by Sally Henson
Regan closes the door when I speak.
Mom flips on the kitchen light. “The girls had a recital tonight. Your dad sent you a message.”
“Oh, I didn’t realize. How’d they do? Where are they?” I meet her in the kitchen.
She hugs me. “Oh, I’ve missed you, Lane.”
The door opens and Dad’s carrying Leah in his arms. She’s asleep.
I rush to the door and hold it open for him. “Hey, Dad.”
“Lane, my boy.” Dad heads down the hallway to the girls’ bedroom. “Why hello, Regan. How are you this fine evening?”
Regan glances down to the floor. “Hi, Mr. Cary. I’m good, thank you.”
“Regan, I didn’t know you were here, sweetheart.” Mom keeps her arm around me as Regan enters the room.
“Yes, ma’am.” She stands in front of us, one hand grasping her dangling arm. I think she’s blushing again.
Mom holds her arm out, waiting for Regan to walk into her side hug, talking the whole time.
My grin’s hard to miss. “Uh, I’ll go get Lilly out of the car.” I turn and start to head outside, leaving Regan to fend for herself.
“Lilly’s already in her room.”
My mouth drops open. I stop and turn to see Mom. I look at Regan. Her eyes are as big as beach balls.
“She walked in before I did. You didn’t see her?” She leans against the counter by the sink in the kitchen.
Regan looks sideways to my Mom and then to me. She’s turning pale.
“Nnnooo. I didn’t see her. She never made a sound.” I take a few steps and lean my forearms on the island.
Mom grins and looks at me. “Huh, that’s odd. Well, you two go back to your movie. We’ll be going to bed soon. We’ll talk in the morning.”
“Okay.” I cross the kitchen and give her a kiss and a hug. “Love you.”
“I love you. It’s good to see you, Regan.” She rubs Regan’s back as she walks by.
“It’s good to see you, too.” Her hair is hiding her face, but her voice sounds normal.
“Let’s finish the movie.” I walk past her to the spot on the sofa where we were before.
Regan sits at the opposite corner from me, leaving a couple feet of room between us. It doesn’t take me long to inch my way right next to her.
13
Regan
Tobi’s texting Cameron and Haylee … again. We were supposed to leave for the EIU football game twenty minutes ago, and they haven’t shown up yet. Devoted little sexy Rexy-Poo drove further than anyone and he's been here for an hour. The game doesn't start for a few hours, but I wanted to walk the campus with Lane and tailgate beforehand.
Rex and Tobi lean against the car, giggling. He has the strangest-looking eyes I’ve ever seen. They’re a mixture of blue and brown and green.
Tobi stops her flirting long enough to check her phone.
“He's almost here.”
“Where are they?” My annoyance weaves through the sound waves of my voice.
“I don't know. I told him we were going to leave without him if he wasn't here in two minutes.” She goes back to her flirting with Rex. His quiet demeanor is the opposite of Tobi.
My leg bounces up and down as I sit here anxiously waiting on the steps to Tobi’s house. Tobi and Rex are cute, but sitting here watching them flirt is driving me crazy. I can’t wait to get Lane’s lips on mine.
Cameron and Haylee show up with some excuse that both their phones were dead, and they both overslept. Whatever. No one believes Cameron overslept. He gets up at the butt-crack of dawn every day. He’d have to be sick to oversleep. Since they were late, they should be the ones to get stuck in the very back of the car. But, no, it’s me.
Country music plays in the background. There are two or three conversations going on, and Tobi's involved in all of them. And she’s driving. My life is in her hands? I offer a silent prayer we make it there and back without getting in an accident.
I’ve already slipped my shoes off. Maybe sitting in the back by myself isn’t such a bad thing after all. This is a great vantage point to watch the small-town landscape go by as we make our escape. I can stretch my legs out in the seat and think about all the things I want to tell Lane about.
Excitement bubbles inside me and I'm on the verge of letting out some sort of scream by the time we get on the interstate, but I keep my mouth shut. A sense of freedom overwhelms me, causing my body to fidget and my mind to race with what-ifs. Not my normal what-ifs that lead to disaster, but the what-ifs of possibilities.
What if it really is possible to get out of this place? What if I don’t have to leave all my friends behind when I go to college? What if Lane really is willing to transfer schools to be with me? What if we compromised and found something a little closer to home than Eckerd College? Compromise? No. It’s a thought, that's all. Eckerd is the plan.
Eventually my Christian morals start an uproar, infiltrating my pleasant, hopeful what ifs. Right as the burning begins to spread in my chest, an anchor lands in my stomach. The battle begins.
What if my parents find out? I didn’t outright lie to my mom. I did stay at Tobi’s house last night. We are going to go shopping today, at the concession stand. Mom thinks we’re going down to Glamour Farms, seeing a movie, and eating supper out. I pull my knees to my chest, holding on tight. It’s still a lie. My arms and legs are as heavy as concrete posts.
Mom and Dad have no clue I’m going to a college football game with my secret boyfriend. It’s Dad’s fault for being so unreasonable about Lane’s going off to college. When I mentioned at dinner last week that Payton Simms’ boyfriend started Southern Illinois University this year, Dad started in. He went on and on about the difference between high school and college experiences and how Payton’s parents are doing her a disservice by allowing her to date someone in college, even though she’s a senior in high school. I thought if I could prove that they’re Christians and good kids and their dads are both elders in their church, Dad would soften his stance about dating a college boy. It only made him cling to his absurdity even more.
The glorious freedom I was feeling falters. Guilt clamps down, chaining me in my prison. I can’t tell my parents where I’m going or what I’m doing or who I’m doing it with. My body can’t seem to stay upright. I collapse on the bench seat, listening to the tires meet the road and pretending I’m asleep, secretly suffering in silence again. I don’t want it to be like this, but it is. Dad thinks I’m some child who doesn’t have a clue about life. Two more years and I won’t have to deal with it anymore.
Tobi gives Cam orders to text Lane we’re at the castle.
I sit up and look around. The castle’s amazing. Lush, stately grounds make it look so college-campus-like. A grand three-story structured comes into view when we turn past the castle. The light-colored stone exterior and big windows remind me of an old ivy-league club from the movies. The heaviness in my arms and legs lift. I can picture the regal leather club chairs positioned on either side of the window, with a small round table between them holding a chessboard ready for playing. Lane’s sitting across from me, focused on his next move. Ahhh.
Tobi sees me through the rearview mirror. “Good-morning, sunshine.” She has her shades on, flashing me her pearly whites.
“Turn around, Baroness. Lane says you were supposed to turn before the castle.” Cam dribbles out a snarky comment to get our blood pumping. “Women drivers. Rex, I told you to drive.”
Haylee pops Cam in the gut with the back of her hand. Cam laughs.
Tobi whips into a parking lot and turns around. “Hit ‘im for me too!”
Haylee obliges, but Cam protects himself before she gets the chance.
Now that I’ve seen a peek of the campus, and knowing I’m seconds from seeing Lane, the burning in my chest and stomach are replaced with lovely flutters of butterfly wings. Flutters are much better than burning.
We turn down the right road. “There he is,” Rex calls to us.
Tobi slows to a stop beside Lane. He looks goooooood in his Panther gear. Rex rolls down his window.
Lane’s melodic voice fills the cab of the vehicle. “Ah, it’s great to see you guys.” He tries to get a glimpse of the rest of us around Rex, but I only see a patch of his sandy hair. “I saved you a parking spot.” Lane opens the back door.
Cam steps out and gives Lane a big hug, telling him how much he misses him. I chuckle when Lane’s eyes pop out of his head like a bull frog that’s been squeezed too tight.
He greets Haylee and me and climbs in beside me.
My eyes linger over Lane longer than they should, but it’s been a whole week since I’ve seen him.
His eyes burn right through me. He gives Tobi instructions while Cam hops back in. It doesn’t take long before our fingers wind together.
This is worth the chance I’m taking being here, without my parents’ permission.
A couple of Lane's new college friends from his biology class are already grilling when we pull up beside them. Lane hugs everyone when we get out. He saves me for last, squeezing me tight. He takes a deep breath in my hair. “You have no idea how much I’ve missed you.”
He had to work last night. I really hate the idea of his working on the weekend, even if it is selfish of me. But this was a great idea. It would be two more years before I could come hang out with him on campus. So, I’m going to think of this as a hazy peep into a crystal ball.
We throw our hot dogs on their grill and grab some drinks. We talk football with his friends. They seem nice. After we eat, we walk to Lane's dorm hall. It’s only a block away from the stadium. He points out the Rec. Center, where they have a workout area and different classes. Rex teases him, suggesting he’s into yoga.
We aren’t able to go up to his room, though. His roommate played in a band last night and got in late. Lane said Ross had texted not to come by and interrupt his sleep.
Lane opens the door to the main floor of his dorm. The walls are painted a light brown, and there’s a giant picture of some old guy on the wall directly across from the entrance. It’s flanked by two long plaques. The floors are a light-colored stone with swirls of browns and grays, pretty and masculine at the same time. There are a couple of plain black vinyl sofas on each side of the large open room. Lane says he’s hung out here with his roommate a couple of times. Off to the left is a wide corridor that makes an L-shape. It’s lined with a dark paneling. There are restrooms and offices at the end. The elevators are on the other side.
I thought it would be more vibrant. He said the other dorms have already been updated, and this one’s last on the list. Bummer.
Lane was going to guide us on a quick campus tour, but we end up not having enough time because of Cam and Haylee’s lateness. We cross the street to see the Honor Students dorm. We can’t go inside, but it’s so pretty. A cross between the castle building and an old New York city row house, including a stoop.
“Where’s the library?”
He points at a long deep-red brick building across the street. “On the other side of this building is the quad, a big long grassy area. The library’s at the end of it.”
It’s a great day. Sunny, not too hot. I’m away from smallville with my friends, and my kissable best friend. There are so many trees on campus, I feel as if the oxygen level is ten times more than in Stelmo. Off to the side, a couple sitting on the ground, reclining their backs against a tree, have their legs outstretched. The girl has her legs crossed over her beau’s. I glance to Lane walking beside Cam in front of me. I wish that couple on the ground were Lane and me, leaning against that tree together by ourselves.
That could be us someday. Maybe. But instead of an oak tree, we’d be leaning against a nice, tall palm. Not grass, but sand under our bare legs and feet. I'm ready for the college life. I’m ready to walk down a public sidewalk holding hands with Lane, having no concern about who does or doesn’t know we’re more than friends. No worries about my Dad thinking Lane’s too old for me. No concerns that Lincoln’s predictions may come true. No trepidations of the gang knowing about us. No thought of Stacey Faniger at all. Johanna’s the past.
People are starting to come out of the woodwork for the game. I move to a single file behind Haylee so people can get by us.
Tobi tosses her arms around me from behind. “Can’t you picture the two of you walking across campus in the morning to your first class?”
I hold to her arms and grin. “You’re reading my mind.”
She jumps to the side of me. “Oh, and study together.” Tobi gives her mischievous smile, wriggling her eyebrows up and down.
I roll my eyes, flinging her arms off me. She’s right, though. That’s how Lane said he’d always pictured our future together. I can see it now. Now that I’m here on campus.
This is driving me crazy. I can’t stay back here this far away from him when I haven’t seen him for a week. “Hey, Lane!”
He steps off the sidewalk, turning to look at me. “Yeah?”
“Give me a piggy back?” I smirk and quirk my brows up.
“Sure.” He turns to ready himself.
Tobi pops me in the butt as I take off running. “Just like ridin’ an oil pump jack!”
I jump on Lane’s back. He catches my legs around his sides, holding on tight, and I wrap my arms around his neck.
Mmmmm. “You smell good.” My heart thrums inside my chest, purring like a kitten. The gang’s ahead of us. It’s safe to sneak a peck on the cheek. I brush my nose against his jaw line so I can inhale his cologne again.
“That was so smooth. Where’d you get moves like that?” He snickers.
I giggle. “From my best friend.”
I lean my lips to his ear. “I love being here with you. This was a fantastic idea.” Being here confirms college is a must for me, not an option, and I’d really like to share that time with Lane.
When we get back to the stadium parking lot, Lane double-checks the tickets to the game. He gives one ticket to each of us, reminding the girls to stick with a buddy everywhere we go. Protective.
“Okay, any questions?” Lane looks around the group, waiting for someone to speak up. I wait for Cameron to ask something stupid. He doesn't. There's a first time for everything. “Let's go.” Lane laces his fingers with mine and we head to the stadium.
Tobi and Rex are in front of us, already on their way.
My breath hiccups, lodging itself in the passageway between my nose and lungs. My body stiffens like a board. I pull my hand away from Lane’s as fast as I can. He frowns at me until he grasps the situation we just put ourselves in.
Lane glances back at Cam and Haylee to get their reaction. When he turns back to me, he shrugs. “It’s okay.”
I blow out my breath. Unwinding muscles ripple through my shoulders and down my back. That was too close.
Lane chuckles and throws his arm over my shoulders. His arm around my shoulders, this we’ve done forever. It never meant what it does now and no one knows, except Tobi and Rex. He squeezes his arm around the back of my neck, pulling me down in a headlock. I guess it’s an extra touch to show we’re only friends. I fuss at him and pop him in the stomach. It’s what I’ve always done. He lets loose and laughs at me. It’s what he’s always done.
14
Lane
The energy in this stadium full of people is unbelievable. I’ve never heard a band sound so great, and I’m really loving this right now. Sharing this with my friends, with Regan, is even better. We’ve been playing musical chairs since we got to our seats. Haylee decided it was the only fair way to split our time evenly between us all. I think she’s the only one who cared. Regan’s finally beside me.
We jump and cheer at another first down. Regan brushes her hand across mine. She’s been doing this every time we stand up to cheer. Sometimes I’ll lean over, acting like I’m telling her something about the game, point to the field and kiss her on the cheek. I have an escape plan. And it’s finally time for it to
be implemented.
I whisper in Regan’s ear. “Follow me when I bump your leg.”
She tilts her head to the side, eyeing me with confusion.
“Trust me.”
She nods, giving me that smile of hers that makes her eyes light up. It fuels the embers that’ve been warming my chest for the past twenty minutes I’ve been thinking about the plan. We’ve got a couple of minutes before it’s time. My arms are folded in front of my chest hiding the rhythmic tapping of my fingers. The anticipation has me going crazy on the inside, doing my best to act like I’m not about to escape the crowd with my kissable best friend.
Cheers and jeers erupt all around but my focus is on the scoreboard clock. My palms rub the top of my jeans, smoothing them out, removing the sweat from my hands.
Finally, two minutes before fourth quarter. I pull out my phone and send Tobi a message. “We’ll be back.”
Tobi reads her message and smiles, giving me a nod as she looks up from her screen.
I bump my leg against Regan’s and stand. We have the aisle seats so we don’t have to crawl over anyone or explain to Cam and Haylee where we’re going. Regan stands and follows me down the steps, out of the seating area.
When we make it to the bottom-floor concession area, she grabs my arm. “What are we doing?” Her eyes are bright and I want to lean in and kiss her, but I wait.
I slide her hand down my arm into mine. “Come on, I’ll show you.” It feels good to hold her hand.
We walk through the crowd to the parking lot. The guys are still out in the parking lot tailgating as they said they would be. We swing by there and grab the bag I packed this morning. No fanfare or small talk, just a thanks for watching my stuff. It’s not much, a small blanket to sit on, a couple drinks and chocolatey peppermint candies.
“Tell me what we’re doing, where we’re going?” Her fingers squeeze mine; the anticipation is getting to her.
Her hand feels like silk inside mine. I’ve been looking forward to seeing her for days. “A spot that reminds me of home.” I keep our pace brisk. We’re connecting now, holding hands, but I can’t wait to feel her warm lips on mine without being rushed or hidden.