by Penelope Sky
“I know,” she said quietly. “I’ll talk to him about that…again. He can’t see straight when it comes to you. He gets very emotional and aggressive. He’s so angry because he loves you so deeply, but he’s also trying to make this work because he loves you so deeply. He’s at war with himself, and he has no control over it.”
“Yeah…I can see that.”
She placed her hand on mine. “I want you to be happy. I really do.”
“I know, Mama…”
“Just be patient with us. It seems like Griffin is more than patient with us.”
“He’ll do anything for me. It wasn’t easy for him to let go of his hate. It took a long time. But he finally did it, so I know he understands it’ll take you a while to feel the same. I would just like it if we could be in the same room without…everything going to shit.”
“Me too,” she said. “Maybe we’ll get there eventually.”
“Yeah…maybe.”
Three
Bones
I left the restaurant and stepped out into the cool night air. My collared shirt was uncomfortable because it was stiff like cardboard. My slacks weren’t my favorite either; nothing compared to my jeans. I only put on this ridiculous outfit to make a decent impression on her parents.
Which didn’t happen.
Crow had crossed the parking lot, and now he was headed to a bar across the street. Of course, he wouldn’t leave his wife far behind, wanting to be easily accessible at all times. But he didn’t want to sit in there with me a moment longer.
Too bad I wasn’t better company.
I followed him and walked into the bar. It was quiet because not too many people were drinking on a Wednesday. He sat at the bar, an empty glass in front of him. Only a few amber drops were left behind, evidence of the scotch he just downed. He got the attention of the bartender and asked for another.
I took the seat beside him.
He must have detected me before I joined him because he didn’t react to my company.
“I’ll have the same.”
The bartender slid the drink toward me.
I didn’t pick it up, choosing to watch him in my periphery. The time I spent with Crow taught me a lot about him, about the way he thought, about the man he was behind the information I’d gathered about him. I’d dug up every piece of information I could, but I never uncovered the depth of his feelings for his family.
For his daughter.
Conflicted, he couldn’t stop hating me, but he also couldn’t order Vanessa to stop seeing me. Every time he took a step forward, he took another step back. His love and hate balanced him out, bringing him to a painful stalemate.
I respected him for the way he loved Vanessa, for the way he wore his heart on his sleeve whenever he was around her. He wasn’t afraid to show weakness, absolutely unashamed to love with all his heart. That was a sign of a truly powerful man, of someone so invincible that perceived weaknesses didn’t make him weak at all. “Tell me what to do.”
He stared straight ahead.
“Tell me what you want from me. I’ll do it.”
He rested his fingertips against his lips. “Disappear.”
I didn’t feel the pain from his insult, even though he meant the word with every fiber of his being. “If I disappear, Vanessa will suffer.”
“Yes. But she won’t suffer forever.”
“But she’ll never find a man who will make her forget about me. You don’t see it, but what we have is real. I can hear her when she doesn’t speak. I can feel her pain as if it’s my own. Loving her is like having my heart exist outside my body. She’s taken everything from me, and I’ve willingly given her everything she’s asked for. Give me a chance to love, protect, and honor your daughter. I’m not the kind of man to ask for acceptance or approval. If someone doesn’t like me, I don’t give a damn. You’re the last man I thought I would ever work so hard to prove myself to. But here I am, practically on my knees, doing whatever it takes to make this work. Because I will take whatever insult you throw my way so I can have Vanessa. If you want to beat me to within an inch of my life, fine. If you want to shoot me, go ahead. Whatever you want, I’ll do it.”
“My hatred for you goes behind the flesh, Bones.”
“Then hurt me in some other way. I don’t care.”
“The best way to accomplish that is to take my daughter away from you…and I’m very tempted.”
“That wouldn’t hurt me,” I whispered. “That would kill me.”
He finally turned my way, his green eyes boring into mine.
“Don’t question my love for her. You have every right to hate me. I would judge you if you didn’t. But my love for her is genuine. I don’t want her for any other reason. Women are plentiful to me, whether I pay for them or find them in a bar. Vanessa gives me something no other woman ever has. She gives me something I can’t live without. I would do right by her, always be faithful to her, and make her a very rich woman.”
He stared into his full glass again. “I’m not blind to the fact that my daughter is beautiful, smart, and full of so much life that she’s a beacon that can be seen miles away. You aren’t the only man who would fall madly in love with her. She could have anyone she wanted. It just baffles me that she wants you.”
“I’m not that bad, Crow.”
“Not that bad?” he asked with a scoff. “You’re my worst fucking nightmare.”
“I’m not my father.”
“But you want to be,” he spat.
“Not anymore. I’m Griffin—just Griffin.”
“You told me the terrible things you did to my daughter.”
“And I left out all the good things I’ve done for her.”
He turned on his stool, facing me with his elbow on the bar. With a challenging gaze, he asked, “Then tell me, what have you done for her?”
After every terrible thing I did to her, I made up for it by being the man she could always rely on. I was always there for her, even if she couldn’t see me. “She acts like she doesn’t need someone to take care of her, and for the most part, that’s true. But I know she wants a man who can handle her. That’s me. I always watch her, even when she thinks I’m not looking. She tried to push me away and get rid of me because she despised me, so she went out, drank too much, and walked home alone in the dark.”
Crow’s nostrils flared slightly, and his eyes filled with disappointment.
“Some guys pulled over to the side of the road, did some catcalling, and when she told them to fuck off, they got out of the car to grab her. But I was there, watching her. I stepped out of the shadows and scared the boys away with a simple look. Then I picked her up and carried her the rest of the way home. She’s a smart woman who doesn’t usually put herself in stupid situations like that, but she was so upset with me she wasn’t thinking clearly. But I was there for her. I’m always there for her.”
Crow kept his fingers around his glass but didn’t take a drink.
“She said she didn’t want to see me anymore, and I respected her decision. But I knew she didn’t feel safe in that apartment anymore, not when I wasn’t there. So I parked my truck at the curb during the night so I could keep an eye on her place. She eventually called me because she was scared, kept hearing noises in the apartment. When I told her I was outside, she was finally able to get some sleep.”
Crow still didn’t say anything.
“She’s not the kind of woman who ever needs anything, but she’s not afraid to need things from me. That’s because she trusts me, wants me to take care of her. I need you to let me do that.”
Crow drank from his glass.
It didn’t seem to matter what I said, he would continue to hate me. “I’m not going to downplay my hatred for you. I’ve wanted revenge for a long time, my bitterness only growing during my tenure on the streets. You took everything away from me, and it didn’t seem fair. I was subjected to a cruel existence, while you got to have the perfect family in a damn mansion. I wanted to ki
ll all of you for taking away my inheritance. Letting that grudge go was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. But when Vanessa asked me, I couldn’t say no. I couldn’t deny what she wanted more than anything in the world. It was a hard sacrifice to make, to drop the blood feud. I know that’s not impressive to you because that’s the very reason you hate me, but I let the past go—for her. You can’t question my love for her or my honesty. I will say the truth to your face, no matter how painful it is.”
“Is that supposed to impress me? You’re a terrible man, but since you’re honest, that makes you a good one?” He swirled the liquid in his glass before he took another drink. “Still trash, if you ask me.”
I hated my new nickname. “I offered to buy her a gallery where she could display her pieces. I was the one who encouraged her to drop out of school because she’s too talented to listen to some bullshit instructor act like he knows better than she does. I’ve urged her to pursue her dreams because she’s meant for greatness. I don’t hold her back. I push her to her full potential.”
He drank from his glass again.
“There’s nothing more I can say or do to prove myself to you, Crow. You just need to acknowledge everything I’ve said.”
He slammed his glass down. “You expect me to look the other way when you say you wanted to kill my wife?” He turned his gaze back to me, cold and fiery. His arms were flexed with blood, muscle, and adrenaline. “My son? My brother? I should just let that go since you don’t want to kill my family anymore? Water under the bridge?”
“It’s better than holding on to a past that has no relevance now. Yes, I was your enemy. I’m not anymore.”
“And if Vanessa leaves you for another man, I’m just supposed to assume that my family is still safe? All you have to do is change your mind, and all our necks are on the line.”
“She wouldn’t leave me for someone else.” I was the only man she wanted, and I would love her so fiercely she would never want anyone else. I knew how to please a woman, and now I knew how to love one. “Trust me on that.”
“You have no idea what the future holds. Vanessa might wake up one morning and realize you aren’t what she wants anymore. She might not be able to overcome what you do for a living. You don’t know. And then, my family would be vulnerable. You would know everything about us, our every weakness. I can’t let that happen.”
“I promised Vanessa I would never hurt her family, regardless of what happens between us. I’m a man of my word—and I keep my promises.”
“Honorable men keep their promises. But you aren’t an honorable man. You know exactly what you are…”
Trash. “I already know how this is going to end. You aren’t going to be able to accept me—even though it’ll break her heart.”
He stared straight ahead. “You’re probably right. So why don’t you just give up?”
“Because I’m not going to give up until I absolutely have to. She means too much to me, and I know how much it’ll kill her if she loses me. My entire life rests in your hands—and I hate knowing you have this much power over me.”
He drank his scotch, his elbows resting on the table.
“Just keep in mind your relationship with your wife. If her family had told her not to be with you, because you were a criminal and a murderer, what would you have done? Where would you be right now? And where would she be? Would she be better off without you? Or did you give her everything that she deserved?”
He didn’t acknowledge my words, continuing to stare straight ahead.
“I know you don’t like me, but I’m the best thing for her, Crow.”
He gripped his glass, his knuckles flexing like he was considering smashing it. “I’ve sacrificed everything for my family. My brother and I live peaceful lives in the countryside, where we make wine and mind our own business. I don’t want my daughter getting involved in that lifestyle, the kind of world I’ve tried to protect her from.”
“I keep my business separate from my personal life.”
He shook his head. “Not possible. You cross the wrong person, and they never stop coming after you. And you might not realize it until it’s too late. As long as you do that for a living, the risk will always be there. And Vanessa is the first person they’ll use against you—just how you tried to use her against me.”
“I would never let that happen.”
“It’s out of your control. There are so many things I don’t like about you…but I despise your ignorance and arrogance the most.” He finished his glass then left cash on the bar. “I’m done talking to you.” He left me at the bar and walked out.
I stayed on the stool and didn’t go after him, unsure if this conversation had helped or just made it worse.
Vanessa and I were quiet on the drive home. She didn’t tell me what happened with her mother, and I didn’t mention the conversation I had with her father. Judging by our silence, we both know nothing good happened on either front.
We took the elevator to the top floor and went straight to bed. I considered what Crow said, that my criminal lifestyle could catch up with me and hurt Vanessa in the end. She asked me to stop working, but without my job, I wouldn’t have any other purpose. It was a business I’d been running a long time. I couldn’t just walk away from it.
Crow never asked me to.
It made me realize he was never going to give me a real chance. If he were, he would have asked if I would quit the business and retire. The sacrifice would speak volumes, and then he wouldn’t be able to hold it against me.
So he didn’t ask at all since it wouldn’t make a difference anyway.
I didn’t tell Vanessa because it would only make her upset.
We went to bed, and I lay on my back in the center of the mattress. After a night like that, I wasn’t exactly in the mood for sex. I always wanted Vanessa, but the overwhelming sense of frustration burned out my drive. The time I had with her seemed shorter and shorter every time I spoke to her father.
The situation was like a bomb ready to go off.
When it did, Vanessa would be gone.
Vanessa moved on top of my body and lay directly on my chest. She was in my t-shirt with her hair spread everywhere. She was too upset to remember to take off her makeup, so she kept it on as she lay on top of me. She immediately closed her eyes with her hands resting on my warm skin, clinging to me like it was our last night together.
She still didn’t mention dinner, and neither did I.
We were both too depressed to say anything.
The next few days were spent in silence.
We hardly spoke to each other, neither one of us wanting to address the dead space between us. We coexisted without speaking, making love regularly and having our meals together. But the conversation had dried up, like muttering a single word would destroy us both.
I felt like I’d failed her.
I wondered if there was something else I could have done or said to persuade her father, but I knew there was nothing. He was a stubborn man, set in his ways. The good things I did for his daughter didn’t outweigh the bad. I might protect her, but it didn’t diminish the risk our relationship brought to the table.
She lay beside me one night, her leg hitched over my hip as her arm curled around my torso. Her head rested beside me on the pillow, her beautiful face not as pretty because she was so sad. I could see it in her green eyes, the way her eyes didn’t emit as much light.
My fingers trailed up her arm and then stopped at her neck, feeling her steady pulse. I’d made love to her the way she liked, but the connection between us wasn’t as strong as it used to be. The sadness we both shared had dampened our chemistry, had masked the pleasure because we were scared we would lose each other.
“I don’t know what to do…” She stared at my chest, her eyes downcast on purpose. “Every time we’re with them, it’s like it’s the first time. They’re just as angry as the day I brought you home. My mom said she would talk to my father and they would work on it…
but I don’t know.”
I knew she didn’t want to talk about this, but the silence over the last few days had been too much for her. It was eating away at her, piece by piece. “We need to be patient.”
“I don’t mind being patient. But it seems like they aren’t even trying.”
“They don’t know where to begin.”
“I understand that…but all my father does is insult you.”
“I can handle it, baby. Don’t worry about that.”
“That’s not the point. I can’t stand to listen to him talk to you that way…it hurts me.”
I tugged her closer to me and kissed her on the mouth, making her feel better with my kiss.
“I told my mom how much you mean to me…that we have to make this work. I need you to be happy. She seemed to listen. Her eyes light up so brightly every time she sees me because she misses me so much. I see it every single time. I know how much she loves me. I know how much she wants me to be happy. I’m just not sure if that will be enough.”
I recognized the look Vanessa had mentioned, but I saw it on both of her parents’ faces. Vanessa was the center of their universe, and anytime they got to be with her, it brought them such joy. I knew they hated being five hours away from her. I knew they wanted to spend more time with her.
That gave me an idea—even though I didn’t like it. “Baby?”
“What?”
“What if we got a place in Tuscany? Somewhere close by?”
Her eyes didn’t soften in hope. “You know I would love that. But I don’t want to plan for the future right now…it’ll just make it harder.”
“I meant now. Your parents love seeing you. So what if we got a place down there, and they got to see you all the time? We could show them what it would be like if they accepted this relationship. It would make them happy, even if that sense of joy has nothing to do with me. I could go to the winery and help out, spend time with them every day even if we don’t talk much. It might work.”
“You would do that…?”