by Amy Brent
“Look, I get that your vision is sort of clouded right now, but think of this in terms of Ana. Now, I don’t know what kind of woman she is today, but I sort of know the kind of girl she was in high school, and that girl bent over backward to make you happy. Remember the time she snuck into that R-rated horror movie with you and it wasn’t until after that you found out she wasn’t going to sleep for weeks?”
“Yeah.”
“Or the time the time all of us were walking through the mall and you pointed out a shirt you wanted to see her in, so she bought it off the damn rack and wore it to school the next day?”
“Yeah,” I said, sighing.
“Or the time she was sick but came to school anyway because it was your birthday and she wanted to bring you that cupcake from the grocery store up the road?”
“I get your point,” I said.
“If this is somehow your child, maybe it had nothing to do with trust. Maybe it was just another one of her sacrifices.”
“Hiding a damn child isn’t the same as wearing a shirt I liked in a window.”
“But it’s the same concept. Come on, you’re a lawyer. You argue on concepts. Think about it.”
I ordered a soda from the bartender and considered what he had just pointed out. It was true. Ana had always been the type of girl to set aside what she wanted or needed to give others what they wanted. I had no doubt in my mind that she was a wonderful mother, a sacrificial mother. But that did mean that she maybe withheld Brody’s existence from me because she had felt it would hold me back and keep me in the one place I didn’t want to be.
“It still gives her no right to hide my damn son from me—if he is my son.”
“And trust me, you’ll get no arguments from me on that front. You’d be a hell of a dad. We all know it. But it does give you a glimpse into her possible mindset, especially after the two of you had argued and you had said you were excited to be going all the way across the country.”
I groaned at the memory. Hurt pooled in my chest. I felt betrayed by the woman I loved and yet still responsible for the outcome of our situation. Me and my fucking high school temper.
It seemed as if those words haunted me everywhere I went.
“What the fuck am I going to do?” I asked.
“First, you’re going to talk to me about this contract. Then, you’re going to bounce some plans off me regarding Ana.”
“Plans?”
“You have to ask her. It’s obvious she isn’t going to come clean on her own. You can either use your lawyer pass to dig up information on Brody yourself, or you can go to the source, look her in the eye, and ask her yourself,” Brandon said.
“What if she lies to me?”
“One, you’ll know. You always do. And two, you can call her out on it before rolling into other questions, like why she doesn’t trust you and why she hid him from you in the first place. If this kid is your son.”
“Yes, if.”
“We don’t know if he is yet,” he said.
“Right. We don’t.”
But in the back of my mind, I knew. In the pit of my gut, I knew. When I had knelt down to shake his hand, I had looked into his eyes, right into the beautiful eyes of that eight-year-old boy.
Oh shit. I remembered his eye color.
“Green,” I said.
“What?” Brandon asked.
“Brody’s eye color is green.”
I felt my best friend’s stare on me before he drained the rest of his drink.
“Maybe we should start with your plan to confront Ana,” he said.
Ana
“Uno!” Brody exclaimed.
“I can’t believe you won again, you little sucker,” Kristi said as she winked at me.
“Told you I’d win again,” Brody said proudly.
“You came, you conquered, and now you get the spoils of your success,” I said.
“Ice cream?” Brody asked.
“Oh yes. We’ll even set the pint in your lap,” I said.
“Yeah!”
Kristi laughed as she clamored off the floor. Brody was on her heels as they made their way into the kitchen. I picked the cards off the floor and cleaned up our paper plates. Pizza and ice cream with card games was a tradition in my house on Friday nights. Usually my parents joined us as well, but they were gone for the weekend on one of their impromptu vacations, so it was just the three of us for the night.
“Ana?”
“Yeah, Kristi?”
“What do you want to drink with your ice cream?” she asked.
“No drink. We’ll pop open our stuff once Brody goes to bed.”
“You mean your Mom juice?” he asked.
Kristi giggled as she shook her head. Brody launched himself onto the couch as I smiled at him. He set himself up before ripping off the top his double-chocolate fudge ice cream and digging in with his spoon. I got off the floor and sank beside him, and Kristi sat down beside me. She opened our strawberry cheesecake ice cream before handing me a spoon, and we dug into our dessert for the night.
“So how were things at the store today?” I asked.
“Busy, as usual these days. This summer has been our best by far. Though I’m not sure if it’s because of our different advertising techniques or the new trends we’re trying out,” Kristi said.
“Let’s say it’s both and keep the trajectory going. If the same tactic doesn’t work for our fall line, then we’ll step back to the drawing board.”
“Mom, you promised no work talk,” Brody said.
“I did. You’re right. I’m sorry. You ready to watch a movie, kiddo?”
“Yep. Mulan.”
“Oh, so you think you’re just going to choose out of thin air and we’ll go along with it?” I asked.
He beamed. “Yep.”
“I like Mulan. Can I sing along?” Kristi asked.
“Only if you can get louder than me,” Brody said, grinning.
“Oh, you’re on.”
I was squished between two people whose mouths were full of ice cream. They screamed “I’ll Make a Man Out of You” in my ear, and my head was ringing by the time they were done. But I knew Brody wouldn’t get through the entire movie. He never did. His head began to bob about halfway through, and soon he lay on my shoulder and the ice cream spoon slipped from his grasp.
“You get the ice cream. I’ll get the boy,” I said.
“Then I’ll come back out with our Mom juice,” Kristi said, grinning.
She caught the ice cream as it tumbled from Brody’s lap. I hoisted him into the air, then carried him up the stairs to his bedroom. He was as heavy as they came, but I didn’t care. I’d never get tired of carrying my pride and joy into his bedroom and tucking him in. One day, there’d come a time I wouldn’t be able to do that anymore. There would be a day he’d scurry off to bed by himself and watch movies in there because game nights with Mom weren’t cool anymore.
I set him on his bed and took his shoes off, then tucked him in and kissed him on his head.
“I love you so much,” I whispered.
I walked out of his room, closed his door, and made my way back downstairs.
Kristi sat on the couch and held out a glass of wine to me. I took it gratefully. I flopped down on the couch beside her and began to chug, not stopping until I had drained the entire glass.
“Okay, Momma, let’s take this from you.”
“Hey. That’s mine. I want another glass,” I said.
“I’ll get you one, once I finish mine.”
“Then hurry up.”
“Why don’t you start by telling me what’s making you chug this very fine wine I bought?”
“It’s a ten-dollar bottle from the grocery store.”
“Hey, it’s fine wine to me,” she said. “Now spill.”
“So, Brody and I went to our sandwich shop yesterday for lunch.”
“Yeah? And?”
“Guess who we ran into?”
Kristi’s eyes bulged
before she pushed herself off the couch. She tossed my wine glass back to me before rushing into the kitchen, then came back with the bottle of wine in her hand. She dropped down beside me and filled my cup to the brim, then poured the rest into her glass.
“Good thing you have these big ones,” she said.
“I bought them for a reason.”
“So you ran into Tyler with Brody. What the fuck happened with that?”
“It was awful, Kristi. I tried to hide Brody from him. That seemed like a shitty thing to do, but it was that protective instinct in me, you know? But Brody was curious, so he stepped out from behind me. The second Tyler saw him, his face paled.”
“Oh shit.”
“Yeah. He just kept looking between the two of us, like he couldn't believe what he was seeing.”
“Did you tell him?”
“No! How the hell could I? I mean, I didn’t lie. I introduced Tyler to my son, Brody, but I didn’t tell him who Brody was. I mean, what would that have done to my boy?”
“Understandable. But you are going to tell him now, right?”
“I have to. It was obvious to him who Brody’s father was. At least I think it was.”
“What did you say? What happened?”
“Kristi, it was shit. I introduced Tyler to Brody and he was like, ‘Your son?’ I confirmed it, and then he turned his attention to Brody. And do you know what the first question out of his mouth was?”
“What?”
“He asked Brody how old he was.”
“Oh fuck. He knows.”
“And I wasn't going to stop Brody from talking. I mean, that’s his father. Brody doesn't know that, but he met his fucking father, Kristi.”
Tears rose to my eyes as I took another sip of my wine.
“So the two of them kept talking and Brody got so excited. Brody asked if Tyler could come over and play water balloon fight, and Tyler said he’d love to.”
“Love to?”
“Yeah. Love to. And Tyler asked if Brody was taking care of me, and I found out that my son hears me crying in the shower sometimes and that he sits at the bathroom door, listening, so I don’t have to cry alone.”
“He what now? Wait a second. Back up.”
“So much happened, Kristi. All that I’m sure of is that I haven’t been the good mother I thought I was. Maybe I’ve always been a shitty mother.”
“You stop that nonsense right there,” she said.
My jaw quivered as I took another long pull of my wine.
“You’ve sacrificed hell and high water for that kid. You built your own fashion empire on your own and paid back your small debt within two years of opening. You moved into this townhome just to be closer to your parents so Brody could have a relationship with them. Every step you’ve taken since that boy was born has been all about him, so you stop that bullshit right now, because it isn't true.”
“He’s heard me crying, Kristi. A boy should never see his mother cry.”
“And only the best kind of mother would think that,” she said.
“I have to tell him.”
“Him who?”
“Tyler. Brody. Both of them. They have to know now that they’ve met. Fuck me. I told Brody that Tyler was a friend of mine,” I said.
“That’s technically true.”
“But it’s more false than anything. I promised myself that once I had Brody, I would never lie to him, and I haven’t until now.”
“Mom juice?”
“It is mom juice. It’s a special grape juice made only for moms. Shut up.”
Kristi giggled, and it stretch a grin across my cheeks.
“There she is. Whew. Take a deep breath.”
“I have to talk to Tyler,” I said.
“I agree with you.”
“But I don’t know when the right time is.”
“At this point, any time is the right time. Though it should be done right. Don’t, like, take out a billboard or something.”
“You watch way too much reality television.”
“I saw it on a show once. So sue me. The point is, there is a right way and a wrong way to go about this with both Tyler and Brody.”
“I’ve already done it the wrong way.”
“And now that we’ve tried it your way, why don’t we try doing it another way?” she asked.
“That your way of saying ‘I told you so’?”
“Yep. And with that out of the way, let’s figure this out.”
“I love him, Kristi.”
I panned my gaze over to my best friend as her jaw dropped.
“Well, I can’t say it shocks me. But it does shock me that you’re admitting it out loud.”
“What if I told you I already told Tyler I still love him?”
“That would shock me too.”
“Well, I did.”
“And I’m just now hearing about this because why?”
“It’s all so damn confusing,” I said.
“Which is why you have me to help you sort through it. I do it with your store. I did it for you in high school. I did it when you told me you were pregnant. Why not now?”
“I don’t know.”
“And it’s fine to not know, but now we need to come up with some answers,” she said.
“I think I should tell Tyler face-to-face. Maybe over dinner?”
“But not too romantic of a dinner. You have to set a serious tone. But maybe do it in a public forum somewhere so that the two of you don’t start yelling at one another again.”
I shot her a look, and she shrugged.
“What? There’s precedence, and this is serious.”
“I don’t think I should tell Brody until I’ve told Tyler.”
“Oh, definitely. If things go well with Tyler, he might want to break that news himself.”
“And if things go badly?”
“Then you aren’t going to want to have Brody’s heart broken.”
“Holy hell. What if he hurts my son?” I asked.
“Honestly? I don’t think Tyler’s that kind of man at all. But this is another reason why you’re a good mother. You’re considering all the options despite your feelings for the man. Bad mothers don’t do that. They simply do what they want without considering what it might do to their child.”
“There was a moment when Tyler shook Brody’s hand to leave, and the way he looked at him…god.”
I conjured the memory. His sparkling eyes and the awe written across his features. The smile on Brody’s face and the excitement that poured over both of them.
“Ana?”
“Huh?” I asked.
“Let’s say, for instance, that things go well. You tell Tyler, he doesn’t suck about it, and the two of you tell Brody and it all goes well. What do you want to see from that situation?”
I brought my wine back to my lips as I pondered the question. But I didn’t have to think about it long.
“I’d want us to be a family,” I said.
“Then the first step in getting what you want is talking to Tyler.”
And again, I knew she was right.
Tyler
My cell phone rang, and I reached for it. Once I saw her name pop up, I picked up the call faster than any other in my life. I hadn’t been able to get our encounter off my mind, and as I sat in my office trying to catch up on work, all of it faded away.
I was so glad Ana was calling.
“Hey there,” I said.
“Well, that was quick,” she said, giggling.
“How are you? How’s Brody?”
Her pause was pregnant with so many unspoken words, it made my heart lurch.
“Listen, are you free for lunch maybe?”
“Today? Yeah. Of course. Why?” I asked.
“I was, uh, maybe hoping we could get together and talk? You know, face-to-face?”
Her voice kept wavering. Her voice always wavered when she was nervous. I shot up from my chair and started gathering my things, my cell phone propp
ed against my shoulder.
“Sure. Of course. Where would you like to meet?” I asked.
“Wanna go to Gianno’s again?”
“Fine by me. I’m not too far from there. Are we meeting up now, or…?”
“I mean, yeah. Sure. If you’re free. If you’re not, that’s fine. Just tell me when.”
“I’m free. I’m free now. I’m leaving my office.”
“You’re working?”
There was a fear in her voice I couldn't place. Or maybe it wasn’t fear. Maybe it was hesitancy?
“It’s nothing. I didn’t have anything to do with my Saturday, so I came in to knock some things off my list. It wasn’t a mandatory work day or anything,” I said.
“Oh. Okay.”
Was that relief I heard in her voice?
“I’ll see you soon?”
“Yeah. See you soon. I’m just dropping Brody off with my parents.”
“That’s good. I bet he’ll like that.”
“He always does.”
I wondered if Brody would enjoy being dropped off with my parents, but I shook the thought away before it had a chance to blossom.
“Okay. Leaving the office now. See you soon.”
“See you soon, Tyler.”
I hung up the phone and drove faster than I ever had in my life. In the back of my mind, I knew what this was about. What I didn’t know was which direction the conversation would go.
The plan Brandon and I set had forth was only if she didn’t call me this weekend to talk, and the mere fact that she had reached out gave me some comfort. But it also made me nervous.
I sped down the road and whipped around corners, blazing through yellow lights and keeping my eye out for police officers. I pulled into Gianno’s and parked beside Ana’s car before I jogged into the restaurant.
“Tyler!”
She called out my name from the back, and I furrowed my brow. She had us a table by the kitchen. It was an odd place for us to sit. I walked over to her and sat down, taking in the nervousness behind her eyes.
“I went ahead and ordered. Get whatever you want,” she said.
I placed my usual order and got a cup of coffee. I hadn’t been able to sleep the past couple nights, and something told me I’d need the energy for this conversation. Ana looked around the room, her eyes never quite falling on me, and it wasn’t until I reached out for her hand that she graced me with her stare.