He fell into step beside me. “Steven said he had a government crew in here early this morning.”
“They should have told one of us. This is our property!” I couldn’t believe how anyone could just come in and take my project right out of my own private shop.
Tanner was there to set me straight. “They’re the fucking government, Cole. Do you think they give a shit? They don’t; they don’t care what we stand to lose.”
I opened the door and walked down the stairs. The plane had been disassembled and left in tiny pieces, most of them missing, including all of the engines that I’d tried so hard to make compatible with the algae fuel.
“Those assholes knew that the fuel was too volatile. They sold it to me anyway, and they faked their permits apparently.” Not only that, but just because I’d been involved, I could get fined out the ass for just having the little bit of it that I had to test with.
“Fuckers!” I kicked my toolbox over and through the scattered bits of plane that they didn’t want to bother with. They’d come in like a plague of locusts and killed my company with one fell swoop.
“It’s okay; you’ll rebuild. You’ll get through this.” I spun around, tears of anger stinging in my eyes, and found Jessica standing there at the bottom of the stairs. She walked up and placed her hand on my arm. “It’s going to be okay.”
I looked at her hand like it was a bug. “Is it? And how the fuck would you know anything about it being all right? Don’t you realize that everything I’ve worked for is fucked? Do you think I want to be some poor bastard living payday to payday in some shitty neighborhood, or worse, in my fucking car!”
“Is that a dig at me? Because I happen to be living payday to payday and living in a shitty neighborhood.” She did that nervous tugging at her blouse, and instead of it making me want to tear her clothes off of her, it made me roll my eyes.
I knew I was a little harsh, but I didn’t give a shit. I’d clawed my way to the top, fighting tooth and nail, and I wasn’t going back to my old life. “Please,” I sneered. “Leave me alone, woman. The last thing I need is your bullshit right now.”
I turned and looked back down at the floor where my life had been left to ruins, and I only got angrier when Jessica burst into tears behind me and ran up the stairs.
Even Tanner couldn’t believe I’d snapped at her. “That was a bit fucking harsh, my friend.”
Maybe so, but I didn’t have time to fix it. I had bigger problems. “What’s next? What do we do?” I was looking to him for the answers mostly because I was too out of it to think straight.
“They’ll investigate and fine us. If we’re lucky, they’ll return our property, and you can use a different type of algae, one that has been regulated and with proper permits. Meanwhile, our reputation is going into the trash, and it’s going to take a fuck load of trust building to repair it, and that will remain to be seen for a while.”
He made it all seem okay, and meanwhile, I felt like I’d been personally violated. I wasn’t that same little boy getting knocked around by his dad. I wasn’t the same little abandoned boy whose mother didn’t give a shit about him. There had to be something I could do.
“Can we sue Lynn Holden for anything?” I wanted him to suffer.
Tanner shook his head and lifted a shoulder to shrug. “I’m not sure. I’ve already contacted our lawyers the minute I saw what was happening. That’s why I stopped you from hitting the mother fucker. He’s on his way, and then we’ll talk about all of that.”
“Trespassing? Anything?” I wanted that man to bleed, and it was going to be my mission to see that he did.
Tanner held up his hands as if to calm me down, but it was no use. This feeling wasn’t passing for a long while. “I know it’s bad,” he said, “but you’ve got to see the bright side of things. They didn’t take it all. They haven’t involved any of our past products. That’s good if you think about it. We won’t lose much, just the fines, and while they could be steep, we’ll make it back in no time. As I said, damage control is going to be key. We’ll have to make sure and hold a company meeting as soon as possible. The others are already making assumptions.”
He didn’t understand. He didn’t get how it felt to have nothing and the fear of going back to it. There were nights living in my car that I didn’t ever want to go back to. Nights when the weather would get bad and the rain and thunder were so loud, the lightning so bright, that you couldn’t sleep a wink for fear you’d wake up washed away. Other times, I’d have people walk up to the car and bang on the windows just to fuck with me or to see if there was anything good to steal or anything I was worth killing for.
I’d survived on luck alone. But I’d made it out, and while some might call it luck too, I knew the truth. I’d worked my ass off to build and earn what I had. Seeing it taken from me over some bullshit reason had me out of my head.
So out of my head I’d been cruel to Jessica. She’d thought I’d made a dig at her and her situation when in fact, the only situation I was loathing was my own. I headed to the stairs and then went upstairs where I hurried to try and find her. I headed to the end of the hall where her tiny office was closed up.
I knocked and tried to get her to come to the door, but when she didn’t, I peeked inside and realized that she wasn’t there. Not only had she turned off the lights, but she’d taken her picture of Cam and left her company camera as if she had no plans of returning.
As I ran out of the office, I knew I had to stop her. But Tanner stopped me. “You have much more to worry about than her, man. Give her some space, deal with this shit here, and then you can make it up to her later. Trust me; she’s not going to want to see you while you’re still in this mood.”
I knew he was right, but I had a feeling I’d already lost her for good.
Chapter 28
Jessica
As I sped away from Saunders Aeronautical Industries, I couldn’t get away from my office fast enough after the things that Cole had said. Even though I didn’t think he really meant it, in light of everything going on, it was still a shitty way to treat someone who he was supposed to care about.
Maybe he didn’t care about me at all. I put my hand on my stomach and knew that if that were true, he sure as hell wouldn’t care about the baby either. He’d lashed out at me when I was trying to comfort him, and even though I knew the circumstances had him as mad as a wounded dog, ready to lash out at whoever in a protective way, I was the wrong person to take it out on.
With it still being early, I didn’t have many options but to go home or to go to Leslie’s. Since I knew she didn’t have to go into work until nine, I took the exit to our neighborhood and headed straight to her house. I didn’t want to be alone, and I needed to talk to someone.
When I pulled up at her house, she must have seen me through the window because she met me at the front door. “What’s going on?”
“Something happened at work today. Cole was so nasty to me.”
“Wow, you people waste no time getting business started. It’s not even seven-thirty.” She took my arm and led me inside. “Come on, you need some coffee and to calm down. All of this excitement isn’t good for you or the baby.”
“I know. I’m trying to calm down.” I took a few deep breaths as we walked into the kitchen, and I went over to sit at her small kitchen table while she fired up the Keurig.
She turned and leaned against the counter so she could see me as she took two mugs from the cabinet. “So, you told him, and he freaked out, I take it?”
I wiped my eyes and wished I could stop crying. “What? No. I haven’t told him.”
Leslie narrowed her eyes as she popped the little cup into the machine. “Then I don’t understand. Something else happened?”
“I walked in and went up to my office, and I heard the shouting as soon as I got off the elevator. Cole had some man by the throat, and he was angrier than I’d ever seen him. Like he was a different person full of rage. So, I stayed out in the hal
l, but I wanted to know what happened. As it turns out, the FAA came in and seized most of his project he was working on because of regulations or something like that. So, I followed him down the hall and to the room where he does all of his work, and it was ransacked. They took everything, dismantled his plane, and he just looked like it was the end of the world.
“I tried to comfort him. I tried to let him know that I would be there for him, no matter what. But then he started spewing all this hate about how he didn’t want to live payday to payday in a shitty neighborhood.”
“Wow,” said Leslie. “Sounds like he really thinks he’s better than most. Was he born with a silver spoon in his mouth or what?”
“No, that’s the thing. He supposedly grew up in a house where his father beat him and his mother ran out on him. I always assumed he had an average upbringing at best.”
“Maybe he’s afraid he’ll have to go back to that horror. If he was truly abused, you never know where he is coming from. I wouldn’t take it so personally, but I still wouldn’t be so quick to run back to him when he calms down. He could have anger issues of his own, and usually abuse survivors become abusers themselves.”
“I don’t think he’d lay a hand on me. It was just words spoken in anger. But I doubt he’d want to have a baby with a poor person.”
She walked the first cup over to me and then returned to make her own. “You’re not going to tell him?”
I palmed the warm mug and brought it close to my lips. “Not anytime soon. I’m going to give him space and worry about myself. It will hurt, but it’s what I need to do. I need to worry about my stress and my health and the health of the baby. The last thing I need is to be around someone who is going to judge me for the things I have and how I live.”
When Leslie’s cup was full, she walked over to join me. “Well, you were good enough to date. I’m sure he doesn’t have a problem with where you live. He should respect that you’re a single mother who managed to keep her home after her husband passed away. Not many women would keep it together like you. I know I wouldn’t. I’m proud of you for how you put your son first and the way you’ve worked hard to make a good life for him.”
“Thanks, Leslie. But I didn’t do it all alone, you know. You’ve been there with me every step of the way.”
“And I wouldn’t change a thing. But I know you love him. I know that we’re both going to find the perfect men for us, and when we do, it will change. Just be careful with him, and promise me that you’ll let me know immediately if he ever tries to hurt you.”
“Trust me, everyone will know,” I said. “I’ll break his neck.”
She smiled and gave a nod. “I’ll help.” She took a sip of her coffee. “Are you going back to work?”
“No, things are crazy there right now. There are lawyers on the way, and everything is at a standstill anyway. There’s really no need to be there. I think I’ll go home and take a nap. I’m exhausted, and I can’t go back there today and look at him. He told me to leave him alone, so I didn’t stick around.” I could still hear the hate in his tone, like I was no more than common trash and he was so high above me that I’d never be able to reach his greatness.
Leslie reached out and held my hand. She was so sisterly that I never missed not having one. “Let him come to you,” she said. “If he’s truly sorry, he will. You’re just going to have to give him time.”
I knew she was right. I had wanted to see him all weekend, but I had needed time, too, after finding out about the baby. I could understand him needing his space to sort out his head. If I’d only been able to see him before this morning, maybe things would have played out differently.
“I wonder sometimes how things would be if Cameron hadn’t died. You know? Like what would he look like now? Would his hair be longer like he wanted, or would he have grown a beard, gained weight, have stress lines in his face? I know it’s all silly.”
“It’s not silly. I’ve wondered what might have come of our friendship. You wouldn’t have needed me as much, and I know I’d be a different person too.”
“We might have really made something of ourselves, you know? Cameron was going to get a job, and when we got this house paid off, we were going to flip it, take the profits, and start again.”
“I know. Remember, I was going to be a great decorator and design homes for the stars?” She gave a laugh. “We all had big dreams. We were young. Life was different.”
“It’s only been six years, and it seems like twenty.” The time had gone by so slowly, so painfully, and the only thing that had made me feel like there was hope to make it all better was having Cole come into my life. From the first job, the first kiss, the first time we were together, I had a spark of hope that some other man could want me and that maybe I wouldn’t be alone without a companion forever.
I finished my coffee and then headed home so Leslie could get to work. Going into my home, it felt so lonely. I lay on my bed and wondered what life was going to be like with another little one to take care of. I tried to imagine doing it alone, having to feed and clothe two children instead of one, and I knew I’d do my hardest to make it, even if I had to work ten times harder.
Work was another issue. I had walked out on my job, and while I hadn’t officially quit, Cole may not want me back. If I no longer had a job, I’d have to file for assistance until I could get another one or at least book some weddings.
I wasn’t sure when I drifted off, but I woke up at two-fifteen, hungry and still feeling upset over the problems with Cole. Not only that, but I didn’t know what I was going to tell Cam. I decided to let it go for now where he was concerned until I knew more about what was going on. There was no sense in making him feel bad too.
I headed to his school to pick him up a bit earlier than usual, so instead of waiting in the drive for twenty minutes to pass, I walked inside and talked to the woman behind the front desk. “I was wondering if I could go ahead and get my son. I have an appointment, and I don’t want to be late.” What they didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them, and while I didn’t actually have an appointment, I did have a date with the sofa and a tub of ice cream.
The woman smiled and agreed to call Cam down to the office where he was surprised to see me. “Mama!” He ran over and hugged my hips. “I was sitting in class, and they said my name over the loudspeaker.”
I went about signing him out and then took him by the hand. “Did they? That’s awesome. I bet you were excited.”
“Paisley stuck her tongue out at me, but the other kids said they wanted to leave early too.” He was all smiles as he followed me out, and I knew there was no way I could disappoint him.
When we got to the car and buckled in, I turned to look at him. “How would you like to go to the ice cream parlor?” I had been craving something sweet, which wasn’t unusual for me in this condition.
“Can we?” He bounced in his seat with a huge smile on his face.
“Yes, and I think we deserve two scoops.” I couldn’t help but smile, seeing him so excited. He was a good kid, and it was hard to be upset about anything in his presence. He’d been my rock and the only person that I could trust for years. I knew that no matter what, we’d take care of each other.
Chapter 29
Cole
My head pounded as my adrenaline leveled off, and while I still felt like someone had died, I knew I needed to keep on moving.
Tanner had been on the phone with our investors and clients for hours while I sat in the office listening to our lawyer, Charles Pullman, as he tried to explain the options we had against both the FAA and Lynn Holden. And even though I’d calmed down considerably, I still wanted the man’s head on a spit.
Tanner came in and joined us and frowned when he saw me bent over on my desk, my head resting in my hands as I stroked my temples.
“You look like hell, man. You should have a drink.” He walked over to the minibar and poured three glasses of vodka, leaving my scotch whiskey for another day. When he came
back across the room and sat down next to Chuck, he placed three short glasses on the table and then pushed one over toward me and then the other toward our guest.
I quietly took the drink and turned it up, taking it all down at once, even though it was a little more than a shot. It warmed me through, stinging my throat that was tender from screaming, and I sank back in my chair and closed my eyes for a moment, hoping the pain would dull if not end.
“So, early word says that the social media backlash is already hurting Carver Labs and Lynn Holden, and we’re definitely coming out on top. There are many who want to see us prevail, and I think with the right attitude, we can come back stronger than ever.”
I let out a long breath and looked up at him through heavy lids. “Good. I don’t think I can go back to living in my car. The Tesla isn’t inconspicuous enough.” I thought a little humor might liven things up, but neither man laughed.
Tanner sighed. “You’re going to be fine. You’ll rebuild.”
I laughed for the sake of making a sound and not because I found any of it humorous. “They took my fucking blueprints. Everything.”
Tanner leaned in and met me with a hard stare. “You’re the smartest person I know, and you don’t need a fucking blueprint to rebuild. It’s all in your head, man. Don’t you see? They can’t take that away from you.”
“I know you’re right. I’m just pissed. I wasn’t raised like you. I settled shit with anger, with fists. It was the only way to survive.”
“And yet, when we first started, it was because you got jumped and had your ass handed to you by a bunch of assholes who were trying to take what you had. So, what are you going to do now? Using your head made you billions, so I’d say it’s the course you should take now.”
I let out a long breath and got up to pour another drink. Then I realized that drowning myself in alcohol only made me like my old man. “I’m so mixed up. I don’t know what to do.”
Made for Me Page 18