by Jane Fallon
Later, when Lorna comes in – the twenty-five minutes late that has become her custom these days – looking watery eyed and lank haired, and hyped up on disappointment and lack of food, I hear my protégée deliver the two messages in person and I’m glad my lecture hit home.
At lunchtime, while Kay is out getting a sandwich and doing some shopping, I answer another call from Craig.
‘How did it go?’ I know that he’s been a mess of excitement and anxiety in the run-up to his first real commissioning meeting.
‘Great,’ he says. ‘Except that the script editor mentioned that they’d never heard back from Lorna about my fee so I still don’t have a contract.’
Really? What is going on with that woman? I try not to sound as exasperated as I feel. ‘There must have been a mix up. I know she was trying to call them,’ I lie. ‘I’ll get her to try them again today and we’ll get it sorted. Don’t worry.’
‘Only Hattie, that’s the script editor, she said they can’t go ahead if it’s not all agreed. Just in case Lorna turns round and asks them for a fortune or something. I told her I’d write it for nothing…’
‘It won’t come to that. She’s on the phone at the moment, but as soon as she gets off I’ll talk to her and one of us will call you back, OK?’
‘OK,’ he says reluctantly.
I wait a few minutes but Lorna’s line is still engaged so I send her an email marked ‘Urgent!!!’. I watch for her light to go out to tell me she’s off the phone, but after fifteen minutes it’s still lit up. It occurs to me that she might be doing her trick of sitting there with it off the hook again so, even though I could wait for Kay to come back in thirty-five minutes’ time, I decide that for Craig’s sake this needs to be dealt with now.
I steel myself to approach the closed door of her office. I listen outside for a few moments, but I can’t hear her talking so I knock and wait for her to tell me to come in. Silence. I knock again. I’m sure I would have heard her if she’d gone out, and her coat is still hanging on the hook in the hall. I knock once more and then open the door. Lorna is at her desk, tears streaming down her face, eyes swollen.
‘What?’ she says aggressively. I notice that her phone is lying on her desk again. I decide to try to ignore the state she’s in and just act businesslike. She clearly didn’t want me to see her like this. I tell her about Craig as briefly as I can.
‘I spoke to the producer,’ she says defensively. ‘I said he’d accept the minimum.’
‘Well, maybe someone there messed up. They obviously didn’t make a note or pass it on or… whatever.’ I just want to get out of the room as quickly as I can. ‘Perhaps you could ring them and put it straight? Craig’s terrified they’ll get someone else to write it.’
‘Fine,’ she says.
‘OK. Good.’ I start to retreat, but it’s incredibly hard to ignore someone who seems to be having some kind of nervous breakdown right in front of you, however much you dislike them so, before I can stop myself, I say, ‘Are you OK?’
‘Next time,’ she says, ‘if you knock and you don’t hear me say come in, then don’t come in.’
‘You’re the boss,’ I say sarcastically. That’s the last time I try to be nice.
When I get back to reception I see the light by her phone line go off and on again. I know I shouldn’t, but I flick the switch that allows me to listen in on her call and I clamp my hand firmly over the mouthpiece so she can’t hear me breathing. Someone answers the phone with the words ‘Reddington Road’ and Lorna asks for one of the producers by name.
‘Kate,’ she says as soon as she’s put through. ‘I’m so sorry. I completely neglected to call you back about Craig Connolly. I know he had his script meeting this morning and I just wanted to confirm that, of course, he’ll do it for the minimum. He’s just thrilled to have the break.’
‘Great,’ Kate says. ‘I was worried there was a problem there for a moment. Especially as he had already had to miss the story conference…’
‘He was ill,’ Lorna jumps in. ‘But he’s very confident that he’s up to speed with everything and he’s raring to go. And, again, I can’t apologize enough,’ she adds. ‘It’s entirely our fuck-up. To be completely honest, I didn’t get your message, but anyway…’
‘No problem,’ Kate says pleasantly. ‘I’ll get Emma to send the contract out today and you tell Craig he should just get on with it.’
I wait for Lorna to hang up before I put my phone down too. I assume that when her light goes on again she’s calling Craig to tell him the good news, but I decide to call him myself later to reiterate it. Just in case.
I can understand why she didn’t want to admit to me that she had messed up but her behaviour seems so extreme. I know that, lazy as she can be on occasions, her promotion means everything to her. It’s given her the status she’s always wanted and I can’t believe she’s going to mess it all up now. Can this all still be fallout from her bust-up with Alex? Did she really believe they were going to get married and have babies and live happily ever after? It’s not beyond the realms of possibility. Alex is an attractive and funny man. He was professing his love for her within about five minutes of their starting to go out. Why wouldn’t she believe him? Why wouldn’t she fall in love with him back? Just because I know that he was stringing her along doesn’t make it any less real for her.
19
In one fell swoop Dan’s and my social life – such as it was – is over. Gone. Kaput. We still have Isabel, of course, but she doesn’t want to leave the girls more often than she has to after all the upheaval there’s been in their lives lately, and on the nights when she does she understandably wants to see Luke. There are other more casual friendships, couples we know through the kids or from the local pub, people Dan works with, but they’re the kind of friends you exchange Christmas cards with and chat to for ten minutes at parties; none of them are people we’ve ever felt the desire to spend whole evenings with.
In desperation to get Dan out of the house and to take his mind off things I write a list of all our possible new best friends and try to feel enthusiastic about arranging an evening out with any of them.
‘Anna and Kelvin?’
‘Mmm,’ he says, non-committally. ‘They’re OK.’
‘How about Sharon and Patrick? We had a good time with them at that school barbecue.’
‘He’s a bit of a know-all.’
He’s right. ‘You’re right,’ I say, crossing them off the list. ‘Not them.’ I scroll further down the list of names. ‘Oh, what about Rose and Simon? They’re fun.’
Dan sighs. ‘Do we have to? They’re nice enough but I just don’t feel like trying to force a connection with someone. Friendships happen naturally; they’re organic.’
‘I know that. But you have to interact with people in order to allow a friendship to develop organically. All I’m saying is why don’t we see if Rose and Simon want to have dinner? We might have a good time. If we don’t fall madly in love with them, then it’s no big deal. It’s just a night out, Dan, that’s all.’
‘Maybe in a couple of weeks,’ he says. ‘I don’t feel like it at the moment.’
‘Things aren’t just going to go back to the way they were, you know.’ I brush the hair away from his eyes the way I’m always doing to William. ‘Trust me, if there was a way for that to happen I would have found it by now.’
He shrugs. ‘What’s for dinner?’ he says, and that’s the end of it.
It’s quiet in the office. I’m reading a script that’s been sent in for Gary McPherson. It’s a two-minute scene in a film – a cameo, I’m sure Gary would call it, but actually it’s just a very small part. It’s one of those cockney geezer gangster movies that are like something set in the 1950s but with added guns and swearing. I’m quite enjoying it, actually, although I’m pretty sure it’ll go straight to DVD because there’s no budget and the cast is like a who’s who of the nineties. Still, Gary needs the work and I’m sure Joshua will persuade him to s
ay yes.
Kay is typing something or other on her computer and Joshua, Melanie and Lorna are all in their separate offices with the doors shut doing whatever it is they do. I’m drifting off, something I often do when I’m reading scripts in the office and I usually don’t realize until I’ve read the same page three times. It’s one of those dull days where it already feels like it’s getting dark at about two thirty, which doesn’t help. Plus I ate way too much at lunch because I got a take-out jacket potato with beans and cheese from the café round the corner and then stuffed in a whole Kit Kat. I feel my eyes shutting and I have to force myself to open them again.
‘Jesus,’ I say to Kay. ‘I’m falling asleep here.’
I barely get the words out before I hear the front door bang open. Both Kay and I nearly jump out of our skin. I get up and walk towards the door to the corridor to see who’s coming for a visit just as a very unsteady-looking figure staggers through it towards me. We nearly collide and, as I’m about to apologize, I realize that it’s Alex and, not only that, but he’s blind drunk.
‘Ah, there she is,’ he shouts. He’s acting like Oliver Reed on a chat show, all fake bonhomie and talking like he’s addressing the Albert Hall without a microphone.
‘My favourite woman in the world. The love of my life.’
I take a step back. I notice that Kay has stood up and is looking anxiously in my direction.
‘Rebecca?’ she says. ‘Is everything OK?’
‘It’s fine.’ I turn my attention back to the figure reeling in the doorway. ‘Alex, what are you doing here?’
‘I’ve come to see you. Can’t I visit my friend in her place of work?’
‘You’re pissed,’ I say, stating the blatantly obvious.
‘Ooh, well observed.’ He’s talking way too loudly and my main preoccupation isn’t ‘what is Alex doing here drunk, at my place of work, in the middle of the day?’ – it’s that Joshua or Melanie might hear him and come out to see what’s going on.
‘I think you should leave, OK?’ I say, although I know I’m fighting a losing battle. Alex has come to make a scene and he’s not going to leave till he’s done so.
‘What should I do?’ Kay says. ‘Shall I get Joshua?’
‘No!’ I say, panicked.
‘I’m Rebecca’s friend,’ Alex says, extending a hand to Kay, which she takes like it was a hand grenade with the pin pulled out. ‘Surely she’s told you about me?’
‘I don’t… I’ve only been here a couple of days,’ Kay says nervously.
‘I’m also Rebecca’s husband’s best mate,’ he says, like that’s any kind of explanation. ‘Or, at least, I was. And I used to go out with the lovely Lorna. Oh, and before that me and Bex had a little thing, didn’t we, Bex?’
‘No,’ I say firmly, ‘we did not.’
‘Rebecca’s kind of the reason me and Lorna broke up and Dan is no longer my best friend. Isn’t that right?’ He looks at me, eyes unfocused. God, he really must have been knocking them back.
‘Ignore him,’ I say. ‘He’s drunk and he’s talking bollocks. I’ll explain later.’
‘Oh, go on, explain it all to her now. I’d love to hear the whole sad little story from your perspective.’
I’ve had enough of this. ‘Really? Would you really like to hear my version of what’s happened, Alex? OK, here goes. You ready?’ I look at him and he sways a little. ‘This, Kay, is the story of mine and Alex’s relationship. We were friends for twenty years. Like he said, he was my husband’s best friend and his wife was – still is – my best friend. But recently Alex left his wife – out of the blue – and he told me he was in love with me. That he’d never really loved his wife because he’d always been in love with me. He even asked me to leave my husband – his closest mate, remember – and go away with him. I said no. Obviously. I told him I wasn’t – that I never have been – interested in him. And then he asked Lorna out and he used her, basically. Luckily she saw sense and dumped him.’
‘When you interfered and fucked it up,’ Alex says aggressively.
‘And he and Dan are no longer friends,’ I continue, ignoring his interjection. ‘Understandably. So basically he got what he deserved all round. And he’s bitter about it – mostly about getting caught, I think – but it’s all his own fault. He’s the architect of his own downfall and that’s what’s really killing him.’
I stop and look at him to see if my words have hit home. It’s hard to tell. He puts a hand on the corner of Kay’s desk to steady himself.
‘I think that’s a pretty fair analysis, isn’t it, Alex?’
‘You know why I’ve come here?’ he says.
‘Enlighten me.’
‘You think you can ruin my life,’ he says. ‘Fine. It works both ways, though.’
I have no idea what he means, but I’m not going to give him the satisfaction of looking concerned.
‘You’re so smug,’ he says. ‘You’re so certain your relationship’s perfect, that your whole life is perfect.’
I don’t say anything, mostly because I don’t know what to say. I feel uneasy about what’s coming next.
‘You think Dan’s as certain? You think he’s never wavered?’ A hint of a smirk starts to creep across his face. ‘You think there haven’t been times when he’s been bored of you or had his head turned by someone else? Ask him about Edinburgh. Ask him what happened when we went away for the weekend.’
My heart nearly stops. What is he talking about? There can’t be anything Dan has kept from me. He and Alex went to Scotland for a couple of days about four years ago. They thought it would be fun to go hiking in the day and drinking in little old pubs in the evening, and Isabel and I were only too happy to let them go and play. I quickly scan my memory for telltale signs that anything was wrong, that Dan was unhappy or different in any way when they came home, but there’s nothing.
‘You’re so full of shit,’ I say, and Alex smirks that fucking annoying knowing smirk again.
‘Fine,’ he says. ‘Don’t believe me if you don’t want to.’
Kay has walked over to stand beside me as if we’ll look more intimidating timesed by two.
‘OK,’ she says, and I can hear a waver in her voice. She’s not to know that Alex isn’t given to violence. ‘It’s time for you to go.’
‘Who’s your Rottweiler?’ Alex says to me, laughing to himself at how witty he is.
‘She’s the person who’s going to scream the place down if you don’t leave now. She’s also the person who is going to call the police,’ she adds, two threats being better than one.
‘It’s OK,’ he says. ‘I’m leaving. I’ve said everything I came to say.’ He starts to back off and then turns to Kay as an afterthought. ‘Can you believe I ever thought I was in love with that?’ He looks me up and down theatrically. ‘I mean, look at her. What a bitch.’
He moves again and I’m willing him to leave. Just get out of here. God knows what Kay must think. He’s on his way to the front door. Backwards for maximum smirking potential. He’s almost there when it opens and Lorna walks through and bumps straight into her ex. Oh God. I’d forgotten about her. She stops dead in her tracks when she realizes who it is.
‘Alex…’
Alex turns a little unsteadily. ‘Oh, hi, Lorna.’
She’s turned completely pale. In fact she looks like she might faint. There’s a glimmer of hope in her voice that she doesn’t even try to disguise. ‘Did you come to see me?’ Alex almost double takes, as if he’s just remembered that this is where she works too.
‘No. I came to see Rebecca.’
I actually feel sorry for her. He doesn’t even care enough to pretend. Or he’s too wrapped up in his own personal drama to even register her distress. Either way, Lorna is clearly not at the top of his agenda. It’s as if the look on her face once he’s delivered this blow sobers him up suddenly, though, and he notices for the first time just how bad she looks.
‘I mean, obviously I was going to say hi
to you too. See how you were. How are you?’
‘Have you got time for a coffee?’ she says, unable to keep the desperation out of her voice.
Alex indicates Kay who is looking utterly bemused. ‘Well, old Goebbels over there threatened to ring the police unless I left so…’
Lorna looks at Kay. ‘Alex is a friend of mine.’
‘Fine,’ Kay says. ‘It was just getting a bit out of hand. I didn’t know what else to do.’
‘You did right,’ I say. I don’t want Kay to be dragged into this mess any more than is necessary. Lorna shoots me a look that is, to say the least, hostile.
‘Alex is always welcome to come and see me,’ she says.
‘Actually,’ Alex pipes up. ‘I can’t stay. Another time, Lorna, OK?’
Her face falls. ‘Just for ten minutes. We really should talk.’
I know that, painful as this scenario would be for her under any circumstances, having to have this conversation in front of me must be agony. I move backwards towards reception and I indicate to Kay that she should do the same.
‘What the hell’s going on?’ she whispers as we back off.
‘Shh,’ I hiss. I want to hear what the outcome is.
‘I told you I can’t, OK. I’m busy. I have to go.’
‘No,’ Lorna says, a strangled cry. ‘Look, just come and talk to me. Just for a minute. In private. Please.’
It’s tragic the way she’s begging. It’s obvious that she never thought it was really all over for her and Alex. She probably believed that he would come running back, tail between his legs, and they’d patch everything up. Emerge stronger with me as the common enemy. She had clearly never reckoned on the fact that Alex just didn’t care enough about her to go through that whole dance. He used her; he found that he actually liked her more than he thought he would which made the whole thing easier. But he didn’t love her. He didn’t feel the way he allowed her to believe he felt. The way she felt about him.
‘I’m leaving, OK?’ I hear the front door go and then Lorna says, ‘Please, Alex,’ but he doesn’t reply. I hold my hand up to Kay, telling her not to talk yet. A loud sobbing begins in the corridor. The phone starts to ring so I wave to Kay to answer it. I have to deal with Lorna before her wailing brings either Joshua or Melanie out of their offices. They mustn’t see her like this, out of control.