Mother and I clear the table and go into the kitchen to clean up. She’s looking at me like she wants to have one of those mother-daughter moments. I don’t feel like having a moment.
“Emoni …”
Oh, no. Here it comes. “Yes?”
“You don’t want to date him, do you?” she asks in a whisper.
“I don’t know, Mother.”
“Did you want to date Darrin?”
I sigh heavily. “Yes, but he lied to me.”
“He lied. Did you talk it out with him?”
“Yes, he admitted that he was wrong. But Mother … it was horrible, what he did.”
Mother nods thoughtfully. “So he made a mistake and admitted it?”
“Yes, but it was too little, too late. Then he was with his ex on Thanksgiving.”
Mother sits down at the kitchen dinette. “Emoni, come over here and sit down.”
“I really don’t want to talk about this. I know what I’m doing.”
“Come here and listen to this before you make a mistake you’re going to regret.”
I slump down in one of the hard wrought-iron chairs. I don’t want to hear my mother’s advice or anyone else’s. She’s beautiful and married to a man who loves her. What can she say to me?
“Emoni, I’m not going to tell you not to date Oscar.”
“You’re not?”
“No, but I do think you should make sure things are over with Darrin. Don’t go into something with Oscar with unresolved feelings.”
I cross my arms over my chest. “I don’t have any unresolved feelings.”
“Only you know that for sure. But if you do, at the first sign of trouble with you and Oscar—and there will be trouble—you’ll start thinking you should’ve made another choice.”
“Oscar has never lied to me.”
Mother reaches across the table and asks, “But does he make your heart sing? Can you see yourself spending forever with him?”
I don’t answer her. I can’t answer. Seriously, Oscar doesn’t make me feel anything. Darrin was beginning to make me feel that way, though we weren’t together long enough for me to know for sure.
“I think I can learn to love Oscar.”
“Or you could learn to hate him,” Mother replies as she gets up from the table.
She leaves me alone with my thoughts. I find myself thinking of how Darrin’s lips felt on mine and how much joy he got out of cooking meals for me. I miss the feeling of anticipation when I knew I was going to see him; the almost sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that was a mix of excitement and adrenaline. I’m glad when Sascha bursts into the kitchen and snaps me back to reality.
She asks, “Did you look at those dresses I picked out?”
“Yes. Any of them are fine for me.”
“Are you and Oscar going out later? I’m nosy.”
“I guess” is my listless reply.
“Girl, what is wrong with you? You sure don’t sound excited about it.”
“Maybe I’m just having a bad day.”
“Humph. Maybe you’re just not excited about the man.”
“Is it that obvious? Mother said something similar.”
“I mean, yeah, Emoni. It’s obvious.”
“Well, I’m dating him. Who needs all that excitement, anyway? It’s only lust. Oscar is the right decision.”
Sascha’s eyes narrow. “You don’t feel any lust toward Oscar? Not even a little?”
“No!”
“What about Darrin? Bet you felt some lust toward him.”
“Seriously, are we even having this conversation?”
“You don’t have to listen to me …”
I laugh again. This is something I already know.
Chapter Thirty-seven
Emoni
Mother actually got to me with her little “unresolved issues” speech. I think that if I know everything is over and done with Darrin, I’ll feel so much better about seeing Oscar.
So I’m sitting in my car outside of Darrin’s apartment. I’m planning to go and ring his buzzer as soon as I think of an excuse to be here. I can’t just pop up here, seeming all desperate. That is not a good look at all.
I forgot. The DNA results. How could I have forgotten about them? In the midst of all these breakups, the whole idea that I might have another brother has been relegated to the back burner of my life.
Now that I’ve got my reason, I hurry up to the apartment and ring the doorbell. I shift my weight from leg to leg as I wait for a response. I scan the parking lot from inside. His car is here, so why isn’t he answering?
“Who is it?” I finally hear through the crackling loudspeaker.
“It’s Emoni.”
There is a very distinct pause before the door unlocks to let me up. Usually, there is someone else going into the building, and I don’t have to ring Darrin’s buzzer. But since we’re not exactly on speaking terms, it would seem somewhat rude for me to show up at his door. That’s something Dorcas or Oscar would do.
I rap lightly on the door after getting off the elevator and walking down the hall. Darrin opens the door wearing a bathrobe and smelling of a manly fragranced body wash. Sascha’s words about lust come to mind, but I push them away.
He doesn’t invite me in.
“Hi, Darrin. How are you?”
“Good. You need something?”
Wow. I need to go and grab my winter coat for the arctic wind that just blew out of Darrin’s door.
“Um, I was wondering if you got those DNA results back. I’d really like to know about Kumal Jr.”
“Yes. I got them back and hand-delivered them to Bishop Prentiss.”
“Why did you give them to him?”
“Because it was his business and not mine.”
“I see.”
Darrin asks impatiently, “Anything else?”
“Well, dag, Darrin! Aren’t you a little bit happy to see me?” I feel my anger rising. He’s supposed to be glad to see me!
“Why would I get excited about seeing another man’s woman?”
“About that …”
“You don’t owe me an explanation.”
“Are you going to invite me in?” I ask hopefully.
“No.”
“Why? Do you have a woman in there?”
Darrin laughs. “You are welcome to think that, if you want.”
“No, seriously. What about your date from Thanksgiving? She still in town?”
“Nope.”
“How can I take your word for it? You haven’t called since we had that argument. You rush out of church right after the service is over.”
Darrin has a small smile on his lips. “You said you were done with me. And now you’re dating Oscar. It looks like I was right not to call.”
He’s playing hardball, and I’m either too proud or too bullheaded to cave in. He wants me to say everything on my heart, but I’m not going to do it. He won’t hear that I miss him and that I wish I wasn’t even considering Oscar. He won’t hear any of that, because I’m leaving.
“All right, then, Darrin. Take care, okay?”
“You, too, Emoni.”
The tears are flowing before I even make it to my car. Even if my feelings aren’t resolved, his obviously are. The conversation we just had was like talking to a stranger.
I only wish I could erase my own feelings as easily as Darrin has.
Chapter Thirty-eight
Darrin
Man, that was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life.”
I’m talking to my boy Leon. This situation is getting too complicated for even my skills. I’m not ashamed to use all kinds of slang: I’m caught up, Emoni’s got me twisted, she’s got me open, etc. …
“So let me get this straight. She came to your crib, and you sent her packing?”
“Yeah, man. I think it was the right thing to do.”
Leon asks, “Why? Just because she’s dating that other dude?”
“Yeah, be
cause she’s dating that other dude.”
“But she came to you, right? She wanted you to talk her out of kicking it with old boy.”
“Or maybe she needed to make sure we were done. I let her off the hook.”
“Do you love her?”
“Man …”
“Do you love the girl?”
“Yeah. I love her.”
But do I love her more than Oscar does? Would I be better for her? Maybe loving her means letting the best man win.
“Shayna wouldn’t put you through all these changes. She really digs you, man.”
“Shayna! Please. She just digs my parents’ money. When I tell her I’m going to chef school, she’ll drop me like a dummy.”
“Dude, you down there wilding out! Chef school? I thought you was playing.”
If my boy doesn’t even take me seriously, I know Big Mathis is going to laugh in my face. But I’m preparing myself for that conversation. Christmas at the Bainbridge mansion is going to be more like the Fourth of July. Fireworks are a given.
“I was not playing. You know I like to cook.”
“Man, that’s a hobby.”
“Tell that to Emeril or Wolfgang Puck.”
Leon laughs. “Ain’t both of them white dudes? Black men ain’t chefs, man!”
“Okay … Isaac Hayes on South Park?” I ask with a chuckle.
“Him and Tom Cruise is boys. He might be an honorary white dude.”
That’s why I called Leon. Even if he can’t help me make the right decision, he can make me laugh. I need something comedic right about now, because this Emoni situation is downright tragic.
“Man, you’ve got to come over my parents’ house for Christmas,” I say.
Leon replies, “So I can watch Mathis explode when you tell him you’re going to cooking school? He’s gone call you all kinds of sissy.”
“That’s why I need you there. I think both of us could take him.”
“I can take you to the emergency room after he stomps your little scrawny self.”
“Man, you ain’t even right. As many times as I’ve had your back?”
“All right,” Leon acquiesces, “I’ll be there, but if things get crazy, I’m that dude who’s calling 911. Somebody has to live and tell the story.”
Chapter Thirty-nine
Emoni
How is your dinner?” asks Oscar.
I didn’t listen to Mother or Sascha, and I agreed to at least a few dates with Oscar. Honestly, it hasn’t been that bad. Oscar is a gentleman, sometimes obsessively so, and he has a sense of humor. Okay, so it’s been kind of bad, but I’m trying to make lemonade out of these lemons.
He always lets me pick the restaurant. He says it’s because he wants me to be excited about our dates. I don’t seem excited enough, I guess. I’m trying really hard, though. And my having that un-conversation with Darrin truly helped Oscar’s case. He should probably be writing Darrin a thank-you note.
I take a huge bite of the medium-well steak and reply, “It’s fine.”
“You shouldn’t take such large bites,” Oscar remarks.
“Thanks, Dad.”
“I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just that I don’t want you to choke.”
I nod and roll my eyes. “Right, right.”
Right when I get ready to be okay with deciding to date Oscar, he goes and does something like this. He pulls out the armor-bearer Oscar. The one who thinks it is his major mission in life to protect the interests of Bishop Prentiss—including me.
“Do you want dessert?” Oscar asks with a sigh.
“No.”
He sighs again. Am I getting on his nerves? Whatever. Join the club. He’s signaled the waiter to take his dessert order. The cute waiter, who’s brown-skinned with thick pretty cornrows that touch his shoulders. I wish I had a tract or something, because I would invite him to church.
“You all want to order dessert?” the waiter asks.
“Yes,” says Oscar, “I’d like the crème brûlée.”
I roll my eyes again. He would pick an uptight dessert. “What do you suggest?” I ask the cute waiter, and yes, I am well aware of my flirtatious tone.
The waiter smiles. It is a welcoming and very sexy smile. “Well, for you I’d recommend something sweet, like the caramel brownie sundae. It’ll make you lick your fingers.”
“I’ll have that.”
The waiter grins and leaves with the order. Oscar is furious, but I don’t care. He’s getting on my nerves.
“Don’t you ever disrespect me like that again,” Oscar states.
I salute him. “Sir, yes, sir!”
“I mean it, Emoni.”
“Get over yourself. I was just being friendly.”
He shakes his head so hard that he looks like a big old Siberian husky. “That was more than friendly. I don’t want a wife who’s going to disrespect me in public.”
Okay, so maybe I was a tad bit disrespectful. I’ll admit it. “All right. I’m sorry, Oscar. My bad.”
“My bad? Who are you these days?”
“I am the same as I’ve always been, Darrin.”
“You mean Oscar.”
“That’s what I said.”
Oscar drops his eyes and exhales loudly. I did not just say Darrin’s name. Not even Oscar deserves that.
“Um … I’m going to go freshen up,” I say.
I need to get away from this table so I can think for a second. On my way to the bathroom, I pass the fine waiter. His name tag says Will, and he has the audacity to smell good, too.
“You all right, baby girl?” he asks.
“Yes.”
“What you doing with that square?”
“Square? Oh, you mean Oscar. He’s my … uh … date.”
Will looks me up and down and licks his lips. “For real? Man, what a waste.”
I feel myself blushing, so I rush away from him. His smooth and debonair way of speaking reminds me of Darrin. That’s probably why I said Darrin’s name at the table. Yeah, that’s it, because I sure wasn’t thinking about Darrin while having dinner with the man I might end up marrying.
I splash my face with water, compose myself, and walk back out to the table with a smile.
“Our dessert isn’t here yet?” I ask, totally unwilling to address the faux pas I committed a few minutes ago.
“No, it’s not.”
“I wish they’d hurry up, because I really feel a sweet tooth coming on.”
Oscar replies, “Mmm-hmm. So, how long do you think we should date before we get engaged?”
“Don’t you think that’s rushing things?”
“I am a man, Emoni. And I’ve been wanting you for a long time.”
“Okay, that doesn’t sound right. As a matter of fact, it sounds right nasty.”
“No, Emoni, I don’t mean sexually,” Oscar explains. “Not totally. It’s just that lately, I’ve realized how much I need you in my life. I’ve been in love with you for years.”
I’m speechless. I don’t know how to respond when he starts pouring out emotions. The closest thing I feel is pity, and I don’t know if that’s a good thing.
He continues, “Why shouldn’t we get engaged? We know each other well.”
“I want us to take our time, that’s all.”
“Why? Are you waiting for Darrin to come back and sweep you off your feet?”
“What? No. No, I’m not.”
I paused. He noticed. Dang.
“You don’t sound sure.”
“No, I’m not waiting for Darrin to come back. Why would I have said yes to you if I was waiting on him?”
“That’s what I’m trying to figure out.”
Chapter Forty
Darrin
Man, it’s cold in Cleveland. Looks like we’re definitely having a white Christmas this year. There’s about a foot of the white stuff piled up in my parents’ yard. I’d only needed a light jacket when I left Atlanta.
It’s Christmas Eve, and my mother
’s guests are starting to arrive. Every year she has a dessert social with her Jack and Jill buddies. I try to avoid it at all costs, but this year I’m being a good son. I’m going to need Priscilla in my corner when it comes time to talk to Big Mathis.
I stop by Leon’s house first to pick him up. He rubs his hands together and says, “You gone hook me up with a top-notch socialite? I’m ready to be a kept man.”
“Sure. I hear Shayna’s available.”
“Nope. Too many miles on that booty. Most of it from you. I need someone a little less driven.”
I laugh. Shayna’s car is in the driveway. One thing about her is that she has heart. That girl will go twenty rounds in a fight with a busted lip and a swollen eye.
“What’s she doing here, anyway?” asks Leon. “Is she stalking you or something?”
“She’s in the Jack and Jill crew. That’s how we hooked up.”
I’d met Shayna at the Jack and Jill Mother’s Day brunch. I’d escorted my mother but left there with Shayna. She’d had very few inhibitions, and the panties had dropped on the first date. After that, I couldn’t get rid of her.
Such fond memories.
Leon and I go in through the patio entrance, trying to not make a scene. Well, I’m worried about a scene; Leon doesn’t care.
“There’s my baby boy!” sings Priscilla as soon as we enter the party.
Leon takes a cup of the spiked eggnog from the caterer and chuckles. “Baby boy?”
“Man, don’t start.”
Priscilla glides—yes, glides—across the room with Shayna and another young lady in tow. She hugs and kisses my cheek.
“Hello, Mother,” I say.
“Why didn’t you call and tell me you were near? I was worried sick about you driving here from Atlanta. You should’ve flown in.”
“The drive was nice. I needed the solitude.”
Shayna gives me a friendly hug. I’m surprised it’s not overly friendly. Maybe she’s finally gotten the message.
“Darrin. How are you?” she says.
“I’m great, and yourself?”
She smiles. “Totally renewed.”
The other young lady clears her throat loudly. She’s waiting for an introduction. Shayna says, “Darrin, you remember Melody, right?”
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