With the men in her life.
Oh, and with herself.
Once in the room, Ethan was just about to start the lecture when his wife beat him to the punch. Anger erupted from her, filling the room.
Honestly, he wasn’t expecting it. Yeah, she had a fiery personality, but this time, she was just plain old pissed off.
“Go ahead, Ethan. Yell at me. Get it all off your chest so YOU feel better,” she demanded. “God knows it’s a burden for you and Callen to be with someone so reckless.”
Before he could open his mouth, she continued.
“Please feel free to tell me that I’m too old to be doing this kind of work. That my reflexes aren’t what they use to be. I know that being pregnant, you would rather me be home crocheting a pair of booties for our child than at work. I can feel it.”
That caught him off guard.
He and Callen had just had that same conversation. Ethan Blackhawk was busted.
“Somewhere along the way, I stopped being Director Elizabeth Blackhawk, and instead, I became your baby making machine. You input sperm, and I grow you a child. I see how you and Callen share those looks. I’m not an idiot.”
He went to open his mouth again.
“I’m ready for you to put the old mare out to FBI pasture. Go ahead, tell me that I’m past my prime, of no use, and should just be a mother.”
“Whoa!” This time, he did get past her tirade to get a single word in. It wasn’t easy to keep his temper neutral, because if anyone else had said those things about her, he knew he’d kick their ass until they were black and blue. Yet here was his wife, thinking they were guilty of it.
And they were.
He hated that she was right. While they’d never say it aloud to her, they obviously didn't need to.
Elizabeth had read their minds.
“Admit it. I’m too old to do my damn job!”
“Wait one second. I don’t recall saying that to you, and to the best of my knowledge, neither has Callen.”
She stared at him, crossing her arms across her chest.
“Tell me what’s eating away at you,” he stated, knowing she wasn’t done. For months, his wife had been the one he dumped his issues all over, and she’d taken it.
So, he would do the same.
“Do you want to know why I really don’t want more kids?” she asked, her heart skipping in her chest.
“Of course I do.”
“Yes, it’s hard on my body, but with each one, I feel like less and less of myself. I love our children with all I have, and I wouldn’t trade a minute with them, but you don’t see me as Elizabeth anymore. You both are only seeing me as a mom. You fell in love with me when I was a Fed. Now you wish that wasn’t the case.”
Was he that transparent?
Had he honestly made her feel that way in some moment of his own insecurity?
Damn it!
This was a mess.
“To be fair, you are the mother of our children,” he stated, having her whirl around the room in an anger filled tirade.
“Be honest, Ethan. Can you honestly say to me that you and Callen like when I’m working in the field?”
The last thirty days had been a bitch. Not knowing where she was, or if she was safe, was a hard pill to swallow, so yes. They were as guilty as sin.
Blackhawk stared at her with unblinking blue-black eyes. He knew better to wade into that trap.
“See?”
“Okay, so we’re assholes for even thinking it.”
“I’m good at what I do. I was born to do this, and I want to be both a mother and Fed. I need you and Callen to support me, and I know you both won’t. If it came down to it, you’d yank my career in a heartbeat. If you could talk Gabe into retiring me, I know you would. My only saving grace is that he’s got my damn back when you two don’t.”
He hoped she didn't think that he wasn’t her biggest fan. In fact, Ethan was amazed at her skill. He’d worked with plenty of partners, but none even came close. The day his wife booted Lily Sanderson from his life as his partner, and took her place, nothing had ever been the same again.
She bled for her career just like he did.
“I hate the idea that you both think that I put my job over our kids. That I’d risk my life and not give them a second thought. Every day, that eats away at me!”
It felt good to get it off her chest, even if it was with only half of her husbands. All she could hope was that Ethan would get it. That he would see down beneath it all and save her from the guilt that was drowning her. Elizabeth wasn’t mad at them. She was angry at herself.
Why?
For being selfish and wanting this part of her life to feel fulfilled. Why wasn’t being a mother enough? Why couldn’t she be like her own mom, dedicating all her life to her babies?
Was she flawed?
Ethan took a deep breath before continuing, “You’re right. I admit it. Okay? I want to wrap you up and keep you safe. Today, when Callen and I saw you lying there on the ground, my heart stopped. I’m scared shitless of losing you, Elizabeth. I love Charlie, but you’re my heart. You gave her to me. I can’t love her and lose you, and vice versa. I know I’m hard to handle. I’ve been overprotective, hovering, and borderline crazy, but you’re so much more than a way to get kids. We came together over death, but it still rocks me to my core.”
Her eyes filled with tears.
“You’re my wife—Callen’s wife—and our kids need you. My mother died young. I didn't have that luxury, and we both know that Callen had a shitty childhood. We want what we didn't have for our children. Maybe we went about it wrong, making you think that you’re only here to give us more Natives for our tribe, but that’s not true. You’re the keeper of our hearts. What do we have if we’re stripped of our jobs, home, and money? We have family. You’re the center, Elizabeth. If there was no you, there’d be no us.”
She opened her mouth to speak.
“Shut up, Elizabeth. You need to listen to me now. I swallowed your anger, now you get a dose of mine. It’s only fair, since this is a partnership.”
That shocked her.
Did he just tell her to shut up?
He ran his hands through his black hair in frustration as he prepared to continue, “I know that today you did something brave and stupid, all at the same time. You could have been hurt, but had you not acted, Callen would have been killed. I didn't hear the gun. I was lost in the profile, trying to play in the mind of the killer, and I was off my game. We’re not whole without you, Lyzee. Callen is still green in the field. While he’s getting better, he’s not you. Without the brains behind this team, we couldn't solve our assignments.”
Tears began to fall, but she let him continue.
“You’re not far from your prime, Elizabeth. If anything, you’re seasoned, tough, and badass. Tex, without you, we’d be screwed. Before you popped up here, I doubted if I could pull this off. Somewhere, along the way, I know that I’ve lost my edge. Being your partner is the only way I’m getting it back.”
Elizabeth knew how much that cost him.
“So, yes, it pisses me off to have someone try to hurt you, but at the same time, I know that this is the woman I married. I can’t change who you are, but I’m still entitled to worry. What kind of man or husband would I be if I didn't?” he asked. “What kind of partner would I be if I stepped over you and didn't care if you were hurt?”
“I want your respect,” she stated.
He moved closer to her, now that the storm had passed. “You have so much more than that, Elizabeth. You have my heart, my soul, and all my love. You’re good at your job, and if anything, you’re stronger than I am. You’ve been away from your family for a month, and I couldn’t do it. We don’t judge you by our standard, Elizabeth. We put you on that pedestal in awe and love. Now, we only want to keep you there and make sure you’re protected. Don’t fault me for being the man I am. I was born to love and care for you. I was made to walk by your side. See me for
who I am. God! Please see the real man.”
She ran her fingers down his cheek. Oh, she saw him, and there was never a more amazing man at that. “You’re growing your hair back,” she stated.
He grinned, pleased that she noticed. “I am. I’m finally healed enough to go back to the man I was when I met you. I’m strong enough because of you. Not because you pop out kids like little Native Tic Tacs, but because you’re my wife, my partner, and our all.”
His words calmed her.
“You’re growing yours back too,” he said, tucking a wild curl behind her unadorned ear. “My partner is sexy.”
He didn't say mother for a reason. Blackhawk wanted her to know that she was so much more.
Deep down, all Elizabeth wanted was to be valuable to the team. It was her greatest fear that she would lose her edge and be retired. If they needed and wanted her, that was all she could hope for in her life.
“Thank you, Ethan.”
“No, Elizabeth. Thank you.”
With that, he brought his mouth to hers in a gentle kiss. There was heat, but not the kind that made you want to rip off your clothes and roll around in a frenetic mating.
This warmth was comforting.
It wrapped around her like that cozy blanket on a chilly day.
When he pulled away from her, he gazed deep into her eyes. There he found the same sentiment that lived within him.
“I love you, Ethan.”
“You’re my heart,” he offered, gently lifting her hand to place it on his chest.
“Make love to me?” she whispered, running her fingers up his shoulders and into the hair at the back of his neck.
It sent chills down his spine as a warm longing curled deep within his belly. “How are your arms?” he asked, putting her needs before his own.
Yes, he longed for her.
But when didn't he?
The want and lust for his wife would never end, and with each touch, kiss, or caress, it only grew.
“Sore, so you’ll have to do all the work.”
The grin was fast.
It would be his absolute pleasure.
“But of course,” Blackhawk replied, sweeping her up into his arms. As he carried her into the adjoining room to give her what she craved, Elizabeth undid him with mouth and tongue.
Her warm breath caressed his neck, right below his ear. When she teased it with her lips, he wanted to melt beneath her tongue.
“Lyzee, baby, you’re killing me already,” he muttered.
She couldn’t stop. All Elizabeth wanted was to love the man holding her in his arms. He was perfect, and together they were amazing.
When he placed her on her feet, he gently tugged the t-shirt from her body. “I don’t like you wearing other men’s clothes,” he admitted, running his fingers down her flesh. When she shivered, he’d achieved his goal.
“I didn't see you taking your shirt off to save me from walking out of there topless,” she teased.
He stepped back to do just that. With ease, he undid each button on the black dress shirt until it hung open. Slipping out of it, he moved to place it on her body. “Now, you’ll smell like me,” he stated, moving against her. “When I make love to you, I want my scent on your skin. I want you to recognize it as it calls to your soul like yours does to mine.”
Elizabeth couldn’t help herself. She turned her head to sniff the collar of his dress shirt. It smelled expensive and reminded her of all the things she loved about Ethan. It turned her right on.
He was touched by the way she reveled in the scent of his cologne. There would never be enough of her.
With adept fingers, he flicked the button of her jeans open and slid his hands into them to slide them down her hips. It wasn’t lost on him that she was clinging to him.
When his hands cupped her ass, she ran her mouth across his shoulder blade, enjoying the taste of him.
He couldn’t stop.
What Ethan wanted was to immerse himself in all that she had to offer. Staring down her body, he could see the fullness of her breasts waiting for his eager fingers to explore.
But first, he wanted her in their bed.
Lifting her up, Ethan found the dead center and placed her there. In his opinion, there was no better place for his wife. When she returned to her guard duty, this picture would be burned into his mind.
It would get him through the long nights.
Stepping back, he stripped out of his dress pants and shoes before removing hers next. When he found her there in nothing but his shirt, bra, and panties, he was captivated.
Here was life.
This was his goddess.
Like so many mythical deities, she brought death and life all at once, and he couldn’t be luckier. “You’re beautiful,” he said, climbing onto the bed. “I watch you so lush with life, and yet so strong and capable. There will never be another Elizabeth Blackhawk. They broke the mold with you.”
Her heart fluttered. Ethan could always undo her with his romantic whispered words. “Kiss me. I want to feel you over me.”
It had been too long.
While away, she’d craved this. Longing for his touch had driven her mad. While she’d quenched her thirst for the men in her life with a threesome, and a quickie with Callen, now it was time to fall into the bliss that was Ethan Blackhawk.
He had been the beginning of her life.
It all started with him.
This man was her foundation.
Running her fingers over his skin, she explored that sexy Native flesh. There were angles and sharp planes that crisscrossed his torso, just begging to be explored. When her hand found him hard and ready, she wanted to purr with pleasure.
“I missed you,” he whispered, getting to work. With gentle lips, he ran them across her growing breasts, housed in the lacy bra. When she’d stripped down in the morgue, he wanted to rage around like a lunatic, until he saw her.
This was his woman.
She was perfect.
When her fingers found his hair, sliding effortlessly through the midnight black silk, he wanted to take her like a wild man.
Instead, he fought to remain in control.
He couldn’t rush this. No, this was his reward for maintaining his calm. He earned this session of deliciously heated lovemaking.
Lower he dipped, finding the curve of her belly. With his tongue, he teased the dent of her belly button. Her moan urged him on as he trailed even lower to what he craved most.
There was nothing more delectable than his Elizabeth. The taste of her called to him on some primitive level. With gentle caresses, he teased her to the edge.
While she squirmed beneath his mouth, he couldn’t help but want more and more. Without warning, he nipped her, sending Elizabeth crashing over the edge.
Her gasp and moans were more than he could stand. While he wanted hours to have her, Ethan knew they had a job to do. Sliding up her body, he braced himself over her with strong, powerful arms.
“God, I love you,” she whispered. With gentle fingers, she traced the raven on his chest, and then the letters of her name. “You’re mine,” she promised.
Ethan gently nudged her with the tip of his erection. It was time to claim his wife once more. Excruciatingly slow, he buried himself in her body.
Inch by inch.
All the while sliding home, his eyes never left hers.
Blackhawk wanted to claim her and have her know that while he shared her with Callen, this was strictly him. What grew in her body, they’d made.
She, like Charlie, was his to claim.
Wrapping her legs around his hips, she was able to meet him stroke for stroke.
The short ones.
The deep ones.
The ones where he kissed so deep inside her body that she swore he’d always be a part of her.
Together, they moved in perfect syncopation, reminding each other what they had made.
Love
Life.
They’d built it ami
dst the ashes of death, anger, and hate, and it was stronger than anything. Love forged them together, and moments like this kept them strong.
“I love you,” he promised. “It’ll be like that until my dying day, and then I’ll wait for you to cross. We’ll continue our journey to the hunting grounds, together.”
Her eyes filled with tears. Rarely did Ethan discuss his heritage, especially the afterlife.
He was healing.
They all were nearly perfect.
“If I go first, I’ll wait for you too. I swear on my life, Ethan. I’ll be there to greet you, like Naomi was for granddad. I’ll find a way to keep that promise to you.”
It was all he needed.
With her words, the anger and frustration broke free, filling him with something so much stronger.
As they both crept closer to the precipice, their eyes never broke from each other’s. There was only the sound of their quick intake of breath, and flesh kissing flesh.
“Ethan,” she whispered, teetering precariously on the edge between pleasure and release.
He called back to her as he drove himself into her body with one final thrust.
“Lyzee, my love!”
Together, they fell into the abyss, wrapped around each other. Ethan protectively keeping his woman and child safe, and Elizabeth promising the powers that be, that they wouldn’t be taking him or Callen.
If today was just the beginning of what was to come, she’d do anything to keep them safe.
The killer couldn’t have them.
Not on her watch.
Not now, and not even if hell froze over.
They had to go through her first, and despite what they would say about her acting like a shield, she didn't care. Elizabeth would do it all over again.
In a damn heartbeat.
* * *
When Callen arrived, he was ready for the fight. Walking into their room, carrying the whiteboard, he was a little caught off guard that the place wasn’t torn up.
The way his brother looked when he left, he was pretty sure there would be a massive fight between them.
Yet, it was quiet.
Peaceful.
Oddly silent.
When he set up the board, Elizabeth walked in to greet him. Well, there it was. Now he knew why the place was still standing. Instead of doing battle, they’d had sex.
Dead Shall Speak (An FBI/Romance Thriller Book 10) Page 28