by Deb Julienne
“I can’t do that again. I don’t want to.” Angel loaded the signed books back in the first box, perturbed that her friend felt the need to interfere.
“What you experienced was beastly. You’ll get no argument from me. But it wasn’t the end of the world.” Carina spoke with a firm but gentle tone. She always chose her words carefully, much the way a big sister would. Honest, yet on point.
“No—just the end of my family. I’ve spent so much time being angry at my folks. I’m tired of being mad. The reality is I miss them.” Talking about her family always made her feel like she was stuck in the corner on a time-out.
“You could always call them.” Carina lived her life with the belief that nothing negative was worth holding onto, including parents.
“They still won’t speak to me.” Angel bit her lip.
Carina’s wide-eyed stare spoke louder than her words. “You know that for a fact?”
“Yes. Marianne called them at Christmas. She asked if they’d talk to me. They said no.”
“I’m sure your sister meant well, but what did we decide on that?” Carina came around the counter and gripped Angel by the upper arms. “There is no way to change another person’s perception. You can only change yours.”
“I know, but—” Carina pressed her palm to Angel’s cheek.
“But nothing, love. You should be proud of yourself. You made the best of a rotten situation. You’re not to blame for their contemptible behavior. How Grant and your parents reacted to that whole situation was wrong, but you did the right thing.” Carina brushed a strand of hair out of Angel’s face then moved back behind the counter.
“Did I?” She pulled the last book from the third box and dropped the box on the floor then opened the fourth.
“Yes, you did. Just because Grant destroyed your innocence doesn’t mean you should let what he did ruin the best part of your life.” Carina took her seat, adjusted her bangle bracelets, and resumed signing.
“True, but it was my virginity, all for the sake of a bet.” Angel slumped against the counter and covered her face to hide her shame. She was so tired of the past, the hurt, the humiliation.
“Still, you can’t shut down your emotions or turn off your heart because of a daft prick. Everybody needs love—even you.” Carina smacked the countertop.
Angel tried to sound confident. “I’ve been doing just fine without a man in my life.”
“Have you really? Then why are you so afraid to talk about the man you met?” Carina crossed her arms, and her posture stiffened.
“Yes, I met a man. He’s the brother of the guy I sold the wedding dress to.”
“And?”
Angel chose her words cautiously, careful to keep her tone calm, almost flat. “And he was nice, charming, and fun to be with. I enjoyed being with him.”
“Glad to hear it.” Carina smiled.
She really wanted Carina to drop the subject. “But so was Grant.” How had that slipped out? Damn it.
Carina slammed the book she’d just signed and shoved it toward the growing pile. “Forget about Grant. Tell me about this man.”
What did she have to lose? “His name is Travis Wellington. He’s handsome, wealthy, smar—”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, those are almost the same words you once used to describe Grant. Grant was an egotistical, testosterone-driven, college-bound jock. Travis is a man. Do you honestly think of Grant and this man the same way?” Carina tilted her head and waited for a response.
“Well, no. I believed in love when I met Grant. Not anymore.” Angel berated herself again for falling for Grant’s lies.
“Then why are you having issues about Travis?” Carina handed her another book.
“I’m not sure.” She hated to admit it, but it was true.
Carina lifted her chin. “Tell me about him? Forget about Grant. Focus on Travis. What about the man appeals to you?”
“He makes me laugh. He challenges me to open up, but he also scares me.”
“Scares you how?” Carina rested her elbows on the counter, hands clasped.
“He makes me feel…things.” Did she really just admit that aloud?
“Such as? Come on, don’t make me beg.” Carina gestured for her to go on.
Nervous about what to say, and how much to admit, she flipped through the book. “I don’t know. How can I define what I don’t understand? We kissed at midnight on New Year’s Eve. We stayed up all night talking and laughing while I fended off his silly advances.”
Carina plucked the book from her hand. “Silly advances?” Carina licked her lips. “How intriguing. Care to explain that one?”
“It was harmless.” She bit her bottom lip, savoring the memory.
“Come on, you’re killing me. Talk,” Carina insisted.
“We played twenty questions, which turned a bit X-rated, playfully so. I enjoyed derailing him.” Her mind wandered back to that night, leaving her warm all over.
“The wistful smile on your face says it was more than that. Are you sure that’s all there was to it? A bit of fun?” said Carina.
“It was pretty funny. I managed to embarrass him on several occasions.” She fingered her angel necklace, relishing the thought of Travis.
“What’s that you have there?” Carina asked.
“Travis bought it for me in Tahoe.”
“It’s quite a nice bauble.”
Angel blushed but refused to say more.
“What are you trying to say? That you can be yourself when you’re with him?” Carina asked.
Was that really the case? “Yes. I guess that’s it.”
Carina held her thumb up. “You’ve forgotten how to have a relationship.” She added a finger. “In fact, you’ve never really had a relationship with a man.” Carina put up one more finger. “It’s the first time you’ve experienced a healthy exchange with a man. You flirted with him, had fun, and enjoyed yourself.”
“Maybe that’s it.” Angel fought the other woman’s obsessive desire to make her let go of the past. Couldn’t Carina see she wasn’t ready?
Carina gave her a hug, enveloping her in her arms, doing what her own family never did. Her folks had never been very demonstrative in their affection, nor were they given to excessive displays of emotion. Carina’s hug had a way of making her feel important, which was something she missed. Not just now, but even as a child.
Carina pushed away and stroked her arm. “No maybe about it. When you cut men out of your life, you also cut out a huge part of the average learning process.” Carina moved to the lingerie section of the shop. “Think about it. You run an adult shop.” She moved to the product side of the store and picked up a vibrator. “You sell sexual paraphernalia for a living. You probably have almost as much knowledge about sex as I do, well…at least the practical act.” Carina pointed out the irony between Angel and her store with the purple latex apparatus.
Angel glared at Carina, fighting the urge to agree with her.
Carina placed a hand over hers. “But you’ve neglected to experience the learning curve most teenagers and young women have gone through by this point in your life. Why would you do that?” Carina doubled-tapped Angel’s temple. “Or was it to protect your broken heart?” Carina patted Angel’s chest. “I don’t think so. I’m not even convinced you really loved Grant.” Carina dismissively waved her hand. “I think you’re still mad at yourself.”
Guilty as charged, Angel bowed her head.
“Grant was a selfish prig. Once he got what he wanted and moved on, you became a victim caught in his nasty game.” Carina removed her glasses and patted Angel’s hand. “We all do stupid things. Common sense often flies out the window when we’re in the throes of passion. I’ve done it, too.” Carina sighed.
Carina’s admission shocked Angel. “I guess. It helps knowing I’m not the only one.”
“There’s nothing to guess. You deserve every bit of happiness as the next person. Just because you fell for one fool, doesn’t mean Travi
s is going to be the same way. In fact, you’re insulting the man by assuming he’ll automatically do the same thing to you.” Carina squeezed her hand and went back to signing.
“I never stopped to look at it that way.”
“Are you seeing him again?” Carina handed her another signed copy.
“I’m not sure. He’s in Boston right now. We’ve talked every night since the wedding.” Angel glanced at her watch. Seven hours until she’d talk to him again.
“How to do you feel when you talk to him?” Carina asked. “And don’t give me any bunk that you don’t know. You’re clock watching.”
Angel blushed. “Happy, nervous, scared. Horny, hot and bothered. Stupid, angry, horny.” Angel shrugged, trying to play it off so Carina wouldn’t notice just how excited she was about talking to him again.
“Good, that means you’re letting yourself feel something, not cutting yourself off. But, I’m seeing a theme here. I mean—you did mention horny twice.”
“What should I do?” Angel hated her insecurities.
“The obvious—go out with him again,” Carina said.
“But what if it’s another disaster?”
“Are you sure you’re not afraid of the bigger question?” A smug expression crept across Carina’s face. “What if it isn’t?”
“I hate having so many regrets.”
“Regrets have no place in life. They aren’t worth the time you waste on them. Use that situation to learn and move on. End of story. You and I both know you’ll never let it happen again. Right?” A lone brow arched high on Carina’s forehead.
“God, I hope not.”
“Come on. Be positive. What do you have to lose?” Carina encouraged.
“What little self-respect I have left,” Angel said under her breath.
“Stop insulting your intelligence. You said you read my book. If you did then you know positive reinforcement is good. Give yourself a chance. Hell, give Travis a chance to prove he’s nothing like that twit you dated in high school.” Carina hugged her again.
“Okay, okay. I promise.” Angel wanted to believe Carina. She’d read the book. It made sense, and yet it didn’t. Maybe if it had come at a different time. Travis was different. So far. But Grant had been perfect right up until she found out about the bet and all his other lies. Positive reinforcement? She was positive Travis was as big of an asshole as Grant. No, that wasn’t fair.
“Now that we’ve cleared that up, I have something else for you.” Carina reached into her purse, pulled out two other books, and handed them to her.
Mind-Blowing Sex and The Best Sex of Your Life. “What, I needed a pep talk before you gave me these?”
Carina laughed so hard her butterfly necklace bounced from breast to breast. “Maybe I thought you needed to be in the right frame of mind before I suggested them. Admit it. When you read the sex kitten book, you never considered applying it to yourself, only who you could suggest it to. Correct?”
Angel opened her mouth to speak then shut it. Her face was on fire. How could she argue when that’s exactly what she’d done? A book handpicked for Sabrina. Even now as she thumbed through the new books, her thoughts strayed to Kat and Jill.
“Your silence speaks volumes. Stop thinking of everyone else and make yourself a priority. You’ll be glad you did. In fact, I’m going to issue you a challenge.” Carina picked up the book she’d just signed and handed it to Angel. “Re-read the sex kitten book and then read Mind-Blowing Sex before your date with Travis. I’m not saying to go on the date and plan to have sex. Instead, make it about you. Think about your wants and needs while you spend time with him. You might find you’re more interested in him than you thought.” Carina’s face was as stern as her voice.
“I’ll try.” She’d felt like this as a child the one and only time she’d been sent to the principal’s office. At the same time, the idea of the books and an evening with Travis held a great deal of appeal.
“That’s all I ask. Don’t be surprised if once you acknowledge your feelings you actually relish the idea of a man in your life and maybe even sex. You might also find you go a bit crazy. If that happens, run with it. Enjoy. Have fun, and stop with the regrets, guilt, and self-recriminations already.” Carina tipped her head.
Angel nodded along with Carina, reaffirming for her there was a chance for success, but no way would she let the date go that far.
Carina finished signing the last of the books. “Any chance you have time for lunch? It’s on me.”
“I’m a bit behind today. How about a rain check?” Angel continued to rebox the books. “Go ahead and order six dozen each of the new books and if you can deliver them in person give me a call and we’ll plan on lunch then.” Angel hated using the lame excuse, especially because she hadn’t seen Carina in a while, but she couldn’t take any more in-your-face lessons. At the same time, she still had to figure out the price for the books so she could get them ready to go on the shelf.
“Sounds good. I’ll sign them as well if you want.”
“Definitely. We should plan for a book signing on site. Are you interested?” Angel imagined the additional sales from a signing.
“I’d love to. Let me check my schedule to see when I’ll be back in California and we’ll talk.” Carina grabbed her purse and looped her arm through Angel’s. “I’ll ring you from my hotel later today.”
“It was good seeing you, Carina. Thanks for stopping by.”
The tinkling of the bell signaled a new arrival.
“Hey, Angel, how’s it going?” Sabrina breezed into the store with a huge smile on her face.
“How’s married life?”
“Sheer, unadulterated bliss.” Sabrina’s glance strayed to a pale pink negligee, and she lit up.
“Sabrina, this is Carina. I told you about her. She’s the one who helped me with the store. Carina, this is Sabrina, the bride who wore one of my designs.” Angel glanced at the books on the counter.
Carina coughed then cast an eye on the books also.
Angel stilled. Leave it to Carina to read her mind based on her actions.
Sabrina extended her hand. “Nice to meet you.”
Carina shook her hand. “Congratulations. From everything I’ve heard it was truly a magical wedding.”
“It was.” Sabrina beamed, and her green eye sparkled.
“Well, I’ll be on my way and let you two catch up. Let me know how your date goes. I’m only a phone call away if you need any advice or perhaps a pep talk so you don’t chicken out.” Carina quirked an eye at her.
“Subtle as a hammer to the back of my head.” The word chicken reminded her of her conversation with Travis at the restaurant. She didn’t want to be a coward. Angel wanted to scream. It was bad enough that Carina continued to push her, but now she’d have Sabrina asking questions, too. “But good to know.”
Angel hugged Carina. “Let me know when you’ll be back this way.”
“Will do. Cheers.” Carina waved as she walked out the door.
Sabrina picked up one of the Sex Kitten books stacked on the front counter. Her eyes lit with an intensity that matched her smile.
Angel was so not ready for this conversation. Not after the one she’d just had with Carina.
“Are you holding out on me?” Sabrina adjusted her plum-colored sweater then thumbed through the book.
“No, in fact here’s a copy for you to sample. I ordered them with you in mind.”
“You couldn’t have ordered them sooner?” Sabrina flipped from page to page, the tip of her tongue pressed to her top lip.
“They were out of print. I’ve been waiting on the second print run,” Angel said.
“This is great. I can’t wait to read it.” Sabrina snickered at something she read. “I gotta try that on Trent.”
“There are two others after you’re done with that one. I’m reading them first.”
“Dibs on both.” Sabrina continued flipping through the pages.
She’d gladl
y share them with Kat and Jill after Sabrina was done with them. Angel doubted Sabrina was aware that Kat was a returning customer or that all of Kat’s lingerie came from the shop.
Sabrina put the book in her purse. “What was Carina talking about? What date?”
“My date with Travis.” She folded the lid of the first box and moved it to the back room.
“I’m so glad you two hooked up.” Sabrina, looking pleased, leaned her petite frame on her counter. She wore black skinny jeans that molded to her body tucked into knee-high boots.
“We’ve done no such thing. We’re talking, that’s all,” she said then pushed her way through the curtains and grabbed another box.
“But you just said you had a date.” Sabrina held the box open for her.
“Date. Ah, shit. I am so screwed.” She closed up the third and fourth box then move to the fifth.
“Really? You and Travis hit it off that well, huh?” Sabrina smirked as she fingered her wedding ring. Cinnamon-colored hair cascaded over her shoulder. Her lips were pursed, her nose was slightly in the air, and she had a smile that dared her to argue.
Angel didn’t like her I-told-you-so expression. “It’s more than that. He calls every day, asks about work, the weather, and our next date.” Stalling, she grabbed another box and moved it to the back room with the others.
Sabrina pushed through the curtains with a box in her arms. “Which is?”
“He’s still in Boston.” Angel said. “He flew back the day after we left Tahoe, intent on severing things with the family business.”
“Oh crap.” Sabrina paled and bit her bottom lip. “I wonder if Trent heard about it yet. He hasn’t mentioned anything.”
“No idea, but I can’t imagine their parents will be happy about it. They’ll blame me, and frankly that’s not the way to begin a relationship.” Angel set the box down. Her neck and shoulders ached, not from lifting boxes, but from the tension of these conversations.
“I don’t know them that well, but maybe it won’t be so bad. When is Travis coming back?” Sabrina asked.