by Jani Kay
And I’d given him an out. If he changed his mind, I'd saved him the embarrassment of telling me in the morning.
I unlocked my car and opened the door. Shit, it was nearly three a.m. and I had to be at work in a few hours. I started the engine and slowly reversed out of the parking lot, my mind in a jumble. When I came here I was angry as a cut snake; now I was pantiless, thoroughly fucked and happier than I’d been in weeks.
Yawning, I waited for oncoming traffic to pass so that I could get home and crawl in to bed. My heart nearly jumped out of my chest as somebody rapped his or her knuckles on the window beside me. Fuck! I went ice-cold when the door yanked open. I jerked my head to see who my assailant was, panic flooding my body.
The naked torso of the man I was running from filled my view. He reached down to turn the engine off and removed the key in one fast action.
“Harrison. What the hell are you doing?” I screeched, my hands trembling. I pressed my palm to my heart to still the thudding.
“Just as I thought. You haven’t locked your doors.” His voice was stern and a deep frown marred his brow. His jaw clenched as he ground his teeth.
I laughed, a high-pitched nervous sound. “You’re standing naked in the middle of the driveway, and you’re worried about my unlocked doors?” I shook my head at his stupidity.
He smirked. “I’m looking forward to spanking your ass for that, Miss Ryder.”
I rolled my eyes. He really had a spanking fetish. “I'm not a child, Harrison. Give me my keys so I can go home now.”
Wiggling his eyebrows, he cleared his throat and leaned down to look me in the eyes. “I have a deal for you. Stay the night and we will talk in the morning over breakfast. And we’ll still do dinner later, too.”
I didn’t answer. Every part of me wanted to stay, to wrap myself around his body and fall asleep in his arms. He held my chin and leaned in to kiss me. It was the sweetest kiss, and it felt like he poured every bit of himself into it. I never thought Harrison Summers could do gentle and tender, but there it was.
And just like that I was wet again, yearning for him. Gently, he hauled me from the car and pulled me against his nakedness. His eyes pierced mine, pleading. “Please, Eva. I'm willing to beg.” His voice was low and hoarse. I drew in a sharp breath, trying to control the butterflies that swarmed around in my stomach. “I not only want you, I need you.” My heart did a flip.
He needs me? Did he really just say that to me? Those were big words.
“Harrison, you’re delirious from lack of sleep,” I protested.
“My mind has never been sharper . . . It's as if a fog has cleared from my brain,” he said.
“This is too complicated, Harrison. There’s Ryder and Jade, or have you forgotten?” I wasn’t going to set myself up for more heartache because Harrison hated bikers. Ryder was my brother and nothing was going to change that, even if, in some unlikely circumstance, he was no longer with Jade.
A deep sigh escaped Harrison’s lips. “How can I forget? If anything, they’ve shown me just how empty my life is. They have made me realize that I want more out of life than a career.” His lips turned downward. “I'd always believed that would be enough for me. But it isn’t. There’s a restlessness . . . a void I can’t fill, no matter how many hours I work or try to numb it with sex and alcohol.”
A car drove by and honked. “Dude, take it to the bedroom,” a guy yelled out.
“Good idea,” Harrison said and lifted me over his shoulder, striding back to his apartment.
“Harrison! Put me down!” I shouted, banging my fists against his back.
It only made him laugh.
“It's fucking cold outside. My dick’s getting frost bite.”
“My car—”
We entered the building and he went around the desk in the entrance and lifted a phone. “I need you to park a car please. Key is on the desk.”
I heard a sleepy voice on the other side agree to do it immediately.
“If someone steals my Beemer, I'm going to be seriously pissed off,” I huffed.
“Settle down. Baxter will be there in a minute. It's all good.” He chuckled as he pressed the elevator button. It was still on the ground floor, so it opened immediately. He stepped inside and let me slide down his torso, catching my mouth with his on the way. I tried to resist, tried to fight against his chest, but my traitorous body was enjoying it too much. By the time we got to the top floor, I’d melted into him and was kissing him back as hard as he was kissing me.
Finally he lifted his head. “That’s better.”
He walked us backwards out of the elevator into the apartment. The door was wide open. “You don’t know about my whip wielding skills, do you?” I teased. “Leaving doors wide open is a punishable sin—one can get spanked or whipped for doing that.”
His eyebrows rose. “Eva, don’t start what you can’t finish. I’ve always wanted to know what it feels like to be on the other side. I may just grant you the chance to show me.”
Chapter Fifty-Six — Harrison
I woke to the sound of Eva talking softly in her sleep. Not able to make out the words, I just stared at her beautiful face. I couldn’t believe that she was here, in my arms and in my bed. Her leg was thrown over mine, and her hand rested on my ass.
With the back of my hand, I gently traced the outline of her face. Why had it taken me so fucking long to come around? All that precious time I'd wasted being bitter and angry when I could have had the most beautiful woman in the world right here all this time.
Her eyes fluttered open, instantly widening when she saw me. A deep pink color flushed over her skin when she realized her pussy was up against my thigh. I pushed the hair from her face and leaned down to kiss her, eager to suck at her lips.
She turned her face away. “Harrison, stop.”
I groaned. My cock couldn’t get enough of her. I'd fucked her twice more before we passed out from sheer exhaustion.
“I'm only getting started, baby,” I said as I pushed my stiffening cock into her hip.
“No more until we’ve talked. It's morning . . . and you promised.”
I kissed her forehead. “You’re right. But when it comes to you, my dick just wants more.”
She rolled away from me and I felt the loss like a smack in the head. Jesus, I’m addicted to her. I sat back against the headboard with my hands behind my head to stop myself from reaching for her. “Let’s get this talking over with so we can get back to fucking.” I grinned.
“No. After we talk, I'm out of here. I need to get to the office.”
“Where’s the fun in that?” I said, arching a brow at her. “Let’s take the day off. I'm sure we’ve both worked enough overtime to take a fucking week off. God knows, I haven’t taken a holiday in years.”
“Jade told me that’s because you’re married to your career.”
I pondered her words for a moment. “Yep, it’s true. But I'm working on changing that. I’ve discovered better things to do with my time than work extra hours.”
“Start talking, Harrison. Tell me what happened. And I'm a good listener, so don’t leave anything out.”
“Babe, it's a long story. I’ll fix us coffee first. You wait here.”
She sighed. “Make mine extra hot. I have a feeling we’re going to be a while.”
I padded my way to the kitchen and brewed two coffees in the expensive machine my mother had given me for my birthday—it hardly got used except when Savage came over. The rich aroma filled the kitchen as I buttered two croissants I’d defrosted while waiting.
Determined to tell Eva my whole story, fear gripped my insides as I realized that she could just as easily decide never to speak to me again. My mouth went dry as I imagined the possibility of her walking out that door forever. I hoped to God that she’d see my side of the story. It wasn’t pretty, and I was all kinds of fucked up because of it. I wouldn’t blame her if she took off without looking back.
Back in the bedroom, she’d
slipped her camisole back on, but there was no way I was returning her panties. She’d propped herself against the pillows and smiled as I handed her coffee to her.
“Ah, nothing like a good coffee in the morning,” she said as she took a sip. “Thank you.”
Eva was easy to please—most of the time. I smiled and nodded. Waking to her in my bed every morning and seeing her lovely face was something I could get used to.
We talked. At first it was awkward and I started off hesitantly, telling her what happened with Jade that day. How I believed that Ryder wasn’t the man for her. And that a baby would ruin her prospects of finding the right man or advancing her career. Sometimes Eva just nodded, and other times she asked questions, probing deeper and deeper into my mind.
“Harrison, tell me what happened that made you so angry and bitter,” she coaxed in a sympathetic voice. I told her about Amy. About the blood. I had to reach deep into the abyss of my soul, unwrapping and dusting off some memories that I’d tried to forget but were always lurking there, like the unseen monsters under the bed just waiting to nip one’s ankles.
She covered her mouth with her hand to hide her horror. “That explains your reaction to Miu-miu’s bite. And although that was funny at the time, seeing a big man like you wanting to pass out because of a little blood, I understand now. It all makes sense.”
I'd moved down the bed and lay with my head on Eva’s lap while she gently stroked my hair or massaged my brow. I hadn’t talked about that day with anyone who wasn’t involved in the incident, and just talking about blood had made me feel sick.
The lump in my throat was difficult to swallow. I considered what a huge amount of baggage I’d carried and how it weighed me down.
Throughout everything Eva listened patiently, sometimes wiping tears with the back of her hand, other times her eyes on fire, and she looked as if she’d gladly throttle me. But she let me talk and talk until I’d spilled it all.
A huge weight lifted off my shoulders. It was cleansing to spill my guts. The more I talked, the more I realized how bearing all the hatred in my heart and my soul had broken me. Could I let it go and start over? I wanted to, but a part of me held on to it stubbornly. The pain was so ingrained that it had become a defining quality of who I was.
Finally, I ran out of words. I fell silent, my mind buzzing with all the repressed emotions that had surfaced again. I’d wished I could change, but it would be sacrilege if I let the pain go, so I’d held on for all I was worth.
As much as I’d originally dreaded having this talk, relief flooded me that I’d gotten the words out.
Eva was quiet, deep in thought. Does she despise me? I wouldn’t blame her if she did. Yet I couldn’t help feeling satisfaction that on some level I'd vindicated the loss of Amy and our child. To myself I sounded like a monster, my heart and soul deeply damaged. Eva no doubt felt the same.
“Harrison. So much rage. The need for revenge has consumed you. Has it brought you the peace you are seeking . . . by hurting someone else?”
I blinked a few times. What was she saying? Revenge had become my reason for living. For a decade it sustained me. It was all I had to keep me going.
Chapter Fifty-Seven — Eva
I always believed in giving a person the benefit of the doubt. Mercy above justice. What Harrison had told me filled me with sorrow. For everything he’d been through and all he’d lost—his youth had been ripped from him as well as his future. I could understand why he felt as he did.
But that didn’t mean he was right. Hating Ryder and wanting to stop him and Jade from being together was unhealthy, to say the least. I'd encouraged Ryder and Jade to talk about what had happened on the day she’d lost their baby, as part of their healing and coming to grips with their loss. Through her tears and sorrow, Jade hadn’t accused Harrison; she just gave me a step-by-step account of how it happened, without blaming him.
Now I'd listened to Harrison’s story with as much compassion as I could muster, but some parts freaked me the fuck out. Did I really want to get tangled up with a man who was so damaged? Was it possible to repair and heal his brokenness? I didn’t know the answer. It seemed impossible to unchain his heart and mind from the incident that held him captive a decade later.
“Now you hate me even more, huh?” he said, his frown deepening as he trained his eyes on my face. He moved his head off my lap and sat at the edge of the bed, his head in his hands.
Staring at his broad shoulders, I had to think for a while before answering. Slowly, I shook my head. “No, I don’t hate you. I just hate what you’ve become. And what you did to Jade and Ryder.” There was no other way than to be brutally honest, even if it hurt.
He sucked in a breath, held it for a few moments, then exhaled slowly. “For the record: I didn’t kill Jade’s baby—it was a misunderstanding and . . . an accident. Falling down the stairs did the damage.”
My throat went dry. “If you hadn’t argued with her, making her need air, she wouldn’t have run from you and fallen. You didn’t directly push her, but—”
“You think it's my fault, that I caused it. Say it.”
“Harrison, you are partly to blame. Until you accept that responsibility, I don’t know if I want to see you again. Every action has consequences. You of all people should know that. It was how you chose to act toward Jade—even while you thought you were protecting her—that caused her loss. Had she been anywhere else . . . with anyone else, it wouldn’t have happened.”
“Fuck. I've only ever wanted what’s best for her. I’ve spent most of my life making sure she came to no harm. And now you’re saying I’m the reason she got hurt?”
I placed my hand on his arm. My heart was aching for him, yet I knew nothing I said or did could change him. All I could do was to help him see that his life could be different if he chose it to be.
“Maybe it's time for you to let go of the past? It's held you prisoner for too long . . . dictated how you behave. If you changed your mindset, saw things differently—” I coaxed, keeping my voice supportive.
His shoulders slumped. “After all this time? It's become part of who I am.”
“Don’t let one incident map out your whole life. Yes, it happened to you. Would Amy have wanted you to go through your life without finding happiness?”
He shuddered. “Do you think I haven’t tried? That I don’t ache every time I see a happy couple with kids the age our child would have been?”
“Harrison, only you can make the choice to change.”
“Guess you’re going to leave, then, and never see me again?” His voice was thin, slicing the cold air between us.
“I need to think about this. Give me time?” I said softly.
“How much time?”
I didn’t say. I got dressed, kissed his cheek and left.
I left him naked and alone.
Stripped to the bone.
Only he knew how much time was needed. He was the one who held the answer, not me.
Chapter Fifty-Eight — Ryder
“Did you really mean that? What you said to Harrison and Cobra in the ambulance . . .” Her voice was soft and low. She was still very weak, although some color had seeped back into her cheeks. Jade was slowly recovering, but her skin still felt cold. I held both her hands in mine and stared into her eyes for a long time before I answered.
We were back in the hospital, the place I hated most on earth, second to juvie. She lay back against the pillows, deep purple bruises marring her perfect swanlike neck. A part of her beautiful hair had been shaved off at the back and she had stitches and a giant bandage wrapped around her head. She looked even smaller than the last time she’d been here. My heart ached for her pain.
“Princess, if I lost you today that would’ve been the end of me too. I’d do the Romeo thing and end it all. I only really understand the whole scene now . . . why Romeo would do such a fucked up thing. Because finally I get it. He didn’t want to go on without his princess, just like I can’t with
out you.” A smile twitched at the corners of her mouth. “It's simple, really, when you finally understand. And I do.” I shrugged, accepting my fate completely.
“Ryder, that’s so beautiful. You are a wise man, and I love you so much,” she whispered.
I caressed her hands with my thumbs, then made small circles up her arms and back down again. “See, I have a strong belief that things happen for a reason. I'm just glad you happened to me.”
Her eyes were big and soft. “Oh baby, I am too.” She blinked back the tears.
“You were so brave to stand up to Marcus,” I said, amazed at her strength.
She winked at me before she grinned. “And you were so brave to take on a crazy gun-wielding ex-boyfriend to save me. I thought you didn’t care about me anymore—”
I chuckled. Even in the worst of times she could make me laugh, or at the very least, smile. “Oh, Princess, how little you know. There isn’t a minute that passes that I don’t want you.” I wiggled my eyebrows at her. “In every possible way.”
She swatted my arm playfully, but I could tell she was enjoying how I told her how much she meant to me. I made a mental note to remember to do this for the rest of my life. It was such a simple thing, yet it could get lost so easily when life got too busy.
“You want me even though I’m all bandaged up?” she asked, her voice raspy.
“I can think of a few ways to put those bandages to work when they are no longer needed around your head.”
“Ryder . . . such a horny boy,” she teased. She licked her lips. “It will be so much fun.” Her face turned serious. “Right now I just want you to hold me, though. It's been such a tough few weeks. Not that I’m feeling sorry for myself, but I just need to feel your warmth . . . and your love.”
I remembered how I’d gotten into trouble after the last time I’d crawled into the hospital bed with her. Grimacing at the pain of my gunshot wound, which was also bandaged, I leveraged myself up onto the bed. She scooted over, delight on her face.