“It was. It was my fault, I let him inside my head. I let myself believe every word that came out of his mouth. I let myself get so obsessed with dreams and fairytales that I would’ve done anything just to be a part of something more.” I was rambling now, I knew it but I just couldn’t stop. Maybe if she heard me say it, then she would change her mind. “I almost killed you.” The words tasted foul in my mouth.
“Well, you didn’t do a very good job then did you!” she screamed at me. “Because I’m still here. I’m still breathing. And God damn it, I’m going to keep breathing. So will you stop feeling so fucking sorry for yourself and look at me!”
I stared at her in complete shock, not believing I heard what had come from her mouth.
“Would you like to take another shot at it?”
“Chelsea,” Optimus growled, glaring down at her.
The ridiculousness of this whole situation was beginning to dawn on me. I was yelling at her, adamant that I wanted her to hate me for what I’d put her through. My mind was telling me that I didn’t deserve her forgiveness or acceptance. I didn’t want her permission to forgive myself for what I’d done because it shouldn’t be that easy. People who did bad things were meant to suffer. But yet here she was, taunting me because I screwed up killing her off.
“Just look at me.”
I took her in. She was as stunning as ever and with Optimus’ hand resting at her waist it was perfect. So perfect.
“You look fucking amazing!” I yelled, throwing my hands in the air.
“Thank you!” she yelled back at me.
Before we even had a second to blink we were both laughing. The tears had dried up and there was nothing left to say.
She didn’t hate me.
She gave Optimus a quick squeeze before rushing over to me.
This time, I embraced her with everything I had. Warmth washed over me, flooding my whole body. Chelsea and I hadn’t been friends for long before shit went south, but it felt like a lifetime.
“I missed you,” she said smiling as she pulled away. She held her hands on my shoulders and looked me over, much like a mother would her child after so long apart. “You lost weight?”
I giggled. “It’s this new diet I like to call, ‘stress yourself skinny.’”
“The only thing I get when I’m stressed is a tub of ice cream.” She laughed.
She nudged me toward the chair I was just sitting in, moving to pull up her own beside me. Optimus moved over and stood behind her, a looming omen, maybe even a warning. He was protecting her.
“I meant it when I said you don’t have to do this,” she murmured, reaching out to place her hand over mine. “There’s always going to be another way. And we will find it.”
I shook my head. “If I can help, I want to. I’ve spent too much time running and pretending that everything was going to be okay if I just moved on.”
“Everything will be okay.” She smiled at me reassuringly. I knew she was trying to be supportive. No doubt Optimus had told her about what was going down and how dangerous it was. But this was about me needing to do something selfless. I needed to feel like I wasn’t just wasting away in the world. I needed to find me again.
“Hey, I get to cross stripping off my bucket list.” I wiggled my eyebrows, but she just frowned at me, letting me know it was too soon to start joking about it. I sighed. “Look, just let me do this? That girl, Lane. She could be hurt, she could be suffering and if I can stop it, then I will.”
Chelsea groaned, looking over her shoulder at the man behind her. “This is stupid, Op.”
“Don’t even talk like you haven’t already tried to offer yourself for the job, woman.” He smirked down at her and she quickly looked away blushing.
“You hypocrite!” I laughed. “How did you think you were going to draw him in with your dancing skills?”
Even Optimus chuckled.
“I have some skills!” she demanded.
“The Mexican wave is not sexy.”
She frowned at me, but it quickly turned into a smile as she gave me a light shove in the shoulder. “Fine. But you promise me, you’ll come back in one piece?” Her face turned solemn again. I almost felt like I had whiplash from her changes in mood. “I just got you back,” she muttered.
I took her hand and squeezed it. “Trust me, I’m not about to change that anytime soon.”
“Blizzard!” I cringed. Chelsea’s voice rang out loudly around the room. I could hear her feet pounding on the floor behind me. I took another shot of my beer and placed it back on the table, preparing myself for the onslaught.
“Chelsea,” Optimus growled as he no doubt followed closely behind his woman.
She appeared in front of me, throwing the chairs that were placed around the table I sat at out of the way so she could get in closer. She slammed her palms flat on the table, jolting my beer and causing it to topple. I caught it just as it rolled off the edge before it could hit the floor and shatter.
“You are not f-fucking seriously going to let her do this?” I placed the bottle back on the table and finally looked up at her. Her eyes were narrowed and her teeth were clenched.
“Do what?” I stirred, knowing exactly what she was talking about.
She fumed, lifting one of her hands and jabbing her finger in my face. “Don’t fuck with me asshole. What the hell are you thinking? She could get hurt.”
Frowning, I stared her down. “I’m wondering why the hell you care if she gets hurt?”
“And I’m wondering why you don’t,” she fired back.
I stood quietly. “I thought you had your memory back. Or do you need me to remind you what she did to you, to us, to this whole fucking club?”
Chelsea’s back straightened. Op stood back, watching us carefully, ready to jump in at any time should things become too heated. I wasn’t sure why he had even let it go on this long without saying anything. Maybe he’d tried to talk to her already and figured I might be the one to give her that wake-up call. Or maybe it was the other way around, maybe he thought it was me that needed it.
“She was the reason you almost died, princess.”
Shaking her head, she swallowed. “She’s also the only reason I’m still alive. She could have walked away, but instead she risked her own life and made that phone call that saved Op from being blown to pieces and led you straight to me.”
I scoffed. “Yeah, after she held a gun on you and forced you into the hands of a fucking psycho.”
I saw tears welling up in her eyes, but she held her head high like the strong Old Lady that she was. “She didn’t know. He lied to her, he told her things that weren’t true. She thought she was doing what was right for her family.”
I threw my head back and laughed. “You can’t tell me you’re going to stand here and defend her.”
“People deserve second chances.” She glanced over at Optimus, who just stared straight back at her. Op had spent so long pushing Chelsea away because he thought he was protecting her. He was wrong and it ended up hurting them both. Thinking he had lost her, he regretted every moment that he’d spent keeping his distance. Now he barely let her out of his sight.
“I can’t believe we’re even having this fucking conversation,” I muttered, scrubbing at my face with my hand.
“Don’t let her do it, Blizzard. Please?” Her eyes pleaded with me.
Chelsea was right about one thing. Throwing Rose in the deep end with this rival club could be an enormous risk. We were trying to get as much intel as we could, but realistically we could come up with nothing which would mean sending Rose in completely blind.
“She came to us offering her help. She’s not stupid, she knows what she’s getting herself into.” I folded my arms across my chest, trying to seem like I was firm in my thoughts. But really, my head was swimming just thinking about letting her do this. I had to keep reminding myself that I didn’t owe her shit—not my sympathy, not my gratitude, and definitely not my thanks. “At least, we know on
e thing, she’s fucking good at being fake.”
The words tasted sour on my tongue but they were true. Sure now I think about it, the signs had all been there. But at the time, we were all so wrapped up in the pity party that she was throwing that we never saw them. I’d be damned if I let my guard down now.
“I love you,” Chelsea sniffed. “But r-right now you’re being a cold h-hearted asshole.”
I held myself a little straighter. Chelsea had become family to me. She was my brother’s Old Lady and I knew that I’d protect her with my life. Her words hurt more than I expected. My hackles went up.
“She’s the reason you have that stutter and can’t control your words when you’re upset. She’s the reason you can’t walk right when you get stressed,” I shot back.
“Blizzard!” Op snapped, taking a step forward.
I ignored him, pushing my point across. “She’s the reason Op dragged you to the fucking doctor—”
Gritting her teeth she moved into my space. “No, she’s not. Your fucking brother over there knocked me up! That’s the reason I needed to go to the doctor!”
My breath caught in my throat. We stared at each other, not saying a single word.
Holy shit.
Once my mind processed exactly what she’d said, I couldn’t stop the smile that grew. I watched as her body sagged, the tense atmosphere quickly evaporating.
“You’re gonna have a kid?” I asked, needing her to confirm what she’d just told me.
Her hand slipped to her stomach and her eyes drifted down. “We’re gonna have a baby.”
I let out a short laugh and shot forward, lifting her up and squeezing her tightly. She giggled, smacking me on the arm and demanded I let her go.
“Brother, stop squeezing my woman. She’s gotta keep that thing in there for another six months, I don’t need her popping it out right now.” Op laughed. I put Chelsea down and turned to him. Op had been my best friend and my brother since I was in diapers. My heart was racing, I was so fucking happy for them. After all the shit they’d been through they deserved something positive in their lives.
“Congrats man.” We shook hands and I pulled him in, patting him on the back with my free hand.
“Thanks, bro. Can’t wait to tell Harlyn she’s going to be a big sister.” He pulled back and grinned at me.
This was our life. To outsiders, we were gang members and a menace to society, but we were much more than that. We were everything to each other. I felt my brothers’ highs and I also felt their lows. We had a bond that was forged through love and honor and respect.
Chelsea and Optimus having a baby was giving us a new addition to our family. That child was a part of our club’s future and that was something to be excited about.
Not all club children chose to live the club life when they got older. It was never something that was forced on us as kids. A few left, but most decided to stay and continue to be a part of the club. For me it was never a question, even growing up with my father who made the decision to put the club first before me and my mom. I got to see first-hand how every member of the Brothers by Blood—brothers as well as Old Ladies—came together to support someone when they were in a time of need. I had that support, and it was my duty to make sure that if the situation ever arose that I would be able to do the same.
“It’s gonna be a boy,” I stated.
They both laughed. “You think?” Chelsea asked, her face beaming.
“Fuck yeah, Harlyn needs a brother to sort her out.”
Chelsea giggled. “She’s going to end up with one of your brothers, so I wouldn’t worry about that.”
I watched Op’s face drop. “What the fuck does that mean?”
Rolling her eyes, she smirked. “Harlyn will end up dating a brother. I can guarantee it.”
“Not if that brother wants to lose a hand,” he snarled.
“Oh calm down, caveman. She’s got years to go yet before that happens.” Chelsea walked over and wrapped her arms around her man. He frowned down at her. He was just realizing now that his little girl would someday not be so little.
“Yo, prez!” Leo sauntered into the room holding his cell up in his hand. “Sugar is trying to call you. Said there’s been some drama at the school with Harlyn.”
Op’s brow creased. “Fuck my life.” He whipped his phone out and wrangled himself out of Chelsea’s arms, growling and grumbling as he took off down the hall.
Chelsea shook her head. “With the rate that kid is going, she isn’t going to live long enough to even start dating… because Op’s gonna strangle her.”
“What’s up with Harlyn?” I asked curiously. They had been called down to the school several times over the last couple weeks.
Sighing, Chelsea pulled out a chair and dropped herself into it. “The kids at school have been giving her hell about the club. And you know that little girl, she isn’t going to let anyone talk bad about her family.” I saw a small smirk play on her lips. “She punched an older boy in the stomach last week for saying that her dad was a loser.”
I coughed, attempting to cover my laughter. “Can take the girl outta the club…”
“But not the club out of the girl,” Chelsea finished, smiling.
I took a seat at the table with her, and we sat in silence for a minute. I knew she was itching to say something.
“Just spit it out, princess.”
“Rose… she needs us, Blizzard,” her voice came out as a whisper. I could hear the emotion in it and it pulled at my heart.
I cleared my throat. “Can’t just forget what she did. She hurt my family.”
“But you’re willing to risk her life? If revenge is really that important to you, then I’m not sure you’re the man I thought you were.” I could hear the sadness and disappointment in her voice as she pushed back her chair. She didn’t even look at me as she stood and walked away.
Was that what this was to me? Was it revenge?
The pain I had felt when I’d found out that Rose had been behind it all was something I’d only ever felt once before when my mother chose another club over what was meant to be our family. I’d cared for Rose, at that stage I had wanted to save her, take away all the hurt and suffering that she was going through, and show her that there was something better out there. That there was a world like ours where you didn’t have to fight for love.
I just wanted her to feel what I had felt. But now she was putting her life on the line just so she could prove that she was sorry for what she had done. Was it really worth the possibility of losing her just so I could get some sort of satisfaction?
Now I wasn’t really sure.
“This is Kat,” Slider said, gesturing with his hand to a beautiful brunette. She smiled at me and held her hand out.
“It’s nice to meet you,” she told me as I took her hand and we shook.
The friendly face made me feel relieved. “Likewise.”
Slider continued after the niceties were done, “Kat is going to help you figure out your act and help you out with your skills. You need to be on point if you’re going to attract the attention that you need.”
I nodded and Kat tilted her head toward the stage. I followed her over, butterflies filling my stomach, battering it so hard I felt like I might vomit all over her. She sat down on the edge of the stage and patted the space beside her.
“Don’t we need to be up there?” I asked, pointing to where there was a pole positioned.
Her smile was soft and friendly, but I spotted the pity almost immediately. I was reluctant but she patted the spot again. I sighed but hefted myself onto the edge of the stage next to her. She turned her body toward me.
“It’s okay to be nervous,” she explained. “Not every girl is made to stand up there and take her clothes off.”
My shoulders sagged. She was right. I was not one of those girls, but I was going to throw a ‘fuck it’ to the wind anyway and do it because it was what needed to be done.
I shrugged, try
ing to seem casual and like I wasn’t completely wetting my pants at the thought of men ogling me while I took my clothes off. “I like to dance, but I’m not sure I’m any good.”
“We aren’t told much about club business, but I’m going to take a guess that you’re not doing this because you’re looking for a new career?”
I didn’t know what to say, I wasn’t sure how much I was meant to tell these girls. I knew that they were a part of the club life in a small way, but running my mouth about what I was about to do I was pretty sure wasn’t going to gain me any brownie points with the brothers.
“I… I just don’t want to look stupid,” I told her. Even I thought it was a lame excuse, but she just laughed softly.
Placing a hand on my shoulder, she leaned into me. “You pass. Now let’s see what you’ve got.”
She grinned at me as she leaped from the edge of the platform, somehow managing to land gracefully in the crazy high heels that she was wearing.
Had that been a test?
I was confused, but I followed blindly as she led us up the staircase. The club was empty apart from a girl and a guy behind the bar chatting with Slider, who I guess was my escort for the day. I felt almost as though I was a prisoner as opposed to someone who’d just offered to help them. But I guess I couldn’t blame the club for being suspicious and wanting to watch me.
Kat startled me out of my thoughts. “Do you have a song in mind or shall I pick one?”
This was something I had thought about surprisingly.
“Do you have ‘Chains’ by Nick Jonas?” I asked, shifting on my feet nervously.
Her eyes brightened. “We’re going for slow and sexy then? I can work with that.” She disappeared behind a small curtain, coming back with a remote in her hand. “Kick your shoes off, it will be easier for now. I just want to see how you move, and then we can deal with the hooker heels later if that’s possible.”
I nodded, reaching down and tugging at the laces of my running shoes and pulling them off, followed by my socks.
Blizzard: (The Brotherhood Journals Book One) Page 9