Clarissa swallowed laughter at the little girl’s use of the word. “Well, no worries for Lemmalu, Mackenzie. She’s going to live with me in the apartment.”
“She can’t. She has to be alone forever. It’s her curse.”
“Mack,” Jed said, scooping his daughter up in his arms, “your curse is to be ticklish forever.” With that he set to proving those words.
A few minutes later the truck was packed with everything except the urn holding her mother’s ashes. Clarissa walked into the bunkhouse one last time and took the urn from the window sill.
As she did she realized she didn’t want to take Tammy Jo from the Triple Eight, the place her whole life had changed.
Jed stood beside the truck, Mackenzie ran back and forth on the porch trying to catch her shadow.
“Do you think I could spread Momma’s ashes here, maybe out by the gazebo?”
Jed didn’t hesitate. “I think that’s a great idea. We’ll get Momma and Daddy, and I can call the crew. They’d all sure like to be there if you’re okay with that.”
She nodded and swallowed the sudden lump in her throat.
They left the truck parked in front of the bunkhouse and walked up the gravel road to the big house and the ATV’s.
Mack rode between her and Jed laughing every time they hit a bump. Clarissa held on for dear life, thankful for the seatbelt but not sure it was all that helpful in a vehicle so open. They pulled to a stop in front of the gazebo and garden. The others were already there. When she stepped out of the ATV with the urn, they removed their hats.
Then they stood together beside the gazebo and Clarissa cleared her throat and spoke. “I’d like to thank you all for how you accepted me and my momma. You made a huge difference in our lives. Your refusal to judge her, your ability to show God’s love, it made all the difference in the world, and it led to her accepting Jesus Christ as her Lord and savior. That led to me doing the same.”
Clarissa brushed away a tear and continued. “This isn’t a sad time. It’s a time of joy because I know my momma’s in heaven.”
“With the angels,” Mackenzie said, and Clarissa smiled.
“Yes ma’am. With the angels.”
She dug into the canvas bag she’d packed with the bible and prayer journal.
“Momma loved this bible. It’s obvious in the amount of use it got. I’d like to read from it before I spread her ashes.”
Clarissa opened the bible to the place marked with notebook paper written on in her momma’s perfect penmanship.
The paper held the same verse but in a different translation with the words I like this one better across the top.
“Psalm 23.”
Clarissa started the verse and everyone there spoke along with her, even Mackenzie.
“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.”
When she finished the reading, everyone said amen.
She started to open the urn, but Paul Dillon stepped forward and took a piece of paper from his pocket.
Susie reached over and hugged her. “We were hoping you’d allow us this honor, Clarissa. Paul’s been carrying that with him on the chance you would.”
Clarissa nodded and tried to blink back tears as Paul spoke the words she’d seen and heard over the years but never really understood.
“In sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life through our Lord Jesus Christ, we commend to Almighty God our sister Tammy Jo Dye; and we commit her body to the ground;” he stopped and nodded at Clarissa. Clarissa opened the urn and bent to scatter her mother’s ashes in the place she loved while Paul continued the liturgy.
“Earth to earth; ashes to ashes, dust to dust. The Lord bless her and keep her, the Lord make his face to shine upon her and be gracious unto her and give her peace. Amen.”
When he finished speaking everyone again said amen. A few of the men made the sign of the cross.
The ride back to the truck was somber until they passed Moo’s field and Mackenzie noticed the gate open again.
“Gran’s going to be so mad.”
They all laughed. Sure enough the cow was in the front yard eating marigolds.
Susie jumped out of the ATV yelling and Mackenzie and Paul took off at the same time.
Clarissa and Jed made their way to the yard a little behind everyone else. When Moo passed her this time, Clarissa wasn’t afraid at all. She just opened the gate and stepped back.
Jed helped Clarissa unpack the truck, which was ridiculously easy considering how long she’d been at the bunkhouse.
The new apartment behind Pete’s was still small, but it was lighter than the old one had been. He felt significantly better leaving Clarissa here now that he’d seen it.
“You sure you want to move in here?”
“I’m sure,” she said. “Besides someone’s got to take care of Lemmalu.”
“Yeah, Daddy,” Mackenzie said.
Jed wanted Clarissa at the ranch. He wanted her with them forever. But he knew he had to be careful. Clarissa had gone though major changes the last few days, and God was working miracles for both of them, but the troubled young woman she’d been still lurked, ready to return. Salvation didn’t make a person’s troubles disappear.
“How about we go to the grocery store and pick you up some food then maybe go to Shawnee and see a movie?”
“You need groceries, Clarissa, or your glycema will come back and you’ll faint and Doc Anson won’t give you no stickers.”
Mack seemed truly worried about Clarissa’s health, which worried him. Just like her talk of Lemmalu’s mid evil mother worried him. He didn’t want Mackenzie to worry Clarissa would leave. Especially not now when things were going so well.
Clarissa must’ve sensed the same thing because she easily agreed to the grocery trip and movie.
At the grocery store Clarissa marveled at how quickly their relationship had become common knowledge. No startled glances, no worried frowns. Everyone called out hello to them.
At the checkout counter, though, when Jed tried to pay she pushed his hand out of the way.
“No way, buddy,” she said, and pulled cash from her pocketbook.
It seemed the only one in town who had a problem with her was Joan Anderson. That one person had stirred trouble. It made no sense.
But she wasn’t going to worry about it. She was going to trust the Lord to see them through.
The next morning Clarissa woke with a light heart. She slipped into her Crocs, glided down the stairs to Pete’s, poured herself a cup of coffee and ate one of the biscuits Susie had sent home with her.
“You really ought to sell her biscuits, Pete. They’re the best.”
Pete rubbed oil on the hot grill with a damp rag.
“No getting Susie Dillon off theTriple Eight these days. We had her for a while, but once Paul got his act together, she moved back out there and only pays us short visits.”
Clarissa leaned forward. She’d been joking about the biscuits. Sort of.
“Susie worked for you?”
“Susie had to put food on the table for her and her kids. She did what needed doing. She and Joan Anderson both worked here during that time. They became good friends. In fact, that’s how Jed met his ex-wife. Bethany stayed summers in Stearns for years.”
Clarissa knew Bethany spent summers with Joan. She didn’t realize the problems between Susie and Paul had led to Susie’s friendship with Joan, but she knew Pete wouldn’t talk out of turn, so she finished her coffee, cleaned up t
he small mess and headed to the back for her apron.
At the end of the first breakfast rush she poured Mrs. Norene and Lester more coffee marveling at how happy the newlyweds were together.
“You feeling better, Mrs. Norene?”
Mrs. Norene held out her leg. “Almost completely better. Lester takes me to water therapy in Shawnee every morning before breakfast.”
“Water therapy, huh? That’s cool.”
“She’s healing faster than people who’ve lived through tornadoes usually do according to the doctor,” Lester said with obvious pride.
The bell above the door jingled and she turned to see Paul and Jed walk in, both dressed for work. Paul’s limp almost gone.
What she wanted to do was run across the diner to give Jed a hug and kiss. What she did was say “Hey y’all,” and walk toward them with a pot of coffee.
She was the only waitress on duty for the moment. In another hour one of the new girls Pete hired would come in for the lunch rush.
“We’re here on a mission,” Jed said as she poured their coffee.
“That sounds important,” she said, finishing up and pulling out her order pad. “You two eating breakfast?”
“Susie made french toast and sausage this morning,” Paul said. “No breakfast needed.”
Clarissa put away the order pad. “So this really is a mission?”
Jed sipped his coffee. “Momma wants you to come out for dinner tonight. My sister’s coming into town, and she wants to meet you. Momma’s afraid she’ll accost you here at the diner if you don’t come out to the ranch.”
“Your sister wants to meet me?”
Jed laughed. “The whole family wants to meet you, but my sister will be here tonight. So what do you think? You up for dinner?”
Again the light and warmth and wonderfulness of her life wrapped around her. She laughed and teased, “I don’t know, Jed. That seems…”
Mid-sentence the bell jingled and a chill ran over Clarissa’s spine at the hard looks on Jed’s and Paul’s faces.
She turned, knowing without seeing who was there.
Only it wasn’t Abby and Donald Van Neys. It was the sheriff. And he held an official looking envelope in his hands as he headed toward their table.
“I’m real sorry about this, Jed, but these papers have to be served, and it’s my job to do the serving.”
Jed stood to take the envelope. “Don’t worry, sheriff. I know this isn’t your doing.”
When he sat, Clarissa wanted to take the papers from him, to keep them from hurting him, from hurting them.
But she couldn’t.
He opened the envelope and looked from her to his father and back.
“They filed for custody.”
“No judge is going to fall for that hogwash,” Paul said, an angry edge to his voice.
“They have a temporary order giving them visitation rights for now.”
“They could’ve had visitation rights any time in the last five years.” Paul’s voice grew angrier.
“It gets worse,” Jed said staring out the diner’s windows as if he couldn’t believe what he was reading.
“What’s worse?” The words were hers, but she almost didn’t recognize her voice.
He looked at her then, and she saw the hopelessness in his eyes. It scared her more than anything she’d ever seen from him. Even the tornado hadn’t been this terrifying.
“Bethany’s name is on this petition.”
Chapter Thirteen
When Jed picked her up for dinner, Clarissa knew she had to talk about the Van Neys. About how her life could impact the outcome of the suit.
“You talked to a lawyer?”
Jed nodded. “I did, and it’ll be fine. If they wanted to be part of Mack’s life they would’ve been there before today.”
She bit her lip and then said the words that had troubled her all day. “They’re going to use me against you.”
He shook his head. “No worries there. Just like I told Joan, your past has no bearing here. They’re welcome to try, but I think if they tried the whole city’d come out in support of you. We’re not going to worry about it.”
Clarissa wished she could put the worry away so easily.
A small sports car was parked in front of the family house at the Triple Eight.
“Your sister’s?” Clarissa asked in surprise and Jed laughed.
“Sure is. She’s a little different.”
They parked the truck and the “little different” sister flew out of the house and to the truck then wrapped her brother’s waist in a giant hug before turning to her and giving her the same treatment.
“I’m so glad to meet you,” she said.
Clarissa looked above the girl’s head to stare at Jed who just laughed.
Callie Dillon was shorter than Clarissa with long blonde hair that fell in waves around her shoulders. She wore a yellow sundress and sandals with turquoise and silver. Her nails were manicured perfectly, and she looked like she spent her days soaking in sunshine.
She looked like what she was: the youngest daughter of a wealthy Oklahoma family.
Only instead of the ranching business, Callie worked in advertising in Dallas. Currently she was interning because “finding a full-time job in this economy isn’t exactly easy.” She had one more semester to turn the internship into the real deal, find a different job or Susie and Paul were cutting her off.
She told the story with such good nature Clarissa couldn’t help but smile. Paul and Susie looked none too thrilled.
“Auntie Callie, look what I can do!” Mackenzie ran into the room and started spinning around and around so her dress would billow out.
Jed’s sister clapped her hands in glee until Mackenzie fell at her feet.
“I’m dizzy, Auntie.”
Then she got up to go again, only this time Jed walked in and scowled. “Mackenzie Renee, you know better than to cut up in the house.”
“Come on, Jed, she’s just playing,” Callie said, which earned her an even bigger scowl.
Clarissa agreed with his sister on this one, but she wasn’t about to voice that opinion. At least not in public, and not when it was obvious he was stressed over the Van Neys petition.
Mackenzie said “Yes, sir” and ran to Jed to give him a hug before pulling her aunt to the bedroom to see Kitty.
“Clarissa had to give her back ‘cause she moved into the apartment again,” the little girl was explaining as the two disappeared.
“I think Mackenzie and your sister have a lot in common,” she said, and Jed agreed.
“She’ll get you alone as soon as she gets the chance,” Jed warned. “You want me to run interference?”
“You’re just worried she’ll tell me your secrets,” she teased.
Callie walked back in then and shot her a thumbs up. “Smart girl. Wait until I tell you about the time he nearly burned the house down.”
“You mean you nearly burned the house down,” Jed corrected, but his sister stood firm on her opinion.
“You were supposed to be the firefighter. My Barbies were innocent victims.”
Jed laughed, and Clarissa breathed a huge sigh of relief at his joy. He needed this tonight.
Clarissa left the two to reminisce and walked into the kitchen to ask Susie if she needed any help. Susie pointed to a pan of potatoes on the stove and walked her through the ingredients necessary for the best mashed potatoes ever. Following instructions Clarissa added the cream, parmesan cheese, cream cheese, butter and chicken stock then whipped them up.
She had to admit Susie was right. The potatoes looked amazing. Susie used a spoon to test and agreed they were ready.
And then she rested a hand on Clarissa’s shoulder and looked solemnly into her eyes.
“This will work out how it’s supposed to. Don’t fret.”
She’d thought she’d covered her worry.
“How can you be so sure?”
Susie waved a hand at herself. “Child, y
ou don’t live to be my age and not learn life’s a whole lot easier if we let God stay in the driver’s seat.”
Susie spooned the potatoes into a bowl and set them on the table followed by a warm batch of biscuits and then she said, “Call them to dinner. It’s time.”
They ate and laughed and told story after story and Clarissa basked in the warmth of the family. After dinner Mackenzie brought kitty out “because she misses you bunches, Clarissa.”
Kitty didn’t seem to be missing anyone. She jumped on the back of the couch, gave them all a regal glare and then went to sleep.
After Mackenzie was sent to bed, three times, Jed started a fire in the fire pit and they sat outside watching the stars and lightning bugs. It was a perfect night. Or it would be if not for worries about Mackenzie’s maternal grandparents.
“You know she’s not seriously coming back, don’t you?” Jed’s sister’s heated voice started the conversation. “She never wanted to be a mother. She swore she hated Stearns. This is all some elaborate ruse. I’m not sure what it’s for, but it’s not real.”
Jed leaned back against the porch swing and kept his arm behind Clarissa. His sigh spoke volumes.
“I don’t know,” he said. “I need to do whatever necessary to keep Mack safe.”
His words sent a chill over her.
He might not see it, but she did. She was the issue. She was the excuse the Van Neys were using.
“Let’s talk about anything else,” Jed said and Callie turned to her.
“I want to know all about you, Clarissa.”
Clarissa answered her questions easily, but she couldn’t reclaim the feeling that all was well.
When she returned to the apartment, her premonition proved to be true. An envelope was clipped to her mail box.
“Don’t open it,” Jed said. Part of Clarissa wanted to do as he said. Ignore whatever the envelope held. But avoiding wouldn’t fix anything.
“I’ve got to Jed,” she said, and she slid the top open and looked inside.
Letting Go Page 13