by Sierra Hill
****
“How’s it going, Theo?”
I haven’t spoken with Pat for over a week, as he’s been traveling between Shanghai and Hangzou, one city I’ve never even heard of. I know, I’m not much of a world traveler and never paid too much attention in high school Geography.
When Alyssa and I were together, we took a long-weekend trip down to Cozumel, Mexico, mainly because it was a gift from her father. We stayed in one of those highly-sought after huts on stilts on the Gulf of Mexico and it was perfect. Except for the huge fight we got in.
It’s so easy for me to look back now and realize how difficult Alyssa was to be with. She was never happy. No matter what I tried or how much I placated her, she was just a very unhappy soul. If I was one of those people who could read aura, I’d see all the black negative energy hanging around her.
Completely unlike Joey’s bright fluid light. A woman, who even during her toughest days at the end of her teaching year, still could find humor in life and laugh at the chaos.
It makes me curious as to how well she and I would travel together? Where would she want to go? Has she ever wanted to live anywhere else? I never had a chance to ask her.
“Hey Pat. Good to hear from ya, man. How’s the China experience?’
He sighs. “I’m ready to come home. I’ve had my fill of hot and horny Asian men and their delicacies.”
I snort laugh at his word choice.
“Their food, bro. Not their male delicacies,” he joins me in laughter. “I just want to be back in my own bed, snuggle with Mr. Woodcock and enjoy some of my favorite whisky.”
I clear my throat, wondering if I should tell him about having to replace his bottle before he returns.
Nah, he’ll never know.
“And how’s the play coming along? I wish I could be there for opening night. But I may be able to squeak in the Sunday matinee if my flight arrival is as planned. I’m so excited to see my Joey-girl in your play. I can’t believe you got her to do that. Fist bump, man.”
I chuckle but it comes out more like a grumble, and Pat hears the tension.
“What’s going on? Is everything okay with Joey?”
I debate telling him, not certain if he knows anything that’s going on between Joey and me. I haven’t mentioned anything, but maybe she has, since I know they’re close.
“Things with the play are good. Aside from a few minor hiccups that come along with the territory, it’s going great. I couldn’t have asked for a better cast and crew. And Joey…she’s fucking phenomenal. She’s a real natural.”
I can hear the pride in Pat’s response. “That’s my girl. I knew she was destined for bigger things. She has too much charisma and joie de vivre to be stuck inside a classroom in a job she doesn’t enjoy.” He accentuates this with a French lilt.
“That’s French, not Chinese, ya know.”
He harrumphs. “I’m flipping you off over the phone.”
Laughing, I’m reminded why Pat and I are such good friends. He’s always been the life of the party and has a great sense of humor and is a solid friend.
Pat continues. “But aside from that, I hear a reticence in your voice. Is everything really okay?”
He’s also very perceptive.
“Shit,” I grumble, not sure of how much to divulge. “I don’t know how much I can say without breaking confidence, but Joey and I…we grew close.”
Silence.
More silence.
And then a loud outburst. “You fucked her?”
I can’t tell if this is angry, protective Pat, or just a surprise.
“It’s not like that. Chill out.”
“She is not a fucking rebound girl, Theo. Joey’s special and a one-of-a-kind woman.”
“I know that, Pat. Believe me, I know that. Joey’s amazing. I fell for her hard and then last night, I fucked it up.”
Big sigh over the line and then his words all blur together. “Whatdidyado?”
Yeah, time to fess up.
“We ran into Alyssa. I acted like an idiot and now it feels like it’s over between us. She wants a break to see where things go.”
If I could go back and rewind to last night, I know I would’ve done everything differently.
But life isn’t like that. We have to move past our mistakes and find ways to learn from them so they don’t happen again.
Pat’s voice breaks through my thoughts. “Okay, here’s what you’re going to do…”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Joey
Don’t get excited just yet
Surprisingly, the bachelorette bruncheon was a nice event. It was cozy and intimate, held at this little Italian place, Twin Anchors off Sedgewick Street. It’s the place where the movie, Return to Me, was filmed back in the day. One of those movies that makes me cry every single time.
I’d always wished I had a family like Minnie Driver does in the movie. Even though they meddle, it’s sweet. Unlike my mother’s pesky meddling.
The luncheon was a great way to get my mind off Theo. It did the trick for a good portion of the afternoon, too, until April asked me how the play was going and then launched into who I was going to bring to the wedding.
Shit.
Once again, I’ll be attending another wedding as a single girl. Unless maybe there’s a chance that Charlie Hunnam is available and he can come as my date.
Or maybe I can get my two favorite Cub players to join me – together. I could be the middle in a Kris Bryant and Anthony Rizzo sandwich. I consider the chances of that happening, picturing myself in a short skirt with a red pair of heels, both men at my side, torsos bare.
Sighing wistfully, I respond to her question.
“Acting isn’t something I ever thought I’d do,” I explain, as April and her maid of honor, Camille, lean in to hear me over the noise of the restaurant and the table chatter. “It’s kind of liberating being up on stage and pretending to be someone you’re not. I’ve learned a lot about myself. Although, I have no doubt I’ll stumble a few times during the live performance.”
Knowing my luck, I’ll forget my lines or trip over my own feet. Or maybe I’ll just stare into the stage lights like a deer in the headlights and Theo will have to slap me silly to get me to respond.
That is, if I’m still in the play at all.
I fear that he could easily throw his weight around as director and playwright to have me removed from the principle role altogether. Not that he would do it out of spite. He’s not like that.
Camille’s enthusiastic inquiry brings me back.
“That is so cool. I bet you’ll do great. Who knows, maybe this could be your big break and you can make it to Broadway or Hollywood someday.”
Fat chance of that happening, but I admire her ‘atta girl confidence in me.
I wave her off and lift an eyebrow. “Don’t get excited yet. You haven’t seen me act. I’d hate to disappoint you.”
April smiles, dabbing her lips with her napkin in that proper, ladylike manner of hers.
“I think it’s terrific and I know you’ll be great,” April chimes in, placing the napkin back into her lap. “In fact, I’ve already bought tickets for me and Tanner to attend. Our last date night before we’re married.”
Everyone gives a collective sigh and I kind of want to gag. But I can’t because I’m happy she’s found a guy who treats her well and makes her happy. It’s not every day you’ll find someone perfect for you who will love not only your best characteristics, but also your imperfections and quirks.
I think of Theo and how good we felt together. How even on the worst day, being with him seemed right. He made all my problems disappear just by being there with me. Being such a good listener and making me laugh when things seemed so bleak.
While I’d love nothing more than to run back into his arms after seeing him this morning looking so disheveled, I know there’s stuff he has to work through.
His response to seeing Alyssa was alarming. When I’m around
Theo, he’s funny and confident. Not overly cocky, but sure of himself.
But upon being confronted with Alyssa’s presence, he turned into a guy whom I’d never seen before. I never knew him when they were together, but it was easy to see that she’s someone who could snap her fingers and he’d do her bidding. Not a healthy relationship by any means.
Whether he still has feelings for her or it was just the awkward encounter, he needs time to figure that out. Jumping into a relationship with me would only create problems down the line. I’m smart enough about relationships to know that.
Even if it does hurt.
I let out a nervous giggle. “Ugh. Now I’m really going to be nervous knowing you’re out in the audience. Ack!”
Burying my face in my hands, I begin to feel the nerves taking over. How the hell am I going to do this?
Wine. Lots and lots of wine.
April grabs a wrist and pulls my hand away from my face and gives it a motherly pat.
“So, I shouldn’t tell you that I sent out a message to all the teachers with the ticket links?”
I gulp. “Oh my God! Are you trying to kill me?”
April cocks her head and gives me a big smile, her hands clapping together like one of those toy monkeys with the cymbals. “It’s not every day we have a star among us. And I know without a doubt you’ll be great. I can’t wait.”
I slink down into my seat and hope to God she’s right.
Regardless of how it goes, it has lead me to one very big life decision. And I’ll never hear the end of it from my mother.
I’ve decided to quit teaching. In fact, I sent an email with my resignation to the Principle just yesterday.
I’m going to give my hand a crack at writing.
And I guess if that never comes to fruition, maybe I’ll make my mother happy and pack my bags and move back to South Bend.
Unfulfilled dreams in hand.
Chapter Thirty
Theo
Dealing with exes and sex-crazed co-directors
The technical crew has conducted all their lighting and sound tests, and the set designers have completed all the sets. Today is the day we began our cue-to-cue rehearsals, which is tedious and exhausting, but necessary to ensure that all the tech staff get the lighting cues marked for each actor and scene.
I’m just trying to get through today’s rehearsals before the final dress rehearsal scheduled tomorrow. The nerves and stress are finally breaking through, tensions between the cast, crew and technical staff are definitely coming to the surface.
Although most everyone in this production is a novice, in my experience, professional actors tend to show their true colors during this aspect of the production. Some turn into bitched-out divas and become difficult to work with when they get nervous.
While the cast seem to be holding things together, the crew is at each other’s throats, their voices and words terse and strained.
Dealing with that is to be expected. What I wasn’t planning was the awkwardness that exists between me and Joey.
That shit’s worse than being caught jerking off in the laundry room by my mother when I was fourteen looking at my first porn mag. Uncomfortable doesn’t even cut it.
Especially the kissing scene.
We’ve been through the scene five times during the Q2Q rehearsals, and she’s stiff as a board. All I want to do is bring her into my dressing room, lock the door and show her exactly how sorry I am.
Kiss her senseless until her knees buckle and she falls limp into my arms, as I spew my undying love and ask for her forgiveness.
Instead, she won’t even make eye contact and just responds with a “uh-huh” or “got it” when I give her feedback and direction.
And goddammit, it’s all my fault.
This is exactly why I shouldn’t have gotten involved with her prior to the end of the performances. But I couldn’t resist her.
Sadly, even though this creates some trouble, I don’t even regret getting involved with her and wouldn’t change a thing if I could.
Scratch that.
I would change how I reacted this past weekend.
And I would’ve apologized sooner for my stupid behavior. But the more time goes by and the weight of the stress related to the play on my shoulders, I haven’t had the time or the opportunity to do what I need to do.
It’s just a poor fucking excuse for my cowardly fear.
I’m afraid she’ll reject me.
As a struggling actor and playwright, I’m used to my fair amount of rejection. It’s part of the job and comes with the territory. You put yourself out and your work is bound to receive negative reviews.
In love, you put yourself out there in hopes that your affections will be returned and your heart won’t be broken.
But it was when I was with Alyssa and now I’m protective of my heart. Worried that I’ll meet the same fate and get involved with someone who can easily toss me aside.
Actually, now that I look back on it, I don’t think it was even love to begin with. It was intense. We were either hot or cold. It wasn’t the even steady comfort that I feel with Joey. That easiness of being with her made me feel whole.
And I miss it.
I miss her.
Even though she’s right in front of me on stage, it seems like she’s a hundred miles away. Unless the line requires it, she won’t look me in the eye. There’s no furtive glances or shy smiles like there was over the last few weeks. No secret touches or brushes of her hand as she would walk by in the hallway.
It’s driving me insane. But I can’t do anything about it right now without alerting the media.
And oh fuck, the critics. Niles has already sent out the press release and we have the Tribune and three other local entertainment critics coming to opening night.
The knot in my stomach grows into a grapefruit size ball of anxiety. Now I know why directors drink so heavily. Or do drugs. Aside from a glass of whisky and my little solo drunken night last weekend, I’ve not touched the stuff since.
The tension is getting to me to the point where when I walked out of the theater last night and caught Marlon and Carla sharing a joint, I was seriously considering joining them. But I ended up just picking up take-out and heading back to the apartment.
The only thing that might help me unwind at this point is a good fuck.
As if Birdie can read my thoughts, she slinks up behind me where I hover over the director’s table, looking over all my notes, scripts, stage manager line-note and schedules lined up across the surface. I’ve been trying to organize all my thoughts for the last hour, but keep getting sidetracked when I see Joey.
My body jolts as Birdie aligns her lithe frame behind me, her hand finding its way between my…holy shit! My ass crease.
“Whoa there,” I pump my hips forward to move her hand out of my butt crack. “Birdie, we talked about this.”
My stage whisper can only be heard by her, I hope. She snickers – either a devious tone or something akin to seductive – and then her hand lands at the base of my neck. She strokes the hairline with her fingers, and I instinctively shudder. Not from sexual tension, but from queasiness.
Warm breath fans across my cheek as she leans in and murmurs into my ear.
“Theo, I’ve been so patient. And I can tell you’re strung tight as a whip. We’re almost wrapped up here and I want you to fuck me. It’d do us both some good.”
Closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and think. If I’ve learned one thing about myself, it’s that I will not be cajoled or manipulated by women who are overly assertive. That’s how I got myself wrapped up with Alyssa.
Time to stand up and act like a man.
I have to tell her no, but need to be careful with my reasons. I still don’t want anyone to know about me and Joey – even if we’re done, I don’t need that to cloud anyone’s perception of her. I want Birdie to know I’m not interested in her because of her.
“Birdie, as you can see, I’m really bu
sy here. I don’t have time for anything like that.”
She doesn’t get the hint.
Her fingers glide down my arm, nails twirling through the wispy light hair on my forearms. I jerk my arm back in a childlike huff.
Then she turns to face my side and literally shoves her breasts into my arm and shimmies, as if I’m some sort of stripper pole.
Eww. I feel so violated.
I look around to see if anyone can see us. The stage lights are on and it’s dark in the theater where we’re set up. All the cast is either in the back going through their costume changes, final fittings or make-up. And I’m stuck trying to ward off a crazed sex-fiend.
“Theo, baby. You’re so tense. I can take care of that for you, you know. Go back into your dressing room, lock the door and I could suck you off. You’ll forget all about the stress. I promise.”
I tip my head down to see her hand covering my crotch. Thank God my dick doesn’t betray me by getting hard. It knows better than to get excited over Birdie’s proposition. She’s not who I want and my dick is smart enough to know it.
I shove her hand away, becoming angrier and more irritated with her aggressive behavior.
“Stop it, Birdie. You’re making a spectacle of yourself.”
Grabbing for a stack of notes, I lean over the table and she grabs my arm.
“Are you fucking her?” she drawls out the her and points her chin toward Joey, who is on stage now speaking with the stage manager.
When my gaze lands on Joey, I find her staring down at me, narrowing her eyes on Birdie’s hand and the proximity of her body next to mine.
Shit. Things are bad enough between us right now. I don’t want her getting the wrong impression that there’s something going on with me and Birdie.
I call out her name. “Joey, can I have a word with you?”
Roger, the stage manager, looks my way and holds up a finger indicating he just needs another minute. That’s fine. It gives me a chance to make my way back to the office where I’ll wait for Joey.
Passing in front of Birdie, I glance back over my shoulder where Birdie seethes in pent up anger. Not my problem or my fault.