by Natalie Ann
His parents were good, just like he expected them to be. Even Luke was good considering he’d been quiet since Owen told him last night.
Now it was just going to be the three of them in the house without his parents as buffers.
“Did you want me to leave?” she asked him.
“No. Why?”
“I don’t know when Luke goes to bed or if you wanted some time with him alone.”
“It’s only six. We purposely ate early so that we could come back to the house and relax. I thought maybe we could play a board game or something that Luke could pick out.”
“I’d like that a lot. Does he have video games?”
He snorted. “Of course. He wants a more advanced system, but he’s got a Wii. That’s about all I was willing to give into right now.”
“Wii’s are fun. Especially the dance games.”
“Oh no, are you going to make me dance?” Talk about embarrassing. There was only so much he was willing to do for a woman.
“Do it for Luke,” she said.
She hit below the belt. “You’re already playing me,” he said.
In the past, that would have bothered him if Ashley tried to guilt him into something, but with Jill, he knew it was just in good fun.
“No, I’m going to beat you,” she said, then took off in a run after Luke. He caught up to her fast enough and both of them were laughing when they reached the driveway with Luke cheering him on. “No fair,” she said to Luke. “The person with the loudest cheering section normally wins.”
“I’ll cheer for you if you want to run back down to Grandma’s and back.”
Owen burst out laughing. “He’s kidding,” he said when Jill looked down the street like she was considering it. “Speaking of being played. He’s good at that.”
“I’m saving my energy up to kick your dad’s butt in some games. What do you have that I can beat him at?” she asked Luke when Owen was unlocking the front door.
“Dad is great at everything. But he doesn’t always like playing all the Wii games. I like video games the best. Do you like them?”
“Really?” she asked. “Which ones are those?”
Owen was trying not to laugh at the puppy dog eyes that his son was sending Jill’s way.
“Volleyball, cuz he’s afraid he’s going to hit the ceiling. He jumps really high. So nothing with jumping at all. And dancing. Daddy really hates to dance.”
“Do you like the dancing one?” she asked Luke sweetly.
“I like most of them,” Luke said.
“Since they’re your games, Luke, why don’t you pick out what you want to play? I love the Wii,” she said, rubbing her hands together.
“Do you have your own?” Luke asked.
“I had an older one. It’s good entertainment.”
Almost an hour later, all three of them were sweating and Jill was laughing more than he’d ever seen. The same with Luke. It was a good night.
“Jill,” Luke said. “You haven’t won anything.”
“That’s not very nice, Luke,” Owen said.
“I didn’t mean it that way. I just meant that everyone should have a chance at winning so I’m going to let Jill pick the next game. One more before bed, please?”
He couldn’t say no to that, even though he’d told Luke the last game was going to be the last one of the night.
“One more game. Jill’s choice and then we’re done.”
“Dancing,” she said. “Any dancing game you’ve got, I’ll play it.”
Even Luke groaned, so Owen didn’t feel so bad.
After Jill won the first match, Luke piped up and said, “I think it’s time for bed.”
Owen burst out laughing. “That’s his way of saying he doesn’t like to dance.”
Luke put his head down. “I was trying to be polite about it.”
“That was a good way to say it, Luke,” Jill said. “I appreciate being able to beat you both at something.”
“I had fun tonight,” Luke said.
“Me too. But I should probably leave now that you have to get ready for bed.”
“You don’t need to go,” Owen said. “It won’t take long to get Luke in bed.”
“If you don’t mind,” she said. “I’ll just relax in here.”
“Sounds good. Come on, Luke. Up the stairs to clean up.”
Luke raced ahead of him and dashed into his bathroom and started to brush his teeth. When he was done and had his pajamas on, Owen turned the TV on and set the timer for thirty minutes. He didn’t normally allow for TV in bed, but the weekends were their splurge, plus he figured Luke might need to wind down.
“Daddy.”
“What, bud?” he said, tucking Luke in.
“Mommy told me that I’d have a family again someday.”
Of all the times for this to come up. Ashley was good at filling Luke’s head with dreams of the three of them living happily ever after. “That can’t happen, Luke.”
“I know. I know Mommy is in heaven and I know you and she would never make a real family with me anymore.”
He hated to hear those words spoken, but he’d wanted Luke to know all along that it couldn’t or wouldn’t happen back then. “No. It can’t happen.”
“Mommy wasn’t always a nice person.”
He sat back fast after he’d kissed Luke on the forehead. “Why do you say that?”
“Because she’d say mean things about people all the time and laugh at them. She didn’t always want to play fun games with me either.”
“I’m sorry that you have those memories of her. You should think of better things and remember them instead.”
“I do. I try to.” Owen nodded and got up to leave the room. He was one step out when Luke said, “Jill is nice.”
“Yes, she is.” And he was starting to wonder if maybe it was time to put himself first for once in his life.
Walked All Over
A week later, toward the end of the day, Jill came marching into his office. It was the first time she’d ever done that. She even looked like she was going to smack him, or shout. Normally he wanted the door open so that no one suspected anything, but she all but slammed it.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she demanded.
“Tell you what?” he asked, having no idea what had come over her.
“That Gary was retiring and you were being promoted to his position.”
“How did you find out?”
No official announcement had been made yet. He’d thought it would have been last week but it wasn’t.
“Because Tiffany works in the office and she just saw paperwork that maybe she shouldn’t have seen. She is telling people.”
“She shouldn’t be telling anyone anything that she had no business even seeing.”
“Really?! That’s all you’ve got to say? How about the fact that you’ve known all along and never said a word to me? Is that why you didn’t want anyone to know about our relationship? Did you think it was going to hurt your chances for advancement? That now you were going to be my boss?”
Her shoulders were tense, her fists were clenched, and there were tears just brimming at the surface. “It’s not like that.”
“Then what’s it like because it sure the hell looks it to me. That it’d be an embarrassment that you were dating me. That you were dating anyone, but me especially. Someone so far under you. That you didn’t want it to reflect poorly on you and hurt any chances of moving ahead in your career. That if they knew you were dating someone you’d be supervising that they’d say they couldn’t promote you.”
“Now just a goddamn minute. Don’t come marching in here accusing me of anything that you don’t know a thing about.” He didn’t need her putting thoughts in his head or words in his mouth. She was jumping the gun. “You’re making a lot of unnecessary assumptions right now.”
“So whether we had a relationship or not wouldn’t have affected your chances at this job?”
“I have no idea
one way or another,” he said stiffly.
He didn’t care that Gary warned him about it over a month ago. Gary ran his mouth a lot and not many listened. He’d always made his own decisions in life based on what was the best for each situation.
“But you didn’t want to risk it?” she said.
He could lie but he wasn’t going to. “No.”
“You’re no different than Darren.”
“Don’t compare me to your loser ex that took advantage of you and used you. That made promises he didn’t keep and left you alone when it was time for you to tackle your dreams. I’m nothing like him.”
It might have been the worst thing she could have said to him. Comparing him to her ex. How dare she?
“You don’t get it. It has nothing to do with him using me so he could get ahead in life. It has to do with me being hurt. Of me putting everything I have into our relationship and finding out it was one-sided.”
Tears were rolling down her cheeks now. “How can you say that when I brought you to my house? When I brought you into my son’s life. I had you meet my parents. How dare you say I’m embarrassed of you or that you were the only one putting yourself out there.”
She took a deep breath in and didn’t say anything. He could see she was thinking about what he’d said.
“It doesn’t matter. I listened to everything you said about Darren and do you know last week when we had our lunch and left separately again, I ran into him in the store?”
“No. Why didn’t you tell me?” Why would she keep that a secret?
“Why do I need to tell you? I’ve got nothing going on with him. Even less now. I heard everything you said. I listened and absorbed it and realized you were right. And that there was a part of me that would struggle to move forward if I always held onto that crutch of him in my life.”
“What are you talking about?”
His mind was spinning. She’d started accusing him of things and now she was talking about lunch last week.
“I’m saying that I told him I couldn’t have him in my life anymore. That I was tired of putting on this happy front for everyone. Tired of giving in all the time and being walked all over. I told him exactly how I felt and he didn’t believe me. He insisted the divorce was my choice.”
“Was it?”
They’d never talked all that much about it. It wasn’t his business and he just figured whether it was her that decided to do it or not, she was justified based on what he knew.
“Yes and no. I told him what I was missing, what I needed, and he didn’t care. He made his choice and it wasn’t me. It took a lot for me to stand my ground and walk away from a marriage that I felt was one-sided.”
Oh no... that word again. Now he knew where she was going with this. “It’s not the same thing at all.”
“It is,” she said. “It is because it’s how I feel. He didn’t believe in me and neither do you. It’s like my feelings don’t matter to anyone. After I told him everything the other day, and how I felt, he was upset and then mad at me—like how dare I have a say in this, how dare I be upset years later. He tried calling me all that night, begging me to not cut him off. He doesn’t care about my feelings. He’s still trying to reach me. It hurts but I’m staying strong. And here it is a week later and it’s happening again. My feelings are just being dismissed like I’m too stupid for anyone to care about me.”
He stood up and walked toward her and pulled her into his arms, holding her tight, not caring that anyone could see them if they walked by and looked in the window on his door.
“I care about your feelings. You’re looking at this all wrong.”
She shoved out of his arms. Maybe he shouldn’t have told her she was wrong again.
“I’m not. No one ever wants to sacrifice anything for me. I get it. We’ve only dated a few months. I just met your family. I’m probably overreacting on top of it, but I can’t help the way it makes me feel. That I’m never good enough for someone.”
“You’re right that we’ve only dated a few months. And I do think you’re overreacting. I have to think about my son first, I told you that on day one.” He ran his hands through his hair. “That doesn’t mean I don’t think about you or us. But at this point in my life, at this point in our relationship, it has to be about Luke.”
“I know that. I knew that!”
“Then I don’t know what is going on,” he said. He was losing his mind. It seemed no matter what he said it was the wrong thing.
“I thought something special was happening between us, but I’ve kept it in. I haven’t wanted to tell you and put any kind of pressure on you.”
“There is something special happening,” he insisted, but whether she said it before or not, it was still pressure, only she wasn’t seeing that.
“Not special enough,” she said. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come in here like this and taken my shock out on you. I shouldn’t be mad either. I should be happy for you but I’m just sad. I put everything I had into my marriage with Darren and when it ended I felt like the biggest failure on the planet. I told myself I’d never do it again. The problem is, I started to with you.”
“I’m sorry, Jill.” He was losing her, he knew.
“Don’t be sorry. You were honest all along and I let myself do what I said I wouldn’t. It’s all on me again. Not you.”
She turned and walked out of his office and as much as he wanted to go after her, he knew it was better to let her be for now. Only all that happiness he’d been feeling was sinking to the ground like a deflated balloon.
***
That night she sat on her couch staring at her phone. She’d left Owen’s office and gone to the bathroom to clean up her face as best she could, finished up working and left for the day, avoiding Owen before the day ended.
He’d let her leave his office without going after her. Then she realized he wouldn’t, not where anyone could see them, but she expected him to at least try to contact her at some point during the day. To see how she was doing, to talk to her. Anything.
But there was nothing.
When Luke’s bedtime came and went, she started to realize Owen wasn’t going to reach out to her at all. That she’d done it again. She said what she was feeling, she’d given him a choice and he wasn’t choosing her.
At ten, her phone went off and she reached for it fast, only to see another text from Darren. She did the only thing she could... she threw her phone against the wall and cried herself to sleep.
Brushed Him Off
Another week had gone by. His promotion was announced to the company, and everyone came up and congratulated him.
Everyone but Jill.
She wasn’t even looking at him at this point. He probably had it coming but wasn’t sure how or what to do. He’d tried to give her some space that night and he realized that was wrong of him. It seemed no matter what he did, it wasn’t the right thing.
Part of him was ticked off that she was throwing this all on his shoulders.
By her own admission, she was looking for something more than he had planned.
Or had he? By bringing her into Luke’s life, did she think that it meant more?
Well, it did mean more. And maybe he should have clued her in on that somehow.
He’d thought long and hard before he made that decision. But that didn’t mean he was going to risk his career for someone he’d only been dating for a few months. He didn’t even risk his career for the mother of his son.
Ashley had caused him enough grief with his job, his friends, and any woman he was dating back then. From that point on, he just decided to keep to himself.
He’d never expected to find someone he wanted a relationship with at work, but he was sick of being alone. He was sick of focusing everything he had on just Luke. He was looking for a little bit of joy in his life and thought he’d found it with Jill.
Luke would always come first, he always had to, but Owen deserved to have a life too. It seemed he threw i
t all away though.
The few times he’d tried to talk to Jill at work this past week, she’d brushed him off or kept it completely businesslike.
He needed to try one more time, so when he saw her walking by, he called her in. “Jill, do you have a minute?”
He hoped his voice sounded sincere and not formal. Not like he was calling her in for a job-related issue.
She stopped in his doorway, and he could see she was itching to keep going, like she knew it wasn’t work related and she didn’t want anything to do with him.
She was looking down the hall for some excuse to jump on and leave dust in her wake, he knew. “I’m backed up right now. What do you need?”
“You’re never backed up and you know it. You’re the most efficient person in this building.”
She crossed her arms. So much for flattery.
“I just wanted to talk to you.”
“You’re talking. I’m listening if it’s about work. If it’s not, then now isn’t the time.”
He held her stubborn stare and dropped his shoulders when she moved on, leaving him there looking at the open doorway wondering how the hell he was going to fix this. If it even could be fixed at this point. He’d messed up royally.
***
“What’s wrong with you?”
Jill turned to see Tiffany standing by the water cooler a week before Christmas. The place looked festive, but she wasn’t feeling any of it. Considering it was her favorite holiday of all the holidays and she’d had such high hopes for her and Owen, she kind of wished all the ho ho ho vibes were out the window since she was feeling more like blah blah blah.
She never thought it’d be this hard to work with someone she was angry with. Now she had to add “slept with and tossed away something so good” to the list of things that sucked in her life.
“Nothing,” she said, filling her cup and forcing a smile on her face. It was probably wobbly at best, but it would have to suffice for now.
“Come on. You’ve been quiet for weeks. Sad even. You were crying once or twice too. I could tell. Like something caused tears to well up in your eyes and you had to fight them back.” Tiffany reached her hand forward and held on loosely. “You can tell me. I thought it might have been PMS because I get all emotional at times too, but PMS doesn’t last this long. Or if it does, then you’re one unlucky person.”