Dad looked up as I entered the kitchen. “Morning,” he said.
“Morning.” I picked up an orange out of our fruit bowl and stared out the kitchen window, trying to keep my voice neutral. Outside, I could see a group of Guardsmen hustle into a car parked on the street. “What’s up with the Guard?” I asked, glad for the conversation topic.
“Still searching for your mystery man,” Dad said. I glanced back at him. He was buttering a slice of toast.
“So they’re all on patrol?” I asked. Dad finished buttering the toast. He put it on a plate and slid the plate toward me across the kitchen island. I picked up a piece of toast. “Thanks.” I took a big bite of toast. It was warm and crisp and delicious. Dad was watching me closely. I forced myself to swallow. “Something wrong?”
“I know you know it’s winter solstice,” Dad said. The toast suddenly lost some of its flavor. “You can talk to me,” Dad said. “I know how frustrated you’ve been. How hard it must be for you to trust us.” He walked around the island and took my shoulders in his hands. “I just wanted to let you know, I’m proud of you, honey.”
I set my half-eaten toast back on the plate, feeling ill. “I should see if Seth’s up.”
Dad studied me with a searching look, but let me go. “Sure. I’ll throw some more bread in the toaster.”
I walked into the hallway, forcing myself not to run. Shame and guilt clawed their way through my middle. I paused at Seth’s door and knocked. “Seth? You up?” It was an act for Dad’s benefit, but I needed to make it sound real. “Sure, I think there’s a spare towel in your closet. I’ll show you.” I walked into the room.
Seth was watching me from the other side of the window. I crossed the room quickly and unlocked it. Seth reached a hand up. I took it and helped him climb into the room. The whole production took less than a minute.
“You’re getting ready for a shower,” I whispered.
Seth understood immediately. He pulled his shirt off, revealing a chest chiseled with tight, compact muscles. I stared for a moment, stunned. I wouldn’t have expected that kind of definition from such a skinny guy. Seth caught me staring and smiled. Blushing, I turned my back on him. I heard him finish taking off his clothes, then pull on the robe he’d been wearing over his pajamas last night.
“It’s safe,” he said. I heard amusement edging his voice and scowled.
“Your towel,” I said, pulling a towel out of the top of the guest room closet and shoving it at his chest. Seth’s grin deepened.
I returned to the kitchen. “Seth’s going to grab a quick shower,” I said. Dad nodded, and joined me at the kitchen island with another plate of buttered toast.
Seth joined us a few minutes later, after the fastest shower in the world. We all ate breakfast together, keeping the conversation light, until Dad had to leave for his daily rounds to the outposts.
The coast was finally clear.
“You sure you want to do this now?” Seth asked.
“If anyone gets suspicious, the first thing they’re going to do is check for this chest,” I replied.
Seth nodded, and we both pushed back from the kitchen island. We retrieved the chest from Seth’s room. I cloaked us for the walk next door to the Guard’s house. I hesitated on the porch, opening the door with the key I’d taken from Lucas once again. The inside of the house was quiet. It didn’t seem like anyone was home. I pulled Seth inside. In the shelter of the hallway by the stairs, I uncloaked us. The last thing we needed was for one of the newcomers seeing me uncloaking accidentally, and I’d need Seth’s help placing the chest, which meant we’d be too far apart for me to keep us both invisible. It’d be a lot easier to explain what we were doing hiding a chest in the basement than it’d be to explain how I could make myself and Seth invisible.
We walked to the basement. The lights were off. Seth and I descended the basement stairs, our only illumination the light streaming down the staircase. I led him to the column and together we slid it aside. While I held it, Seth replaced the chest with my direction. We let the column swing back down, covering the hole in the floor, and heard the soft click as the latch reengaged.
“Done and done,” I said, sagging in relief against the column.
Seth turned, suddenly close. His eyes searched my face. The strangest tingle crept over my skin. Seth leaned forward and kissed me. The touch of our lips was like an electric shock, shooting through my whole body, down to my toes. I froze, paralyzed by the swarming emotions that flooded through me. Seth cradled my cheek, his hand warm and firm on my skin. The kiss grew more heated, and I felt myself beginning to respond. I lifted my hands, placed them on his chest—and gently pushed him back, breaking the kiss.
“Seth...” My heart was still pounding, I swayed, dizzy.
Seth stepped back, mortified. “I’m sorry. I thought—”
I lowered my eyes. Why did I want to pull him closer? “I think you’d better meet me back at my house.”
“Right.” He rung his hands, miserable, then retreated up the dark staircase. I watched him go, sinking against the post again.
Something moved in the darkness beyond the staircase. My eyes adjusted—and it felt like the world plummeted away beneath my feet.
Lucas walked forward slowly. He flipped on the light switch, and his hand lingered on the wall, as though he needed the support to remain standing.
“Wait,” I breathed, crossing the distance between us. “What you saw—Seth kissed me. I’m not into him, I promise.”
“I know,” he said. But he didn’t look at me.
“Then, what’s wrong?”
“How did you know where to look for the vessel?” His question struck me like a physical blow. I stepped back involuntarily. Lucas turned his head toward me, his eyes heavy and full of pain. “Yeah. I had a feeling, when I couldn’t remember any of the stuff I’d studied for my history test.”
“Lucas—” I breathed. But it wasn’t a denial. Lucas looked sick.
“You made me tell you. After I made it clear how I felt about this.” He turned back to the wall, unable to look at me.
I drew in a ragged breath, struggling for calm. “I didn’t want to hurt you.” My voice sounded thready, weak.
“You took what you needed,” he said simply, “then you made me forget.”
I put a hand on his shoulder. He pulled away from me abruptly.
“You made me forget.” He turned his eyes toward me. “I trusted you.”
The force of his words burned through the last of my excuses. “I did it for us,” I said faintly. But I knew, even as I said the words, that I couldn’t undo this damage.
Lucas laughed, but the sound was brutal, humorless. “That’s rich.”
“You have to believe me,” I said. My voice was shrill, on the edge of breaking.
“No. I don’t.” Lucas looked at me. It was as if a cement wall had been built behind his eyes. Whatever he was thinking, whatever he was feeling, he kept it veiled. With a wrenching pain, I felt him slipping away. “I don’t think I’ll ever believe you again.”
“You said you’d never doubt me.” My throat was tight with emotion. “Not unless I told you I didn’t love you anymore.”
Lucas met my eyes with a clear, direct stare. “Don’t you get it?” he asked. “You just did.”
Chapter 16
Steam curled from an oversized mug of hot chocolate in my hands. Heat radiated through the ceramic. The rich aroma of cocoa and chili powder hung heavy in the air. I observed it all like it was happening to someone else. Nothing had seemed real to me since Lucas had left me standing alone in the Guard’s basement.
After the first wave of shock had worn off, I’d fled to my car. I hadn’t intended to come here, but my drive had wandered through the neighborhood. Sophia’s seemed as safe a place as any. I needed some time alone to think. When Lucas had made it clear we were through, I’d started to question everything. I’d fought so hard to become human, desperate for the chance at a healthy rela
tionship with him. And now that chance was gone.
I took a sip of the scalding liquid. The pain focused my thoughts. Brought me back to the present moment.
Do I even want to become human? I asked myself. Why sugarcoat it? Everything I’d done, I’d done for Lucas, hadn’t I? To be with Lucas. Who now wanted nothing to do with me ever again. So I was free to decide my future unencumbered.
But even as I thought this, my stomach twisted painfully. A fresh wash of grief spilled through me. I tipped my head forward, ashamed. The life of a Lilitu? To never have a romantic relationship that didn’t end in devastation or death? To never get married, never have Dad walk me down the aisle? To never have a child unless I stole the life of another?
No. Lucas wasn’t the reason I wanted to be human.
Exhaustion battered at my mind. I stood, leaving the cup still steaming on the table, next to a crumpled five-dollar bill.
How I made it home, I don’t really know. The house was empty. Seth was gone. Dad hadn’t returned from his rounds. I climbed the stairs, feeling gravity pulling a little harder on my limbs with every step. I collapsed into bed, tumbling into a dreamless sleep only seconds later.
I struggled to wake up, hearing the sounds of voices below. I glanced out the window. The sun was low in the west. I’d slept most of the day away. I considered pulling a blanket over me, seeking the oblivion of dreamless sleep once more. But my stomach growled angrily. I’d had nothing to eat today but that piece of toast at breakfast and a few cups of hot chocolate. I rose, still groggy, and headed downstairs.
Dad and Hale were talking with two others at the dining room table. As I came down the stairs, Thane’s face came into view. So he was finally back. The fourth man at the table was a stranger to me, but the others were listening to him with rapt attention.
“It doesn’t surprise me that he tried to manipulate your children,” he was saying. “It would have been a great coup for him if they’d managed to perform the ritual.”
My steps slowed on the staircase.
“When I think what could have happened,” Dad said. He shook his head. The others murmured agreement.
“What?” I asked, reaching the bottom of the staircase. “What could have happened?”
Dad turned. “Braedyn. This is Ian Masters. He’s Terrance Clay’s archivist.” Dad gave me a sharp look, urging caution. I walked into the dining room, crossing my arms so I could hide my bandaged hand nonchalantly.
“What are you guys talking about?” I asked again.
“This ritual you were so intent on,” Thane said. “The one you thought would lock the Lilitu out of this world?”
“Yeah?” I asked. A strange prickling wash spread across my back.
Thane inclined his head toward the new archivist. “Ian’s just told your father and Hale that this ritual is the way to open the seal.”
“Open?” I asked.
“Indeed.” Thane shot a look at my father. “The incubus tried to play you all for fools.”
I reached out for the wall, suddenly needing the support. Dad’s eyes locked onto my face. I saw the bolt of understanding strike him. He clamped a lid on his rising panic and gave me a mild smile. “You look tired, kiddo. Go up to your room. I’ll bring you some dinner in a minute.”
I stared at him, reeling, unable to move.
Thane glanced at me.
“Go on up,” Dad said, some of his anxiety breaking through the calm facade. “I’ll come see you in a minute.”
I turned back to the stairs.
“Stop.” Thane was on his feet in an instant. He crossed the distance between us in three long strides, then grabbed my arm and spun me around. My eyes darted to Dad for help, but Thane tightened his grip on my arm. “What did you do?”
“I—I’m sorry,” I wheezed.
“Stupid girl,” Thane hissed.
Dad pushed back from the table. “Thane. Let her go.”
“You realize what she’s done?” Thane turned to the others. Hale was staring at me, his face full of disbelief. Ian looked from me to Dad, unsure what to make of this. “She’s delivered victory to our enemies! She’s opened the seal!”
“Braedyn?” Hale turned to me with a look of horror.
“I—it was supposed to lock the door,” I said helplessly.
“Please, no one panic,” Ian said, standing. “They couldn’t have finished the ritual. They’d need the blood of a Lilitu to set the power—”
Hale, Thane, and Dad turned to me. Thane grabbed my wounded hand and ripped the bandage off. I blanched, biting back a gasp of pain. The gash in my palm was healing quickly, but it hadn’t yet closed. Thane’s breath came out in a low hiss of fury.
“Call the others,” Hale said quietly.
Ian looked around the room with a blank look. “Have I missed something?”
Thane glared at Hale.
“Call the others,” Hale repeated to Ian, with more force this time. Ian nodded, confused, and walked quickly for the front door. We heard the door close behind him. Thane released my wrist.
“And what about our errant young Lilitu?” Thane asked Hale quietly. “You are, after all, assuming she made a mistake. How do we know she hasn’t changed her allegiance? You continue to cling to the hope she is our secret weapon. How do we know she isn’t theirs?” Dad stepped toward Thane, too angry to speak. Thane backed away reflexively, then drew himself up to his full height. “You still defend her?”
“I will always defend her,” Dad said.
Thane gave my dad a level look. “Then this is as much your fault as it is hers.”
“What’s done is done,” Hale snapped. “We need to pull the forces together.”
“What should I do?” I asked in a tiny voice. All three men turned to look at me.
“Go to your room,” Dad said after a moment’s silence had passed.
“Yes.” Thane said, his voice dangerously quiet. “I think you’ve done quite enough for one day.”
I walked numbly down the hall to my room.
This can’t be happening. The thought kept repeating in my head. This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening.
By the time I reached the door to my room, my sight was blurry with tears. Nothing made sense. Angela had been so clear in her journal. This was our way out of the coming war. It had to be. That was the justification for everything I’d done. Stealing from that shopkeeper. Going behind my father’s back. Trespassing in Lucas’s mind. Taking the vessel from the Guard.
How could I have been so wrong? I’d gambled everything so I could become human. I’d gambled everything—and I had lost.
I fell onto my bed, curling into a tight ball. Strangely, I found I was too tired, too worn out to cry. Even that release was denied to me.
I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. Something that didn’t belong here. It pulled my spiraling thoughts up short. A fuzzy, grey knit skullcap folded neatly on one of my pillows. Royal’s hat. I picked it up, and a small piece of paper slipped out. I opened the note, and the message inside stole my breath away. I knew the handwriting. It was the same as the note he’d slipped in Cassie’s locker.
One night down.
The incubus. The incubus had attacked Royal.
I held the note in one trembling hand. A growing fury chased the exhaustion out of my body, burning through my veins until even my bones were saturated with rage. He’d tricked me into betraying everyone I loved in this world. He used me to open the door between worlds. He’d won. He’d won, and yet he continued to take from me.
I turned, planting my feet on the floor and standing. One night down. Royal wasn’t a Thrall yet. I could find him. I could talk to him. He’d be weak, but he’d still be Royal. And that meant he could still be reasoned with. He would tell me who’d attacked him. Royal would lead me to the incubus.
I grabbed a sweater from my closet, thrusting my arms through the sleeves while I crossed the room. I was halfway to my door before I stopped. I turned, glancin
g at my dresser. I hadn’t taken them out since the night Ais had died. It seemed fitting somehow that I’d first hold them again on the anniversary of her death.
I knelt before my dresser and pulled open the bottom drawer. It was a mass of scarves, belts, gloves, hats—things I didn’t need often. Things I hadn’t touched since I’d last closed this drawer one year ago. I reached behind a pile of scarves. My hand closed on the leather sheath, lying where I’d left it. I pulled it out.
Her blood still stained the hilt.
Flashes of that night crowded out the room around me. The panic, the helplessness, the pain and fear. I stared at the drops of blood along the hilt, and I noticed a faintly metallic glint to them. Metallic—like the mixture we’d made at the sanctuary. A chill moved through me.
In a sweeping motion, I pulled the weapon free from the sheath. I thumbed the hidden release. What looked like one dagger sprang apart into two twining, serpentine blades. They gleamed oddly in the fading light of day. The blades—like the blades of all Guard weapons—had that peculiar sheen that always reminded me of gasoline spreading across water; a sort of dirty rainbow swirl somehow embedded in the metal.
If I found the incubus, I’d be ready. I slipped the daggers back into their sheath, then tucked them into my school bag. I stood, catching sight of my reflection in the mirror above my dresser. The girl who looked back at me was pale, with beautiful blue eyes and long, dark hair that gleamed richly even in this dim light. But there was something cold and hard in her expression.
I turned away from the mirror, not liking what I saw there. I hurried out of my room and into the hall. The men were still arguing at the dining table downstairs.
I didn’t have time to deal with them, their bickering, or their interference. I cloaked myself and descended the stairs. No one heard me. When I reached the front door, I hesitated, risking a glance back into the dining room. Only Dad was visible, but his back was to the door. No one would notice me leaving. I pulled the front door open, and slipped into the night.
Incubus (The Daughters Of Lilith) Page 26