by M. E. Parker
I looked over at Ethan and saw a tear slip out of the corner of his eye and he wiped it on his shoulder. I grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him over to me and kissed him. I grinned at him smiling at me and looked him in the eye, “It’s all good man.” He leaned in and kissed me again.
Janie went over to him and kissed him softly on the lips. “This doesn’t feel real,” she whispered smiling.
She scooted back into her chair and smiled. “Let’s talk more about EJay’s.”
I rolled my eyes, “It’s not EJay’s, but okay.” We launched into a long discussion about the bar. Talking about our old ideas and new ideas, speculating about real estate prices, labor costs, and profit margins. Ethan and I were discussing location possibilities and I looked up at Janie and realized we had lost her. Her mind was someplace else and she had a sad look in her eyes. “What’s wrong Janiebug?”
She looked at us and her lips barely curled up into a smile. “Nothing. I’m happy. It makes me happy that you two are feeling the same way I do. I just wish it could be forever.” I knew exactly what she meant. I knew what she was worried about and I hated it.
Ethan looked at her and brushed a hair out of her face. “Why can’t it be forever?”
She shook her head. “Ethan—my parents, your parents, even Jake’s parents—they would never get it. Neither would our friends. You have told me you want kids and marriage. We can’t do any of that. But I don’t care. I’ll be with you guys as long as you want me. I already decided that before I even knew how you felt. That doesn’t mean we can’t open the bar and live together for a few more years.”
Ethan’s brows furrowed. “Fuck that Janie. I want more than just a few years. We love each other, that’s all that matters. Fuck our families and fuck our friends if they can’t accept it. When I told you that I wanted kids and marriage one day—that was two years ago. I don’t care about that now. All I want is you and Jake.”
I looked up at Ethan and smiled at him, “She’s right Ethan.”
His face turned red. “How can you guys be so cynical? We love each other. Nothing’s more important than that. Why are you both setting up our relationship to fail before we even get started?”
I reached over and put my hand on his knee. “We’re not being cynical E. Just realistic. Think about it. We live in a small southern conservative college town. Most people here are backwards thinking. All three of us have friends who are gay but haven’t even come out because they know that their life would be hell here. Janie’s parents are at the Baptist church every time the doors are open. They freaked out when we moved in together—they still hate it. And your parents—Ethan, your Dad’s a prominent lawyer and republican sitting on city council, your Mom is involved with every charity in town and she’s president of the women’s league. If they were to find out about us, they would freak out. My parents wouldn’t like it either, but you and Janie would be miserable. And our friends—some of them might be okay with it, but most of them would pretend like they were and then talk about us behind our backs, we’d just be some joke to them. It sucks. But it’s the truth. It’s the culture we live in.”
Ethan put his hand over mine that was resting on my knee. “Jake— “
I could tell Ethan was about to argue with me and I interrupted him. “Just let me finish. I’m going somewhere with all this. I’m telling you I’ve thought about this all week. If we are open to everyone about us—everything else in our lives will go to hell, including our plans for the bar—no one will come. At best, they’ll think it’s a gay bar and at worst, some sort of depraved sex club. Our other choice, the one I think Janie was assuming would happen…” I glanced over at her and she smiled and nodded at me. I could feel her love when she looked at me. “The other choice is to keep our relationship a secret. No one would really think much about us still being roommates, especially if we’re going into business together. But I think what Janie meant was, that eventually, our families and our friends would wonder why we weren’t dating anyone. Rumors would start. We would get more and more pressure from our families to settle down and start families of our own. And I think she just assumes, incorrectly I might add, that one of us would want more and leave.” I looked over at her and winked.
Ethan growled, “I don’t like either of those options.”
I grinned. “I don’t either, that’s why I’ve come up with a third option. It’s not perfect, but I think it’s how we get our forever, Janie.”
They both laughed. And Janie looked at me impatiently, “Well Jake, are you going to tell us or not?”
I looked back and forth between them, “Ethan, I think you should marry Janie.” They both looked at me like I’d lost my mind.
Janie finally burst out laughing. “You can’t be serious Jake.”
Ethan shook his head in shock. “You need to explain.”
“Okay. I was getting there. If you two get married, we can just keep living together. I can be the eternal bachelor who never grows up who mooches off his two best friends. People won’t question why we’re not dating anyone. You won’t get pressure from your families about settling down. And Janie can have the wedding she’s always dreamed of. It’s the perfect solution, well as perfect as I could come up with.”
Ethan was quiet. Janie was laughing again. “So, let me get this straight, you want to tie Ethan down with the old ball and chain and you get to be the carefree bachelor? Plus, I don’t care about a wedding.”
I reached over and touched Janie’s cheek. “Janie—it’s not like that. I’ll marry you if you’d rather. I get it. I’m the better looking one.” I looked at Ethan and winked and he smiled and rolled his eyes and then I looked back and Janie and added, “And don’t tell me you don’t care about a wedding, I’ve seen those bridal magazines you keep hidden under your bed like they’re porn.”
Janie rolled her eyes, “Who needs porn when I live with you too?” Then she looked at Ethan, “Is it just me, or is he crazy?”
Ethan looked at her and smiled, “Actually, I think he may be brilliant. I would love to marry you Janie.” Then he squeezed my hand and rubbed his thumb across it and looked at me while he kept talking to Janie, “Jake loves you as much as I do, he always has, he wants to marry you as much as I do. So, what I’m trying to figure out is why he thinks it should be us two.”
I grinned, he got it. Janie thought that whoever married her was getting the raw end of the deal, but we both knew that it was just the opposite. “Ethan—it just makes more sense. I’m the youngest of six children. My parents already have ten grandchildren. They couldn’t care less if I ever get married. You guys are both only children. It matters more for you two. Plus, I’m hot. Really hot. Like maybe even hotter than George Clooney, hot. I’m gonna look good when I’m fifty. I’m more believable for the eternal bachelor role.”
They both started laughing and Ethan leaned over and gave me a soft kiss on the lips. Janie shook her head. “So, what will you do when all the ladies throw themselves at you?”
I shrugged and smiled. “I’ll tell them I’m gay.”
Janie giggled, “Okay then, what will you tell all the hot men?”
I shrugged again, “I’ll tell them I’m not gay.” Janie laughed. I deadpanned, “What? Both are true.”
Ethan smiled at me, his eyes were watery. “Seriously Jake, I want to marry Janie more than anything, but I want that for us too, I want it for all of us. I know that’s not possible, but if you want to be the one to marry her, I can handle my parents.”
Janie whispered, “Oh, my god.” She had tears in her eyes. “You guys are serious?” We both looked at her and nodded. She cleared her throat and smiled a little, “Well, do I get to be part of this decision?”
I laughed, “We aren’t making any decisions tonight Janie, we’re just talking. I wanted you to see how we could have our forever. Are you seeing it more now?”
Janie reached across the table and put her hand on my cheek. “I am. And I love you for putting so much
thought into it. I just wish it could be all three of us.”
Ethan cleared his throat. “I do too. I wish things were different. I want it to be the three of us.”
I shook my head. “Would you two stop being such big fucktards? It will be the three of us. I’ll be standing up there with you. Who else is gonna be best man? I’ll be listening to the same words and making the same promises. I just won’t be able to say the words out loud. But we’ll know it’s the three of us. We might have to pretend to everyone else, but we don’t ever have to with each other.”
Ethan whispered, “I wish we didn’t have to pretend at all.”
“I wish that too E, but it is what it is. But it wouldn’t have to be forever. That’s phase two of my plan.” I grinned.
Janie laughed, “Oh my gosh Jake, there’s more?”
“Yep. After a few years and we’ve saved some money and our bar is spectacularly successful, which we know it will be, we sell it, triple our investment, and move out to California and open a new bar. I’m thinking some place like San Francisco. If we lived out there, no one would give a shit about our relationship. We wouldn’t have to hide it or lie. It’s a whole different culture. We could even have kids if we wanted and no one would think we were depraved or freaky. We wouldn’t have to pretend except maybe when we visited home or when family came to visit, which wouldn’t be that often, because we’d be on the other side of the country.”
Chapter Nine
Ethan
My heart felt like it was pounding out of my chest. I almost felt numb. When we sat down to dinner, I never intended to tell them that I was in love with them. I wasn’t even ready to have the conversation. I had never let my mind go to the places where Jake’s had gone. I never imagined or dreamed that it was a possibility that all three of us could feel the same way about each other. In fact, all week, I had let my mind go to terrible places. I had prepared myself for the real possibility that this could just be all about sex for them. I could live with that. I could go back to us all being best friends as long as I could keep them in my life. I knew I would always love them. But I could live with that.
What I couldn’t live with was the thought that one of them had feelings that went beyond that. What if Janie fell in love with just one of us? What if Jake was in love with me, but not Janie? What if Jake and I both loved Janie and she didn’t feel the same about us? Those were the thoughts that were tormenting me. Those were scenarios that could ruin us, and I needed time to sort through it before I talked to them.
But as soon as Janie started talking about the lease and Jake about starting a business together, as soon as they wanted to make plans for our future, I had to tell them. I had to know how they felt. I had to know if I should rip off the band-aid before it was too late for us. When I realized that they felt the same way, I was overcome with emotion. All I cared about was that they loved me too. I had not even allowed myself to think about the things Jake and Janie had been thinking about. I began to panic a little when Janie brought up all the problems we might face. But I was determined to make us work now that I knew how they felt.
I was in shock when I realized how much thought Jake had put into making things work for us. The more we talked, the more I fell in love with both of them. I didn’t think that was even possible.
My mind drifted back to the conversation. I watched Janie’s eyes light up when Jake started talking about moving to California. And then he even mentioned kids. As soon as he said it, I realized I wanted it all. I wanted the business partnership, I wanted a marriage to both of them, and I wanted kids—I wanted everything. I wanted everything with them more than anything I had ever wanted in my life. Jake had figured out a way for us to have it and I was going to make it happen.
I was about to tell them when Janie spoke up. Her voice was soft and shaky. “Wait Jake. Did you just say, ‘if we want to have kids’?”
I watched Jake’s face turn red. He shrugged, “well, yeah—that’s what married people do. I mean I’m not saying we would have to, I’m just saying it’s possible someday if we all want it.”
I watched Janie’s lips curl into a smile, showing us her adorable little dimples. “How would that even work?”
Jake chuckled, “Well Janie, there’s an egg and a sperm, and when the two converge…”
She wadded up her napkin and threw it at him, “Be serious Jake. It’s just I hadn’t even dreamed of something like that for us. I mean, wouldn’t it be weird for you guys?”
Jake shrugged and glanced at me, “No, not for me. I mean we could adopt or you could just go off the pill and well, you know, ‘may the best sperm win.’” I couldn’t help but laugh.
Jake grinned at me and turned back to Janie, “Seriously Janie, biology wouldn’t matter, I would love any kid that you and Ethan made as much as I would my own. There would be no difference. And there’s even legal precedent in California for three parent adoptions so we could all be legal parents. And think about how many kids out there have two mommies or two daddies—not to mention all the blended families. It’s not like our kids would feel different. I’m just saying it’s possible, if we want it, that’s all.”
I reached over to Janie’s hand and picked it up and kissed it, “He’s right Janie, everything’s possible. We can make this work.”
I loved seeing her smile and I loved watching her eyes light up as she took in everything Jake had said. I loved watching her grab his hand across the table and tell him that she loved him, “Oh my gosh Jake, I didn’t think it was possible, but I’m pretty sure I’m more in love with you than I was an hour ago before we started this conversation.”
I grinned at Jake, “No Janie it’s possible, because I am too.”
Jake rubbed his face. “Oh, my god, I fucking love you both too, okay. But just because I’m in love with a guy doesn’t mean I’ve turned into a complete pussy and I wanna sit around all night talking about our feelings. Let’s change the subject to football or something, finish this bottle of wine, and go get naked.”
Janie and I burst out laughing and Janie squeezed his hand, “Oh my god Jake, how can you be such a bastard and so sweet all at the same time?”
He smirked at her, “It’s just a gift.”
I looked at him laughing, “Okay, I swear nothing but football after this, but one more question about the bar, why not start our first location in California, why wait?”
He huffed. “Dude that would be great, but we could never arrange the financing for something like that. The real estate is triple what it is here, not to mention the cost of living—we’d have to open some shithole in the worst part of town and live in a shithole. I don’t think we could be successful if we start out there.”
I looked at him and Janie and said, “If weren’t a matter of financing, would you guys want to start there?”
Jake looked at me. “Of course. But why are you even asking?”
I ignored him, “What about you Janiebug?”
She shrugged, “I’d move there tomorrow and live in a shithole, but Jake’s probably right, it wouldn’t be the smartest business decision.”
I was getting ready to tell them and then I decided I wanted to surprise them and it just hit me how I could do it. So, I shrugged, “I was just wondering.” They looked at me like I was crazy and I smiled at them, “We can talk about football now.”
Jake poured us each a half-glass of wine, finishing off the bottle.
Janie picked hers up and took a sip and batted her beautiful eyelashes, “Can we talk about sex instead of football? I hate football.” She was grinning at Jake.
A huge smile spread across Jake’s face. “Hell yeah, even better. What do you want to know Janiebug? I’m an expert.”
“Well, I don’t really have a question, per se.” She said smiling at Jake. I could tell she was messing with him. “It’s really more of a clarification that I need.”
Jake smirked at her, “What can I clarify for you?”
I saw pink creep up her
cheeks. I still loved it when she blushed. I had loved it since the first time we met. Her voice was soft, “So, I know you guys have this whole ‘no fucking’ rule in place but in light of our earlier conversation, I’m wondering if it still applies.” She looked up and smiled at us, showing us her fucking adorable dimples.
Playing along, Jake scratched the scruff on his chin like he was thinking about it. I could tell he was struggling to keep a smile off his face. “Hmm…I would think in light of our earlier conversation, that rule is no longer applicable. What do you think Jake?”
He looked at me with his eyes full of mischief and I couldn’t help but chuckle, “I would agree, no longer applicable.”
Then he looked at Janie, “Is there a specific reason you were asking for the clarification?”
I looked at Janie grinning, she was trying not to laugh until she finally let out a small giggle, “Well yeah, I guess.”
He raised an eyebrow at her, “Care to enlighten us?”
She smiled and without batting an eyelash, replied, “Sure. I want you both inside me tonight.”
My cock got rock hard as soon as she said it and I feel sure Jake’s did to. Because I watched him pick up his wine and down it in two gulps. He put the empty glass on the table and stood up. Janie was laughing, “Jake where are you going?”
He looked back at us and grinned. “To Ethan’s room to get naked. You guys need to meet me in there as soon as possible.”
Janie and I laughed watching him walk towards my bedroom. Janie looked at me grinning. “Is it just me? Or is he worse than usual tonight?”
I chuckled, twirling a piece of her silky dark hair between her fingers. “He’s just emotional and excited and very happy—like me.” I stared into her eyes.
She leaned towards me and kissed me and whispered against my lips, “I’m all those things too.”
I brushed her hair back, “I know Janiebug. Let’s get back there before he starts without us.” She laughed as I grabbed her hand and drug her towards my bedroom, following behind me still giggling.