“What about your job? I know you have a job back in England, but what if they hear about this?”
“There will always be another job. Stop worrying about it.”
“I don’t want to be the reason you lose your job.” I ran my fingers through my hair to try to ease the shaking.
“Well, I don’t want you being expelled from school.”
“So what are you saying? You want to stop whatever this is?” I felt tears coming and I forced them down. No, I was living this day by day. If it was over, then I’d accept it. This was never going to be permanent.
“I don’t want to stop this.” David was serious and he looked deep into my eyes. He reached up and wiped away the tear that had escaped my clutches.
“I don’t either.”
“Let me know if this officer bothers you again.”
“David, I—”
“No, Violet. Tell me.”
I nodded, knowing that I wouldn’t tell him but hoping he didn’t pick up on it.
David looked at me for a few moments, as if trying to size me up. He then turned to the road and said, “Then let’s forget about it and go to the shops.” He started the car again and pulled back into traffic.
I started thinking about what I had just said. We never really defined what “this” was. It could have been the physical relationship or it could have been more. Did he want it to be something more? Did he already think it was an actual relationship? What did I even think? Was he seeing other girls? Nat always seemed to be around him. I was dying to talk to him about it but I decided to wait. We definitely didn’t need another serious talk like the one we just had. I was living day by day, and today, he was with me.
We drove to the store with my hand in his while we talked about the comedienne and what we needed to do. For the rest of the drive, we kept things strictly business.
***
“Have you eaten?” he asked, looking over at me as we headed back to his apartment.
“Yeah, I had some pizza before meeting up with you. I didn’t want to assume you would be cooking again and I know we really can’t go out to eat or anything,” I said, hoping he didn’t have a big dinner planned.
“That was a good idea. I had a late burger for lunch so I’m not hungry either. I was just looking out for you,” he said, and winked at me. “I did, however, buy some ice cream the other night. I remembered you said that cookie dough was your favorite, so we could have some dessert.”
“Sounds good to me,” I said, and looked at him. I liked to be in charge and I loved planning things, but for some reason, it was relaxing to have someone else thinking ahead.
When we got inside, he placed the bags near the door and then pulled me in for a kiss. It was soft and gentle, not begging for sex. The kiss said I missed you, and I believed him. He broke the kiss and looked down at me. “Would you like some ice cream now?”
“Yes,” I exclaimed, and we went to the kitchen.
David grabbed two bowls and then got the ice cream out of the freezer. We both settled down at the kitchen bar. This lasted about three minutes before we shoved the bowls aside and started making out. Berneli moved the bowls to the floor, picked me up, and placed me on the kitchen bar. This was not an I miss you kiss anymore. It was an I need you now kiss, and I let him have it. The kiss became hurried as he explored my mouth with his tongue. The intensity amplified with every passing second.
As his hands traveled my body, I began unbuttoning his vest and then his shirt. It was a little frustrating how many layers he was wearing right now but I wanted to feel his abs. My fingers were shaking but I managed to get all of the buttons undone and I slipped his shirt and vest off his sturdy shoulders. I ran my fingers over them and then down his defined pecs to his rock hard abs. I grew wet and the look in my eyes must have been feverish.
David unbuttoned my jeans and yanked them and my panties off in one fluid motion. He reached into his wallet and pulled a condom out. Then I helped him pull his pants down. They had barely reached the floor when I felt him push inside me. I let out a moan of pleasure as his fast pace started to build up the pressure I felt inside. He grabbed my shoulders and used them to push deeper and deeper. At this point I was practically crying it felt so good.
“Say my name,” he demanded breathlessly.
“David. Take me, David,” I begged, feeling the orgasm within my grasp. I noticed a hitch in his breath as he drove into me. Then he let out a pained moan. The sound pushed me over the edge. I closed my eyes and rode the orgasm out. My body was pulsating and my toes curled up. It would seem that my excitement got to him because I felt him go right after me.
We sat there for a moment trying to catch our breath.
“Is that what you had planned for me?” I asked when I remembered how to breathe in and out.
“No, that was spontaneous. You were eating your ice cream like a porn star.” He wiped pretend ice cream off my lip.
“Wait, what? I was not eating my ice cream like a porn star. How do you even eat ice cream like a porn star?” I was only trying to be a little obnoxious this time.
“You were licking the spoon and sucking on it and being overly dramatic with your bites,” he insisted as he walked over to the bathroom to handle his clean up.
“I wasn’t. That’s how you use a spoon,” I claimed, and went to the bedroom bathroom. Okay, I may have been laying it on thick for him but clearly it worked.
“If that is how you use a spoon, then can I request you don’t use one in public?”
“Jealous?” I came out of the bathroom and gave him a little kiss.
“I don’t get jealous.”
“Sounds like a challenge.” I leaned into him but didn’t kiss him yet.
“Oh, love, you do not want to start that challenge,” he purred, and leaned further into me.
“Says the man who was jealous of Trent,” I reminded him, and wrapped my arms around his neck.
“I was not jealous of Trent,” he insisted, shaking his head.
“You kicked him off working on the rider so you could work with me.”
“No, the rider was important and I wanted it done right, and Trent is an idiot,” he maintained, and started to pull away from me, but I grabbed onto him and started to kiss his neck.
“You were a little jealous. Admit it!” I continued to kiss his neck and went down to his collarbone.
“You’re cheating,” he accused me hoarsely.
“You’re avoiding the question.” I ran my fingers over his chest and then down to the inside seem of his boxers.
“I was a little jealous,” he admitted softly.
“He has nothing on you.” I kissed him hard and wrapped my arms around his back. We broke the kiss and stood there hugging for a moment.
“Okay, so do you want to try to eat your ice cream like a normal person or should we forget about it?” he asked, joking.
I hit him on the arm. “That’s rude. I eat ice cream like a normal person.” I sulked off to the freezer to help myself to another scoop.
Later we put a movie on. It turned out he was a big fan of The Matrix and I had never seen it. At first I was really confused. There was so much going on and I honestly couldn’t follow it. David was pausing the movie and explaining it for the first half hour. After that, I figured it out. Once the movie ended, I couldn’t handle what I had just watched.
“That was crazy! We have to watch the second one.” I was completely hooked.
“The second one isn’t on.”
“So we are going to the store to pick it up,” I suggested, and began putting my shoes on.
“Whoa. Where do you think you are going?” He was still sitting on the couch.
“We need to go to the store and get the second one.” Why wasn’t he moving?
“Love, it is ten o’clock at night. You want to go to the shop and pick up a movie and then watch it when we get back? Don’t you sleep?” he asked me while stretching out on the couch.
“Oh,
I’m sorry, is it past the old man’s bedtime?” I asked, teasing him.
“What did you say?” He shot up.
“I asked if it was past the old man’s bedtime,” I reiterated, walking toward him.
He came at me and started to tickle me. Fun fact, I was very ticklish. I was howling and kicking to try to break free. But his strong arms held onto me until I started crying.
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” I screamed, trying to make him stop.
“What are you sorry for?” he asked, giving me a small reprieve.
“I am sorry for calling you an old man,” I grunted.
He leaned down and kissed me on the forehead. This apology thing was getting annoying.
“I will pick the next two movies up and we can have a marathon the next time you are over.” He pulled me back down to the couch and I fought him a little.
“There are two more?”
“Yep, and the third one makes no sense at all. Fair warning,” he said, and I cuddled against him. We turned the channel and watched some new crime show for a few minutes. But all of a sudden his hand slipped under my shirt and he was on my breast. He was slowly caressing me through my bra. I didn’t say a word and pretended not to notice at first. Then, as he started to stroke my nipple, I shifted to give him a better angle. Within seconds of this I was wet and trying to suppress the need to moan.
He had enough of the subtle motions and pulled me onto his lap. He unhooked my bra and pulled my shirt off. He started to suck on my nipple and I leaned my head back, arching into him. I slowly started to grind against him and I felt his erection growing underneath me. I was a little sore since I was not used to all of this action but decided it was worth it.
After a few more moments, David picked me up and carried me to the bedroom. He had never put his shirt back on but had put on some sweatpants. They were easy enough to get off. I reached over to his bedside table for a condom and slid it on him. This time it was my turn. I climbed on top of Berneli and positioned myself just over him. I came down slowly at first, barely taking him in. With each thrust I took more and more until he was fully inside me. I kept it slow and controlled. He seemed to want to play a bigger role but I was not having it.
“I’m in control,” I commanded, and pulled him out up to the tip.
“I just want to help.” He was looking pained and I kind of enjoyed it. I slammed down hard on top of him and watched his eyes nearly burst out of his head. Then I leaned forward and started pounding hard and fast.
“I said, I’m in control,” I demanded again in a firmer voice. Then I stopped suddenly. “Say it! Say I’m in control,” I screamed.
“You are in control,” he moaned.
I took his hands and placed them on my hips. I leaned back this time and began to move fast, taking him deep. Every once in a while I mixed things up and spun my hips into a circle. I kept the fast pace until I was panting from effort but it was worth it. David was losing it. He screamed my name as he came and I followed him with my own moan of ecstasy. I leaned forward and lay down on top of him.
“Holy shit. What just happened?” he asked, running his fingers through his sweat slicked hair.
“I showed you why you don’t have to be jealous,” I said, still panting a little as I fought to catch my breath.
“After that I am going to be jealous every time you even look in another man’s direction.”
“Do I have a reason to be jealous?” I asked while trying to control my breathing.
“Of course. I can’t keep the EET girls off me.” David chuckled and then rolled over.
As I listened to his breathing even out, I couldn’t shake the feeling that he wasn’t kidding. I flat out told him that he didn’t need to be jealous and then he told me that I should be. Maybe this was his way of saying that we weren’t exclusive. It wasn’t like we spent every night together. He definitely had more than enough time to see another girl. Maybe he was with someone last night.
I rolled over and watched David as he slept. It seemed that with each breath, a knife was being pushed further and further into my heart. What if this was all part of his game? I was risking my future on this man, a man I thought I could depend on. Now I didn’t know what to think. It was time to do what was right for me.
Gently, I slipped out of bed and felt around the room for my clothes. I couldn’t find my panties and I didn’t want to risk turning the light on or the flashlight on my phone. Screw it, I thought, and I grabbed my bag to go. Before I left the bedroom, I turned around one last time and took this moment in. We’d had a lot of good times together and I was going to miss him.
A lone tear slid down my cheek and I let it. As much as I tried to push them away, the feelings I had for David were real. I was tired of pretending otherwise. I knew he didn’t share those real feelings, but that was okay. It would be okay.
I headed out of the apartment and called a cab to take me back to the dorm.
Chapter 15
As I was walking to my class, my phone buzzed in my back pocket. Naturally, it was David. I had to turn in my computer project so I didn’t have time to answer him. At least that was what I told myself. If I were being honest, I just didn’t want to talk to him. There was a good chance he would talk me back into his bed and I’d be right back in the same cycle I was in before. I couldn’t do that to myself or to my future. We were done.
***
The rest of the week went by pretty fast, especially since I continued to avoid talking to David, about David, or even really looking in his direction. In class, I just kept my head down and rushed out before he had the chance to corner me. Luckily, with the comedienne coming on Saturday, I didn’t have time to see David again. I was nervous but I was determined not to be alone with him. If I kept with the plan, then maybe I could get through it.
Saturday started pretty late in the afternoon. At around four, two people were needed to sell tickets so Jason and I volunteered to go to the box office. Annabelle had things she needed to handle in the EET office so she sent us on our way.
“She’s getting bossy!” Jason laughed and then looked at me. I forced a smile but Jason frowned. “What’s been going on with you? You’ve been quiet and moping for the last couple of days.”
“It’s nothing. Let’s just sell the tickets,” I said as we walked into the ticket office in front of the auditorium.
“We can do this the hard way or the easy way. But just remember that we will be here for the next two hours and I can be unbelievably annoying,” Jason teased, and gave me a playful shove.
“There is just a lot to get into and some of it kinda breaks a lot of school rules.”
“I’m waiting,” Jason said, and sat back in his chair, relaxed.
“Fine. I may have been having a relationship with someone I wasn’t supposed to and it got complicated. I ended it and that sucks. So, see, lots of complications.”
“Maybe you could fill in some more of those details because it sounds like you got back together with Trent, and if you did, I’ll kill him if he touched you again.” Jason looked at me hard and serious.
“No, you’re sweet, but I’m not seeing Trent. Um, okay, so don’t freak out, please,” I begged, and prepared myself to tell him.
“Let’s go. Out with it.”
“All right, I’ve been seeing Professor Berneli.” I winced and waited.
Jason didn’t respond at first but then he nodded and smiled wide. “I’m not gonna lie, I had a feeling you were doing something you shouldn’t with him.” He laughed and shook his head. “I even asked Annabelle about it a couple times but she denied it.”
My heart raced and panic began to set in. “Was it that obvious? Do you think other people know?” I dropped my head and squeezed my eyes shut. What did I do?
“Well, I figured something was up when he took Trent off the rider. Plus, you’ve been pretty absent most nights. No one has that much homework.”
“Great. What if other people noticed? I could get kick
ed out of school.” Regret flew through me and it felt like ice searing through my veins.
“Whoa, whoa, relax,” he said. “Okay, I’m sure people were pissed about the rider because a lot of people wanted to do it, but that doesn’t mean anything. And why would anyone else know you’ve been gone almost every night? So what if they have some kind of idea, there is no proof.”
“Proof, yeah, I guess the only way people would know is if there was a camera in his apartment or his office. Okay, that helps.”
“His office, really?” Jason teased, giving me a judgmental look.
“Shut up.”
“All right, so tell me what the issue is.”
“I tried to ask him what we are, like in a relationship or exclusive or, you know, just fuck buddies.”
“Language, princess!” Jason’s hand flew to his chest and he acted shocked.
“Oh, so sorry! Well, I tried to ask and he didn’t want to label it or anything. So I asked if I had a reason to be jealous and he made a joke about it. I think he might be seeing other students and it’s just not worth it. Like, what would I be risking everything for? Sex? Well, okay, it was amazing, but that’s not what I need. I just wanted someone to be with, you know?” My lips started to quiver a little and Jason quickly pulled me into a hug.
“Shhh, it’s okay.”
“No, no, it’s not okay. I thought I was special and meant something to him. But now I think he may have just been using me for sex. Am I being dramatic here? I keep wondering if maybe he did feel something and I left too soon.”
He gently stroked my back and held me tight. “As much as I want to tell you I think he cares, if he did, then I feel like he’d say it. Now, I’m not saying it’s because he’s seeing other girls, but he is leaving next year. Maybe he’s trying to keep from getting involved too deeply.” Jason let go of me and handed me a tissue.
I hadn’t started crying yet but I could feel it welling up inside of me.
“So you agree with me?” Somehow hearing that I wasn’t crazy helped me relax a little.
First Semester (Elton Hall Chronicles Book 1) Page 23