She started to laugh, but tears were surging their way to the surface. She pushed her duffle bag aside and slumped down to the bed. “Don’t you realize what’s going to happen?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“How can you say that? If you start making waves now about the small stuff-”
“I don’t consider firing my band small stuff,” he said, just as she said, “They’re not going to bother with you. They’ll find some other smooth, good-looking cowboy to sign the contract they want. Someone who’ll do exactly what they want without trouble.”
“I don’t want what they’re offering,” he said quietly as he sat down beside her. She reached over and took his hand, ran her thumb over his skin and felt the hot tears slip down her face. “And I’m not signing anything that means you won’t be on my team.”
Josie’s heart swelled with the emotions she’d fought long and hard to hold back. She liked the sound of his words. Josie and Brock, a team. “We’re already much more than that, aren’t we?” she said, taking his face in her hands and kissing his lips.
“You bet, lady.”
As he held her, she fought to find the words to let him see what a mistake he was making. “As much as I want us to be together, Brock, this can’t be about me. I won’t let it be.”
With his forehead pressed to hers, he said, “Like it or not, in a way, it is.”
“Well, I don’t like it. And I don’t like the idea of feeling in limbo as if I’m some groupie hanging around backstage.”
“I know. But it’ll only be a few days before we can work out the details. I don’t think there’s much I can do about them replacing you for the next few gigs at the Wild Horse, but I’m going to make sure it’s not a permanent thing.”
Josie leaned back out of his embrace and looked up at him. “I hope that’s true. But in the meantime, I have to be thinking about what I’m going to do if I am replaced for good. We need to think about that.”
Brock started to protest, but Josie put a hand gently on his lips to stop his words.
“Look, I met Ron Albani tonight. He was very interested in the possibility of me working at his studio here in Nashville.”
“That’s great,” Brock said. “There’s no reason you can’t do studio sessions with other musicians.”
“Yeah, it’s kind of exciting.” She bit on her lip. “If they make me an offer to work in the studio, I’m going to take it.”
Brock’s face hardened. “What do you mean? Like something permanent?”
“Yeah, just in case. There were a lot of industry folks out to see you tonight, Brock. I wouldn’t be surprised if the other members of the band hooked up with other gigs as well. What I’m saying is, if it comes down to making the deal without us, you don’t have to feel guilty about taking this contract. We’re going to be all right. All of us.”
The look on his face was one of betrayal.
“Brock, I’ve always known there was a possibility of this happening. The record companies dictate this sort of thing all the time.”
“Nothing permanent has happened yet. Nothing.”
“No, but it may be coming to that and I want to be ready for it. I need to keep moving with my career instead of waiting for the other shoe to fall. I’ve wanted to work in Nashville for as long as I can remember. There’s nothing I’d love more than to continue working with you and having you in my life.”
Her voice cracked and she took a deep breath to clear it. “I made a huge mistake not following up on my leads the last time I was here with Grant. Instead, I ran away and settled for doing dog food commercials as a way to pay the rent.”
Brock simply nodded, his face void of emotion. “You’re right.” Sighing, he looked at the floor. “This is a good studio? Good exposure?”
“Yes. Will was the one who introduced me to Ron Albani.” The flicker of recognition in Brock’s eyes was surely because he’d heard of Ron, not because he was surprised Will had pushed Josie in Ron’s direction. Despite her uneasy feelings about Will personally and his feelings about her relationship with Brock, he had been instrumental in setting up the meeting that would jump-start what Josie hoped would be the beginning of a new direction for her in sound recording. She owed Will for that.
Brock ran his hand over his face. “I want to be happy for you and I am. But I don’t want to lose you. I just don’t want you to give up on me yet.”
She turned to him, took his face in her hands and kissed him. “Brock, when I set out on this road trip with you, all I’d hoped to do is get into a Nashville studio and be able to do music again. But as time went on…”
She looked at him through her tears. She wanted him to say something. Anything. She couldn’t read his mind but right then she desperately wanted to. He couldn’t tell her they’d be working together again. Or that they’d be together forever. They were both hanging in limbo, professionally as well as emotionally.
It had taken great strength, but Josie ripped herself from his arms. “This can’t be about me, Brock. I won’t let it be. If, after everything is said and done and the record company still doesn’t want me, you can’t say no to them. It’ll ultimately destroy us and you know it.”
“What are you saying?”
“If another offer doesn’t come, then you’ll resent me for it. You’ll have given up all of your dreams just because some studio exec didn’t like your girlfriend. Whatever we started between us will end with bitterness and regret. I won’t let you do that. And I won’t let our relationship die that way either.”
“Our relationship will die? I think we’re pretty good together.”
“For all your wisdom, you’re very naive, Brock.”
“Not so much that I don’t know what I want.”
Brock wrapped his arms around her and she willingly fell into his comfort. His hands tangled in her hair as his mouth brushed over hers in a kiss so powerful, it made Josie’s knees so weak she had to cling to him for support. When she thought he was about to let her go, he pulled her even closer instead. “I don’t want to let you go,” he said.
She pulled herself away from him and walked to the dresser, opening a drawer she’d already emptied and closing it again without really thinking.
“You’re not a blue suit man, Brock.”
He laughed at her back. “Josie, honey, if you’re so bent on that blue suit, maybe I should tell Will to outfit me with one. He’s still ticked off I didn’t wear that awful shiny thing on stage tonight. He’s talking about going shopping again and it always makes me crazy when he does. Anything is better than that flashy getup he has me wear.”
“The clothes don’t make the man. A blue suit isn’t going to change who we both are or how I feel about you.”
“I’m not looking to change anything about you, Josie.”
“Good, because I feel the same. I wouldn’t want you to be anything other than who you are.”
“Then what’s this about?”
“You said I have a gypsy heart. Well, maybe I do. But somewhere in my heart is the need to have a man come home to me every night. I don’t want you to go on the road without me.”
“This is what I’m trying to keep from happening.”
She buried her face in her hands and blew out a frustrated breath. “I know, Brock. And I love you for it. But what if you can’t? Then what? There’s going to come a day when you’ll go on the road alone and there will be so many pretty girls waiting for you backstage that there will be times you’ll forget my name.”
“My God, do you even know me? I love you.”
Her eyes flooded with unshed tears, and her heart was ripped between joy and heartbreak.
“You wouldn’t mean to, but I’ve seen it happen.”
He came toward her and she leaned back against the dresser. “You haven’t been listening to those songs at all, have you, Josie? They’re all about how I feel for you and how much I want the world to know.”
The tears fell freely and she didn’t bo
ther to stop them. “I don’t want you to write songs for me, Brock. I don’t care if the world knows you love me as long as you do.”
“And I’m telling you that you’re not listening. I’m in love with you. I don’t need any of those other women.”
“You say that now. But what am I supposed to do? Give up my dreams too? I don’t want to have any more regrets. I want to be in your life. But I’m scared that one of us is going to have to give up their dream for the other to succeed. And I don’t want to be something in your life that you regret.”
“That’s never going to happen.”
“You say that. I said it once too-a long time ago. I realize the decisions I made were mine and only in part due to Grant. But leaving Nashville the way I did is something I’ve thought about for a long time. I sold myself out. I don’t want you to do the same, Brock. Please, I’m begging you. If it comes down to it, take the deal with Rick Beckley.”
“And what? You’ll stay in Nashville at some studio while I go on the road alone? We’d never see each other and you just said that was something you didn’t want.”
“I know,” she said quietly.
What she feared more than his leaving without her was watching the span of time between phone calls grow longer and longer until one day, he wouldn’t call at all. Her chest ached just thinking about what they’d found together dying a slow and painful death.
“No, Josie. It’s not ending here.”
“So much is up in the air, my head hurts. You’re going to be so busy over the next few days we’ll barely have time to see each other. We have to face the reality that may come. Regardless of what happens, I need to set myself up here in Nashville. The sooner the better.”
“I’m not saying goodbye to us now, Josie. You’re worth fighting for.”
She chuckled softly, throwing her hands to her face, not sure if she was going to laugh or cry.
“Don’t leave me,” he whispered.
Josie shook her head. “I’m not going to leave you. But this is your fight, not mine. I think its best if we have a little break until we know for sure what lies in our future. I’m already out as far as the recording company is concerned. I can’t do anything to change that.”
Brock started to protest, but Josie shushed him with her fingers against his lips. “You’ve got another week here in Nashville to make the deal. Let’s just wait and see what happens.”
rock’s room was quiet except for the constant tick of the clock on the wall, counting off the seconds. Every so often, the noise of cars fighting traffic down Main Street outside his hotel window interrupted the steady drone. Pushing the heavy curtains aside, Brock gazed down at the strip’s bright neon lights that were screaming with energy and excitement. So much music and magic was present but Brock didn’t feel any of that enchantment for himself.
And how could he? Josie was gone. Sure, she was in Nashville tonight, but she wasn’t in his arms. When he’d called her hotel room earlier, she hadn’t answered the phone.
He closed his eyes to his disappointment. He needed to talk with her and didn’t want to wait to meet her at the pub. In public, he couldn’t hold her like he wanted to and he needed her to help him sort out all the things that were spinning in his head tonight.
He hadn’t seen her much at all over the past few days. Will had filled up his schedule for the week so much he hardly had room to breathe. Tonight he had finally begged off another night of meeting record company people and musicians, telling Will he had other plans with Josie.
Checking his cell phone, he found there were no messages, though he already suspected there wouldn’t be one there. He knew she’d be the one to wait for his call. Not because she didn’t care or want to see him, but because she did. She wanted to give him space, but he hated every minute without her.
Their first night in Nashville he’d told her he loved her and she didn’t say it back. But Brock knew Josie didn’t have to say she loved him as much as he loved her. He knew it, felt it in everything she did.
He laughed at the irony, although no one was there to hear it. Josie thought she was doing him a favor by giving him space. He didn’t want it though, not from her. The only freedom he ever wanted was to play his music his way-not freedom from the woman who held his life in balance.
But it wasn’t fair for him to want her to give up everything she’d dreamed of to travel around with him and watch his success from the sidelines as his dreams materialized and hers faded away. Just as he’d known she’d come on the road with him because she was a gypsy at heart, he also knew Josie wasn’t a woman to hang in the shadows and live her life through him. She needed to shine in her own way. It made him all the more determined to convince the record company that he needed Josie by his side in this deal. He wasn’t about to give up, not on the deal or on Josie. They’d come too far.
Walking over to the closet, Brock grabbed his denim jacket, pulled it on, and pocketed the key to his room. He’d be early getting to the pub where he and Josie were supposed to meet, but the walls of his hotel room were beginning to close in on him more and he felt more crowded than he had on the cramped bus. He didn’t want to be alone.
The boys in the band were out celebrating, as they should be, Brock thought as he walked down the long hall to the elevator. It had taken some doing, but those last few nights of seeing the band play at the Wild Horse Saloon had convinced the record company executives that he had a good team. In the end, they conceded to give the band a chance with the first album and tour, whenever they were ready for that. It was compromise enough for Brock, yet when it came to fighting to keep Josie on as producer and sound engineer, Will lost his steam and negotiations ended there.
As he waited for the elevator to reach his floor, he thought back to the negotiations with the record company.
It had been quite an eye opener for Brock.
The elevator bell sounded and the doors opened up with a whoosh. Guilt ate at him for not seeing what Will had been scheming to do, even though getting Josie out of the picture hadn’t accomplished any of the things Will had in mind. All it did was make Brock miss her. He was more determined than ever to prove she was as much apart of the band and his music as he was. But almost as soon as the word contract was uttered, Will was talking about Josie’s replacement.
The elevator reached the ground level and Brock walked through the lobby of the hotel, barely aware of the people moving around him. Restlessness was running rampant through his veins and he needed space. He didn’t quite know how to quell the uneasy feeling, but he knew it wouldn’t disappear if he was stuffed in a hotel room all alone.
As he pushed out onto the sidewalk and saw the lights down on the strip, he decided the only way to rid himself of this feeling was to get out and be with people. He walked across town to Josie’s hotel, figuring he could catch her before she left, but his disappointment only grew when she didn’t answer her door.
He walked a few blocks toward the noisy corner pub. The bright neon lights posted above the door read THE LAZY DOG LOUNGE. Josie had told him on the phone that she’d eaten lunch here a few times and the food was good. Maybe he could convince her to get the food to go so they could bring it back to the hotel and spend some time alone.
A young couple barreled through the double doors onto the sidewalk, laughing hard and then embracing with a kiss. A twinge of envy stabbed at him, making him sigh and look away. He wanted this closeness with Josie.
He pushed through the door into the crowded pub, weaving through people milling about, looking to see if Josie had also come early. But she was nowhere to be found and on the second pass through the pub, his eyes were drawn to the empty stage. A drum kit sat in the shadows behind a lone microphone. An acoustic guitar was snug in a stand on the right side.
Brock had wanted to play his music for so long. In all the dreams he’d had growing up, he’d been alone. There’d never been anyone sharing the spotlight with him. No one stood beside him on stage. Now he couldn’t i
magine facing the road without Josie. When had she gotten so important to him that those dreams didn’t seem right without her? But they didn’t. He’d fallen in love with this incredible woman he wanted by his side so badly he couldn’t wait for her to come walking through those doors.
“Table for one, sir?” the hostess asked. Brock barely noticed the young girl, keeping his eyes focused on the stage as if it were calling to him.
He shook his head. “I’m meeting someone. I’ll just sit at the bar until she gets here. Is there a band playing tonight?”
The hostess gave a brief glance over her shoulder toward the stage. “Only on the weekends.”
“Do you think the manager would mind if I played a short set while I wait?”
With raised brows, she eyed him up and down. Brock wanted to laugh. She probably thought he was a vagrant looking to play for a meal. He liked the idea of no one knowing him, coming into a bar and just playing for fun.
He couldn’t imagine a day when he wouldn’t be able to walk these streets without being recognized, without someone snapping his picture or asking for his autograph. But if success followed on the heels of their success at the Wild Horse Saloon, it would happen.
Right now, Brock was just happy that the world didn’t know his name or face yet.
“Uh, you’ll have to talk to the manager about something like that. He’s usually pretty fussy about who performs here.”
She motioned for him to an empty stool at the bar before disappearing for a moment. Inside of a minute, she resurfaced at the end of the bar with a man and pointed to Brock. Through the haze, he saw the manager look him over pointedly. The white noise of idle chatter and laughter made it impossible to hear what he was saying, although from the look on his face, Brock guessed he’d drawn the same conclusion as the hostess.
The manager stalked over to where he was sitting. “You asked to see me?”
“Mind if I borrow a guitar? I’m waiting on a friend and thought I’d play for a while.” He motioned with his thumb out the door. “My band and I are staying at a hotel just up the street.”
Gypsy Hearts Page 13