by Heidi Hormel
“What was last night?” she asked when he remained silent.
“Terrific? Spectacular?”
He didn’t like the rodeo smile she gave him as she said, “That’s not what I mean. One time sleeping together is bad judgment.” She took a slug of coffee. “Two times is either stupidity, craziness or...”
“What do you want it to be?”
“I don’t know, especially with everything else that’s going on.”
“I don’t want to be accused of taking control but can I say what I don’t want this to be?” he asked.
She nodded and buried her face in the cup.
“I don’t want it to be a one-night stand or a hookup. Okay?” She nodded again. “I don’t want to tell anyone about it yet...not because I’m ashamed or anything, but because I want this to be ours. I don’t want to have to justify or explain.”
He put up his hand to stop her as she opened her mouth to speak, his gaze locked onto hers. “I have no idea where this may lead, but for once, I’m fine with just taking the ride. I want you in my bed again, and I would take you there right now but I’ve got to get to work. And I’m not saying that to get away. I have surgery and rounds. I expect to see you tonight. I’ll be sure to get up early enough to give you a better good morning tomorrow.”
He moved around the bar and kissed her forehead. God. He didn’t want to leave her now or...ever. What a mess. Philly had moved front and center in his future and now Jessie—
“Actually, I just wanted to ask you to pour me more coffee,” she said with another one of those saucy grins that tightened his groin. Why did he love it so much when she was being a big pain in his butt? “But, Payson, this is probably the worst time for me to get involved with you or anyone.”
“You’re not getting involved with anyone else.”
She patted his hand and stood up. “Everything is so up in the air. I know what Mama would tell me. ‘Baby girl, when your plate is full, you eat that first before you go back for dessert.’”
“That doesn’t even make sense.”
“You’re my dessert. I shouldn’t be having you before I deal with my very full plate, but I just can’t resist,” she said quietly, hugging him to her and kissing him.
Her soft lips and gifted tongue were sugary sweet from her coffee and a taste that was all Jessie. His hand slid under the hem of the shirt she wore, cupping her bare bottom. “You really are testing my self-control, aren’t you?” he asked in a hoarse whisper.
“Hmm...I was just sittin’ here havin’ my mornin’ coffee when some man came up and started kissin’ on me.” She brushed her thumbs over his cheekbones, her sage-green gaze searching his face. “This is the best morning I’ve had in three years.”
“Me, too.” He kissed her hard this time, wanting to put some kind of mark on her so that all day she’d remember this, him, them.
Chapter Sixteen
Jessie sang along at the top of her lungs when Blake Shelton came on her Scout’s battered radio. Her cheeks actually hurt from smiling. She’d need to settle down and get herself under control before facing the kids and the volunteers. An hour alone cleaning out stalls should take care of any lingering Payson effect.
She pulled into the ranch happier than she’d been in years—since before she and Payson divorced. Remembering that sobered her a little bit.
Don’t borrow trouble, she told herself, because she already had plenty of that. Her conversation with Payson about the hospital reminded her that Hope’s Ride wasn’t as safe as she’d imagined, even with the bank off her back. She made a mental note to ask her sister to help—which would stun Lavonda—with more fund-raisers. She’d also ask Payson if he could suggest another hospital to approach for support. He’d know the other medical types who’d be open to the program. Her stomach did a little dip when she thought about him. She’d made the first move last night, dropping off the brownies, even though until the moment she kissed him, she would have denied that. The real problem was that she didn’t know what any of this meant. They were divorced. Wasn’t that the end of things?
Her phone vibrated in her pocket. So much for having time to herself. “Hello, this is Jessie,” she said into the phone, not recognizing the number.
“Ms. Leigh, I’m calling for Dr. Naill from Desert Valley.”
Now her stomach dropped as dread filled her. When Payson had talked about the administration deciding against the endorsement, she’d thought she’d have more time before the hospital made the decision final. “How may I help you?”
“I’m to set up a meeting to discuss Hope’s Ride. Dr. Naill and the administrative staff have time available on Friday or Wednesday of next week.”
Get it over with or give herself time to come up with a plan...time to talk with Payson and ask for help from Lavonda and Spence? “Next Wednesday would work.” They finalized the details and the location.
As soon as she ended the call, Jessie went with her first instinct and called Payson. She needed to hear his voice for reassurance that everything would work out, no matter how crappy it felt right now. The call went to voice mail, and she guessed he was in surgery or doing rounds. She left a message and then turned back to cleaning the stalls, hoping that by the time the volunteers and staff arrived she’d have calmed down, ready to tackle the day and Desert Valley.
* * *
LATE THAT AFTERNOON, Jessie, Payson, Lavonda and Spence sat at Jessie’s dining table—a picnic table she’d painted a rich burnt orange to match the little cowboy hats on the curtains her mother had made. She rubbed her hand over the glossy surface, thinking about what Spence had just said.
“So the hospital can drop me like a hot potato and I don’t have a choice?”
“That’s about it,” he said. “Which is why you should have had an attorney who would have required a written contract. As it is, they’re under no obligation to follow through on any promises made by my brother or anyone else from the hospital.”
“That advice isn’t very helpful right now,” she snapped back. Under the table, Payson squeezed her hand. She relaxed slightly.
“Cut her a break,” Lavonda defended Jessie. “She thought a hospital was a place that wanted to help people. Silly her.”
Payson put up his hand to stop Lavonda from going on. “There’s got to be something you can do. It’s breach of good faith or something?”
“Stick with doctorin’,” Spence said in his fake drawl. “I’ll look through everything you’ve given me. We might be able to push them with the threat of a defamation suit. Their sudden withdrawal could be interpreted as a commentary on the program and that could mean—”
Jessie brightened. “So you might be able to make them follow through.”
“I’m not that good,” Spence said. “The best we can probably hope for is an agreement to make a positive referral to any other hospital or provider if contacted about Hope’s Ride, but you might also be required to sign a gag order in exchange for that.”
“What?” Lavonda asked, leaning forward a little to get in Spence’s face. “More with the hospital stopping Jessie from exercising her First Amendment rights.”
Payson broke in, “Let’s get back to Wednesday’s meeting. We’re all agreed that it’s about Desert Valley rejecting the endorsement of Hope’s Ride, which means that Jessie needs to find a new hospital. I had Helen do a little research. I just didn’t have—”
Jessie pulled her hand away from Payson. “Helen?”
“She’s discreet and she knows your program.”
Jessie took a deep breath. She had to let them help her. She couldn’t do this alone. “What did she find?”
“Arizona General is interested, and they’re willing to send a sample agreement, which Spence can look over. If you sign a contract with the hospital, then you’ll avoid getting yourself into another
mess like this one. I talked with them, too. Logistically, it might be—”
“Excuse me,” Jessie said carefully at the same time Lavonda said, “Oh, crap.”
“I didn’t agree to anything specific,” Payson said. “You and Spence can go over the paperwork.”
“Just because you didn’t sign on the dotted line for me, you think it’s okay?” Jessie asked carefully to keep her voice from rising.
“Jeez, Payson, I thought you were a genius,” Spence said.
“What did I do now?” Payson asked, looking truly bewildered.
Jessie reined in her temper and took three seconds to think. She focused on Payson, ignoring everyone else in the room. “I know I’m slightly unreasonable about Hope’s Ride,” she said, working on a smile. “I can accept that you want to help and make sure that everything works out. And you are a genius, but this is the place that your IQ falls way below even marginally smart. I know I need to be more gracious about accepting help, but maybe you need to be willing to give up a little control.”
“I wasn’t trying to control you, Jessie. I really just wanted to help.”
“I know that,” she said and picked up his hand again. The tightness in her chest loosened as the anger drained out of her. “Next time, talk with me first.”
“Next time?”
“There will be a next time and another next time. And you’ll remember that sometimes I’m a little too independent and you’ll cut me a break, all right?”
He snorted a little laugh and squeezed her hand. “I’ve always admired your cowgirl independence. It’s just sometimes...”
“I know I need to ask for help, not just so I don’t hurt myself or someone else, but because people really do want to help. It can be a gift to them as much as to me.” She sucked in breath. “You awed me with the way you took control in the toughest situations, but that wasn’t always what I needed or what anyone else needs. I know you’re just trying to protect us from any harm, but we all need to stumble to get it right. The kids at Hope’s Ride fall and they do things wrong all of the time. That’s when they learn the most and feel the proudest. Just let me be wrong sometimes. And then don’t say I told you so.”
He laughed out loud this time. “I might be able to do that.”
“Great,” interrupted Spence, his tone sharp. “You’ve had your Dr. Phil moment. Can we get on with saving this damned program?”
“Who crapped in your corn flakes?” Lavonda shot back.
“Darlin’,” Spence started, his cowboy drawl more pronounced. “I’ve got a job and a life—”
Jessie said quickly, “While we wait to see what Desert Valley does and what Arizona General offers, Lavonda will work on more fund-raising ideas. Spence will go through all of the agreements with a fine-toothed comb and Payson will perform surgical miracles.” She smiled at him. “And I’ll keep Hope’s Ride running.”
“Guess we all know who’s in charge now,” Payson said.
“You betcha.” Jessie hoped she sounded a lot more confident than she felt.
When Lavonda and Spence walked out, it seemed natural for Jessie and Payson to stand on the porch and say good-night. It felt even better when he stayed the night with her. The week of waiting for the appointment would be a lot easier with Payson around.
* * *
JESSIE SAT IN Dr. Naill’s office, the hospital’s president, with Spence, wishing she was with Payson instead. She’d actually let Spence do most of the talking, only chiming in when he gave her a nod. It was killing her to not tell these suits to go shove it. But Lavonda had pointed out that while Arizona was a big state, the medical community was small. She couldn’t afford to burn any of her bridges.
The attorney for the board said, “We would reconsider our position, but as Dr. MacCormack is moving his practice to Philadelphia Children’s Hospital, we don’t have the internal expertise...”
The words became a buzzing sound in her brain. Jessie could only focus on the fact that without saying one word to her, Payson had decided to leave. Everything he’d said and done in the past week had made her think that they were moving toward...reconciliation.
“Thank you,” Spence said, and Jessie felt a tug on her arm.
“Yes, thank you,” she replied automatically. This was why she should rely only on herself. Of course he would do what was best for his career. He always had. Her job had been second, her needs had been third or fourth. She’d go to the ranch and take a ride, work the horses, hang out with the kids. All of that would get her through the next few hours. Then she’d go to Payson’s condo and tell him to take a hike. She didn’t need any more of his help or his connections. He probably had sabotaged the offer from Arizona General, just as he had Desert Valley’s.
“What the hell are you thinking?” Spence asked as he hustled her down a hall.
“Molly needs new shoes.”
“You’re lying. You’re thinking of ways to get back at Payson.”
She shook her head, beyond anger and hurt. “Really. I’ve got this long list of chores for the ranch.”
“He didn’t say anything to me either. Those guys were probably bluffing to remove any liability. I won’t—”
“I don’t think so,” she said dully.
“Give my big-brained but stupid brother a chance to explain. I know I wasn’t always your fan, but seeing you two together again...” He trailed off.
“It’s so like him. To make a decision and tell me about it later.” She refused to spend more of her energy and emotions on Payson.
“Payson would not leave you high and dry. Look at everything’s he done to make sure you succeeded. He came clean about all of it. Why would he take a job in Philadelphia and not tell any of us?”
She stayed silent. Spence could be right. She finally took a deep breath to settle her speeding heart. He deserved the benefit of her doubt. He’d definitely earned that.
* * *
JESSIE STOOD AT the threshold of the barn, listening to Payson speak with a little girl as she got up the courage to pat Molly.
“Now, Doris, I’m going to take your hand and put it on Molly’s mane.” The little girl squeaked. Jessie stepped forward but stopped when she saw Payson gently drop the girl’s hand. “I won’t make you touch her. But I know Molly would like to be petted, wouldn’t you, Molly?” The pony obligingly nodded her head, making her mane fly. Doris shrank back. As always, Jessie could read Payson’s thoughts on his face. Not one iota of irritation showed.
“Watch, I’ll pet her first.” He put his large, nimble surgeon’s fingers on the pony. He gave her three or four strokes. “Do you want to try? How about if you put your hand right on top of mine?” Doris inched closer to Payson, her inky-black hair pulled into a ponytail that had started to straggle down her back. Her round cheeks glistened with tear tracks. He didn’t move as she crept closer and reached out. Molly stood stock-still.
“Did you touch her?” Payson whispered. Jessie saw the girl’s hand brush against the mane. Her eyes widened in surprise.
“Soft.”
“Miss Jessie uses special shampoo to make it pretty and soft. Just like your mommy does with your hair.”
Doris stepped away from Payson and now Jessie could see the prosthetic fitted to her lower leg. The little girl had been with the program less than a week and today was the first time Jessie had seen her with the new leg. After petting Molly’s mane, she gave the pony a hug. Molly nibbled her hair. Payson remained crouched, ready to spring forward to protect the little girl. Instead, she giggled and even let the pony sniff her metal leg.
Jessie turned away. She didn’t want either of them to see the tears in her eyes. How could she ever have imagined that he’d abandon them? The hospital bigwigs were wrong. Payson would never leave his patients. Now, she hoped that he’d never leave her, either.
PAYSON SEARCHED THE BARN and arena for Jessie. He’d seen her earlier when he and Doris petted Molly, then she’d disappeared. He wanted to know how the meeting had gone. When he couldn’t find her right away, he’d tried Spence but had gotten his voice mail. Anxiety knotted his gut. The only reason he could imagine that he couldn’t find Jessie or reach Spence was that the meeting had gone worse than they’d all prepared for. If he didn’t find her in the house, he’d start his search over.
He walked into the kitchen and Jessie raced across the room and into his arms. She kissed him hard and clutched at his shoulders. “I’m sorry. So sorry.” Her voice was tear soaked.
“Oh, my God, Jessie. What’s happened? Is it Alex?”
“No,” she said shaking her head violently. “I’m so sorry that I doubted you. I’ve treated you so badly when all you ever wanted to do was help.”
Payson froze, unsure how to react. Jessie didn’t cry. Jessie didn’t apologize. He patted her back and murmured something as he tried to figure out what to say to her. The meeting must have been a total bust. When she quieted, he said, “I know you had been counting on Desert Valley, but we made plans for the hospital dropping the program. You’ve got Spence and Lavonda and all of the other volunteers to keep things going. Plus, we’ve got a chance with Arizona General.”
“It’s not Hope’s Ride. It’s you. I always expect the worst of you, always expect you to act the way you did when we were young, but we’ve changed, both of us. I understand,” she said, taking his face in her hands, her warm green gaze holding his, her mouth curving. “I saw you today with Doris, and I knew that you weren’t leaving us. Everything you’ve done is because you care so much about me and the kids.”
His couldn’t catch his breath. Her mouth reached for his, her lips softly loving his. His arms wrapped around her, heat building between them. The glow in his heart had him fighting tears. “Jessie, my sweet cowgirl, my stubborn, independent cowgirl. Your heart is so big. You are so courageous that you scare me and you make me admire you, love you for just being you.”