The Hearts Series

by L.H. Cosway

  “He sounds like a sociopath,” I said, appalled by what she was telling me. By the sounds of it, just like Jack, Jay hadn’t had it so easy, either.

  “That’d be about the size of it,” Matilda said, smoothing her hands over her skirt.

  There was a stretch of silence before I spoke again, and this time my voice was laced with misery. “Jack hates me for what I did. I don’t think he’s going to forgive me.”

  Matilda made sympathetic noises as she leaned close and put her arm around my shoulders. “No, that’s not true. What you did was incredibly brave. You sacrificed yourself in order to reunite him with his brother, and I for one am unendingly grateful to you. Family means the world to Jay, and seeing his brother again after all these years is the biggest gift anyone could ever give him. Jack will forgive you — you just need to allow him time to process everything. It’s a lot to take in.”

  “Yeah,” I said, sniffling.

  We were quiet for a long time. Usually I’d feel awkward being silent with someone I’d just met, but with Matilda, that wasn’t the case. In a way, she was having all the same feelings as I was right now. She just didn’t have the prospect of losing the man she loved dumped on top of it.

  I was starting to feel a little less emotional when Matilda spoke again. “Jack is kind of beautiful, isn’t he?” she said, her voice awed. “I mean, Jay is, too — it’s just that Jack was always the little one. The younger brother. Now he’s bigger than Jay. Such a man, and wow, when he’s on the stage, he just shines. It’s incredible to see.”

  I stared at her, curious. “You knew Jack when he was a kid?”

  She nodded. “Yeah. I used to live next door to both of them before their house burned down. Jay and Jack didn’t have the best of upbringings even before all that. Their dad was a violent drunk, and they’d be left hungry a lot. I used to give them food and stuff.” She shrugged as though it was no big deal.

  I mustered a smile for her. “You must have been a very kind child.”

  “It wasn’t really intentional. I just liked being around them, helping them, you know. I must have made an impression, because Jay always remembered me. It’s kind of a long story, but he came back for me when he was grown.”

  “Will you tell it to me?” I asked quietly. “I’d like to hear about you two. I don’t care if it’s long. It’ll take my mind off Jack.”

  Matilda gave me an empathic smile, then began to recite her tale. I sat back and listened to the story of how she and Jay were reunited. A story of mystery and revenge and falling in love. It was truly exhilarating. And all the while I hoped my own love story hadn’t yet come to an end.

  Eighteen

  Mystery came knocking once more

  I barely slept a wink that night. After sitting and talking with Matilda for more than two hours, we exchanged numbers, and she called for a taxi to bring her back to her hotel. When she called Jay, he told her that he was in Jack’s camper and that he wouldn’t be returning until late. He didn’t give any more details than that, which was frustrating. I desperately wanted to know what was happening and how Jack was feeling, but I forced myself to be selfless. This wasn’t about me, this was about the brothers.

  I stayed the night in Lola’s room. The past few weeks I’d basically started living at Jack’s place, but I knew I wasn’t welcome there right now. If not because he and Jay needed time alone with one another, then because he considered me a Judas. He thought I had betrayed him, and I didn’t know if just because he was embracing Jay that he’d forgiven me, too. I finally fell asleep in the early hours of the morning/passed out from emotional and physical exhaustion. Take your pick.

  When I woke up, Lola’s bed was empty, and the alarm clock told me it was past one in the afternoon. I shot up in the bed and hurriedly pulled on some clothes. I didn’t even stop to grab breakfast. Instead, I made my way directly to Jack’s camper. I knocked on the door a number of times but received no answer, and when I peered in the window, it didn’t look like anyone was home. Dejected, I returned to Violet’s, where I found Lola in the lounge, reading some magazines.

  “Wow, you look like someone just told you your cat died,” she said, taking in my appearance. “So, what was all that last night with Jay Fields?” she went on curiously. I let out a long sigh, sat down across from her, and recited the tale from beginning to end. By the time I was done, Lola was staring at me with her jaw hanging open.

  “That’s some crazy story,” she said, and then her eyes took on a mischievous gleam. “Okay, so is it wrong that I’m visualising some brother-on-brother action right now? Because that’s one sexy threesome opportunity right there.”

  I threw a cushion at her head. “Lola! That’s so wrong — firstly because it’s incest, and secondly because Jay is a married man.”

  “Oh, fine, go and piss all over my fantasies, why don’t you?”

  I just shook my head at her, a tiny smile shaping my lips. The girl had a knack for making me feel better even when I was at my lowest. My smile faded quickly, though, and Lola noticed.

  “He’ll forgive you, Lille. Quit fretting about it. That man is head over heels for you. I’ve seen it with my own two eyes.”

  I glanced at her, praying she was right. The rest of the day passed restlessly for me. I tried to concentrate on some sketches, but it was no use. I even offered to wash the outside of the camper van for Violet and Lola. Violet looked at me like I needed mental help for wanting to do such a thing, but she let me clean it all the same. Losing myself in scrubbing the dirt off the van occupied my mind for a little while, but as soon I finished I was itching to find Jack again.

  I tried calling his phone but got no answer. This wasn’t too unusual though, because he often forgot to carry it on him. When I called Matilda she told me that Jack and Jay were spending the day together, and that she was hanging out at the hotel by herself. She offered for me to come and join her, but I declined. I wouldn’t have been good company right then.

  I sat on the steps of Violet’s camper, sipping on a mug of red wine (she didn’t own any glasses) to soothe my nerves, when King ambled up to me and sat down. It was unexpected, but I didn’t question it. My emotions were all over the place, so I merely accepted his company for what it was.

  “It doesn’t help, you know,” he said and I glanced at him.

  “Pardon?”

  He nodded to the wine. “It numbs but it doesn’t heal. It numbs you just enough every time to make you forget that it doesn’t heal. It’s like Western medicine, treating the symptom and ignoring the cause. So, forget about the symptom and look at the cause,” he stopped and pointed his finger harshly into my arm to drive home his point. “That’s where you’ll find the cure.”

  What he said made perfect sense, but still, it irked me that he didn’t take his own advice. “If you know all this, then why don’t you treat your cause? Why do you continue to medicate the symptom?”

  “Ah,” he said, letting out a long, weary sigh. “Some of us are too far gone for all that.”

  A silence elapsed as the noise from the crowds coming to see the circus began to grow louder. I decided I wasn’t going to work that night; I wasn’t in the right frame of mind. I did, however, know what I was in the right frame of mind for.

  “King,” I started and he turned to me. I swallowed. “You know that picture you have of the woman?” He nodded, eyes narrowing warily. “Could I…I mean, would you like me to paint it for you?”

  I shivered as I waited for his response. I wasn’t even sure why I wanted to do it, but for some reason I thought he’d like to have a painting of his Alexis that he could keep.

  “That way, if you ever lose the photograph again, you’ll still have the painting.”

  More silence, and then, ever so slightly and without breathing a word, he nodded his head. Digging into his pocket, he pulled out the worn photo and handed it to me. I took it with care and then went to gather some of the supplies I still kept in Lola’s bedroom. King sat and watc
hed me as I set up and began to paint. I painted well into the small hours of the morning, as the grey light of the coming day began to slowly filter into the sky.

  Wiping the perspiration from my brow, I stood back and took in my work. I was satisfied with the end result, and felt like I’d managed to capture the happiness on the woman’s face as she stared into the camera. Without my realising it, King had come to stand beside me, and when I looked at him his pale blue eyes were watery with tears. Even though I’d been the one to create the painting, I felt like this was a private moment for him, so I went inside to scrub my hands. When I returned, both the painting and King were gone.

  He’d taken it, and that was good enough for me. I’d made something that held meaning for him, and it gave me a sense of peace. When I finally went to bed, I found that I’d exhausted myself enough to sleep.

  The next day I woke up to my phone ringing. Checking the time, I found it was past two in the afternoon and my heart jumped to know I’d slept half the day away. I noted that it was Matilda’s number flashing on the screen, and when I answered she asked me if I had any dinner plans. Apparently, Jay and Jack were still getting reacquainted with one another, and she wanted some company.

  It filled my heart with good feelings to know the brothers were still bonding, which soothed some of the ache inside me. I told her I’d love to, and we hung up with plans to meet in a couple of hours at the restaurant beside her hotel. Lola forced me to take a shower and gave me a loan of some clothes to wear, which consisted of an emerald green skater dress and a navy cardigan. The green was surprisingly complementary to my skin tone, and after blow-drying my hair with Lola’s tiny travel hair dryer, I felt a little better about myself.

  I had enough cash to spare, so I took a taxi into the city, getting out when I arrived at the restaurant. Running my hand through my hair and hitching my bag up on my shoulder, I stepped inside and was immediately hit with the sound of male laughter. I was drawn to that sound, and as my eyes scanned the space for Matilda, I found her, but she wasn’t alone. She sat at a booth-style table beside Jay, and Jack sat on the other side, wearing a long-sleeved black T-shirt and with his hair down. My stomach tightened when I saw him, and I got the distinct sense that this was an ambush. I stood there, taking in the scene, as Jay made some kind of joke, smiling widely across the table at his brother, and Jack smirked at whatever he said.

  “I swear to God,” Jay exclaimed, gesturing animatedly with his hands. “I’m standing in front of this chick, asking her to pick a number between one and twenty, and she starts telling me about her yeast infection. I’m like, and I need to know this why? Selecting random people on the street can be fucking weird sometimes.”

  Jack laughed low and deep, and when he glanced at his brother with genuine affection in his eyes, my heart did a little somersault. I couldn’t believe the turnaround since the other night. The atmosphere between them had completely transformed. I didn’t move until Matilda’s eyes landed on me and she gave me a warm, welcoming smile. Stepping forward, I reached the table and just about managed to find my voice.

  “Uh, hi.”

  Jack’s back was turned to me, but I saw him tense the second he heard my voice. Yeah, he definitely didn’t know I was coming. I wasn’t sure whether I should be thanking Matilda or chewing her out for tricking me. Jay saw me and smiled, then gave me a little wink.

  “Hey, darlin.”

  “Lille,” said Matilda, “I’m so glad you could make it. You look gorgeous. Love your dress. Come, sit down.”

  Anxiously, I slid into the booth next to Jack, but he didn’t acknowledge me. Making sure to keep several inches of distance between us, I frowned and stared at the menu that lay on the table, trying to decide whether or not I should stay. He clearly didn’t want me here.

  “Jack,” I said quietly as I took in his handsome profile. Upon hearing his name, he turned to me, and when he met my eyes, it nearly took my breath away. They held such stark emotion that I was sure was mirrored in my own. “H-how are you?” I asked, trying for casual and failing. His gaze travelled from my face to my shoulders, and then down. I felt hot and itchy under his stare, and I could have killed to know what he was thinking.

  “I’m good, all things considered,” he answered finally, and I couldn’t read him at all.

  Jay leaned down and whispered something in Matilda’s ear. She narrowed her gaze and elbowed him in the side. “No way, Jay. I already told you no, so quit pestering me.”

  I tried to focus on them, but I was still hyper aware of every little move Jack made, every breath he took.

  “Oh, come on, Watson. You need to live a little.”

  “What’s this?” I asked, not really caring what they were talking about. I just needed to distract myself from the tension that was radiating off Jack.

  Matilda leaned in, sighed, and rested her elbows on the table. “My husband, the horndog, has been trying to convince me to join the mile-high club. I swear to God, every time we take a flight, he’s at it. Like a dog with a bone.”

  Jay barked playfully and leaned in to nip her earlobe with his teeth. Seeing them both so much in love made my current heartsickness feel that much worse. Jack was right beside me, but it felt like there was an ocean between us. I turned to look at him again and saw his lips twitch slightly at his brother’s antics. I could see in his eyes the love that was there; it even seemed like he looked up to Jay. Hardly two days had gone by, and already the dynamic they’d had as kids was returning. I imagined they must have done some serious amount of talking.

  The waiter appeared at our table then. He was a handsome Italian guy with dark eyes and dark hair, and he spoke very good English. I wasn’t even hungry and the menu was practically gibberish to me, but I forced myself to pick something. When it was my turn to order, I glanced up at the waiter for help. “Um, what is the Milanese di pollo?”

  “It’s a breaded chicken breast with salad,” he answered, giving me a warm, interested smile. Something about the way he looked at me told me he liked what he saw, and I grew uncomfortable, mainly because Jack was right beside me.

  “Oh, right, okay, that sounds good,” I said. “I’ll take that.”

  The waiter must have sensed I was ordering it for convenience, and he was right, because I wasn’t a big fan of breaded chicken. He leaned down and took the menu in his hands, holding it in front of me. “You tell me what you like and I’ll choose, yes? What is your favourite: steak, seafood, pasta?”

  “I like seafood,” I offered.

  “Ah, so how about the zuppa di pesce? It is a fish stew.”

  “That sounds good, thank you,” I replied, smiling gratefully.

  “It is my pleasure, bella ragazza,” he said, and placed his hand on my shoulder for a second. All of a sudden I felt heat at my neck, and I realised that Jack had leaned in and was resting his arm along the back of the booth. I glanced at him to see he was staring daggers at the waiter, and my pulse hammered. Whoa, he looked angry. The waiter left quickly after taking in Jack’s expression, and a quiet fell over the table.

  Matilda gave me a playful grin. “Do you know what he just called you?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t know much Italian.”

  “He called you a beautiful girl. Methinks the waiter likes you, Lille.”

  I grew both tense and elated that Jack was pissed at the waiter flirting with me.

  “I was chatting with a woman in the hotel spa the other day. She’s from London, and she said she loves coming here because she gets so much attention from the men. They love the pale skin,” Matilda went on, and I had a feeling she knew exactly what she was up to. She was trying to make Jack jealous, and it seemed to be working. I stole a peek at him again, my cheeks flushing, and I found he was staring at me intensely.

  “So, tell me,” said Jay, breaking my attention away from Jack. “How did you two kids meet?”

  Jack gave him an annoyed look and remained silent, so I chose to answer, clearing my throat. �
�The circus was doing some shows in my hometown. I was working at my summer job in the local restaurant, and Jack used to come in a lot with Marina. She’s the ringmaster.” I could feel Jack watching me as I continued the story shyly. “I was always looking at him. I thought he was gorgeous. I dunno, I suppose you could say I had a bit of a crush.”

  Jack made a grunting sound that I wasn’t quite sure how to interpret. Jay had been grinning at me while I spoke, but now his attention went to his brother. “Oh, yeah, and what did you think of lovely Lille when you first saw her, Jack?”

  Jack didn’t answer right away, but when he did, I felt myself grow weak at his low, fervent response. “I thought she was exquisite. And not for the likes of me.”

  Jay frowned, and I was blushing even harder now. God, I loved this man so much.

  “Well, I don’t think Lille agrees with that assessment, do you, darlin?” Jay asked, focusing back on me. I shook my head and felt my body lean slightly closer to Jack’s. His fingertips brushed the back of my neck, and I sucked in a breath at the contact. The moment was broken when the waiter arrived back with our food. He didn’t flirt with me this time, not after having Jack almost glower him to death before, and left as soon as he’d distributed the plates.

  I lifted my spoon and began to eat. The stew was delicious, hot and salty. I had one hand resting on the edge of the booth and noticed that Jack’s hand rested just a few inches away. Feeling bold, I moved my hand so it rested against his. I felt the heat of his skin all the way down to my toes. A few moments passed, but he didn’t break the contact. Perhaps he craved it just as much as I did.

  Throughout the meal, I stole glances at him. I knew Jay and Matilda could see, but I tried to ignore their indulgent smiles. At one point when I tried to look at Jack, I found he was already staring at me, his eyes trained on my mouth. I’d just eaten a spoonful of stew, and a little of the liquid had dribbled down my chin. Almost as though it was second nature, Jack lifted his thumb and wiped it away. I watched as he then brought his thumb to his mouth to suck it clean, and as soon as I saw him do it, I was wet and aching for him.