by Trina M. Lee
“Because I don’t care,” she shouted. “I’m not who you want me to be, and I don’t want to be that person.”
A struggle ensued. Lilah fought Salem off, slamming him with a blast of dark power. Salem retaliated with his own attack, one meant to subdue her. It only served to anger her more.
Instead of lashing out at Salem, Lilah turned toward Shya and flung out a hand. Her lips moved in that old language, and the silver holding Shya began to glow. The pure metal melted away, freeing the demon.
“Go!” Lilah shrieked.
Shya wasted no time in promptly disappearing.
What in the fuck? So many questions had been answered by what I just saw, and yet so many more had been created. I knew Shya loved Lilah, although I had never guessed that perhaps she had once felt something for him too. What happened between them?
No wonder Salem wanted Shya’s stone so badly.
Salem grabbed hold of her wrist in a crushing grip. “We were called to deliver justice. You sabotaged everything, you cold, selfish snake.”
In true demon fashion, she spat a mocking hiss at him.
“Everything he does from here on out is on you,” Salem snarled.
“Yes,” she said with a vicious grin, “it certainly is.”
A cry was ripped from me as the vision changed. My head spun and throbbed. The world seemed to turn upside down, then I was thrust into a new memory.
The image flickered like a glitched-out television. The two of them, Lilah and Salem, wrapped in a mountain of cozy sheets and fluffy pillows, completely enrapt in one another. She gazed at him with total adoration. His stirring emotion reverberated inside me, allowing me to feel what he felt: An undying love that held his soul hostage. A devotion that shook his bones. The certainty that he would forgive her everything and anything. Acceptance that the cycle of pain and pleasure would continue, forever, and the willingness to face the madness and heartache if it meant moments like this in between. Her in his arms, looking at him like that.
As fast as the memory had come, it was gone, replaced by more agony. More conflict and strife.
Each vision Salem showed me hurt more than the last. No longer was I aware of my hand in his or Arys sitting beside me. My body no longer felt like my own, as I became so deeply entrenched in Salem’s memories that I had no concept of myself.
Again I faced Lilah in all her dark glory.
She held a dagger with a crystal handle to the throat of a young woman with wide, terrified eyes. Salem’s desperation sang through me. The young woman was his charge, his to protect, and Lilah hated her. Twisted with jealousy, she had stepped in where she didn’t belong, threatening his sacred duty.
“Lilah, enough. Your jealousy is unfounded. This is ridiculous and you know it.” In a gentle tone, Salem pleaded, knowing any wrong move or word would set her off.
Ignoring the shrieks of the frightened woman, Lilah tightened her grip. “You’ve become obsessed with her. She’s dominating your every thought. And I won’t have it.”
“I’m her guardian, Lilah. Her safety is my duty. You know this. As much as I love you, it doesn’t have a damn thing to do with you. You need to back off and let me do my job. We can discuss this later.” Anger rising, Salem contemplated the many ways he would make her pay for this.
A little pressure and the blade bit into flesh. A single fat drop of blood welled up.
“I don’t believe there’s anything to discuss.” The dagger trembled with her pent-up rage.
Salem held up a hand, begging his dark half for mercy. “Please, don’t do this.”
Hesitation. A moment of silence when two opposing forces carrying a spark of one another faced off.
The dagger blade slid through the young woman’s flesh, creating a deep, gaping wound. Her cries choked off, as she reached for a fount she had no hope of stopping.
Lilah didn’t stop there. Knowing Salem would rush to heal his charge, she wasted no time plunging the dagger into the woman’s heart, destroying all hope of saving her before it was too late.
“I hate you.” The words fell from Salem’s lips, burning with the truth.
With a toss of her orange hair, Lilah let the woman fall and ran a finger along the flat side of the bloody dagger. Her lips twitched in an almost sad smile. “And yet, you love me just as much. Don’t you ever wonder what you did to deserve such torment?”
Pain crushed Salem. He fought so hard to see the good in their bond despite the constant tribulation. She refused to accept their bond as meaningful. Sacred.
“Yes,” he admitted, finding pleasure in the way she flinched at his raw confession. “This is one of those times.”
My own scream echoed in my ears. Every vision plunged me deeper into Salem’s psyche, a place I did not belong.
What I saw next was not Lilah’s failure but Salem’s. Overcome by her darkness, unable to resist the pull any longer, he gave in. Instead of helping a human being in pain, he stood aside and watched as the man flung himself off a bridge. Simply too tired, Salem found some relief in his inaction. A sick satisfaction settled in his gut as he watched the man’s body break on the rocks below before disappearing into the rushing river.
Sometimes it was so much easier to let them get what they’d brought upon themselves. They deserved to reap what they’d sown.
The seed of guilt was strong. It buried itself deep in Salem, took root, and grew. Temptation plagued him. Letting the darkness claim him seemed like less of a struggle than the constant battle raging on inside him, a battle I knew well.
Depression claimed Salem for a time. Torn between the duty he loved and the woman he could never escape, the angel contemplated taking that unholy plunge. To be fallen was to give up everything, a sacrifice of his duty and destiny. He couldn’t, could he?
Salem’s tormented memory made my heart bleed for him. Madness lurked within him, waiting to strike at the most opportune time. Why bother keeping up a fight that would never end? Giving in, that would end it.
Salem did all he could think of to save himself from Lilah’s darkness. He locked her up but it didn’t help. Even still he lived moment to moment with the flicker of his dark flame always burning inside him.
I understood his pain. I lived it.
My ass hit the floor. My shriek cut off, as I was jarred back to reality.
Arys knelt at my side, concern etched on his face, his hand tightly grasping mine. “Alexa?”
I clung to Arys, trembling. Crimson tears filled my eyes, and I choked on the sob lodged in my throat.
It would never get better. We were destined to suffer until we destroyed one another, but I knew this already. However, seeing it through someone else’s eyes made it undeniable.
“I’m ok,” I whispered, my voice lacking strength because I wasn’t sure I would ever be ok again.
The similarities between Lilah and Arys were frightening. She’d sabotaged one of the tasks she and Salem had been created to accomplish. Arys had almost done the same when he resisted killing me, though we both knew it had to happen. Lilah had hurt someone important to Salem. Arys had yet to hurt Juliet, but I knew it to be merely a matter of time. And just like Salem, the darkness plagued me, led me into horrific acts that could never be undone.
I looked to Salem who stood nearby, watching me, his face blank. “I’m sorry. You asked, so I showed you. I wish it didn’t have to be this way. Remember what I said before. You cannot give up the battle. It shapes you, makes you stronger. It all means something.”
“Do you really believe that?” I asked, finding it hard to accept that he could be so certain after lifetimes of misery.
“I do. Because like the two of you, Lilah and I have a purpose. The fact that something seeks to thwart us is reason enough to keep pushing on. We fight each other, hate each other, and yet still yearn for one another with an undying need.” Salem sucked in a deep breath, releasing it in a slow sigh. “We’ve been chosen. Her and I. The two of you. Whatever comes your way, you must st
and firm in your destiny. Do not give up.”
Two silent tears slid down my cheeks. I nodded, feeling empty.
“Whatever you do with Shya,” I said, “don’t let him get out.”
CHAPTER TWENTY
It didn’t take long for me to unravel without Shaz. Whether it was because his keystone qualities were really that strong or merely that I didn’t know how to cope without him, I didn’t know. But I was a wreck. All I wanted was to make someone bleed.
“We are not going in after Shaz tonight. They’ll be ready for us. You have to be patient, Alexa. Our team isn’t in place yet.”
I scoffed and glanced across the car at Arys. “Patient? You know who you’re talking to, right?”
I didn’t want to wait to get my wolf and one of my best friends back. I refused to hide out while pacing the floors, plotting the many ways I could bleed Agent Winston. Inside I felt unsettled, wound tight with a seething fury that would not subside.
“Patience definitely isn’t your strongest quality,” Arys sneered, flipping the passenger-side visor down to peer into the mirror on the back. “In this case, you need to go in with a cool head, which you do not have.”
“I don’t see why that’s so important,” I muttered. “We can blow the place apart.”
“Exactly. And Winston knows it. Don’t you think she’ll have some kind of contingency plan? Most likely involving Shaz and Jez. Don’t fuck this up, Alexa.” Running a hand through his jet-black hair, Arys shoved the sexy mess around. Satisfied with the results, he closed the mirror and turned to find me gaping at him.
Jez and Shaz had been abducted by the FPA the night before last. Just two nights ago. Yet it felt like eons. The more time that passed, the worse their chances of getting out of there unscathed. I just couldn’t wait around.
“Did you seriously just say that to me?” With a look I dared Arys to continue.
He settled back in his seat, turning so he partially leaned against the door, allowing him to face me. “You tend to be a little reckless, babe. What can I say?”
His sexy smirk sent a shock of heat to the tips of my toes. Damn him.
Muttering obscenities beneath my breath, I stared at my nightclub, watching those who made their way inside. As expected, the clientele had dwindled since the FPA attack. But by no means was the place a dead zone. It took more than the threat of a raid by the Feds to keep people away. A bite junkie wouldn’t be so easily deterred from a fix. Nor would a vampire seeking an enthusiastic playmate.
“The longer we wait, the worse it will be for them,” I said softly. “Nobody goes into that place without having something twisted done to them. I can’t just wait around while they’re subjected to God knows what.”
“We’ll wait just long enough to make Winston wonder why we haven’t come yet. I’m confident that those two can take care of themselves in there.” Arys grabbed my hand, stroking his thumb over my fingers. “Don’t doubt them.”
“We can’t wait much longer. I won’t.” I shook my head, unable to be so sure. “I saw what happened to Kale in there. And to Owen and the wolves. To me, even. Arys, they’re just two new specimens to the people running that place. What if they’re used as lab rats? What if they don’t come out the same as they went in? Already I can feel the difference Shaz’s absence makes. What if something—?”
“Don’t.” That one word was sharp enough to cut glass. Tension gripped Arys who tried and failed to appear relaxed. “Nothing will happen to our wolf. Don’t even give life to such a thought.”
Salem’s memories replayed in my head. They lived in me too now, and they resurfaced to haunt me repeatedly. I’d asked for it. Now I had to live with the constant reminder of what awaited Arys and me. Though I’d already known our fate was a battlefield, some part of me had held out hope that perhaps it would be different for us.
And in some ways it had been. Because of Shaz.
But we wouldn’t have him forever.
God how my heart ached.
“I saw it though, Arys,” I whispered, “I saw us reflected in Lilah and Salem. It’s all going to get so much worse.”
“How about you stop living in another time and just try living in the now?” A quirk of a dark brow accompanied Arys’s remark. His sensual lips curved in a slight frown. “You know, Alexa, I understand that things are trying for the light flame, being afflicted with darkness. But have you considered how hard it is for the dark flame struggling to cope with the spark of light?”
I’d never assumed it to be easy for Arys or any other dark flame. However, I didn’t believe they struggled the way the light half did. The pain that flickered through his dark blue orbs suggested I’d been wrong.
Softly I said, “Tell me.”
He fell quiet so long I thought he’d shut down before he’d even opened up. Arys wasn’t the type to pour his heart out in a discussion that might make him feel vulnerable. His emotional admissions were often accompanied by outbursts of desperation and passion.
Nibbling the small silver hoop in his bottom lip, Arys appeared thoughtful. Reflective. With a short nod, he sat up straighter in his seat.
“The light spark is like a grating voice, always whispering in my ear. Promising me that I can be so much more. Inviting me to believe in something better. Always telling me who I am. A king. A warrior. A hero.” He paused and stared out the window.
I said nothing, knowing to speak too soon would disrupt the flow before it had started. I needed to know what Arys had to say.
“I don’t want to be any of those things,” he continued, gazing across the street at the empty parking lot of a closed grocery store. “Not a damn one. I left behind a human life of failure to become something powerful. Something to be feared. I’ve loved every moment of it. Yet, always that spark deep inside tells me that I’m so much more. That piece of you.”
I hadn’t spent nearly enough time pondering what it might be like for my dark half. Of course it would be a total opposite flip of what I experienced. What must it be like to be a creature of the dark forced to listen to the encouragement of the light? How did it feel to have heroism thrust upon one who wanted only to wallow in the shadows?
Waiting until I was sure he’d finished proved difficult. My lips burned with the question I had to ask. Finally, I spit it out, hoping it didn’t sound as aggressive as it felt.
“Do you regret it? What we are? Having to listen to that voice.”
Arys’s midnight gaze found mine in the dim car interior. He searched me, like he couldn’t believe I’d dared to ask. “Not for a second, Alexa. I promise you.”
He didn’t ask me the same. He didn’t have to. I saw his question written all over his face.
The voice I lived with was dark. It taunted me, tempted me, and tortured me. Several times, I’d allowed it to coerce me into the dark places where horror and bloodshed lived, and I enjoyed it every time. Until it was over and the guilt set in.
As I fell into Arys’s enchanting eyes and saw myself reflected within them, I knew that despite the many regrets I lived with, I wouldn’t change it if I could. This choice had been made for us. I couldn’t let myself believe it was without reason or meaning.
“Me neither,” I said. “The only thing I regret is how it’s going to end. But I don’t regret you. Never could I regret you.”
The soft creak of his leather jacket comforted me as he leaned over the console between the seats in an effort to close the distance between us. His fingertips were cool on my face. He had yet to steal the lively warmth from anything with a heartbeat tonight.
“We don’t know how it’s going to end, my love.” Arys’s lips moved softly against mine.
A sigh shuddered forth. “But Gabriel—”
Silenced by his kiss, the rest of my protest vanished, chased away by the power of his certainty. I wanted to insist that Gabriel was rarely wrong in what he saw, that Lilah and Salem were evidence enough of how horribly we would one day treat each other. With Arys’s lips on
mine, gentle but commanding, I could only fall into that abyss that was all him.
“Gabriel did not see the end. He saw but a mere moment. Trust me.” Arys seemed so sure. “Now, are we going to sit here and gawk at the building all night, or would you like to go inside and seek out some family friendly fun?”
Before I could respond, my phone rang, causing me to jump in fear that it was Winston calling to light a fire under my ass. More than likely though, it was Brinley Kane, local youth worker and human superhero. I’d agreed to help him shake down a pervert for information about a missing girl tonight.
Kale’s name stared up at me from the screen. I silenced the phone and stuffed it back in my bag.
“Brinley,” I said, only to avoid an argument with Arys. “I have to go meet him.”
“Liar.” Arys gave a judgmental smirk. “You’d have answered. How often is Sinclair calling you, Alexa?”
My face burned. Although pink cheeks weren’t a traitorous feature for a pale vampire who hadn’t fed yet, a flush of embarrassed energy was. “We don’t talk much. He just wanted to check up on things here, because of Shya’s curse and all. Is that ok with you? Or are you going to take my phone away?” It was snarky and sarcastic, but I didn’t need his permission to take a call from Kale.
“No need to bust my balls.” Hands held up in surrender, Arys failed to hide a smirk. “I get it. I don’t own you. And as I’m sure you’d like to remind me, I ran him out of town, and now I can just shut my mouth about it. Consider it shut.”
I dropped the defenses I’d gathered and smiled. It wasn’t like him to make things easy for me. “Good. Glad we’re on the same page. I really do have to meet Brinley though.”
“Let’s go then.”
“No, no, no.” A shake of my head punctuated each one. “I need you here. One of us needs to keep an eye on The Kiss.”