by Alicia Rae
He was silent for a long moment. Then, he rose to his feet and glanced over his shoulder to look at me. The intensity of his eyes made me hold my breath.
“I love you, Raelyn, so fucking much. You are my life. Nothing will ever change how I feel about you,” he stated reverently. “But my past? It would end us.”
A lump formed at the back of my throat, and I forced myself to swallow it.
Damien continued, “And I won’t risk the chance of spending the rest of my life without you.”
Without another word, he sauntered off. I watched the rigid tension ripple out of him in dense waves as he strode into the bathroom.
The shower turned on, and I was left all alone with my fears. What could be so horrific in Damien’s past to make him believe it would end us?
three
Raelyn
The emotional start to my morning was exacerbated at Dale’s Café with Iris when I reached for my strawberry-banana mocha coffee, and instead of grasping my fingers around it, I managed to accidentally knock the cup right off the table. All I could do was watch in utter horror as my drink hit the floor, busting the lid open and sending the liquid flying, painting an adorable little girl to my left.
I leaped out of my booth and rushed to help her, mortified by my clumsiness. “Oh no, I’m sorry!”
The girl’s mother was at her side in an instant, immediately using a napkin to soak up as much of the drink as possible from the white sunflower dress.
I quickly snatched the napkins off my table and handed one to the mother when hers were drenched. “I’m terribly sorry.”
“It’s all right,” she told me, still attending to her daughter.
My hand shook with embarrassment as I used the last two napkins to wipe their table the best I could. Iris and a busboy were cleaning up the remnants on the floor.
Once everyone returned to their seats, I approached the mom and daughter. “I’m truly very sorry about your dress,” I told the little girl.
She looked up at me with soft eyes. “It’s okay.”
I turned to face the mother and asked, “Can I please offer to pay for the dry cleaning or to buy her another dress?”
“That’s not necessary.” The mother waved one hand in front of herself with a smile. “I’m sure it’s nothing that a cup of OxiClean and warm water can’t get out.”
“Are you sure?”
She nodded. “Positive.”
“All right then,” I answered, still wishing she would accept.
I went back to my booth. One of the workers kindly brought me a fresh drink, and I told her, “Thank you,” as I returned to my seat.
“Of course.” She smiled. “Is there anything else you need?”
I mirrored her expression. “No, thank you.”
Feeling lingering stares all around, I wanted nothing more than to bury my face in my hands. I refrained and placed my hands in my lap in hopes that they would stop trembling.
I hated when this happened.
Any kind of stress or emotions would send my mind into overdrive. It was like the synapses in my brain would start to misfire and cause my mind and body to miscommunicate. The result was a total lack of coordination.
Or worse, sometimes, those same synapses wouldn’t fire at all. I’d draw a blank and remain stuck in it until my mind decided to cooperate again.
It was awful, especially because these events were difficult to hide from others.
These were just two of my lasting side effects from my surgery. It reminded me of the phrase, Mess with the brain, never the same.
Dr. Coleman had reassured me that these symptoms might disappear or lessen over time as I continued to recover. I tried to remain optimistic that there was hope. Some days, I felt discouraged though. It had been three solid months. I’d completed all of my physical therapies, and the side effects still happened fairly regularly.
Iris reached between us and gently tapped on the table to get my attention. “Hey, you okay over there?”
“What?” I asked as my eyes darted up to hers, realizing I’d just zoned out.
“Are you all right? You seem off today.” Her gaze searched my face as she reached for her drink to take a sip.
It made my own thirst quench, but I was still too humiliated to grab my cup, filled with the fear of spilling it again. I needed to let my nerves settle first.
“I’m sorry.” I sighed. “Yes, I’m okay.” Then, I thought better of my answer and corrected myself, “Or I was okay when I woke up. Then, it all seemed to go downhill from there.”
“What happened?”
I explained my disagreement with Damien this morning. When I finished, I pressed my torso into the booth. “It was partially my fault for pressing for details about his past, but I can’t help but feel like he’s to blame, too, for being so secretive with me.” My shoulders sagged forward in defeat. “I don’t know. Maybe I should let the topic go and quit bringing it up. It causes an argument every time I do.”
“Well, I think you deserve an explanation.” Iris’s voice was soft. “You two have already endured and overcome so much together. He should be able to confide in you without jumping to the conclusion that you’d instantly run for the hills. Your relationship is stronger than that.”
“That’s exactly how I feel.”
Iris slightly tilted her head to the side, appearing to silently assess me. Her forehead crinkled moments later. “I can clearly see that your dispute with him has really stressed you out. That can’t be good for your recovery, Raelyn.”
I groaned out loud. “Please don’t play mother hen right now. It’s too much. I can’t take it.”
Iris ignored me entirely, as she always did, and she probed, “How have you been doing, aside from today?”
“Eh,” I muttered, searching for something to say that would put a positive spin on my answer. I came up empty-handed, so I told her, “The same.”
I tried to cut myself some slack since it had only been a week since I last saw Iris. The thought was still discouraging though. More than anything, I wanted to fast-forward time and my recovery, especially with this lingering clumsiness.
“Well, if it’s any consolation, I think you’ve made tremendous progress, so don’t be too hard on yourself,” Iris responded.
“Thank you.” Wanting to go for a lighter topic, I changed the subject. “How are things going with your man, Joshua?”
Joshua and Iris had begun dating shortly after Damien and me. He seemed like a great guy.
“Fabulous.” Iris grinned. “He’ll arrive back home from a business trip to LA tomorrow night.”
I hadn’t realized Joshua traveled for work, so I queried, “How long has he been out of town?”
“For three days. We both actually have this weekend off, so he’s taking me kayaking.”
“That sounds fun!” I smiled.
“I’ve never been before,” Iris went on. “I told Joshua how claustrophobic I am, and he rented me a kayak that isn’t enclosed. My legs can rest on top of it.”
“I didn’t know they made those,” I said, genuinely surprised.
“Me neither.” Iris laughed.
“So, things are getting pretty serious between you two?”
“Yes.” Iris’s whole face lit up. “Joshua has officially moved in with me. I lucked out by him not having any furniture worth keeping because I didn’t have the room for it. However, the guy is putting a damper on my closet space.”
I laughed. “That bad, huh?”
“Oh, yeah.” Iris groaned. “I’ve never met a guy before who has more clothes than me. Seriously, Raelyn, I even had to let him put a few seasonal outfits in your old closet.”
“Wow.”
“Although, aside from learning to share my personal space, things have been truly amazing.” Her hazel eyes sparkled. “Joshua is so thoughtful, caring, and funny, and we have so many hobbies and passions in life in common.” She let out a rush of air and leaned forward to tell me, “I’ve never
felt this way before. I…I think I’m in love.”
My jaw lowered at Iris’s admission. She was rarely verbal about her feelings, so this was huge.
I gravitated toward the edge of my seat and set my hand on her wrist. “I’m so happy for you, Iris,” I told her thickly, hearing the sincerity in my own voice. “I can’t wait until we can all spend more time together, so I can get to know him better.”
“Ah, that’s it!” Iris snapped her fingers and bounced in her seat. “You and Damien should come with us this weekend!”
“No”—I shook my head—“I don’t want to impose.”
“You won’t. It’ll be fun!” Iris shot me a look. “Come on, you just mentioned spending more time together, and this will be the perfect opportunity to do so!”
I couldn’t say no again to Iris’s pleading expression. And, in truth, I didn’t want to. I missed hanging out with Iris. She was such a lively person to be around. Her glass-half-full personality was infectious, as was her smile.
At my silence, she squealed. “Is that a yes?”
Damien and I had no plans for this weekend, that I was aware of, so I found myself answering, “Yes.”
“Great! Oh, I can’t wait to tell Joshua.” Iris beamed.
I smiled at her before gazing down at my strawberry-banana mocha.
“Are you going to drink that?” Iris asked, causing me to glance at her.
My heart pumped harder in my chest. I didn’t like to talk about whatever was going on with my faulty brain-hand-coordination ordeal, so I braved a slow, gradual reach for my cup. “Yep.”
The drink went down smoothly, and gosh, it was delicious. I prayed Iris didn’t notice the slight twitch in my wrist, for I felt her observing my movements. I gave myself a mental high five when I returned the cup to the table, accident-free.
“Is the shakiness easing at all?” Iris asked softly.
I discreetly cleared my throat, uncertain of how to respond. I didn’t like to talk about my side effects. Part of me wanted to be hopeful and reassure her that I was on the mend, so she wouldn’t be concerned about me. However, to say my coordination had improved would be a lie.
“No, it hasn’t,” I admitted quietly. Defeat swarmed around in my mind.
“I’m sorry, Raelyn.” Sadness washed over Iris’s features. “I’m sure things will get better. You just have to be patient. It hasn’t been that long since your surgery. You just need more time to heal.”
To me, three months was an eternity. I was a go-getter. A busybody. A get-shit-done kind of gal. Time was precious. And, here I was, twiddling my thumbs.
“Possibly,” I offered, unconvinced. “Or perhaps sitting around is my problem.”
Iris’s brow rose with confusion. “Do you mean that you’re considering going back to Jennings Accounting Services soon?”
“Yes, I am,” I answered. “And sooner rather than later because I’m starting to go stir-crazy, sitting at home.” It was true. There was only so much one could do to occupy their time before boredom consumed their every thought.
“Are you nervous about returning to the swing of things at work after being gone for so long?”
There was no reason to sugarcoat the truth, so I blurted, “Yes, I’m terrified.”
“Oh, don’t be!” Iris waved a dismissive hand in the air. “I’m sure, for some, that might be the case. But not you, Raelyn. You’re a natural with numbers. And you’re a born fighter. It’ll be as simple as riding a bicycle for you.”
I smiled at her compliment, hoping her words were true. Jennings Accounting Services was my baby. It was all I had to show for what I’d accomplished in life, career-wise. I couldn’t lose it.
“Thank you,” I replied sincerely before adding, “I’m not really worried about performing my job per se; I’m more nervous about seeing Kate, Tim, and Ashton.”
“Why?”
“I’m afraid it’ll be awkward to see Ashton working in place of me. Oddly, at the same time, I’m hoping it will be a relief to have an extra set of hands to help lighten the workload.”
“I understand. You were overwhelmed once Cale left.”
“I was. I just pray Ashton is the right man for the job. My clients mean the world to me.”
“I’m sure he is. If he weren’t, I couldn’t picture Damien keeping him on the payroll.”
I tilted my head to the side and chuckled. “Good point.”
Iris briefly glanced at her watch and then looked at me. “Hey, I have a couple of hours before I need to get home to study for my final exam, so how about we go get a mani-pedi?”
“That sounds heavenly.” I beamed.
four
Raelyn
After spending time at the salon with Iris, I went home to rest for a bit. I was shocked when I found myself waking from a three-hour nap. It was nearly dinnertime. I knew Damien planned to stay at work late tonight, and I missed him dearly, so I decided to make him a BLT sandwich and take it to his office.
I packed up his plate in a Tupperware container and placed it in a bag before making the short drive to Heathman Enterprises. I pulled into the parking garage to park my car, grabbed my bag, and walked through the front doors of the building en route to the elevator.
When I reached the top floor, I smiled at the dark interior decor of the room. It had Damien written all over it. The carpet was charcoal gray with an intricate pattern in it. The walls were decorated with prestigious artwork from all over the world. The environment had a harmonious feel to it.
I padded my way across the space and went to the receptionist’s desk where Cathy greeted me with a welcoming smile.
“Hello, Ms. Jennings.” She beamed up at me from her chair. “Mr. Heathman is currently with a client.” Her eyes darted to her computer before returning to me. “I don’t believe he’s expecting you this evening. Shall I page him for you?”
“No, that won’t be necessary.” I shook my head. “Damien is unaware of my visit.” I slightly lifted my bag, so Cathy could see it as I continued, “I have a surprise dinner for him. It can wait until he’s finished with his meeting.”
“Sure.” Cathy maneuvered her computer mouse. “He should be finished very soon. His next appointment isn’t for about twenty-five minutes, so you should get to squeeze in a few minutes with him.” She grinned.
“Great!” I gestured toward the waiting area. “I’ll have a seat.”
The phone rang on Cathy’s desk, and I quietly snuck away as she answered it. I spun to the left and headed toward the waiting area. There was a gentleman to the right with a boatload of paperwork sprawled out on the chairs. I chose to give the man his space, and I took a chair straight ahead along a black slate wall. Water softly trickled down the tiles of the built-in waterfall.
I sat next to a woman who appeared to be glancing at her cell phone through a pair of sunglasses. Her bright yellow slacks, pink shirt, and giant, shiny Prada purse caught the corner of my eye. There was something oddly familiar about her face. My pulse immediately quickened.
No, it couldn’t be.
My inner thoughts battled between wanting to hop over to one of the empty chairs positioned on the side of an artificial tree to my right or taking a closer look at the woman, praying that I was wrong.
“Hello, Raelyn,” Annabelle Faye drawled. “What brings you here to see my son?”
My heart sank to the pit of my stomach and then slingshot up into my throat when I realized my guess was correct. It was Damien’s estranged mother. I hadn’t spoken to her since our last financial meeting at Jennings Accounting Services where I learned she’d used me in hopes of getting close to her son. I’d never forget that day.
And, just like that, I was thrown back in time to that day.
“Thank you for seeing me on such short notice,” Annabelle stated, clutching her large handbag in her lap.
“Of course.” I gave her a sincere smile and asked, “How may I be of help?”
“Yesterday, I received word that my main
stock investment had decreased by a staggering sixty percent.” She opened her bag and pulled out some papers to give me as she continued, “So, I’ve lost a great deal of money. I was hoping to reevaluate—” Annabelle broke off on a startled gasp when the door whipped open. The force was so great that it slammed into the wall.
My eyes darted toward the noise to see a very angry Damien standing just inside my office. The seething ire radiating out of him was equal to thick fumes infiltrating a small room. It was enough to choke everything and everyone in its path.
“Da—” I began.
But I was interrupted when Damien roared, “What in the fuck are you doing here?”
I nearly jumped out of my skin at the inconsiderate entrance to my work environment and fired back, “Damien, how dare you just barge in here—” I stopped myself at the incredulous look Damien shot me, and I sagged in my chair.
“Don’t you even start with me after this morning, Raelyn,” he warned, his voice surprisingly taking on a softer tone.
Damien shifted his attention to my client while I watched his shoulders tense. His eyes narrowed and went unbelievably dark, appearing cold, hard, and distant. He was completely unrecognizable.
“Get the fuck out, Annabelle,” Damien hissed, “and don’t you ever come back here.”
The aftershock of my headache was making me miss something crucial here. My gaze rapidly bounced between Damien and Annabelle in confusion. These two obviously knew each other, but I had no clue how.
Annabelle caught me off guard by giving me her undivided attention. Her demeanor was cool and composed, and it left me reeling.
“Humph,” she sighed. “I hope he treats you better than his own mother.”
My lips parted while my lungs inhaled a sharp breath. My head spun for the second time today, making me slightly dizzy.