Ethan decided to keep the roof closed today. He liked it open, but the hair, he had to keep it alight and messy, the wind might just make it all fuzzed, like it did sometimes. He cruised down the road to where his best friend Christian lived. He loved this drive, it was like a plateau for a few moments where the road went straight and he could see the sea from the leafy suburb that crossed eventually over to where Christian resided.
Ethan came round the corner to the road where Christian lived. He took the corner fast so it would screech and make a noise, “mother fuck…” he said under his breath as he tried to straighten up. The car rocked a little side to side as he regained control again. It was a signature mark of Ethan’s that he would do sometimes to let Christian know he was coming.
Standing outside his house was Christian with his dark hair and olive skin from his ethnic blood. He was a fairly good time keeper, standing there with a couple of books in hand and a little bag. Ethan decided to drive up the footpath, heading towards Christian.
The neighbors did not like Ethan, with his flash car, Gothic looks and tearing around corners, they just didn’t quite know how to put him in a box that made sense to them. Most would say nothing. On one occasion, one of the neighbors was going to say something. It was a few weeks back and again as usual Ethan had come around the corner too fast. The roof was down with one of his favorite rock bands playing. That particular day Christian was just exiting his door as Ethan waited and Christian’s neighbor, four doors down gave that look to Ethan. Ethan could sense it, the man staring and trying to come up with the courage to say something. Dare if you will, Ethan was thinking to himself, projecting those thoughts out to the man hoping he could read them. After about seven seconds of the man going, ‘Yes, um, no, ah, yes, no.’ in his head and his body language doing the same, Christian came out and jumped into the car. The man was thinking, ‘who do think you are!’ Ethan could read it and on that day accelerated off a little faster than normal and gave the man a nice smile. ‘Punk!’ He could feel the man replying in his head.
Christian jumped into the car.
“Hey, Ethan.”
“Hey, Christian I really want to drive into that rubbish bin so much that I ponder about getting a muscle car so I can do it.”
“Too scared to do it in this car?”
“Of course I am.”
“We’ll drop in for coffee huh?”
“Yeah man, I’m dying for a coffee. Maybe we can bring your neighbor with us too.”
“I don’t think so, Ethan. He doesn’t like you.” They laughed.
“Cool to play a song?”
“Yeah man.”
Christian put his tape in.
“I just need to make a quick stop, a drop off. It’s on the way, Byron Street,” Christian said.
“Oh, the old lady again. Your customers look so contradictory.”
“Yeah she is a funny old woman, so sweet and polite...”
Christian didn’t finish off the rest of that sentence, he didn’t know how to anyway. It was like a question to himself; polite, sweet and funny but not the light type of funny, but funny as in odd somehow. Christian’s feelings were telling him something and he just couldn’t get it. She was a sweet, old lady who took some drugs, nothing to fear, all was well. That was how it looked, but the feeling within him told him something very different.
Ethan drove along and took the smallest of detours to get him outside the house on Byron St. Ethan waited as Christian ran across the road and knocked on the door of house 113.
~~~~
Christian and Ethan had been friends since they were four. They went to kindergarten together, school, high school and now college. They were like brothers. Christian was there for him always and vice versa. They had the same group of friends. In some ways they were nearly opposites but also so alike. Christian dealt drugs to get through school, Ethan had a successful mom to help him out a little. Christian was always the tough kid and they did make an awesome team. Christian was incredibly loyal as was Ethan. There was the odd kid during his school years who wanted to beat up Ethan, usually over jealousy, but they were always too scared to act it out because of Christian and what he would do to them.
One kid did try once. Ethan was 11 and the other kid at school just didn’t like him. When Ethan walked home he was usually with a friend but on this particular day he had to walk alone. Ethan could always sense what was about to happen. What were the chances he would run into trouble the only time he was going to be by himself? But he knew it would happen. He tried to walk fast but ahead of him was the nasty little kid called Rick. Ethan felt he could probably beat him but it was his big blond friend, James who was big and thick, that was the problem. The other, Joel was on a bike who was more nasty in words than in actions.
Ethan could feel the pain in his stomach. He was by himself on a suburban road with three guys who wanted to beat him up. They were not from his school but happened to be friends with two guys from his school that didn’t like him. So it was like an enemy passing it on to someone outside, and Rick wanted revenge. He was a small, wiry kid and here was his chance to get noticed. Here was Ethan all by himself, an easy target. This would make Rick popular. He hated how everyone liked Ethan, no one seemed to ever question his ability to fight, somehow it didn’t matter and that made Rick even more enraged.
They stood on the footpath waiting for Ethan. Ethan was slightly below average height with a slim build. He was cute looking, an attractive boy but those qualities were not going to give him any joy here, those traits were his enemy now, they wanted that cuteness gone.
What Ethan had sensed earlier, came to be with the three boys blocking his path. Ethan couldn’t get past. As they blocked his way, he prayed and hoped someone would come by. Within all the fear he had a glimmer of hope that something special could happen. He prayed to God for help. Please help me God, he yelled in his mind. Ethan knew he had to be composed.
“What do you want?” Ethan asked.
“We don’t like you. We want to smash you,” said the big one, James.
Ethan felt the fear stab his heart.
“And we are going to do it,” said Rick.
It just came out of Ethan’s mouth, it was his soul talking.
“You’re a clumsy dumb blond,” he said to James, “you’re a little coward,” he said to the third kid, Joel and then to Rick he said, “your family treats you like shit and here you are passing that on to another.”
The big blond, James stepped forward and shoved Ethan. Ethan didn’t want to, but tears rolled down his face. He cried at the way humans could be with their fear and judgment. It was probably a good thing to cry as it gave Ethan some time, he was able to walk past now and the three bullies had their first wound and it kept them happy for the moment. They followed Ethan saying stupid stuff, name calling and asking why he acted as if he is so special.
Then the moment came, Ethan had hoped for, the glimmer of hope he felt briefly in his stomach, the prayer he had asked for. It was Christian. He was with their other best friend Carl and Carl’s older brother. They were driving by in Carl’s mother’s car. She was driving and they pulled up. A miracle Ethan thought and they all jumped out except Carl’s mother who just waited. Christian knew what was going on and with Carl’s older, bigger brother with him he knew he could do almost anything.
“You okay, Ethan?” Christian asked.
Ethan tried to speak but it was hard to, he was trying not to cry. Christian didn’t wait to be heard. He walked right up to Rick and punched him in the face. Rick hit the ground, and he punched him another three times in the head at the same time saying, “that’s from me, that’s from fucken Ethan.”
Rick was crying, and had a bloody nose. Rick had been in the odd fight, but not like this, this guy was ferocious.
Rick’s friends didn’t know what to do. Carl’s brother made it clear for them to stay away. Rick stayed on the ground crying, then Christian went up to the big blond kid, James and said,
“say sorry.”
Christian didn’t wait for a reply, he just threw three quick punches to his head. Carl and his big brother were expecting the other one to jump in and were ready to fight him, but to their surprise he just jumped on his bike and cycled off and did it fast.
James had never been punched before in his life and it hurt. He was scared of Christian because of his quickness and he had no fear. He had just been bullied for the first time in his life. He said nothing, he stepped back, his face was sore and swollen.
They all jumped back in the car.
“You okay Ethan?” Carl’s mom asked.
“I’m fine Mrs. Tracy. Thank you for pulling up.”
“It’s okay, Ethan.”
She didn’t like violence but was happy for justice to be done. She knew Christian was a tough kid and her older son, a wise, young man who would step in if needed.
A few days later Christian found the same boys hanging out. Christian was with one of his rough mates and went up to them and told them that what happened was nothing compared to what he would do next time. Christian had a piercing look in his eyes that they had never seen from a kid before. They were all scared and never bothered Ethan ever again.
~~~~
Ethan sat in the car thinking about that past memory as a kid. That meant everything to Ethan, loyalty. That was life for him, the adventures and the beautiful people in it. He only really had his mom as family, but she was so big she fulfilled every role and more. She was a super woman in Ethan’s eyes, he truly knew how blessed he was, he knew it with all his heart. His two best friends Christian and Carl were so close and they also felt like family, they certainly acted like it. They were always there for him.
Christian ran across the road and knocked on the door. This old lady was one of his main customers. She liked weed but of late had upped her appetite and wanted harder drugs.
Christian had needed the money but it was also a social thing. He had always been the tough kid and that seemed to have led him to deal drugs. He acknowledged what he did and justified it as it was only part time. He used to say it to Ethan, “it’s just a part time gig man!”
It was the social aspect that he liked. Some got off trading futures, money, shares, this was his domain and at only 23 he didn’t really have the morality or the understanding for the deep ethics of it. He was just trading in his eyes and rebelling.
Christian knocked on the door and he got the same old response from the 70 something year old woman.
“One moment dear.”
And the same ritual as normal, an exchange for weed, speed or Ritalin and she paid in cash.
Ethan sat in his car listening to sounds as he waited for Christian. He sat there contemplating thinking about cars. He liked his Porsche but he also wanted a big muscle car, a V8. Ethan liked the new, but he did have a penchant for simple, down to earth things also. He liked the simple life and also adventures.
Ethan believed in signs, a word, a sign outside, the patterns of something, even numbers. His mother used to tell him to listen, watch, but don’t analyze the signs. Ethan always did feel protected, by something outside him, but also from within him. His mother was so protective and that love was like a shell. The love from himself and the love of the universe was a protective shell again. They all came together and as long as he stayed with those feelings and his knowing from within, he knew he would always be okay.
As Ethan’s thoughts went from thinking about his car and also having a muscle car, the song that was playing seemed to break out into its own clarity. Such clarity, that it made Ethan’s thoughts stop. The song playing had the words ‘Run.’ in it. Everything was so still when the words came echoing through. It was as if they were directly talking to Ethan. They had an eerie feeling, so clear. Just at that moment a black cat walked past the front of the car. It was quite ragged looking, very thin. It looked as if it was in the wrong neighborhood. It turned towards the front of the car and looked towards Ethan. It gave a funny noise like a hiss. The song, the cat, all Ethan could muster was.
“Fuck.”
Then his passenger door suddenly opened. It was Christian.
“Man you gave me a fright!” Ethan said. Christian smiled and laughed.
“Not afraid of cats now are you?”
Ignition turned and they went on their merry way to their favorite cafe, Edgeoholic.
Ethan drove, admiring the day, it seemed crisp in its feel. He enjoyed driving. He liked the drive to college, going through the leafy suburbs, seeing glimpses of the sea occasionally, then going over the bridge, it had a fairytale feel to him. The music played quietly as he noticed Christian’s eyes were closing, falling asleep. Maybe he needed the 10 minute doze time to wake him up for the day.
Ethan came to Edgeoholic cafe. As he parked and applied the brakes, Christian’s eyes opened. It was like taking a baby out.
“Wakey wake,” he said to Christian.
And like passing rebels of the day they stumbled out of the car.
Ethan felt calm within himself today, he had a buzz about him with a feeling of serenity. But pulling up and about to go into his favorite cafe with his ex there, Natasha he had that feeling of angst come upon him. Feelings always had their flavors with Ethan. He had always tried to understand them. Some people seemed to be in a second gear plateau where they just ho hummed through life, where Ethan would always feel things so immensely. Sometimes he did not know what he was feeling, he would just get some immense feeling and go, what is wrong with me?! As he got older, the more lighter he felt and he became less intense, so the feelings were more leveled out, most of the time. He knew he had to keep it simple and simplify the feelings. Sit with what they were, what they were saying and be with it and listen. Right now he felt at peace with the trepidation of seeing Natasha, they were the feelings. Simple.
They walked into the cafe. The waitresses always had to wear a uniform. It was a light green dress, with an apron sometimes. It was hard to tell if it made them look nerdy or simply exotic creatures of the day; drop dead hot. The reality was that it had a combination that just enhanced their beauty. Natasha looked drop dead gorgeous, you could see her curves in her dress, her cleavage. She had quite big bluish eyes and full lips, with a kind of pouty mouth, with really clear pale skin. When Ethan looked at her he used to feel love. Sometimes Ethan thought if he had met her when they were 11 they would have been perfect for each other. But the complexities of love as an adult, the need for each other, one not having a full heart, gave their time together some complications, that perhaps would not be there if they were two, sweet 11 year olds. Ethan also wondered, did he, being a male trigger memories for her regarding her previous men. Ethan knew she had two relationships that were a bit rough. They were not sensitive men and it did keep her on guard. There was a lyric from a song that Ethan used to love, the woman sang the line, ‘can you show me how to love a man.’ That line Ethan always loved, it showed him the depth in the singer and also her longing, or her current problem in life. Women were quite easy to love in life for Ethan, but he knew how to some women men could be complete bastards. (It could happen the other way too) And to want to be with the opposite of yourself, and pine for that in a loving relationship and for that other half to be something that had pained you once, or given you an unequal balance made it a predicament. Later, a year or so down the track, Ethan heard the end of the song, the lyric that he hadn’t picked up before, that ran a bit later, it went, ‘can you show me how to love a man.’ Then it followed with, ‘then there will be nil for me to crave.’
Crystal Bella Page 2