Lifting her face from her hands, Fatima glanced at her computer. Her computer! It was where she had confided her most private thoughts and inner struggles, where she could discuss new ideas and share opinions with compassionate ears. Her computer was her window to friends and freedom.
But not this day. This day, it had betrayed her. As a result, she had been locked in her room for hours and feared for her life. Her brother could return at any moment, and unless she repented, it could be the end. She had to think. She had to think quickly and clearly.
Despite its treachery, her computer remained her only recourse. As she had so many times before, she returned to her laptop to help her process. Logging on to an Arabic forum, she began a post.
Timestamp: 5:15 A.M., July 24, 2008
Author: Rania
She had been signing on for years as Rania, but the forum knew her well. They knew that she was really twenty-six-year-old Sara Fatima al-Mutairi, a spirited young woman, passionate teacher, patriotic Saudi, and recent convert to Christianity.
She was born in the province of Qasim. Her family came from a distinguished Bedouin tribe and raised Fatima in accordance with their ancestral religion of Islam. Desiring a devout daughter, her mother had enrolled her in a Quran school at a young age, and Fatima began to take her Islamic faith very seriously. She started learning the Quran, then scrupulously covering her hair with her hijab and even fasting twice a week. She began to outstrip her family in religious zeal, avoiding television and secular music, ultimately giving up her friends in her fervor.
Fatima’s mother grew concerned. She desired a faithful daughter, not a fanatical one. This was not the Islam she knew. Regretting her decision, she took Fatima out of the Quran school and enrolled her in the state system.
Over the years, Fatima’s life normalized, yet she maintained a passion for her religion. She engaged in online debates with agnostics and apostates, defending her beloved prophet and religion from their attacks. She investigated Islamic history and theology carefully, confident her faith would stand up to scrutiny. But in the course of these debates, she realized, with anguish and despair, that she could no longer follow Islam. She stopped eating for several days, fell into depression, and became an atheist.
But something told her this wasn’t the answer. She began her search for God anew, this time calling out to him for help. It was then that she came across the Gospels, particularly the gospel of Matthew. It captivated her. She read it four times, being most moved by the Sermon on the Mount. After much investigation and deliberation, she accepted its message. The Christian community with which she connected advised her to keep her new faith a secret, because in Arabia, those who leave Islam incur the penalty of death. This was difficult for Fatima, passionate and outspoken as she was, but she hid her conversion from all, keeping her private thoughts on her computer and conversing with her Christian community only online.
It was to this online community that she now returned in her moment of despair. After brief thought, she titled her post and continued:
Timestamp: 5:15 A.M., July 24, 2008
Author: Rania
Title: I am in big trouble
Body: The peace of our Lord and our God and Jesus the Messiah. I am in big trouble. My family has started to doubt me because of a religious argument this evening with my mother and brother.
Her brother. Fatima did not need to explain to the forum how dangerous an argument with him could be. Fatima’s brother had had a similar start in the same family, but his story progressed very differently. His fervor for Islam had only grown since childhood. He did become fanatical. Ultimately he joined the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice, Saudi Arabia’s religious police, dedicated to enforcing a stringent version of Islam upon its citizens. Although many Muslims take issue with the commission and with Saudi Arabia’s dogmatic version of Islam in general, the commission’s religious stringency attracts zealous young men like Fatima’s brother.
Fatima’s fingers flew across the keyboard, the words now pouring out of her as she recounted the harrowing events of the evening. She explained that in a moment of weakness, she had complained about her lack of religious freedom in Islam. When her family pressed her to explain herself, she had blurted, “The way of the Messiah is purer than the way of the Messenger, and there is a great difference between them!” Her brother flew into a rage, threatening. Even though Fatima tried to apologize, he broke into her room, took her computer, and searched her files. There he found Fatima’s journals, her Christian confessions, and even a picture of the cross. His suspicions were confirmed. Malice flooded his eyes. He left her, giving her four hours to reconsider what she had done.
As she came to the end of her post, she made a simple request: “His glance frightened me. I do not trust him. Pray for me, please.”
Four hours had passed. The time had come. Her brother would return at any moment. She had to choose: Would she repent and embrace Islam, or would she stand firm in her Christian faith, potentially at the cost of her life? Which would it be, Islam or Christianity?
Islam or Christianity?
For Fatima, absolutely everything hinged on that question. No matter the strength of her convictions, when faced with the threat of death, she no doubt had a moment of considering how certain she really was: “Is the way of the Messiah truly all that different from the way of the Messenger? Can we really be confident that one religion or the other is true? Even so, is the truth worth dying for?”
Every year, millions are faced with Fatima’s decision: to follow Islam or Christianity, to worship Allah or Jesus. Like Fatima, unless the seeker lives in a nominal or secular environment, the stakes are high: It can cost a seeker her family, her friends, her job, and her life. For such seekers, it’s not simply a matter of believing whatever seems right. They need to be sure, and they need to be sure it’s worth the sacrifice.
For me, it has been a decade since I left Islam, and the fallout of my decision haunts me every day. I knew it would, well before I ever converted, but I also knew that I was sure. I was sure that Islam and Christianity are not just two paths that lead to the same God but two very different paths that teach very different things about God. I was sure that I had excellent historical reasons to believe the gospel. I was sure that though I loved Islam, I couldn’t ignore the problems that plagued its foundations.
But most of all, I was sure that following the one true God would be worth all trials and all suffering. I had to follow the evidence and the truth, no matter the cost.
I left my religion of twenty-two years and became a follower of Jesus in 2005. In 2009, I decided to leave the medical field in order to share what I had learned about the gospel, the message of Christianity. I sincerely believe that this message has the power to transform hearts and change the world. The God it proclaims is unlike any other, and it is an unfathomable honor that we get to be a part of his story and introduce people to him.
While sharing this message, I often come across two kinds of people: Christians who enjoy criticizing Islam, and Muslims who want to argue but do not want to learn. I am not writing this book for either of them. I am writing for people who, like Fatima did, like I did, need the answers to these questions:
Are Islam and Christianity all that different?
Can we be confident that one religion or the other is true?
Is it worth sacrificing everything for the truth?
It took me four years to answer these questions, and they remain so important to me that I studied them for another decade. This book is my brief answer. After I share my findings, we will see how Fatima answered the same questions and discover the outcome of her story.
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