by Ashe Barker
I get to my feet and stagger awkwardly to the entrance to the cargo hold. Sylvan spots me, his green eyes widening behind the mask of his suit. He starts toward me, his expression murderous.
“Close the door,” I call to him, then I turn to head for the control panel. I have work to do.
Sylvan joins me. “What the fuck are you doing here?”
“I came to assist you. We need to reassign the receptor channels…”
“Why?”
“I have new codes for you, but—”
“Right, got it.” He takes a seat next to me and together we complete the process. He glares at me. “Now what?”
I take over the control panel and key in the new code. A few par-secs pass, then the sound of the idling engines changes. The note rises to a shrill whine.
Launch protocol initiated. The words flash onto the control screen.
Sylvan grabs me and shoves me into the seat alongside him. “It worked. Nice job, but you’ll be getting the spanking of your life later for fucking being here at all. Now fasten your belt for take-off.”
* * *
The shuttle has barely cleared the landing hatch and settled in the docking bay on board the Zephyrean before Sylvan commands CAID to transport all three of us direct to his cabin. Once there he strips off his ventilation suit and I do the same, then we both work on getting Luca’s protective clothing off. No words are exchanged between us, there is nothing to say. I stand back and watch as Sylvan places his palms on either side of Luca’s head. Sylvan closes his eyes, his face tilted back and his brow furrowing as he concentrates on some sensation known only to him.
Questions crowd my brain. How serious? Will he be all right? What can I do?
I give voice to none of them. Instead I remain silent, a spectator, and I allow Sylvan to perform whatever miracle he can to save our friend.
His friend, my lover. A male, one of two I know I cannot be without.
Sylvan releases his grip on Luca and turns to look at me. I open my mouth to ask but he forestalls me.
“Concussion.”
“Concussion?” I repeat. “Is that bad?”
“Sometimes, but not usually fatal. He’ll have a fuck of a headache when he wakes up.”
“But he will wake up?” I need to hear it.
“Yes. He will wake up.”
As though to confirm Sylvan’s prognosis Luca chooses that moment to let out a low groan, the first sound he has made since I arrived on board the shuttle. We both rush to bend over him, searching his closed features for something, some sign…
“What the fuck hit me?” Luca’s tone is somewhere between a growl and a moan. He tries to lift his hand as though to check the continued presence of his own head but the effort seems to be too much. He drops his arm again to let the limb lie limp at his side.
I catch Sylvan’s eye and we exchange a relieved smile. This day could have ended very differently.
* * *
Sylvan rounds on me as soon as he finishes administering pain relief to Luca and debriefing CAID. “So, not that we’re ungrateful, you understand, but what the fuck were you doing over there?”
We are still in Sylvan’s cabin, though Luca is now fully conscious and slumped at the small table, a mug of his favourite coffee in front of him. I look from one male to the other, my shoulders back. I know what is coming, but would do nothing any differently were the situation to arise again.
“You needed help, so I came to help you.”
“It was dangerous. You might have been killed. Even just transporting down there, the static…”
“If I had done nothing, you would both have died.”
“We know the risks—” begins Sylvan.
“You would have died,” I repeat. “I could not let that happen.”
“We’ll come back to the matter of your disobedience,” announces Luca as he puts down his mug with a grimace. I have to assume that the analgesic effects of Sylvan’s treatment has yet to fully take hold. “How did you get that code? CAID only just completed his calculations.”
“It was not CAID’s code. It was a different one which I generated myself.”
“How could you come up with a new launch override code in a fraction of the time it took our computer to do it?”
I shrug. “I really do not know why it took so long for CAID to complete the calculation. Perhaps it was a malfunction. In any case, it was a simple enough task. I asked him to transmit the code I supplied. He refused because he was unable to verify it so rather than waste more time trying to convince him that my code would work I opted to deliver and implement the solution myself.” Both males narrow their eyes at me and I am under no illusion what they think of my ‘solution.’ I tilt up my chin, ready to face whatever consequences there may be. “It was the right thing to do. The fact that we are all here arguing about it proves that.”
“What part of ‘do not put yourself in danger’ is unclear to you, Llianna?” Sylvan’s tone is soft, but his eyes are not. They glint an icy green that chills me to the bone.
“There was no other way. I—”
“The other way would have been for you to stay here where you were safe, not to go prancing about the fucking galaxy in a ventilation suit that’s a mile too big for you, transporting across enough static to light up an entire space station, all on the off chance that you had a code that would initiate the shuttle launch. We could all three of us just as easily be dead now.” He glares at me, his face just inches from mine.
“But we are not, so…” I start.
“No, we aren’t, are we? Maybe a decent whipping will help to keep it that way.”
“You mean to punish me? But I helped you. I saved your lives.” I cannot prevent the note of outraged indignation in my voice. They should be grateful, surely, not so angry they look as though they might like to kill me themselves. “I know how to use the ventilation suit, you showed me, Luca…” I turn to him, hoping he might support me. “The static was a risk, I know that, but I had no doubt that my code would work. So you see it really was not so dangerous for me, I just—”
“How?” Luca interrupts me, frowning.
I gape at him, nonplussed. “How what?”
“How could you be so sure the new code would activate the system? Even the sequence that CAID would have sent eventually would only carry a ninety-three percent likelihood of success. Override codes are never one hundred percent effective, there are too many variables.”
“Not if each is isolated and eliminated from the equation. I did so, and arrived at a probability of ninety-seven point eight. That is not quite one hundred percent, I accept that, but it is perfectly close enough to justify the risk I took in transporting through the static. In the same circumstances I would do exactly the same thing again.”
“No, you fucking wouldn’t,” explodes Sylvan. “Shit, we ought to have you stripped and bent over the bed already.”
Luca raises his hand to forestall his companion. “Yes, she probably deserves a spanking, but on the other hand … we have all lived to tell the tale. If she hadn’t done as she did, I doubt the issue of punishment would arise as neither of us would be around to administer it.” He pauses to run his palm across his forehead. “Fuck, I feel like I was just run over by a Venusian terrain roller.” He turns his attention back to me. “I want to understand what just happened. You’re telling us you generated a new override code, having eliminated all or most of the disruptive variables to achieve ninety-seven point eight accuracy, and in a fraction of the time it would take our on-board computer to complete the same task? Is that it? Have I got that right?”
I nod. He does indeed appear to have grasped the main issues.
“Do it again.”
“I beg your pardon.”
“Do it again. Produce another code for me, but this time I want ninety-nine percent accuracy. CAID, you do it too. Same task.”
The computer responds in a metallic monotone. “Inadequate data available. Maximum probabil
ity ratio ninety-six percent. Working.”
“Estimated time for completion?” demands Luca.
“Seventeen minutes and three par-secs.”
“And you?” Luca fixes me with his gaze. “How long will it take you to come up with the code?”
I meet his questioning gaze, run through a few final sequences in my head, then I respond. “Four nine fifteen, seven beta delta hash, zero five six, eleven, seven to the power of fifteen, delta omega theta kappa zero one seven.” I pause, then, “Epsilon seven twelve over nineteen, three six one.”
Silence.
Both males stare at me. CAID continues to work through whatever he is doing. I hold my ground. The code I provided is good, it will meet Luca’s requirements. Ninety-nine percent.
“CAID, update, please. The code so far.”
“Four nine fifteen seven beta.”
“How long to completion?”
“Sixteen minutes, twenty-seven par-secs.”
“When you complete the code, compare it to the one just supplied by Llianna and report.”
“Affirmative. Working.”
“It’s going to be the same, isn’t it? CAID’s code will match Llianna’s.” Sylvan’s voice is more measured now, though he still has his belt dangling from his hand.
Luca nods. “I’d lay money on it. If it doesn’t, I’d go with hers.”
I look from one to the other. “So you believe me?”
Luca offers me a wry grin. “I think we do. And that was quicker, and more accurate, than your previous attempt.”
I nod. “Having performed the task once, the next time is more efficient. One hundred percent accuracy cannot be guaranteed since new variables may arise at any point, but I can complete the task more quickly.”
His brow furrows as he considers what I have told him. “So, you can process complex calculations and probability projections in your head faster than the best artificial intelligence device known. Impressive, Llianna. And why did you not mention this before?”
“I… I did not think it noteworthy. There is much that you can do, both of you, which I cannot. You, Sylvan, can alter your physiology to imitate that of other species. And you, Luca, can interface with advanced technology to diagnose faults and modifications.”
He offers me a wry grin. “I can, if I’m conscious. Otherwise it seems I have to rely on you and this oaf here.”
“Yes,” I agree. “But we are a team so this is as it should be. You both have abilities. These are gifts too, mine is no better, no more unusual. And CAID is able to accomplish the same tasks.”
“Yes, he can, eventually,” agrees Luca. “But when combined with natural intelligence, reason, and compassion, your abilities resulted in our lives being saved. CAID couldn’t have done that. You applied judgement and decided to break the rules, and you succeeded. He obeyed his programming, and would have ultimately failed to achieve the required goal.”
“So, you understand now why I had to come over to the shuttle, why I could not remain here?”
“I didn’t say that. You broke the rules, went against our clear instructions, and put yourself in danger. Again.”
“But—”
“Go back to your cabin and remain there until we tell you different. We’ll decide what to do about your disobedience as soon as my head stops throbbing and I can think straight again.”
“I do not think—”
Luca narrows his eyes at me. “Llianna, do not make things worse. Cabin. Now.”
I am bristling with indignation as I turn on my heel, but still I know when not to debate further. I stalk from Sylvan’s cabin, my chin held high.
They may think as they like. I know that what I did was right and I would do it all again in a heartbeat.
* * *
This time they do not keep me waiting long.
“We want to keep you safe. We need to keep you safe, and if that means giving you a hard time for almost getting yourself killed, and not for the first time, that’s how it has to be. Okay?” Sylvan glares at me as I perch unhappily on the bottom of my bed.
“I do understand, I know you care about me, but I thought… I mean, I could not just wait here and, and…”
“And what, Llianna?”
I manage a gulping breath as I collect my thoughts, try to make sense of my conflicting, confused emotions. Eventually I just blurt out what I am thinking, what I most feared in those moments when I believed both my males would die on that Zaxarian moon. “I could not bear to lose you. I would be alone again. I would rather not be here than… than…”
“Ah, I get it. You thought you could help us, and as it turned out you were right. But you were ready to die trying rather than face the alternative of continuing alone. Is that it?”
I nod, sobbing now. He is right. Sylvan has it, exactly.
“Honey, our job is dangerous. Luca and I knew it when we signed up. The rewards are huge, but we accept the risks we take. You don’t have to share those risks, we don’t want you to… and we won’t allow it. You have to understand that and promise to put your own safety first.”
“I cannot do that. I could never…”
His tone hardens. “You can, honey, and you will. Because you don’t have any choice.”
Sylvan relaxes his hold on me as Luca enters my cabin. Now he rests his left palm on my shoulder and uses his other hand to tip my face up to his. “She seems to think she needs to hang on to us because she’s too worried about being alone again. Is that about it, Llianna?”
It is much more complicated than that, but I just drop my chin again and stare at the floor, dejected. I cannot make them understand, I cannot find the words to tell them what impelled me to act as I did. They dismiss my explanation as though I merely feared for my own circumstances, as though they are no more to me than companions, as though anyone would do as long as I am not alone.
No one else would suffice. It has to be them.
“You wouldn’t be alone for long,” Luca attempts to reassure me. “We already plotted in a course to the closest habitable space hub and CAID can control the Zephyrean until you get there. You would soon be among others and could find a place to settle. You don’t need to rely on us; indeed, it’s best that you don’t.”
He is talking nonsense now. Sylvan and Luca are without doubt and by a long, long way the most reliable individuals I have ever met and most likely will ever meet.
Luca continues. “We talked, and we agree you did what you believed to be the right thing. Perhaps it was, on this occasion. So, we accept that, we thank you for your timely assistance, and there will be no punishment for it, not this time. But you have to give us your word that you won’t do anything like that again.”
I groan, because I know I cannot promise to do as they ask, but neither can I lie to them.
“I am sorry, but no. I will not give my word on that. I do not mean any disrespect. I… I cannot make that promise.”
Luca pauses to crouch beside me. “You’re going to have to, Llianna. We need you to promise that you will not leave this ship without our permission, and you will stay out of danger. Whatever the circumstances.”
I shake my head. “I cannot.”
Luca turns to regard Sylvan. He is frowning; they both are.
I shiver, and I wish I could make them understand. If my grasp of their language was better, perhaps…
“Maybe we will need to resort to a decent spanking after all.” Luca is starting to sound exasperated, but I hardly care anymore. I wish he would spank me, because the relentless pressure of their demands, their insistence on extracting a promise I simply cannot give is, if anything, harder to withstand. They refuse to let up, and I cannot bear it.
They are pressuring me to make a commitment I would never be able to keep. I would be lying to them, deliberately, saying one thing and knowing I meant something else entirely. That is impossible, incompatible with the way I feel about them, about us.
My males mean more to me than anything, so absol
ute trust and honesty are essential between us. I cannot lie to them.
I close my eyes. My head hurts now, I feel dizzy, lightheaded. I try to open my eyes but my eyelids feel heavy and my gaze is unfocused. Greyness closes in, surrounding me like a fog. It is cold and I shiver. Sylvan and Luca are here, in the mists with me, but their voices are low, muffled, as though coming from far away. I reach for them, but they are already going.
Slipping away.
Gone.
Chapter Thirteen
Luca
“She’s coming round.” Sylvan attempts a reassuring smile though his concern is still etched around his mouth.
“Thank fuck for that. What happened?” I slip my arm under Llianna’s shoulders as I ease her up into a sitting position in my bed.
“I’m not entirely sure. I did pick up the emotional dissonance she was experiencing but not in time to prevent her disappearing into stasis. She was fast. It looked as though she hit subspace, somehow, then the next moment she was out of it.”
“She’s Fyorlian, not human, and we keep forgetting that. Her body reacts in ways we can’t always predict.”
“Reacts to what?” Sylvan looks as baffled as I am. “We were only talking. And we didn’t forget anything. I was in tune with her responses since the moment we walked in the door and I knew as soon as the changes started to occur.”
I glare at him, though my anger is directed as much at myself. “I don’t understand what’s happening here…”
Sylvan is frowning, his concentration intense. Suddenly his expression clears, he smiles and shakes his head.
“Stop beating yourself up.” Sylvan clasps me on the shoulder. “I think Llianna got the better of us this time. Am I right?”
He is looking at Llianna, as though he expects her to reply to his weird question. I am incredulous at his insensitivity. “What are you talking about? She’s ill, she just passed out…”