by Jani Kay
“Jade, I wish they’d taken me instead. It would’ve been so much better for Jamie to be here. You know he’s a sensitive soul. He must be wondering why I’m not fetching him.” She sobbed, her frail body shaking. I felt so lost and unable to help her. We shed a few tears together. I was dying to tell her about Peanut, and how much I’d wanted Ryder’s baby, and that I understood her loss of first a baby and now her boy, but it wasn’t the right time.
“The only thing that’s important is to get Jamie back. And we will.” I hugged her tightly and we held on to one another for the longest time. All any mother ever wanted was the best for her child.
Cobra came into the room. The tension thickened as he raised his chin at me. He didn’t want me here, obviously still believing that a lot of the grief the club was experiencing was due to my relationship with Ryder. God, if he knew that Ryder and I were living together—that we were talking of marriage— he would probably have a stroke.
I let go of Mia and took a step back. “I'm so sorry about Jamie,” I said to him, my voice cracking. “I wish I could help you find him.” I blinked, trying my best to keep the tears welling up behind my eyelids at bay.
“Jade, you gotta understand: it's nothing personal against you. I have to protect my people, everyone in my club. As a person, I think you’re great. But the danger you bring to my family . . .” His voice was solemn, his face contorted with pain.
I nodded; my throat burned, thick with tears. Over the months I’d come to like everyone at the club; they’d gone out of their way to make me feel at home. I could fit in there, in spite of our differences, if only I could have that chance.
“It's time for the funeral. You are welcome to come back to the compound for the wake to celebrate our memories of Ratbag. But after that—I’m sorry.” He gave Mia a quick hug and led her from the room, his hand on the small of her back, steering her away.
She gave me a look that tore at my heart. She needed a friend: someone to tell her everything would be fine. Someone who could laugh and cry with her. But Cobra wasn’t having any of it.
Daddy had accompanied me to the funeral, worried that I would overexert myself so soon after leaving the hospital. Mom wanted to come as well, but that would have just been awkward, so I’d convinced her that I’d come back to their house with Daddy afterwards where I could put my feet up, and allow her to pamper me with cups of tea and her famous scones.
“Ah, there you are,” Daddy said as he held out his arm. He looked distinguished in his black suit, and just a little out of place amongst all the bikers dressed in denim and leather. But if Owen Summers felt unbefitting, he wasn’t showing it. The true mark of a professional man, he was used to dealing with people from all walks of life.
I gave him a small smile and hooked into his arm. Ryder had explained to me that we should stay apart to avoid drama today, so I was thankful I had someone by my side. My parents had taken me back to their home as soon as I was discharged from hospital. Mom had taken a few days off work so that she could keep an eye on me.
It was a good thing, because we had a chance to talk about everything. I explained to her just how much I loved Ryder, and how good he was for me. Losing the baby wasn’t going to miraculously make me stop loving Ryder. At first I’d seen the disappointment in her eyes. She wanted me to marry well, like she had, into a wealthy family.
But when I explained to her that all Marcus’s success and wealth meant nothing to me if he treated me wrong, she started coming around, agreeing that Ryder had protected and cared for me a hell of a lot better than Marcus with all his money and prestige did.
Deep down, Sylvia Summers was a sucker for love and a hopeless romantic herself. The more we spoke about Ryder, the more I could see that she was warming to the idea of her daughter being with a man who loved her that much. I told her that Ryder had asked me to marry him and that I’d said yes. She wasn’t overjoyed, but she also didn’t oppose it.
Now it was just Daddy and Harrison that had to see my point of view. And I was determined to make them see it, regardless of how long it took to win them over.
Surprisingly, Daddy had been civil to everyone. I wasn’t sure if it was out of respect for Ratbag, or that my mother had quietly gotten to him. She always had a way of bringing my father around to her way of seeing things. Men thought they ruled the world—in reality, it was run by the women they loved.
If they accepted the love.
My man had been overcome with grief, blaming himself for the loss of Peanut and Ratbag and Jamie’s disappearance, so he’d stayed at the club since Sunday. He’d hardly slept, working with Hammer through the nights, trying to find leads. He’d called me every morning and every evening to make sure I was OK, but I could hear the tension in his voice.
It was something he had to do, so I tried to give him the space to deal with it, but I wished he’d come home to me so that I could massage his back, and kiss his brow, and help ease the tension.
But more than anything, I needed his arms around me at night. I woke up every morning, my pillow soaked with tears as I cried even in my sleep. Everything in me ached for Ryder. It felt as if the loss of Peanut was the catalyst for a rift between us. I couldn’t stand the way he was distant and cool when I needed him to be loving and caring. Three nights without him had been hell; I didn’t want to do it anymore.
I drew in a shocked breath when I saw Ryder as he and the other brothers carried the coffin in to the chapel. Deep lines marred his brow, and his eyes seemed set deeper into his face. Dark circles under his eyes proved that he hadn’t slept in days. My heart lurched when he gave me a small sad smile, then cast his eyes downwards. This wasn’t the Ryder I knew and loved. It was eating him from the inside, and it killed me to watch.
The man at the front was unfamiliar, yet I knew exactly who he was. His features were very similar to Ratbag’s—down to the light-brown long hair curling on his neck—but he had a stockier build and broader shoulders than lanky Ratbag. Ryder had told me over the phone that Ratbag’s family couldn’t come from Australia, only his younger brother from Sydney who happened to be in the U.S. for a surf championship, so he could easily get to L.A. within a few days. That explained the killer tan.
My heart squeezed in my chest as each of the boys got up to say something special about Ratbag. It was clear that the brothers loved the young man.
Halfway through the proceedings, I saw Ryder’s eyes widen. I turned my head to see Harrison and Savage slip in the back. Ryder nodded in acknowledgment. It was hardly perceivable, but Harrison did the same small nod back at Ryder as their eyes locked over our heads.
Maybe, just maybe this could work out. Maybe my brother and my lover could see eye to eye. I could only hope. I still believed in miracles.
Finally, it was Ryder’s turn. He went up to the front and stood behind the small podium.
I'd never heard him address a small gathering before. He’d worn a black shirt and a thin leather tie for the funeral instead of his standard uniform of jeans and T-shirt with his cut. He’d rolled the sleeves of his shirt up to his elbows, and I felt my core clench as I stared longingly at his forearms, thick and veined, where the cobra tattoo ran up his arm. My eyes widened as I noticed the new tattoo. It was a flag of Australia in the shape of the continent with the letters R.I.P. just under it.
Ryder must have felt my eyes on him, because he glimpsed in my direction, a small smile on his lips, which sent my heart fluttering. I loved him when he was brash and cocky, but I loved him even more when he was vulnerable and let his tough-guy guard down in time like these.
He cleared his throat. “Ratbag wouldn’t have wanted us to be sad. He loved life and everything about it. We talked about death, and I’ll never forget when he said to me that when his time comes, he wants his friends and family to celebrate his life, not mourn death.”
Ryder looked around the room and smiled. “You know what I said to him when he talked about his death? I said, ‘Ratbag, only the good die young.�
�� Yeah.” His voice became thick, and I could tell he was struggling to bite back the tears.
“Bruce Williams was a good man . . . a special man. I knew that from the minute I met him. He was the most generous person I’d ever met—he’d sleep naked so someone else could sleep warm. He’d go hungry so someone else had a full belly. It was just the way he was.” Everyone clapped and cheered. “There isn’t a person in this room who hasn’t been touched by Ratbag’s kindness in one way or another. My friend would want a damn party, so we are going to give him a party tonight at the compound. Everyone is invited.”
Some backslapping took place between Ryder and Ratbag’s brother. I couldn’t imagine what it felt like to lose a brother.
Watching him stand there, so vulnerable as tears flowed openly down his cheeks, I knew Ryder was crying for more than the loss of his friend. In a way I knew it would be liberating for him to let the sorrow go. Women had known for centuries that crying helped a person cope better, but men—especially ones like these bikers—saw it as a sign of weakness. It was testimony to Ryder’s big heart that he didn’t care if he was soft today. I looked around the room, and to my surprise, most of the men were wiping their eyes or rubbing their noses.
They were human after all.
Chapter Forty-Nine — Jade
Standing at the graveside, hooked into my father on the one side and Mia on the other, I watched as the first spade of dirt hit the coffin with a thud. Ryder was doing the honors. He’d avoided my gaze since we came from the funeral parlor, but I could see his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed hard. He was trying to be the strong man he always was, but I knew he was thinking of Peanut as he shoveled the dirt.
Ryder wiped the sweat from his brow with the back of his shirtsleeve. His mouth was set in a thin, determined line, a mixture of sorrow and rage on his face. I wanted so badly to go over and hold him, to put my arms around his neck and kiss his face, then to take him home and feed him, because I knew he wouldn’t have eaten a decent meal in days, and finally rub his back until he fell asleep in my arms.
But I couldn’t. I had to pretend that I was okay standing here while my man was hurting and my heart was breaking.
Mia trembled badly, so I led her to a bench and got her to sit down before she collapsed. Jamie was still missing and we’d heard nothing: no ransom, no demands for anything. It didn’t make sense and it was eating my friend alive not knowing what had happened to her boy.
There wasn’t much I could say to her that hadn’t been said already. All I really could do was to be there for her when she needed a hug or to cry. Finding the right words in these circumstances was more difficult than I’d imagined. We sat in silence, the air thick with sorrow.
Cobra had taken the shovel from Ryder and was filling in the rest of the dirt. He and Ryder were glaring at one another, unable to suppress their anger. Each indirectly blamed the other for their loss. The MC club was being shattered by outside forces, and it was as if neither knew how to fix it.
My head jerked up when I heard a familiar voice cut through the silence. Marcus Masterton. What the hell was he doing here? How did he know where to find me? But it wasn’t me he was concerned with. He stormed straight toward Daddy who was standing under a tree, talking with Ratbag’s brother.
I couldn’t believe the nerve of the man, showing up here. After the fiasco at the restaurant, I hadn’t bumped into him at the office either. Daddy had packed Marcus off to work at the Chicago branch. It was a satellite office, and although Daddy had told Marcus it was a promotion because he’d be second in charge, in actual fact it was very much a demotion from the treatment he’d received at the firm in L.A. where he was treated as the golden boy.
Daddy took his hand off the Australian man’s arm and turned to face Marcus. The surfer dude walked away, leaving Daddy with his former protégé. I couldn’t hear their words, but from their expressions and the way Marcus’s arms were flying about, I realized that it wasn’t a friendly conversation. I quickly wrapped my jacket around Mia’s shoulders and gave her hand a squeeze as I beckoned Cobra over. Luckily he saw me, and passed the shovel back to Ryder before moving toward us.
Making my way over the grass toward the two men, I cursed under my breath as my heels sunk into the soil a few times. I should have gone with the damn flats.
“Marcus, what the hell are you doing here? It's a funeral, for God’s sake,” I scolded. I’d never forgiven the jerk for the way he treated me, but coming at my father here of all places was beyond uncool.
“Jade, keep your nose out of this, okay? It's because of you and your father that my career has taken a fucking nosedive. I don’t need more shit from you; all I want is my position back in L.A.” His eyes were stormy and I could smell alcohol on his breath.
“Don’t you speak to Jade like that, Masterton. You had your chance with her. Hell, you even had my blessing to marry her. You were the one who screwed it up by not keeping it in your pants.” Daddy narrowed his eyes, looking at Marcus with contempt. “You were so close to being my son-in-law.”
“Well, if Jade wasn’t such a prude, refusing to have sex with me, I wouldn’t have needed to do what I did, would I?”
I huffed, pushing my chest out. “Maybe I didn’t have sex with you because I didn’t want to—”
“Right. But you hand it on a platter to a fucking lowlife biker? You’re nothing but a slut. Actually, I should be grateful that I found that out about you before I married you.” He grabbed me by the throat and pulled me against his chest. I could hardly breathe he was squeezing that hard.
“You fool. Let Jade go!” Daddy shouted, his eyes wide with fright. Cold metal against my temple was followed by a click. The gun dug into my skin, hard and unforgiving. Right now, Marcus was just mad enough to pull the goddamn trigger.
Panicked, I looked over at Ryder. He was too far away to see what was going on, his head down as he completed the task at hand. I wanted to scream, but Marcus just squeezed tighter until I was fighting for breath. My lungs burned, and I struggled against Marcus to get free.
“Let’s see how much you love your daughter, old man. Time for negotiating is over. If you don’t meet my demands, I’ll put a bullet through her pretty skull. She’s useless to me now anyway.”
Ryder. Dammit, look up! Harrison. Where are you? He’d been lurking around, trying to stay in the background all afternoon. Where the fuck were they now?
Then I heard Ryder’s voice, ice-cold and unemotional. “Masterton. Put the damn gun down. You won’t get out of this alive.”
“Fuck off, biker. You took my future wife. And now she’s going to pay for that.”
“This slut?” Ryder nodded in my direction, his eyes hooded and his expression guarded. “Fucked her on my bike that night. Was enough. Nah, not interested in this pussy.”
“Then why are you here? If you don’t care, why try to stop me? I'm not stupid.”
“Buried a mutual friend today and not in the mood to fill in another grave. That’s all. What you do with the bitch is none of my concern. Just don’t do it here, okay? There are kids around.”
My eyes widened, my lungs were on the verge of collapsing, but nothing stung like Ryder’s words. Maybe he changed his mind about us in these last few days? If that were true, Marcus might as well shoot me now. Trembling, I closed my eyes to shut out the world.
He’s just acting to get Marcus on his side.
“I agree. She’s just a whoring slut pretending to be a good girl,” Marcus snorted.
Daddy sucked in a breath. He’d turned ashen grey, his mouth hanging open as he watched the standoff between the two men. I cringed, shame washing over me at first, before anger swelled in my gut. Helpless, I couldn’t lash out; couldn’t refute those cruel words.
“So listen, dude, your beef is really with me taking her on my bike and fucking her. Let’s do this like real men, huh? She’s not worth the ruin to your career, man. Let the bitch go and you and I can sort this out between us.”
Brutally bashing my head into the tree trunk behind me several times, Marcus had gone mad. I gasped for air before seeing stars flicker across my vision, my head pounding with pain. “Whoring slut,” he screamed in my face, then hit me on the cheek with the butt of the gun.
My knees crumbled beneath me and I sank to the ground.
Everything went black.
Chapter Fifty — Ryder
The motherfucker had gone completely crazy. If he didn’t have the fucking gun in his hand, I would’ve pounced on him there and then and ended his miserable life. Jade lay on the grass, passed out, her legs folded awkwardly beneath her. I wanted to rush to her, see if she was breathing, but I had to keep cool and calm. It was more important now than ever.
Old man Summers looked as if he were about to pass out too. He tried to go to her, but Masterton stopped him by aiming the gun at him and laughing.
“Don’t you fucking move, old man,” he said, sniggering.
Standing over Jade’s motionless body, Masterton spat in her face before turning back to me, this time pointing the gun at my head. Finally I’d come face to face with this fucker who’d hurt my woman. A few months ago I wouldn’t have minded if I got shot; I didn’t have that much to live for. But now everything had changed. I wanted a future with Jade: to grow old with her and have a shitload of kids and grandkids. Yeah. Now I had everything to live for.
“It's you and me now, biker. I still owe you for fucking my fiancée. I want to see your guts spill out today.”
I planted my feet wide and firm, and crossed my arms over my chest. Just how was I going to get out of this fucking mess without anyone getting hurt? And Jade—my heart was beating wildly in my chest at how she was lying there. Blood had started seeping through her blond hair where her head had connected with the tree and I couldn’t see the rise and fall of her chest.