by Sally Henson
“What the hell?” Tobi utters with sympathy.
I draw my brows close together. “I didn't think you had a philosophy class this semester.” Tobi and I look at each other.
“I don't. It's a history class.” His tone oozes mockery.
“Whoa,” Tobi and I answer in unison.
“Yeah. This guy will chew me up and spit me out. I'm going to flunk if this is the way the class is going to go.”
Tobi pulls in her drive and parks. “What about the others?” She tries to be positive.
“The others are fine, they're doable—I think.” He sounds confident about that, but something’s up. His voice is … off.
“You can always change classes, right?” Tobi asks about his history class.
“Yeah. I'm already checking on that with my advisor. This isn't the professor I wanted.” We've been sitting in Tobi's drive for a couple of minutes.
“I need to go change and then I'll take you home.” She winks at me. “I want to know all about it, Lane, so call tomorrow, too. Bye!”
“I’ll try. See ya.” Tobi gets out and grabs her bag out of the backseat. She turns and doesn't look back.
I take the phone off speaker. “She's gone.” I lay the seat back, sink into it, and wait for his melodic voice.
“I have you all to myself?” Ah, there it is, that low voice that beckons my attention.
“You do.” I bite my lip, not sure how I should feel and surprised at how the sound of his voice through the phone can make this excitement pumping through my veins.
He takes a deep slow breath. “Talk to me. Tell me about school today.” His day must not have been so great, like mine.
I begin at the beginning of my day and fill the airwaves with my boring life. That is until I come to the happenings of first period. Should I tell him about Stacey’s bet? It’s about him too, so I probably should.
“Stacey has a bet with her minions about you.” I try to say it as if it’s just another one of her hit pieces.
“What kind of bet?”
“How long it’s going to take you to dump me and find a real woman.” My voice cracks at the end, giving my insecurity away. We’ve been friends forever. He’s making a huge leap. It’s more than going from junior high to high school. He’ll be on his own in a new place without anyone else to answer to.
I hear his bed creak. “She doesn’t even know we’re actually together.”
My eyelids flutter shut. “I know. It’s just …” Stacey’s words tied in with my dad’s and Linc’s … maybe he does need a guy for a best friend. “Yesterday at the dinner table, our parents were talking about how you were going to find someone at college to marry. And Dad said you needed a guy for a best friend.”
“Regan.” He’s not reprimanding me, but it feels like it.
“I’m a junior in high school and you’re going to be surrounded with pretty girls you get to see every day, not just the weekends. And truthfully,” I pull my knees up, resting my feet on the seat. “I’m not much to look at.”
I barely get the words out before he bellows. “Regan, that is so not true. And to prove it, I threw a lot of elbows on the basketball court next to the pool while you were working this summer to.”
I’m not sure what he’s talking about, but I remain quiet and don’t respond.
“Hey.”
“Why would you want to be in this complicated mess with me when you could have any girl at school?” I hold my hand out in question, as if he’s here, with me, having this conversation in person. “I mean, you’re a really good-looking guy, Lane. And you have the personality to match.”
His voice drops. “So … you think I’m really good-looking?”
I snort. “It’s not like you haven’t heard that before.”
He chuckles. “When you say, complicated mess, I’m assuming you want to continue our kissing relationship. Is that right?” His voice is warm. I can hear the smile on his lips.
It makes me smile too. “Yes, jerk-face.”
He snickers and I hear him crash on his bed. “You’re lucky I’m not sitting next to you or you’d pay for that comment.”
“Whatever.” I giggle because I know he’s right. He’d tickle me until I couldn’t stand it.
“We tell your parents this weekend?”
I bolt up from my reclining position. “No.”
He clears his throat. “Then what are you proposing, Regan Stone?”
I love how playful he’s being. It makes me miss him even more than I already do. He’s so great, and the more I realize it the more this stupid doubt kicks in. “Are you sure you don’t want out? I mean, I wouldn’t blame you.”
He growls through the phone. “Look, I want to tell everyone I’m yours. Do you want me to get your name tattooed on my knuckles?”
I giggle at his crazy, over-the-top sweetness. “I’m sorry. I guess maybe I’m a little jealous or something.”
“Oooo, jealous Regan is sexy.”
I laugh, “Shut up!”
His laughter reverberates with mine.
My giggles die down. “Dad would never let me date you if you had a tattoo.”
“What are you saying?” His tone has turned serious.
I know what he’s asking. “I like our kissing relationship.” I can’t control the giggles that are rumbling through me.
“You want to go behind your dad’s back? Sneak around?”
My giggles are silenced. I close my eyes. “Yes.” My shoulders drop. “I guess I am.” Some secrets are good, right? Ugh. You’re still lying to your parents, Regan.
“I don’t want to hide it, you know that. But we just found this part of ourselves, I can’t walk away from it.”
“Yeah. Me too.” My words come out in a whisper.
“I’m going to come home every weekend just to see you.”
My heart sighs. I wonder how many people can say they feel this way about their best friend? “You know having a boyfriend isn’t in my plan, but today has been the longest day without you. Remember how you said you always pictured a future with us together somehow?” He told me that the day of his confession. The day he told me we were more than friends.
It takes a while for him to answer. “Yeah.” His voice is rough, raspy.
I clear my throat and change the subject. I don’t want to bring either of us down. “So, uh, tell me about last night—when you got to your dorm. What did you do?”
He tells me about his roommate, Ross. “He plays guitar. Last year his band—”
I cut him off. “Sorry. Tobi’s coming out.” I sigh, but we’ve covered a lot in this short amount of time.
“Regan?” His tone is serious.
It has me worried. My eyes dart all around the dash and outside. “Yeah?”
“I wish you were here. I miss you so much.”
My eyes close and I melt back into the seat again. “Me too,” I sigh. It makes me sad. It makes me happy, too, though. I do so wish I was out of here. Gone. Far, far away. “I wish I had my own phone so we could talk or text anytime we wanted.” This really blows having to use Tobi’s phone. I’m grateful, but nothing’s private.
“Your dad still says no?”
I stare up at the dark fabric covering the roof of her car. “Yeah. He says there’s no point when I won’t have signal half the time.” Not to mention the cost.
“Maybe they’ll add a couple cell towers out there.”
“I don’t think it would matter. He’s not into technology, you know.”
Lane chuckles. “If you had your own phone, what kind of things would you text me during the day?” His voice turns coy and low.
I can feel my cheeks warming. “I don’t know.” What do I say to that?
He laughs that flirty, deep chuckle. “Anything would be good. I just want to know what you’re doing so I can picture being with you. Together.”
I whisper into the phone as Tobi opens the door. “She's here.”
9
Lane
>
I sit on the edge of my bed. My fingers comb through my hair, and I grab a handful, tugging at it. Should I mention Johanna’s name? Regan already admitted to being jealous of random girls because of our parents’ stupid thoughts of my finding my future wife at college. I already know what my future is, and she’s not here.
Tell her, before it’s too late.
Grrr. Please don’t make this into something it’s not, Regan. I only have eyes for you.
Tobi’s door shuts. I can hear her telling Regan she needs to hurry back and meet the vet.
Crap! I need more time with her. “Hey, before you put me back on speaker, I uh, I want to tell you something about today.”
“Please, tell me more about today.” Her voice is enthusiastic, as if waiting for an announcement she can jump up and down in celebration for.
My hand rubs the back of my neck. Yeah, I don’t think this announcement is going to make her want to celebrate. The muscles in my lower back begin to seize up. “Uh, guess who I talk, er, saw today?” I slump over my knees. Get a hold of yourself, it’s no big deal.
“Mm …” “Aaron Hanks?”
I didn’t think she was seriously going to guess. “No.”
“Oh,” she snarls.
My heart jumps into my throat. I swallow hard to get everything back where it belongs.
“Busty Adams?” Regan says her name as if the girl stole something from her.
I stand and begin to pace back and forth beside my bed. “Who?”
“You know, Busty Brea Adams from your graduation party?”
A snort slips out of me. I didn’t mean to, but the way she said it was funny. My smile releases my muscles all the way down my spine. I’d forgotten about what she had to say about Brea that night. That night and for weeks after that. My body shakes with silent laughter. Oh! I pop my forehead with
my hand. Regan liked me more than friends back then, too.
This revelation is making me stand a little taller. “Uh, no.” I’m still wearing a smile I can’t shake it. I don’t want to shake it.
“Hm.” She sounds relieved. “Who?”
I stop in my tracks, staring at the blank white canvas that is my wall. The beating of my heart accelerates, causing my words to come out a little shaky. “Johanna Rivers.”
She takes a deep breath, but she doesn’t say anything.
Maybe she lost signal. “Regan? Are you there?”
“Yeah.”
I look up to the light fixture on my ceiling and shake my head. “Say something.”
“What do you want me to say?” Her voice is even, void of emotion.
That means she’s not happy. “It’s no big deal. I just wanted you to know. No secrets.” Secrets? You’re such a liar.
“Do you think maybe you should’ve started out with this little news flash? I mean, it’s kind of important. Don’t you think?” Her words drip with bitterness.
Slough it off. You know how she feels about her. No. Actually, I don’t really know how she feels about Johanna. “How does that make you feel?” I roll my eyes at my stupid self. That sounded like some kind of shrink question.
She scoffs. “You two have a history. We are living in two different worlds now, so if you’ve been missing- “
No. Her voice is breaking up. “Regan, you’re breaking up.”
“… that’s what you want.”
I begin pacing again. “Regan? You’re the one I want. Can you hear me?”
Nothing.
I stop and look out my window at the gloomy sky. “Regan? Regan, are you still there? Hello?”
They hit the line of no-cell service land.
A growl rumbles through me and echoes in this tiny room.
I’ll send Tobi a text. “Please tell Regan when you get this I said ‘Regan is THE one.’ and I’ll talk to her later.” No. My thumb deletes my words. I’ll call Regan after a while. Argh! Maybe.
I drop my phone on my bed, and clasp my fingers behind my head. Today might be worse than Sunday.
This is all Lincoln’s fault. He shows up in the middle of the night—without notice, without explanation—and dumps on Regan and me. He doesn’t even know what’s been going on in her life for the past two years and he waltzes back in as if he never left and brings up Johanna’s name as if it were just yesterday we were dating. It’s been two years. Two! Linc’s her brother, I get that, but I’m the one who’s been here. And I’ve been looking out for her. It’s just we’ve always had a connection, before Johanna, during Johanna, after Johanna, and I can’t deny it anymore. I don’t want to deny it, and I shouldn’t have to.
I swipe the ball off the floor and throw it with a loud, frustrated roar and then go back to pacing.
If I had told Mr. Stone that Regan and I decided to start dating, I wouldn’t have to deal with this doubt from her when it comes to Johanna or any other girl. Another roar bounces off my sterile walls and I rear back my leg and kick the ball lying on the floor. It flies up and smacks the door.
Pound, pound, pound.
Crap! I didn’t know Ross was here. I open the door, not sure of what to expect.
“Dude, you okay?” He’s standing there with headphones around his neck, scratching his dark, mussed up hair.
“Uh, yeah.” I shrug. “Sorry, man. I didn’t know you were here.”
Ross raises his brows and takes a step back. “You look like you need a beer. I’ll take you out to the bar I was telling you about.” He’s a different kind of guy. Not a country boy like me, I guess. I’ve known him less than twenty-four hours and I know he’s a sophomore, plays guitar in a band, and says cool a lot.
I swipe my palm down my face. “I don’t drink, but maybe later. This day has been …” I shake my head. “Not so great.”
“Cool. Let me know when you want to head out.” Ross turns and walks back into his room across from mine.
I find the ball and shoot a fadeaway at the hoop hanging on the back of my door, flopping on my bed.
If I were there, with Regan, I could tempt her with kisses until she saw things my way. A smile spreads across my face. She does seem to like kissing me. I chuckle.
It’s been fifteen minutes. That should be plenty of time for her to get home before I call. No, I have a better idea. I’ll text Tobi.
“Call me asap.” I lay my phone on my chest and nervously tap my fingers on it until she calls.
There she is. “Hey.”
“Hurry, I’ve got to hook up the trailer and meet the vet at the Arnold’s pasture.” She’s a little irritated. It might be me or meeting the veterinarian.
“I told Regan I saw Johanna today.”
“Duh, Lane. I was sitting right here.”
“Why does she dislike her so much? She can’t even say her name.” It’s one thing to be a little jealous, I guess. Maybe. Ugh, I don’t know what I’m talking about.
“Seriously … you don’t know?” She acts like I’m a dummy who doesn’t have a clue.
“I know I should probably ask Regan this question, but I’m not sure she knows. Fill me in.” Okay, I don’t have a clue.
“Boys are so dumb sometimes.” She sighs.
I scoot back and get comfortable on my pillow. “Tell me.”
She pushes out a disgusted “Tsk.” “You need to talk to Regan about this, not me. She’d be so ticked at me. Call her.”
I groan. “Her parents don’t know about us seeing each other like this. Regan doesn’t even want to tell Cam or Haylee.”
“I gotta go. Call her.” Tobi hangs up on me.
Girls! I fold my arms across my face, trying to hide from the nagging truth. Yes, I should know why Regan doesn’t like Johanna. Yes, I did tell Regan I saw Johanna on campus. Yes, I’m still keeping a secret from her.
Maybe I do need to get out of this tiny prison room for a while. I slide my phone in my pocket and grab my wallet and keys off the dresser. Just as I grip the door handle, my phone rings. If I look to see who’s calling I’ll answer it. If I a
nswer, I won’t go anywhere tonight. I release the door handle and pull the phone out of my blue-jeans pocket.
My thumb slides against the screen as I toss my keys back on the dresser. “Hey.”
“Hey.” Her voice is soft and pleasing to my ears. “I’m sorry.”
I lean back against the dresser and look out the window. “I really didn’t hear what you were saying. The connection wasn’t good.”
She takes in a breath. “Just the sound of her name turns me upside down. I thought she was out of our lives forever and the thought of her on campus … I overreacted.”
“Oh.” I want to ask her, but I’m not sure. “Why, what happened with her?”
She puffs out air through her lips. “I, uh, I don’t really want to talk about it, but I’m glad you told me.”
“I want to know what the deal is between you two.”
Her soft voice cuts me off. “Lane.”
“There’s been a lot of crazy things said the past couple days with Lincoln and your dad about me—about us. I don’t want this stuff to start bubbling in your brain and get you to start doubting us.” Gah! “I wish I could hug you right now.”
She softly snorts out and sighs. “Me too.”
Her sadness is killing me. “We can do this. It’s just us, the way we always are, the way we’ll always be. Okay?”
Regan’s muffled voice calls out be right there. “Sorry … I’ve got to go back inside.”
“Okay.”
She says bye and hangs up before I can say anything else.
10
Regan
Thursday
Haylee sits down across from me and Tobi at lunch. Her smooth long dark hair drapes over the front of her shoulders. Cameron’s in the food line, piling food on his tray. I shake my head in disbelief. “I don't get it.”
“What?” Haylee turns around to see what I'm looking at.
The cream-and-mint-green-colored glossy tiled walls give a 1950s backdrop to the half-full lunch room. Students continue to trickle in from the hallway. Cameron’s been through the meal line and is buying extra food at the a la carte window.