Blizzard was larger than I remembered. He seemed to have put on muscle, but in all the right places. His waist was still trim and tapered, but his shoulders and chest were broad and wide. He stepped closer to me and I fought the urge to retreat, reminding myself that I wasn’t afraid of this man. I knew in my heart he wouldn’t hurt me. I’d seen how it had crushed him to see me in pain. He’d seen me at my worst, and I knew he’d never lay a finger on me in that way. But I also knew that his words could do just as much damage as any other man’s fists. He came closer until we were almost touching and I had to crane my neck to look up at him.
“You shouldn’t have come back,” he whispered softly, his eyes only for me.
I licked my lips nervously. “Why?”
His hand flew up and cupped the side of my neck, his fingers burying themselves in the hair at the base. I flinched back, but he held me in place. It wasn’t meant to hurt me, but it was meant to show dominance and I couldn’t help but get excited by the feeling.
He tilted my head back even further, at the same time pulling me closer. My hands unconsciously came up and my palms pressed flat against his chest. I wished his shirt was gone so I could rake my fingernails down the solid muscle. I wanted to feel every dip and bump of his abs underneath my hands.
“You’re a temptation that I can’t afford to risk,” he told me as his eyes roamed my face, his head tilting from side to side as if he wanted to dip his face and kiss me.
Running my hand down his stomach, I could feel the tightness and I knew he was struggling to hold himself back. I tucked my fingers just inside the top of his jeans waiting until he found my eyes again.
“Take the risk,” I whispered, my throat clogged with emotion.
He didn’t wait another second, crushing his mouth to mine and dipping his body so he could wrap his other arm under my ass and lift me from the floor. My legs wrapped around his waist and my arms around his neck, clinging to him like he was my life line.
Our mouths battled, refusing to come up for breath. I never wanted this to end, it was what I’d dreamed of for so long. I ground my hips as he stepped back, dropping himself onto my bed and falling onto his back. The kiss broke as we bounced and a small giggle escaped me. I pulled back, brushing my hair back from my face and looking down at him. The smirk he gave me was sexy and enticing, and once again I’d found the Blizzard that I remembered from the first night we met. He was brash and fun, and no matter how much I’d protested he’d somehow managed to make me laugh.
His hands palmed both my cheeks as he pressed me down against him, I let out a tiny moan. My tight jean shorts had ridden up, and with the help of his hard cock the seam was rubbing in just the right spot.
I placed both hands on his chest and arched my back. “Blizzard.” The words fell from my lips so easily, like they were perfect for my mouth.
“It good right there, baby?” he asked, his voice husky as he pressed me down again, at the same time lifting his hips off the bed.
He continued to make me ride him, but raised one hand and tucked it down the front of my low cut shirt and inside my bra.
“Oh God,” I groaned, his fingers gathering my nipple in between them as he squeezed.
My breathing was coming heavier. I looked down at him, my mouth open, a tiny gasp leaving every time the pressure came back on my clit. His eyes sparkled and this time he smiled, not a sexy smirk but a smile. Like he was actually happy. Like we’d spent too much time apart and this was us coming home.
We were dry humping like fucking teenagers in the back of my parents’ car, but fuck it, it didn’t matter because we were together. There were no hateful words or past mistakes. It was just us. In a room. In a moment.
Just us.
“Come, baby. I got you.”
Just the words were enough to make me release any sign of tension left in my body. And with that, I fell over that edge. My body shook and shuddered as a million jolts of pleasure flew through me. I cried out, gripping his shirt in my hands. I rode out the wave before crashing down on his chest. He was so warm, so gentle, as his hands came over my back and soothed me.
I closed my eyes and allowed myself a few minutes to just be happy. He was here.
“Does this mean you forgive me?” I asked, not wanting to ruin the moment but needing to know exactly what this meant.
When he didn’t answer, I stilled.
I should have kept my mouth shut.
“Blizzard?” I whispered softly.
BANG.
I jumped, throwing my entire body up and landing with a bounce. I looked around frantically, the doors that I’d had open to outside had slammed shut.
I took in a deep breath of relief, but that’s when I realized Blizzard wasn’t there. There was no sign that he’d even been there.
I’d fallen asleep.
I felt tears well up in my eyes. My brain had been so desperate that I’d imagined it all. Dreamed it all up. I threw myself back on the bed and tears stained the beautiful white cover. Checking the clock as I wiped my eyes, I realized there was still an hour before I needed to be at the airport.
But I wasn’t going.
I knew that for sure now.
My heart, my brain, and my body had all just told me exactly what I needed to know.
I wanted more than to just redeem myself. I wanted him. I needed him to know that I would fight for even a small chance that he would see me as more than just a liar.
Was it possible?
Maybe.
But maybe was all I needed, because I knew that if I didn’t try, I would regret it forever. And I’d already spent far too long letting regrets taint me.
It was surreal, standing in the exact same place I’d been when my cousin had gunned down Blizzard. I stared at the sidewalk, inspecting it like I expected to see some kind of stain or reminder of what had happened. Even under the light of the overhead street lamp, I could see that there was nothing. I sighed, I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. The memory was heart wrenching, watching Blizzard fall to the ground unmoving. I remember screaming his name, but I couldn’t get to him. I felt so lost, my cousins pulling me away while he lay there helpless.
Because of me.
It was all because of me.
Suddenly, I wasn’t so confident and my stomach churned. I tried to remind myself why I was there.
Redemption.
Overhearing the conversation inside the hotel was exactly what I needed. They needed someone, I needed to prove to them that I was sorry. Even if sorry meant putting myself in the middle of a shit storm and hoping for the best.
“You grow a pair of balls while you were away?”
I startled. The street was dark, but of course, someone was standing at the front gate to The Brothers’ compound. As he stepped out of the gateway and into the light, I recognized his face. I fought to remember the name of the prospect who had spent hours sitting outside of the apartment Chelsea and I had once shared, watching over her constantly.
“Ham, isn’t it?”
“What are you doing here, Rose?” he asked cautiously, his hand gripping tightly to the gun he held at his side. This is what it had come to. These people I once called friends, feeling like they needed to protect themselves from me.
“I’m not here to cause trouble,” I told him, trying to ease the tension.
He chuckled. “We both know that you coming here is going to cause all kinds of trouble. So let’s not bullshit.”
I sighed. “Can I see Optimus?”
His eyes narrowed on me. “And why is that?”
“I think you have a problem and I might have the solution.” I tried to hold my head high and my shoulders back despite the aching need to turn around and run. My only chance was asking to see Optimus, not anyone else. I knew Ham would, at least, have to take this to his president.
“Phil, call Op.”
I saw movement in the shadows behind him. Of course. There wasn’t one, but two of them holding
down the fort.
Ham continued to stare at me while a hushed voice behind the large gate talked quickly and quietly. I didn’t get another word. His stare was intimidating, but I wouldn’t let myself back down now. I’d come this far, I was stronger, I wasn’t that weak girl I once was.
I heard gravel crunching, it slowly got louder and the stirring in my stomach got worse and worse. When the gate creaked open and Optimus stepped out, I knew this was it. It was my only chance to have my say and pray that I could convince him that I was here to help, not destroy.
“Never thought I’d see you back here again,” he said as he came into the light. His eyes studied me before scanning the street around us.
“Never thought I’d be back,” I answered honestly.
“That probably would’ve been the wisest option to take.” I took the hit but didn’t falter. Now was not the time to argue my rights to be in this town. I needed to do this, and I needed to do it fast before he had time to think and turn me down.
Swallowing harshly, I placed my feet apart in a firm stance. “I heard you need someone to go in undercover?”
He raised an eyebrow but didn’t give anything else away. “We ain’t the cops, Rose.”
“I know what I heard.” I placed my hands on my hips. “You need someone and I just happen to have something to prove.”
I saw the corner of his mouth twitch. “Don’t know where you’re getting your information from, or what exactly you think you wanna prove, but I think it’s best if you take it elsewhere.”
He turned to leave, effectively dismissing me. But I wasn’t going to go down that easily. I searched my brain for something that would tell him I wasn’t full of shit.
“I can get Lane back.”
He stopped dead in his tracks, turning his head to the side so I could see his profile. The light from the streetlamp cast a dark shadow over his face, it was a sight you wouldn’t want to meet walking home alone at night.
“Where did you hear that name?”
I cleared my throat which had suddenly gone dry. “I overheard a conversation at the hotel I’m staying at. I know you need someone to go in and get her back.”
He slowly turned his body to me. “Anyone ever tell you it’s rude to listen to other people’s conversations?”
“Maybe you should tell your friends that the hotel bar isn’t a place to discuss club problems,” I snapped back, regretting it almost immediately as he took a step forward. My body reacted instantly. Stepping back, in order to keep a safe distance between the huge man who looked like he was ready to pounce and me.
“I think it’s best if you forget what you heard and go home,” he growled.
I puffed out my chest. “I’m trying to make this right, Optimus. I fucked up. I screwed up so bad that I will never stop regretting what I’ve done. I’ll never move on. For the rest of my life, I will be haunted by it. But right now, right here, I am asking you… begging you… to please let me gain back that small bit of self-respect I once had.”
He stared at me silently, and for a minute, I thought I saw what may have been a flicker of respect in his eyes.
“I’m warning you now, you coming here is going to severely piss some people off.” He talked slowly and cautiously as if he thought I was completely stupid and had no idea what I was getting myself into. But I knew and I was ready to take whatever consequences came with it.
“I may never be able to gain your trust back, I get that.” My throat tightened. “But this isn’t just for you. I need to prove to myself that I’m not my father.”
He tilted his head, studying me like he was trying to figure out if I was lying, just trying to worm my way back through their defenses.
“Murdered anyone lately?”
My eyes shot wide. “What? No!”
Optimus smirked. “Then you’re not your father.” The tone of his voice was somewhat comforting. I almost felt like he believed I was a good person. “Be here in the morning, nine a.m. Ham will be waiting for you at the gate and he’ll bring you inside. This is something that needs to be discussed with the club first. A decision will be made then.”
Optimus was a great leader. He was strong and firm but also diplomatic. I respected him.
I dipped my head in agreement, but before I turned to walk away I couldn’t help but ask, “How is Chelsea?”
His eyes flicked back to the compound, no doubt where she was waiting for him. I wondered if he would tell her that I was here, I wondered whether she would care.
“She’s good. Almost back to herself.”
My heart tightened and I felt the tears begin to warm my eyes. “I didn’t—”
“That’s something that you need to tell her…” he cut in, “…if you get that chance.”
I cleared my throat, trying hard to gain back my composure. “Sure. I’ll see you in the morning.” I turned and began to walk back down the street, a cold wind whipping at my bare arms.
“Don’t make me regret this, Rosalie,” he called after me into the darkness. The use of my full name sent a shudder through my body. It was a subtle hit, but he was reminding me that he hadn’t forgotten who I was.
I didn’t reply, continuing to force myself forward. A couple of blocks away I called a cab to come pick me up. I tightened my arms around my body, a sad attempt at trying to hold myself together. I was shaking, this was my chance to redeem myself, maybe not in their eyes but in mine. I couldn’t chicken out now. I knew in my gut that whatever I had just offered myself up for, could be dangerous.
I could do this.
I had to do this.
There was no backing out now.
“Did you have to call church so fucking early?” I grumbled, tapping my coffee cup as we waited for the room to fill up.
Optimus reclined in his chair at the head of the table, me sitting directly to his left.
“Had something fresh come in late last night. We need to get this sorted ASAP, so I called your mom and Judge in.” He tapped a pen impatiently on the table.
I screwed up my nose. “It’s weird to hear that.”
He looked up at me with his eyebrows raised. “Why?”
Sipping my coffee, I thought about the question. Why was it weird to hear someone referred to as my mom? I’d spent so long getting used to the idea of it just being me and my dad—if that. “She hasn’t been around since I was a teenager. Doesn’t it get to the point where they forfeit the right to be seen as a parent?”
“I wasn’t around Harlyn for five years. Does that mean I forfeit the right to be called her father?” He didn’t say it like he was offended by my words, but he hit the mark I knew he was aiming for.
“That’s fucking stupid.”
“Exactly my thoughts.”
Bastard.
The doors to the meeting room pushed open and my brothers flooded in, some fresh from workouts with bottles of water and towels, others dressed in the same clothes they were wearing yesterday and half asleep.
Leo wiped the sweat from his brow and took the seat opposite me, to the right of Op. Leo was our Sergeant at Arms. He controlled our security, and in some ways was the voice of reason where dangerous situations were concerned. It was his job to keep us level-headed and above ground.
After all the boys were seated, more figures appeared in the open doorway. My mother and Judge with Light standing just behind them. I still hadn’t grasped how much it hurt to see her, how much my body fueled with venom and anger when she was near. I still felt like I was that kid—the kid she had walked out on and left behind.
“Come in.” Optimus ushered them with his hand.
I tried to shake off the bad vibes, gripping my coffee cup in my hand and focusing on the heat that burnt at my palm.
“Came as fast as we could,” Judge explained as Ham and Phil shut the doors behind them. It was strange to have outsiders in church with us. It was usually unheard of, but I guess special situations call for a bending of the rules. That being said, they were sti
ll not asked to sit at the table with us, and would have to stand.
My mother gripped Judge’s arm tightly, even from where I was sitting I could see the darkness under her eyes. Lane’s kidnapping had evidently taken an enormous toll on her, cracks were beginning to show in her tough exterior.
“We have a small problem…” Optimus began. “It seems someone has overheard you discussing club matters.”
Judge’s eyes widened and my mom looked around at Light frantically. “We… I don’t know how that would have happened.”
Narrowing his eyes, Op stood. I could tell he was frustrated with this small development but there was something he was holding back.
“Next time you decide to talk about important matters, it would do you good to remember that there are ears everywhere. A hotel bar is not the place to share information.” I almost smirked at his tone. It was like he was scolding a small child, but what they had done was stupid. Club matters were kept for the clubhouse or secured areas, not for open spaces.
I watched Judge. Even though his bushy beard covered much of his face, I could tell that he was upset for being called out in front of our entire club. His free hand was clenched in a tight fist and his jaw was locked tightly. “Obviously, we made a mistake.”
Op laughed, causing me to sit up a little straighter. How he found this amusing, I had no idea.
“That could’ve been the best mistake you’ve ever made.”
Sitting forward, I tapped my finger on the table. “Brother, you been drinking this morning?” The boys chuckled lightly. “Because you ain’t making any sense.”
He walked around the table, ignoring me entirely. “It seems like the person who heard you talking wants to help. And with the intel we’ve gathered through Leo, what we have in mind just might work.”
My mom stood a little taller, breathing in deeply like it was her first breath of air in weeks. They had exhausted their options, coming here and asking us for help was their last resort. If we had said no they would have either had to fight, and possibly lose their lives, or give in to the demands that were being made.
Blizzard: (The Brotherhood Journals Book One) Page 7