“No, I did what I could and I’m good with that.”
A middle-aged couple from San Francisco waved from their paddleboards. They’d met the two celebrating their anniversary with a toast at the lovo dinner.
Addie waved back. “You were right about us playing the honeymooners when we’re alone. I’d forgotten.”
Nick liked holding her hand. Too bad they needed a reason. “I wish we could do this vacation over without the cameras in our faces. I’ve got an idea. Let’s go somewhere for Christmas. Belize or the Caribbean.”
She stopped walking, let go of this hand. “Nick . . .”
Her troubled tone made every nerve-ending stand at attention, ready to spring into action. He touched her shoulder, her smooth skin warm beneath his palm, but he also felt a tremble. “Hey, if you want a white Christmas instead of a green one, we can go to the mountains. A place like Montana, one of those luxurious guest ranches with lots of snow and sleigh rides.”
Her bottom lip quivered. “I . . . can’t.”
“Spend Christmas away?”
She shook her head. “I can’t keep pretending.”
Crap. The anguish in her voice tightened his chest. “Okay, I shouldn’t have mentioned Christmas. I know you want a divorce, but I’ve been thinking. Why rush? You said breaking up after the show was over would be best. I’m leaving on an assignment when we get home. Stay at the townhouse while I’m gone. We’ll deal with the marriage when I get back.”
The words flew from his mouth, one after the other, a hint of panic, unfamiliar and raw, underlying each one.
“It’s not only the fake marriage. It’s . . . us.”
“Us,” he repeated, not understanding. “What about us?”
“I–I . . .”
“Come here.” Nick pulled her into his arms in a big bear hug, sending her hat flying. He caught the brim before the straw hit the salt water, then held onto her again, both arms around her. She fit perfectly against him, and he enjoyed the closeness. If only she wasn’t so upset. He brushed his lips over her hair. “I’m not sure what’s wrong, but it’ll be okay.”
A sob wracked her body.
“Addie?”
“I love you,” she said softly.
“Love you, too.”
She pushed away from him. “No, I love you. Not as a sister or a friend. As a girlfriend or wife.”
Crap. She loved him? Part of him was thrilled, the other shocked.
“I—” He stared at her as if seeing her for the first time. Addie was in love with him? How had that happened? When? “I thought you had more sense than to fall for me.”
“Me, too.”
“You said you pitied any woman who feel in love with me.”
“I do. Just never thought she would be me.” Addie took a breath, then another. “But feelings aren’t logical. I wish they were.”
For years, he’d thought one thing about Addie and now this. “I wasn’t expecting this. I need a minute.”
Or a few thousand.
Addie wiped her eyes. “I don’t expect a compassion-filled soliloquy. Blurting this out and wanting you to say the right words isn’t fair to you.”
“I’m a guy. You have better odds winning the lottery than me knowing what to say. But I’ll give it my best shot.”
She shook her head. “You don’t have to say a word.”
“I want to.” He placed the straw hat on her head. “We’ll get through this. Trust me. Love is fleeting. Our friendship is the most important thing.”
“We can’t be friends.”
“What?”
“This has happened before. When I was younger. Again in high school. Off and on when you were in the army if I’m being totally honest.”
Damn, so much for thinking he knew everything about her. He’d been crazy about Addie, but love?
She inhaled deeply, then blew out the air in a rushed exhale. “I can’t keep falling in love with you over and over again. All the kissing and playacting this week has made me face my feelings. I’ve fallen into a bad pattern. One I need to break. That’s why . . .”
“You think we can’t be friends,” he finished for her.
Addie nodded.
Talk about a load of crap. “You can’t be serious about this.”
“I need to move on, make a new start, leave the past behind.”
“I’m not in your past. I’m right here.”
“But these feelings are mired in the past. You don’t want a relationship. I do. You’re a heartbreaker. You’ve always been one. I don’t want my heart broken.”
He touched her shoulder. “I’d never hurt you.”
“Not on purpose. But you can’t control my feelings.”
“Did you ever think you’re caught up in the romance of being on our honeymoon? That your feelings aren’t real? That once we leave the island everything will be fine?”
“I know what’s real and what’s fake. Leaving here isn’t going to change how I feel.”
His temper spiraled. “So your solution is to go cold turkey.”
“Whatever works.”
He counted back from one hundred by sevens. No way was he going to turn this into a screaming match and fight. Addie deserved better. “When were you planning to tell me this?”
“Back in San Diego.”
San Diego, not home. She didn’t consider his place home and never would. The realization hurt.
“But when you started talking about Christmas, I freaked,” she added. “I couldn’t wait.”
Addie had been there for him, most often by text or phone, but there, no matter what. The thought of losing her paralyzed him. “Things don’t have to end this way. We can figure something out.”
She started to speak, then pressed her lips together. She tried again. “A relationship isn’t what you want. I’m not going to settle for anything else.”
Not settle for what he was capable of giving her. The thought burned a hole in his gut.
Something told him to fight, not retreat. Except what she said was true. He didn’t want those things. He didn’t think he wanted those things in the future.
“I know we have to finish filming but please tell them I’m not feeling well. A headache, sinuses maybe. Not the stomach flu. I don’t want them to think I’m pregnant.”
“I’ll think of something.” Once the voices in his head stopped shouting not to let her go. He needed to quiet the commotion before he ended up with a bigger headache than he had. “Are you heading back to the room?”
She nodded. “I need a shower.”
“Want me to walk you to the bure?” The voices screamed at him for asking her, not doing it. “I don’t mind,” he added.
“I’m fine.” Her voice was a quiet as a butterfly. “I’d like time on my own.”
“Sure.” He hated everything about she’d said. But what was he going to do? Tell her he wanted to be married for real? That would never work. He wasn’t good at settling down. He couldn’t be what she wanted. If she felt this strongly, giving her anything less would be unfair to Addie, hurt her.
He remembered the times his romantic feelings for her nearly overwhelmed him. When her grandfather died, when he’d thought about taking her on a date, Cancun. He’d pushed the feelings away each time because he hadn’t wanted either of them to get hurt. He’d been unsure of her feelings, but truth was, he’d never been sure he was good enough for Addie beyond friendship. He still felt that way no matter the hot kisses they shared. He did know he hadn’t been in love with her, and she deserved nothing less. “I’m going for a swim.”
She pulled out his towel from her bag.
Nick waved her off. He planned to swim hard and swim far, to clear his head so he could figure out how to fix this. Being wet was the least of his worries. “I don’t need a towel.”
“Be safe.”
The tremor in her voice made him want to hold her until she felt better, but that wasn’t what she wanted him to do. He backed away, moving deeper into t
he water. “Always.”
Addie stood under the showerhead, wishing the water could wash away her troubles and send them down the drain. Her eyes stung. She couldn’t forget the hurt that flashed across Nick’s face. There’d been shock, too. He’d had no idea how she felt about him, now or in the past. No one could fake that look.
She’d still done the right thing.
Yes, she’d surprised Nick, hurt him, but she hadn’t backed down. Oh, she’d been tempted when he seemed to want to figure things out. But Addie hadn’t.
She closed her eyes, leaned her head back and let the water pour down on her face.
Somewhere deep inside she’d found courage. She’d been brave, something she’d forgotten how to be these past nine years, telling Nick the truth about her feelings. She’d been brave, willing to walk away from her safety net—staying with Nick and letting him provide for her. She’d been brave, and would need to be braver.
No money. No job. Nothing.
She had no idea what she would do when she arrived in San Diego. Emily would be so upset Addie didn’t dare ask to sleep on the couch again. But she had the new wardrobe she’d won. A consignment place might be interested in some of the pieces. That would tide her over until she figured things out.
Her gaze focused on the gold band on her ring finger. One more reminder of how Nick’s marriage plan had gone oh-so-bad. No one’s fault. They thought this would work. Maybe the arrangement would have without the honeymoon and if she hadn’t taken a hard look at the person she’d become.
The ring would come off in two days. She hardly remembered the ring was there, but nine days was too short a time to have formed a habit. At least she hoped so.
Her skin resembled raisins. She turned off the water, stepped onto the rug, bypassed the fluffy towel on the rack, and put on her thick, luxurious robe instead. If she concentrated on the mundane, maybe she would forget about her aching heart.
Water dripped from her hair and her body. She didn’t care. She went into the bedroom and crawled on top of the bed.
Maybe when she returned to San Diego she would buy a lottery ticket and hit the six numbers. Her odds of winning the jackpot were better than her chances with Nick. Of course, that would mean her finding a spare dollar somewhere.
Addie stretched out.
No matter how upset she might feel she was doing the right thing. No more putting things on hold or waiting until the right time. She had a life to live. She wanted to live it.
Easy, no.
But she’d taken the first step. She could keep going—right after she gave her heart time to grieve.
Talk about a bad day . . .
Nick’s arms powered through the water with the force of propellers. He kicked like he was trying to get away from the bad guys, the ones who caused him to wake in the middle of the night covered in sweat.
He was trying to escape. Not from memories, but from himself. Addie was correct. Saying goodbye was the only option. He would end up hurting her. The idea he could slayed him. Nick swam faster, accelerating until he reached the shore.
What he was willing to give Addie and what she deserved were in total opposition.
He didn’t deal with emotion and romance crap. He hadn’t since Carrie, and that had been forced upon him with the pregnancy lie. Keeping things light and casual was the way to go. Having sex was something to be enjoyed, not a reason to call or go out again. But Addie needed more. He couldn’t—wouldn’t—drag her down to his level.
Nick trudged out of the water, his feet heavy and his breath puffing. He collapsed on the sand.
Ten days on Starfish Island was supposed to be a dream vacation, not the end of a twenty-two year friendship.
The salt water stung his eyes. He rubbed his face.
Addie, sweet Addie. She’d always been there for him. Always loved him. The way he loved . . .
Loved.
What did that mean? How did he love her?
Nick thought about their kisses and carrying her to the bure the other night. Playing the role of husband had been easy. He’d enjoyed every moment until today. But he hadn’t needed to pretend. He’d been acting this way toward Addie since high school when the guys joked about him being her husband.
Back then he pulled away. He always did that.
Except Addie never let him get too far.
Nick straightened. Hadn’t that been the problem when they were younger? He kept turning away because his feelings scared him. He couldn’t trust them or know how she would react.
Yes, he loved her.
What happened with Carrie had made him distrust his emotions more. He hadn’t wanted to be rejected and hurt again. Weakness killed. He couldn’t be weak. Not for a second.
So he pulled away from anything that might have turned into a real relationship. That should have included Addie, but he could never pull away from her because . . .
He loved her.
She didn’t make him weak; she made him strong. He was a better man when he was with her.
Ah, hell. He loved her.
If he ever took a chance at love, the woman would have to be Addie. No way could he succeed at a relationship, at marriage with anyone else.
But would she believe him? Would she give him the opportunity to show that he wanted to take their friendship and phony marriage to the next level?
He slapped the sand. Probably not. She had made up her mind about what he was capable of giving. He didn’t blame her. But if he wanted Addie in his life, he needed to show her that he was serious.
Serious, not restless and wanting to roam.
Addie was the best thing in his life. He’d known that since they were in kindergarten. No way was he going to let her go. Not without a fight. He couldn’t give up.
He stood and strode toward the bure. He needed to convince Addie of his love. Not as his friend, but as a woman, as his wife, whom he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, but how?
All his skills seemed useless. He could drive while firing a gun. He could diffuse a bomb while the timer ticked down. He could move without being seen or heard. But he had no idea how to convince Addie he loved her back.
Nick hadn’t a clue what to do first, but someone might. He increased the length of his strides, running now, kicking up the sand behind him. He needed to call Emily. She would know how to help him win the heart of the woman he loved.
And given her job was on the line, she wouldn’t dare say no.
Nick hadn’t slept in the bure. The next morning, Addie fought her rising panic.
Rays of sunlight brought dawn, but she’d been awake for hours, pacing the length of the room, fueled by a combination of worry and anger. Nick’s swim trunks were hanging to dry, and his toiletry kit was gone. He’d returned while she was sleeping for a few minutes at least, but where was he now?
In the bure of another woman? Addie’s stomach roiled. She didn’t want to think the worst of the man, but where else could he be?
“Bula, bula.” Mama Lani carried a tray filled with breakfast food. “Time to eat.”
Addie combed her fingers through her hair, a nest of tangles and knots due to falling asleep with wet, uncombed hair. “Thanks, but I’m not hungry.”
“You slept through dinner. You need food.”
“I need to find Nick.”
“Mr. Nick is busy.”
“Busy.” She gritted her teeth. “Doing what?”
“It’s a surprise.”
“I don’t like surprises.”
“You’ll like this one.”
She doubted that. “Is he . . . alone?”
“No.”
The truth hit like an unexpected wave, knocking her flat. Her butt hit the floor with a thud. But her heart hurt more than her bottom.
“Child?” Mama Lani set the tray on the table, then ran to her. “Did you hurt yourself?”
Addie shook her head, not trusting her voice. She was not going to cry. With Mama Lani’s help, she stood.
“You are going to sit at the table and eat, then it’s time to get ready.”
“For what?”
“A surprise filming.”
“I can’t.”
Mischief gleamed in Mama Lani’s eyes. “You can, and you will.”
Addie would not be fifty percent of a newlywed couple acting lovey-dovey for the camera. Not when she kept imagining Nick with another woman. That strawberry blonde, perhaps? “Please tell me where Nick was last night.”
“Mr. Nick thought you needed time alone so he stayed in another bure alone.”
Relief brought tears. Addie blinked them back. “Oh. Okay.”
“Not okay until you eat.” Mama Lani led Addie to the table and sat her a chair. “If you don’t have breakfast, I’ll feed you myself.”
All Addie could think about was Nick. He’d been alone.
A-L-O-N-E.
Nothing had changed between them, but she felt a million and one times better. She picked up a slice of papaya from the fruit plate. “Okay, I’m eating.”
“I’ll lay out your clothes.”
Addie picked up a babakau—a Fiji doughnut. “I’m not feeling well. Nick was supposed to tell Brad I wouldn’t be filming today.”
“Mr. Nick told me there was a change of plans. He said two ibuprofen should help your headache.”
Something was going on or Nick wouldn’t have said that to Mama Lani, but what? Addie would do this surprise filming, but as soon as she and Nick finalized divorce plans, she was on the next floatplane off the island.
She took a sip of tea, then wiped her mouth.
A quick sideways glance showed Mama Lani setting out a beautiful white sundress. Addie didn’t remember that one hanging in the closet. She took a closer look. “Where did the dress come from?”
“From Brad. Arrived this morning. Very pretty, don’t you think?”
“Beautiful.” Sundress wasn’t the best description of the delightful confection of asymmetric layers of white, a combination of lace and flowing fabric. “But a little fancy for the beach.”
Mama Lani shrugged. “Who knows what these television people think?”
The Honeymoon Prize Page 12