by A. M. Goetz
I grinned at the memory, “Remember how all the women was crazy about him? Always wanting to come to the house and make us all dinner?”
And then Dack, all innocent, “You guys ain’t kidding? Mom was really a hippie?”
And then we was all but rolling on the floor. I wasn’t sure how we’d kept that secret from Dack all these years. Sure never meant to. Hell, I was hippie and proud of it. We got settled down enough to talk.
“Ah, ain’t nothing wrong with it.” I explained. “Just means you think for yourself, is all.” I shot him a glance as I served up the late dinner, and he was looking all thoughtful like we’d just told him the Earth was actually square or something.
“Hunh.” He finally said, like he’d come to a decision. Then he shoved his spoon into his bowl and asked for crackers, and he was off and on his way.
Wasn’t nothing could stop my little brother in his tracks, not for long anyway. Kid was one resilient hippie.
28
Things got real good after that. Christmas come and went without much fanfare. The bar didn’t close, so I still had to work, but we did splurge on a store-bought turkey, and Bo made up some stuffing. When I was working, I left the boys behind at the cabin, and they was fine. They had Pop’s rifle that I’d stashed in his truck when I lit out from home, and they was shrewd. They took care to keep an eye out for Merle, case he did show hisself. I figured he’d wait though, at least a little while. He’d wait til he thought we’d feel safe and let our guards down. He knew the boys was with me, I was sure of it, and he’d make adjustments for that. Sometimes, when I was alone behind the bar and thinking too much, I wondered if he’d bring McAllisters with him. Dumb as he was, seems like he’d be too smart to just show up alone to take on the three of us. Back home, he’d had us in a tight spot. He’d had Dack as a bargaining chip. He didn’t’ have that no more though. Bo and me, we’d never let him within 100 feet of Dack ever again.
I called Lyle once or twice during them weeks, just to see what he’d heard, but he always come up empty. Merle was gone. That was all anyone knew. Pop’s house was wrapped up in police tape, and they’d found Beth’s body. They had a warrant out for Merle, but so far, nobody knew what he was driving or exactly where to look. And nobody knew the boys was still alive except for Lyle and Jane and her dad. We didn’t really care much about telling anyone just yet. Nobody back home had much cared about the Ashkettle boys before. No reason to think they’d care now. And folks thinking Dack was dead would save him from having to talk in front of a jury about that shit happened the night Beth died. I knew eventually, he’d have to come clean about all that. It was the only right thing to do for Beth’s boy, but I wanted to put as much time between now and then as we could. Beth’s kid wasn’t the only one needed time to heal.
And every night, I brought us a little surprise home with me. Got the money back from the guy I’d hired to git the boys out, and it was enough to pick up two decent bedframes from the furniture store down the street from my bar. Got ‘em each one – real wood. Didn’t come in boxes or nothing. Loaded ‘em up, headboards, baseboards, rails and mattresses on the back of the truck and drove ‘em in real slow over the old access road that left off about a hundred feet from the house. We carried ‘em the rest of the way, and both boys, they was as excited as Christmas morning, setting up them beds and arranging ‘em where they wanted. Next night, I come with the sheets and quilts, and they was nice ones too. Tired of trying to fall asleep all itchy from cheap sheets that had little balls all over ‘em. Got Dack a bookcase and a chair to set beside it. Got Bo a night stand and a lamp.
Bo, he was chomping at the bit to git hisself a job in town, but we was both too afraid to leave Dack alone, until we come on the idea of taking him along with us. I worked behind the bar while Bo washed dishes over in the restaurant and swept out the place. Dack had to sit over on Bo’s side ‘cause he was just sixteen, but we could keep an eye on him. After a few days, he was slipping out and walking around town and coming back every 20 minutes or so to check in. Wanted to keep him inside, with us, where we’d be sure he was safe, but Dack, he wanted to go exploring. He found the movie house and the library and the museum and the train yard and all them places, they was almost sacred to Dack, who’d grown up only able to go to school and nowhere else. Wasn’t hardly fair to keep him penned like an animal.
That first Friday night, we stopped in town and got a nice dinner out, and the boys, they didn’t hardly know what to do with theirselves when the girl handed ‘em menus and asked what they wanted to drink.
Ever the gentleman, Dack spoke right up and asked the girl where the sink was, told her we’d git our own drinks, she didn’t have to bring ‘em, and she looked over to me like he was speaking some foreign language.
Then, once they got to looking at the menus, they was real surprised at all the options. Dack got a turkey dinner, and Bo ordered a cheeseburger. They both got fries and gravy, and I’d swear, you’d think it was the first time either of ‘em had been out in public ever. Afterward, we slipped out to the department store so Dack could start filling up the shelves in his room. He bought a field guide that was just like one Pop used to have and something by John Steinbeck. Bought hisself a Bible too, and I wondered at that.
“How is it you can still believe in God?” I asked him on the way home, thinking about the faith I’d give up on years ago and all them times Merle’d knocked him senseless.
And Dack, he just grinned up at me, “How is it you cain’t?” He shot back, and that was that.
ON SATURDAY ‘BOUT A month or so in, me and Bo had early shifts in the restaurant. Dack climbed in the truck with us, chattering like a monkey all the way in. I swear, I never seen him so talkative as he was these days. Making up for lost time, I guessed.
“Where’s your head rag?” Bo asked him, wondering if the kid had just forgot it.
But Dack shrugged. “Don’t need it much no more. It’s all growing in okay. Long as I part it down the middle, instead of on the side, you cain’t see where any’s missing.”
“You need a haircut.” I said, looking down at his hair. It was going past his shoulders now, but I couldn’t hardly blame him for not cutting it. It looked soft as corn silk. Girls loved that shit.
“Was thinking I might, you know, git it trimmed up a little.” He turned to Bo. “Got any money?”
“How much you need?”
Dack shrugged. “Dunno. Ten dollars, maybe?”
Bo nodded and tugged his wallet out of his back pocket. “Bring me the change back if you don’t need it, okay? ‘Bout outta coffee.”
“Okay.” Dack nodded, stuffing the bill deep into his front jeans pocket. “Thanks, Bo.” And then the corners of his mouth quirked up in The Smile. It was one that only Dack ever done. When he turned it on you, it made you feel like you done something magnificent, like you was the best brother in the whole world, hands-down. And the clincher was, he did it for the least little kindness you showed him. If you bought him home a bed to sleep in, you got that smile. And if you made him a peanut butter sandwich, you still got it. Bo was getting it right now, in exchange for the haircut money, and he sort of sat up straighter to try and make hisself worthy. He shot startled eyes toward me, and we exchanged this silent back-and-forth, like Bo was saying, “You know he don’t have to do that.” And like I was coming back with, “I know, it’s just what he does.”
He was a good kid, Dack. Better than we deserved, for sure.
When we got to the restaurant, me and Bo got suited up in our kits, and Dack, he headed off to the barber shop across the street. I could see the big front window from behind the bar, and my eyes kept shooting over that way ‘til I finally seen him climb up in the chair.
“He’s up.” I told Bo, and we both stopped what we was doing to watch.
And that barber, he knew what he was doing, ‘cause when Dack come down off the stool, he looked like a different kid. His hair wasn’t exactly short, but it fit him. It done this ki
nda wild and crazy thing where it looked messy all over, but wasn’t really. I guess if I had to describe the kid’s new style, I’d say it looked fun. It looked fun, and it made Dack look older somehow. It curled ‘round his face and fell forward, all crazy-like, over his eyes. And if I’d thought there was no way my pretty-boy brother could get any prettier, I’d been wrong. He’d put on weight these last weeks, and he wasn’t scrawny no more; he was just skinny. The clothes we’d got him at the department store fit him nice, and he was scrubbed clean down to the dirt missing under his fingernails. Smelled like an ocean breeze too. He turned heads as he walked back across the street, and it wasn’t just the women.
I felt something kinda catch and snag down deep, seeing grown people looking at my little brother like that, like they was hungry almost. He’d always be about eleven years old to me, no matter how old he actually got, and some sort of parental rage tried to build up inside me and bust through before I managed to shove it back down. We snickered a little when he come back across the street, to hide what we was really feeling, but we hushed up real quick when he come through the door, both pretending like we had better things to do than stand around all day and watch the little bastard git his hair cut.
He stood just inside the door, looking self-conscious, ‘til we come over. I walked around him, bar towel and a clean glass in my hand so’s it looked like I’d really been doing something, and nodded. “Looks good.” I said, coming back around to the front. “I like it.”
Dack’s grin lit up his face then, “Yeah?” He asked, all hopeful-like. “You don’t think it’s too ... you know ... too old for me or nothing?”
And I lied and shook my head. “Nope. I think it looks just right.”
Dack turned to Bo then, eyes asking the same question.
And Bo, he nodded too. “Far out, man.” He said, and Dack’s grin got bigger. He let out a puff of air, all relieved.
“Cool. Here’s the change.” And he pulled out $6 and a few coins.
Bo took the money, nodding. “So you hanging out here now? Want something to eat?”
“Naw, I wanna go look around the library.”
And we didn’t want him to, not really. We wanted to make him stay right there with us where we could see him, but that was something Merle woulda’ done, so we didn’t. We just nodded and told him to check back in shortly, and then we waved at him as he walked away.
Wasn’t ‘til later we’d regret it.
29
The ride home that night was different. There was something in the wind, and I had a feeling it was Merle. Maybe the bastard was coming, or maybe he was already here, but we was all feeling it. Dack had lost all his animation from the morning. He just sat there on the bench seat between us and chewed on his lip, not talking about nothing. It was kinda like having the old Dack back, and it musta’ bothered Bo as much as me.
“Thought you was gonna check out some books?” He asked, nudging the kid in the side.
But Dack just shrugged. “Couldn’t find nothing good.”
Bo nodded, determined to play it low-key, I guess. “No? So what’d you do all day? Ain’t seen you in hours.”
And that part was true. Damn near killed us both, the way Dack had just disappeared that afternoon. Never come back to check in from the library, and the two of us, we took turns going outside to hunt for him. He came back right around quitting time, not volunteering nothing.
But he just shrugged again. “Just walked around, looking at things.” Then, “It’s real pretty here, Sonny.” He said out of the blue. “I’m glad we got up here. Glad you fixed Pop’s old cabin up for us.” He looked up at me then, and graced me with The Smile, and I felt something well up in my chest. Felt like I wanted to cry.
I cleared my throat so I could speak. “Ain’t gotta thank me. You’re my family. It’s what family does.”
It was quiet then for a bit until Bo couldn’t stand it any longer. “You okay, Dack?”
Kid nodded right away, pasted on a smile that looked fake. “Yeah. Why?”
Bo shrugged. “I don’t know. You just seem ... kinda sad or something.”
“I ain’t sad, Bo. I’m the farthest thing from sad right now.”
“Well you sure hide it good.” I piped up. “Did something happen while you was walking around today?”
And I expected him to speak right up, saying no, nothing happened. But he didn’t. He just shook his head like maybe he was too choke up to speak.
“Come on. You can tell us anything, you know. We’re your brothers.” Bo nagged, and Dack made some kind of a little noise at that. I looked down and could see his throat working real hard like he was trying not to cry. Then finally, he was able to say something. He shrugged, like it wasn’t nothing.
“I just ... you know ... I never knew it could be like this. It’s a lot to take in is all.” He said simply.
“Like what?” I prompted, confused.
“Like ... you know ... fun, I guess. It’s just ... I ain’t afraid no more. These last coupla weeks, you know. Feels like I finally got to live.”
We both thought on that a bit until Bo spoke up, “But that’s a good thing, right? Shouldn’t make you sad.”
“Told you. I ain’t sad. I don’t wanna talk no more right now.”
Me and Bo, we shot each other a look, knowing damned well something had happened but not knowing what. But Dack had asked us, in his own way, to back off. So that’s what we done.
We pulled up at home and loaded each other up with groceries. We got ‘em inside and put away, and Dack was out back, burning trash in the barrel, and Bo was out front, chopping wood, when he come running in, door slamming with a crash behind him.
“Car’s coming up the access road.” He breathed, so scared he could barely git the words out, and I went for Pop’s rifle first thing. Dack come running to see what the noise was, and he heard about the car, and I swear, he turned so white, I coulda used him as chalk.
I nodded to Bo as I clawed up as many shells as I could carry and shoved the rest down in my pocket. “Keep that axe. Look big and swing hard as you can if it comes down to it. He ain’t taking Dack.”
Bo nodded, tried not to look sick. He shot a look at Dack. “Go hide.” He said, eyes watering. And when the kid just stood there, too scared to move. He pleaded. “Dack, please.” His breath hitched, and a tear squeezed out. “Go hide. Close your eyes. Don’t come out til me or Sonny comes and gits you.”
And Dack told us then. “I seen him today.”
And me and Bo, we both froze where we was and stood staring at him. It was Bo recovered first.
“You what?”
I seen Dack’s throat working like he was trying real hard not to cry. “I seen him. He ... he come along up beside me, and ...” His voice trailed off.
“And what?” I asked. I should be pissed at him for not saying something right off, I knew. I couldn’t though. I was too scared to hear the rest of what he had to say.
“I got in his car.”
And my heart started beating so fast right then, I thought maybe it’d just explode clean out of my chest, and I’d fall down dead.
“Why the hell you do that?” Bo asked, face white and jaw hanging.
Dack looked at him. “Wasn’t going to. Was gonna run away.”
“So why didn’t you?”
Dack was silent. Tears was running down his face, and swiped ‘em away with dirty palms. He swallowed again. “He had Jane.”
If I’d thought it wasn’t possible for Bo to go any whiter, I’d been wrong. Pretty sure I seen the color run right out of his face then. His mouth opened, but he couldn’t seem to wrap his mind around what he wanted to say. But Dack saved him.
“He had her in the back seat. She was on the floor all tied up. Had a dirty old rag in her mouth.” He looked up at Bo, pleading. “I had to tell ‘im where we was, Bo. I ... I didn’t have no choice. He’d a killed her, sure as shooting he would.”
“He hurt her?” I asked, knowing
Bo wanted to and couldn’t.
Dack shook his head. “Just ... she was dirty and her clothes was tore. Looked like he drug her through the woods maybe.”
“You talk to her?”
“No. Merle wouldn’t let me. Just said he’d kill her if I didn’t come with him. Said he’d trade her for me.”
“How’d you git away?” I wondered. Wasn’t like Merle to have no change of heart.
Dack shrugged. “He let me.”
“Why?”
And Dack, he smiled again, only this time his face was soaked with tears and his eyes was all red. But he smiled right through ‘em anyway and told us why.
“Just ... told him I needed to say goodbye.” He said, including us both in this look that was gonna haunt me right up ‘til they put me in the ground. “Told him I needed to say goodbye, then he could come git me. He’s bringing Jane, and he’ll let her go once he has me.”
And I didn’t know what to say to that because Merle had Jane, and he was gonna kill her if he hadn’t already. Still, I knew there was no way I was letting Dack go off on his fool’s mission.
“You ain’t going with him.” I said, final.
“Sonny ...” He tried to argue, but I wasn’t hearing it. He took a step toward the door then, and I did something I’d never done before in my life. I come around in front of my kid brother and socked him hard as I could right in the jaw. He went down like 20 pounds of concrete, and I scooped him up easy. Kid didn’t weigh no more than a starving bird. I carried him to his room and laid him on the bed, tucking the covers up around him.
He’d be safe here. It was why I built that damned room to begin with.
I come out and nodded at Bo, and we stepped outside together.
30
I wasn’t inclined to stand on the front porch and make myself an easy target if Merle come out shooting so I scooted under the porch and found a nice little spot to wait. I could see the road; I could pick off anyone coming up it long before they seen me, and I sent Bo out behind the shed I’d started building. It was out of the way enough to let me git the first shot. And if things went south, he’d be far enough away to git a good running start.