associate. We’d quickly bonded over long nights in the office and eating takeout when most sane humans had left work and were tucked up in bed. She’d become someone that I viewed as indispensable, to the extent that as I rose in the firm I took her with me and championed her being trained as a paralegal. She now works with me full time.
Bella had never liked her but that’s because she’d never got to know her. Viv could never have been a threat because she doesn’t poach other women’s men and she’s hopelessly in love with someone else.
She sighs heavily and nestles close and something about her body feels tight and I notice with concern that she’s lost weight. “Going to tell me about it yet?” I ask, raising her chin up so that I can see into her deep brown eyes but she just smiles and shakes her head.
“Nope. I’m fine babe. I’m just glad that this happened. I need this time away and I just want to lie in the sun and get drunk.”
“No change then from any other day.” I snort and contort myself away from her as she aims a punch at my midriff. Looking up I still as I see Matt leaning against the car staring at us with an inscrutable look on his face. I smile but instea
d of his normal wide grin I get a half-hearted tip of his lips before he turns back to Bram who’s collecting the luggage. I wonder what’s upset him but I don’t get a chance to ask as they join us and I’m swept up into the house with everyone talking at once.
Matt
I lie in the sun enjoying the rare opportunity to just be still without being either filthy or so knackered that I’m nearly comatose. I can hear Viv talking in the lounge and the occasional sound of John’s deep chuckle which never fails to make me smile.
Bram’s Irish lilt comes from my right. “What’s given you that oh so very big smile Matty darling?”
I laugh. “It must be because you’re here. You know how your very presence has the power to lift my day.”
“I do,” he says in a lordly fashion and I open my eyes to see him settling next to me on a lounger. “Don’t worry,” he pats my leg comfortingly. “You’re in a group of billions with those sentiments.”
“How cosy.”
We’re silent for a second and then he shifts, never content to sit still for long. “How’s the building work going?”
I see saw my hands. “Somewhere between crap and diabolical.”
He snorts out a laugh. “Fucking hell, Charlie really shafted you with this.” I lower my glasses to give him a long look and he shifts uncomfortably. “I mean how great is it that Charlie obviously trusts you with something that means so much to him?”
I hold my nose in the universal sign for bullshit and he laughs but he looks strained. To everyone else he would look his normal easy going self but I know him inside out and the signs are all there - the fidgeting and the over bright remarks that can only mean one thing. “How’s Alys?” I ask and then sit back and wait. The response about his lodger isn’t long coming.
“Do you know what she did this time? She only told some bird that I’d brought home that I’d got a mad wife locked up in the attic who was violent with a habit of setting fires, and that I was planning to marry the bird without telling her about my first wife.”
“Isn’t that the plot for ‘Jane Eyre’?”
“Exactly,” he says indignantly. “I told the girl that but she still didn’t get it. Why don’t they make models read more?”
“It might make their brains heavy,” I say comfortingly and he laughs, but it dies quickly and he rubs his hand along his leg fretfully. “I’ll say this again Bram. How’s Alys?”
He looks away over the gleaming blue of the pool. “She hardly talks to me now and she’s rarely at the flat.” He shrugs clumsily. “I just miss her you know?”
I sigh. “Bram I don’t know what happened and I know that I’m not going to find out, which says to me that you’ve done something very silly or otherwise you’d tell me.” I pause staring hard at him and he fidgets nervously. “Or,” I say slowly. “She’s hurt you in some way. That’s about the only thing you won’t cop to because let’s face it, silly behaviour is the norm for you.”
“Hey!” he says crossly but I ignore him.
“Bram babe you have to talk to her.”
He shakes his head stubbornly. “She’s made her mind up so I’m just getting on with business now.”
“Stupid whore mongering business,” I mutter.
“Speaking of business,” he says, changing the subject adroitly and gesturing to the lounge. “What’s going on here? Have you turned another one then?”
“Oh my God please don’t say that,” I groan. “And especially don’t say that to John.”
“Why?”
“Because you make me sound like a fucking wizard from Harry Potter.”
He smirks. “Bet you’ve got the biggest and prettiest wand baby.”
“Oh my God please stop,” I groan but the twat keeps laughing at his own silly joke.
Finally he sobers and stares at me hard. “Seriously though I’m glad that you’re getting on better with him. John’s a bloody great bloke but he’s just a bit uptight when you first meet him. Although really it was only you that had the problem with him anyway.”
I shrug. “I’ve just got to know him I suppose.”
“In the biblical sense?”
“Fuck off.” He must hear the edge in my voice because he pauses and looks at me closely.
“Matt you seem very close with him and I’ve certainly never seen him this relaxed. You look together.” I say nothing and he looks worried, sitting up and grabbing my knee. “I just don’t want to see you get hurt babe because I saw the way that you looked when he hugged Viv.”
I feel a flush on my cheeks because for one brief second I’d been levelled by jealousy. I’d wanted to reach over and pull his arms away from her and grab his attention back, which is ridiculous and alarming in one go. I become aware that he’s still talking.
“It’s just that he wants to get back together with his ex-wife, and I know you Matty. You’re not a relationship wrecker. You’d hate yourself if you did that. You’ve been with other supposedly straight men but those were just one nighters. I’ve never seen you like this before and I’m fucking worried.”
I stare at him for a second wanting so much to confide in him the horrible mass of feelings that are bubbling up in me all the time, but I can’t articulate them properly in my head let alone set voice to them. Instead I reach over and ruffle his hair affectionately. “Don’t worry babe I’ve got no intention of starting anything, even if I could. He’s not for me. He’s definitely not interested and I’ve never been one for barking up the wrong trees.”
He looks thoughtful and conflicted. “Matty I just said to be careful, but thinking about it he’s so different with you. Maybe -”
I shake my head decisively. “Enough now. Come on I’ll take you over to see Charlie’s money maker. I’m sorry that should have been money taker.”
He laughs and by unspoken agreement we say no more about our mutually shitty love lives.
John
It’s twilight and I stand outside waiting for the others with a drink in my hand. I’m dressed in grey herringbone checked shorts with a white polo shirt, and I’ve just taken a sip of my scotch when a shadow detaches from the house and Matt joins me, coming to stand next to me and look out in the direction that I’ve just been staring blindly.
“You do this a lot,” he murmurs.
“What?”
“Looking out to sea in this exact position.”
I smile. “It’s the best view around.” I shrug, not wanting to give him the flippant answer at viewing what I’ve paid for. “I just like the sea I guess and not just here. I like it when the beach is windswept and raining just as much as I like the pretty postcard views. I always have done but it’s not exactly productive.”
He looks at me sideways. “What?”
“It isn’t productive to day dream.”
“Productive?” He says the word curiously.
I smile at him. “I tend to be a bit of a daydreamer. My father tried everything to cure me of it. In the end it was the discipline of boarding school that did it for me.”
“When you were seven,” he says slowly.
“Exactly. My father was right I suppose. Day dreaming doesn’t sign cheques, and I wouldn’t be where I am today if I hadn’t had that discipline installed in me.”
He looks suddenly enlightened. “Is that why your desk faces away from the window? I noticed it the other day and meant to ask because most people would be looking at that view.”
I shake my head. “Not a good idea. I’m meant to be writing a book. I’d probably still be staring at the sea in a trance now if I was looking that way.”
“But -” Whatever he was going to say is interrupted by Bram and Viv emerging and the taxi pulling up.
Four hours later I am officially pissed. In fact we’re all very drunk. We’ve been systematically working our way round the bars of St Tropez, and now we’re in a little waterside piano bar sitting in comfortable oversized wicker chairs and watching the people milling round.
I down my vodka and
cranberry and stare out at the huge yachts moored up on the famous front. “Ever thought of having one of those?” I ask Bram, and he snorts.
“Fuck no. I get seasick on a ferry.” His Irish accent is strong and his eyes are slewed slightly, as I think are all of ours.
Matt laughs, grabbing my arm to get my attention. “Once in the early days we were on a ferry going over to France and he threw up in Sid’s hoody but forgot to tell him.”
Viv giggles loudly. “Oh my God I remember that. It was disgusting and it totally ruined Sid’s side parting.”
Matt collapses into laughter still holding my arm and I join in, but I see Viv shoot a glance at the hand and I know that I’m going to be cross questioned tonight at some point.
“Do you remember that weekend we had here and that Dutch woman?” she asks Matt.
“Oh my God yes.” He turns to me. “We were all really drunk and waiting for Mabe I think, who’d left her bag in a bar. Anyway Charlie was leaning against the gangway of this massive fucking yacht, and this little Dutch woman comes up to him and starts fucking haranguing him at the top of her voice about over the top consumerism because she thought that he owned the yacht.”
“What did he do?”
Bram smirks. “He told her to go aboard if she wanted a real close up look at consumerism, so she did and we scarpered.”
Viv sighs. “The last we saw of her were two bouncers escorting her off while she tried to hit them with her hemp bag.”
Bram and Matt break into peals of laughter leaning on each other, and I smile affectionately at them because they look a bit like puppies at the moment with their lack of coordination. They become involved in perusing the menu for new cocktails to try, and I shake my head in disgust at the suggestion of a blow job. Matt laughs cupping the back of my head and drawing me closer. “Can’t miss out on a blow job babe.”