~~~~
It was Saturday night and Ethan was going to bed early. He just felt it had all caught up on him and he found himself going to bed at 9.33pm. He had just had a beautiful meal with his mom who had made him dinner and they had sat outside and enjoyed a red wine under the sunset and then later the stars. He had no more desire to do anything after that and had an early night.
He closed his eyes and he started dreaming. Ethan’s dreams at night and when he went into the ether were two separate components, they didn’t mix. The ether and his dreams were distinctive and different from each other. Before meeting Kali he would occasionally astral travel through the ether and when he awoke they were similar to a dream, just more vivid, but since meeting Kali he was 100% in the ether and when he awoke he remembered 100%. Because of this it didn’t feel dream like, but simply going into another world. Had he only remembered vaguely it would have had that dream like feel.
Ethan now was in his dream and fully aware. He was walking in his dream through a landscape that seemed like one from his past lives as it was old, no cars, just birds, fields and the feeling travel would be by horse. Then he saw Kali, she was waiting for him in the dream. She looked young and pristine with a big smile. They came together and that is when it mixed, the dream metamorphosed into the ether and the ether and the dream were separate but existed together. He looked at Kali, they were together again but within the dream, this was a buzz, Ethan had never had this combination of the ether and a dream. Kali kissed his mouth, how he had missed that, he felt the tingles go over him, starting with his lips and then it went through his body and he could feel the same happening to her. Then she pulled back and breathed into him. It was like she was breathing life into him, taking away the pain from her departure but also sending energy of how everything will be okay, not just okay, but surreal and amazing, he just had to trust. There were no words just energy and knowing, no need for words, they both just knew.
Kali said she wanted a ride and jumped on his back, like a piggyback. It was still a mix of the dream and the ether and Ethan went with her request. How could he say no? She read his thoughts, how could you Ethan? She knew her power, her beauty and what it could do to him.
So Ethan piggybacked her down the path which came to a steep hill going down. He walked with his soul mate down the country path and then suddenly it was like they had skates under their feet, they started gliding. To Ethan it felt no different as if he had been walking down a San Francisco hill and this started happening. It had that unbelievable feeling of, ‘what the fuck is happening?!’ It had the exact same fabric as if this was happening in the real world, no different in its feeling. It felt safe and surreal and they went with it. They started going fast, then faster, screaming and laughing, her legs wrapped around Ethan. They were joy travelling at an amazing speed going into a bliss and then bang it hit a climax and a ball of light hit them and Ethan awoke suddenly.
It was 5am. My god that was amazing. He wanted to tell someone as it was so new and he couldn’t quite make sense of it. But this time was different as he was dreaming and in the ether at one time. Then he remembered what Kali had told him, that she would see him in the ether again. Maybe she had arranged that mix, like a musician putting the ultimate blend of sounds in the spiritual realm. Then he cried because he loved her so much and he couldn’t stand the thought of being away from her. It hurt too much to think about. For a moment it was like she was here, and she was right here just a moment ago, but then this reality came in, the pain of not having her here and it was almost unbearable and he had to switch away from it all or he would panic. That was sometimes the feeling he got when he delved into it, the panic of not being with her. It was hard, so hard. What he would do to have her back.
Ethan had a shower, meditated and headed out to pick up his photos that he had dropped off to get developed. He had taken a couple of Kali and needed to see them. He went into the store and picked them up. He felt nervous opening them. Then he went through them, most of them were of Carl, Christian and his mom, then he saw Kali. There were two photos, one of her and one of Ethan and her. She was in her vampire costume and Ethan cried, her beauty was overwhelming. It was like the universe had created her in between the intake of her breath and detailed her beauty to the edge of the world. All Ethan could do was cry and see the angel that had made his world. He was just outside the camera store as he cried but he didn’t care. He then jumped into his car, he looked at the remainder of his photos and the very last one had Kali on it. It was Kali and Ethan at the airport. It was the photo where he had said, “I want you to remember that time yesterday when I bumped into you outside the bathroom and I had the crystal and you had no pants on.” When he had said that she glowed, and there she was in the photo looking so beautiful like she did come from another world. She was almost like his sketch he drew of her, where she was bigger than life. He had drawn her with bigger lips, a bigger smile, bigger eyes and here she was just like that. Most of all what Ethan noticed was how she was so in love, she was madly in love and you could tell it was all so new to her. She looked blissful, bigger than life.
~ CHAPTER SEVENTEEN ~
ONE DAY IN BOOKER
It was Friday and Ethan was going back to college, his first day back. It was late morning and Elisabeth had planned to go to work late so she could say bye to Ethan. She was so touchy and all over him today. It reminded him when he first went to kindergarten when he was four. He didn’t want to go and she was so gentle and concerned.
“I’ll be okay mom,” he said, then and now.
They had breakfast together and a coffee and another one just before his departure. She hugged him at the door and told him he looked beautiful like a Goth angel, nice he thought. She hugged him one more time and blew him a kiss and a heart sign with her hands that usually Ethan did, he returned it and shouted out.
“I love you and you’re gorgeous!”
She laughed, he meant it, she knew it, and coming from him it always felt special.
He picked up Christian on the way. He rocked up to his house with the roof down, he swung around the corner making a noise and saw Christian waiting there with his little sister Talia. He jumped in the car.
“She just wanted to say hi,” Christian said.
Ethan jumped out of the car and gave Talia a hug. She looked serene in her look, her normal vivacious self was still there but that all absorbing teenager girl was not. She was just so open and giving. She was never selfish in the past but she had always liked the attention given to her and today she seemed different, mature and open and older too. He hugged her for a long time.
“I don’t have any words really to say to you, Ethan but I know you loved her and for you to love someone, she has to be special like you and if you ever went I would feel shattered...”
Ethan just looked at her and smiled, she was saying the most beautiful things.
“So what I’m saying,” she said with a flirtatious like move with her body, “you’re special, Ethan and I always thought you’re lovely ever since I was a young girl.”
“Thanks so much Talia, you’re gorgeous.” She coyly giggled. “And Christian doesn’t wanna know this, but you’ve turned into a very attractive looking teenager.”
She had a big smile on her face and in her eyes.
“It takes one to know one eh?” Ethan said giving her a playful push.
She stared at Ethan not wanting him to go. “Okay little angel, enough compliments for you for one day,” he said.
They both laughed, she hugged him again. She blew him a kiss and he gave her a heart sign and he jumped into the car. They drove away and played some music.
Today was going really well Ethan thought, it felt sweet, and Talia had really picked him up, she really had.
Ethan cruised through his lectures, he hung out with Carl and Christian for a while then he went on his own. He walked past Amelia and she smiled, stopped him and gave him a hug. Beauty and compassion was all around him to
day. Everybody was being so kind and understanding and really gentle with him.
It was the afternoon and he had finished the day. He was walking by himself across the field. He noticed the peaceful space he had in front of him, not many people around and everything seemed heightened, like a newness of some type. He was wearing his trench coat, his favorite shirt and some fingerless gloves. As he walked, he came to a willow tree and coming right at him was Natasha, they came right to each other. It was meant to be, it couldn’t be any other way.
“Hi, Natasha.”
“Hi, Ethan I’m really sorry to hear what happened.”
She went right up to him and held him tightly and hugged him.
“How are ya feeling?” she asked.
“I’m okay…”
Seeing Natasha brought up a few memories for him, love, girls, Kali.
“I know I’m the last person you want to be close to right now…but I do care about you,” she said.
“I know.”
“I’m sorry, Ethan for being a bitch to you all the time, you don’t deserve that.”
Ethan just stared at her. “I’m sorry okay,” she said.
“Okay I forgive you.”
“If you weren’t so gorgeous I wouldn’t have been so mean.”
Ethan touched his hair, then his coat in a way to adjust to having Natasha right here in front of him, then he said,
“I just don’t think you were used to a sensitive guy.”
She looked so potently into his eyes, ready for anything, she was really listening so he continued.
“When I was with you it was perfect, but as soon as you left my company you would turn into a complete madam.”
She turned around in a little circle in some kind of gesture.
“Maybe, okay,” she said, “you did think I was your gorgeous angel when I was with you though didn’t you?”
“Yeah I did.”
“It was special Ethan...you are, we both know that.”
“So are you..everyone sees it.”
“I don’t know about everyone, your friends don’t.”
“They are just scared of you.”
“So they should be. You should be scared of me!”
She smiled with her big smile and Ethan could see why she was his first love ever. They chatted for a bit longer under the Willow tree. They felt protected where they were and were free in the moment to talk about anything. Eventually they had to go, and like everyone who he had bumped into today, it was an intense good bye.
“I’m really happy we bumped into each other,” she said.
“Thanks for being so kind and understanding.”
“It’s okay, Ethan you’re a wise, beautiful soul....” she pulled her hair away from her face and pouted her lips slightly, “and you were my first true love.”
She said it softly in a way that almost surprised herself.
They hugged, she held him closely and he looked at her with his pure eyes and told her, “you were my first love too.”
They moved a part. He looked at her, he gave her a Namaste gesture, a smile and she watched him walk away across the grounds.
Natasha walked across the ground in a different direction to Ethan and she came towards Christian and Carl.
“Hey Natasha have you seen Ethan?” Carl asked.
“I was just talking to him, he was just walking by on the field near the Library.”
“We could always ask her for a lift,” Christian quietly said to Carl.
“I can give you both a lift if you need a ride.”
“Oh good, you don’t mind?” Carl asked.
“Of course not, though no trouble from you mister,” She said pointing at Christian.
“You’re the one who said I look better with a bird’s head on.” Christian said.
“I did say that didn’t I? From now on, we will be nice to each other, okay?”
“Cool, Peace,” Christian said.
She moved forward and gave them both a hug.
“And Carl you’re nice to everyone, all the time!” she said.
“He’s a genital peace maker,” Christian said.
Carl looked at Christian, amused. They all jumped into the car. Natasha started the engine, turned on the sounds and blasted the music and accelerated a bit faster for Christian and Carl’s liking.
Natasha dropped them off at a park and Carl and Christian met up with a couple of friends they knew and played baseball. Natasha then drove off and headed home.
Ethan jumped into his car, the roof was down. He put the music on and headed off. He had to take a different route home as he had an essay paper that needed checking. She was an old family friend who lived around the bays, an older woman who was super bright and often helped Ethan out with her academic knowledge. He decided he would drop in and see her on his way home.
Close to where this older lady resided was also where Lenard lived. His brother Brandon was leaving home, off to a science fair that he was highly excited about.
“I have to go now. I’m going to be late for the science fair,” Brandon said to his mother as he headed towards the front door.
“Have a lovely time dear,” she said.
“Don’t rush. It’s just another science fair,” Lenard said.
Brandon jumped into his car and got going. Slightly agitated because he knew he was running a little late.
Ethan was driving around the bays and going fast, his Porsche handled it well. He drove fast as he felt powerful and free in this moment. This day had felt special. Everything was highly charged and he felt it deeply. Seeing Natasha had such a sweet, deep effect on him. They were friends again, somehow the moment freed them both of any past. It was like they were both 11 again, saying hi under a tree.
As Ethan thought about his day the rain came falling down. It was like a patch that seemed to just fall in certain areas. He kept the roof open, knowing the rain would pass or he would come under the blue space in the sky. It looked beautiful with the way it had formed. He could see the sea around him, the dark clouds and some blue sky as he burnt around the bays.
Brandon was driving around the same bays, cliff tops, around the water. He looked at his watch, agitated at being late. He was stuck behind a truck now. He had been behind it for a short while and knew he had to try and pass it. The moment came to pass and he went to go around it but it was so tight and he became is a little indecisive. He braked, accelerated, yes, no, yes, he did it. He slammed the foot on the accelerator as he tried to pass the truck. He hoped like mad no car would come his way around the corner with the oncoming traffic.
Ethan was gliding around the bays, with the cliffs below, the scene looking magical. He went around a bend and right in front of him was a car in his lane, in his path, coming right at him. It was Brandon’s car. Brandon was struggling to overtake the truck in time and then in a flash there was Ethan’s car speeding around the bend. Brandon couldn’t do much and Ethan had to swerve and he did. To avoid Brandon with only a second to do it, he veered right suddenly to not hit him. There was an off ramp with cones and road works. His car hit the cones as it slid in the wet. Ethan tried to straighten up but he was sliding and the off ramp was so short and before he knew it, he went through the barrier and was over the edge.
Below Ethan, 200 feet down was the sea. It had all came upon Ethan so suddenly. He was in the air looking down on this view that looked sublime. That view froze for that moment and Ethan knew he would be dying soon. In that split second the air felt fresh, he could smell the sea salt. It was like he had been here before, it had that familiar feel. The picture had a thousand words. He realized he had no choices left and could only surrender into the nothingness of it all. And down he went going through the sky. It felt deep to Ethan in that moment. He felt Zen like. He knew what was happening and couldn’t escape it. He felt deep and decided to face his death in calmness and surrender to it.
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