Fate (Forever & Always Book 2)

by Cindy Springsteen

  Although being here is so much fun and keeps my mind off the disaster of a life I left behind, it’s time to get back, get back to my real life and face whatever is going to happen when I get back. I knew I maybe lost Danny yet again, not that this should surprise me but why can’t I ever seem to learn from my mistakes? Why do I keep giving him chances when over and over, we wind up back on those roads that take us to places we just can’t be?

  Liz is sad to see me leave but also has a whole new life to look forward to as a wife and one day a mom. She has all I wanted and dreamed of. A nice house, a husband and a future to look forward to.

  I have dreams and that is all they are.

  The plane ride seemed too short. I needed more time. I need more time to think, time to gain strength for whatever I’m heading home to. My parents pick me up at the airport. Things seem very tense in the car. I am sure they talked about me plenty while I was gone. I feel bad for my mom as without me around as she is stuck at home listening to him. At least when I am around we would go out and go to the mall or something to get away. As soon as we got home, I went upstairs to unpack. I knew I shouldn’t but I call Danny. The sooner I knew where things stood the faster I could move forward.

  “Why did you leave without telling me?” he asks me abruptly.

  “I can’t do this. I can’t go back in time to when you shut me out because life isn’t the way you want it to be,” I softly cry.

  “I can’t help it. You don’t get it. Do you have any idea what having to pay that kind of money every week will be like? I’m going to be working my ass off and barely see a dime of it. How are we supposed to have a life if we don’t have any money? How can you expect me to just be happy about it? All I needed was time to figure out how we are going to do this. I didn’t say we wouldn’t figure it out, but you didn’t even give me a chance.”

  He is right about that part, I didn’t give him a chance, but what am I supposed to think? I wasn’t given a chance to try to help figure it out either. I just got shut out completely. In my mind for all I knew, he would just go back to her and this would all be over. “No…I don’t get it. You are right about that because I can’t imagine what insane kind of court system we have that even thinks someone can afford to pay that amount to someone every week and be able to live themselves. I also can’t imagine how that must have felt, but shutting me out isn’t the answer. If we are in this, we are in this together and we figure it out together. You can’t just shut me out and let my mind wonder if you even still want to be with me.”

  “I do! God, Baby, I never meant that. Please believe that.”

  “How am I supposed to know or believe that? As you just said, it is going to be so hard having to pay that insane amount of money to her. How are we going to make it work? For all I know by you ignoring me and shutting me out, I think you might think of going back to your other life.”

  “No! I’m not thinking of going back, that would be wrong to go back just because it would be easier than paying her. You need to get thoughts like that out of your head. I’m going to marry you as soon as we can get this all settled. I told you that and I meant it. I need another job now to handle this is al. Just need to trust me.”

  “Trust? Yes, trust is hard. You know how many times I have put my heart in your hands to watch it be shredded to pieces over and over. I want to trust you. I want to believe that this time will be different, but if you keep going back to the old Danny who shuts me out and doesn’t communicate with me like you used to do, then we will just keep going in circles and never have that future.”

  “Why don’t you come over for a while we should be talking face to face, so you can see I mean what I’m saying. I will share with you. we need to talk some more. I can’t have you so upset. I will do anything so that you aren’t in such a state.”

  I pause for a moment. The man infuriates me to no end. Him being up close isn’t going to help me. Though, I’d missed him a lot. This is important, this is about our future here. I consented, “All right let me finish straightening up, and then I’ll come over.”

  We talk late into the night and seeing him, hearing his words to my face made me believe. He told me of the ideas he had come up with for more work. That his would take time. Most of the money was for the kids after all. It is a lot though. He said that no matter how impossible it seemed right now that we could do it. We would be together. He kissed me tenderly then pulled away.

  I still feel that warmth from his being so close to me. I want to wallow in it, revel in it, but I don’t. I just let myself calm down. Maybe he would think first before just cutting me out again. He’d better or I would just go away. I know it might sound petulant or childish, but he needed to see this as our life, not just his. I told him this. He nodded and told me he was sorry and had worried about me. He pledged to be more open. To try to be. He admitted he isn’t good at that especially when bad things come along. Never has been.

  Well, he made me want more than anything to believe this is real.

  When I get home, I found my front door locked. I ring the doorbell over and over, dogs bark and eventually my mom came to the door.

  “Are you serious? Why on earth would you guys lock the door? You knew I was out.” I know I sound really annoyed but I have every right to be in my head.

  “Your father must have locked the door. I went up to bed shortly after you left, so he must have thought you were home,” she replies sadly.

  I feel bad again, I know my mom is on my side and I didn’t mean to take anything out on her, especially her. “Mom, he knew I went out.”

  She ignores this, as she probably didn’t want to talk about the stress her own marriage has right now. “I’m just glad you’re back, I missed you being here. Let’s go to the mall or something tomorrow being stuck in this house listening to your dad while you were gone has made me feel crazy.

  “I’m so sorry you are in the middle of this, but I have to make my own choices. I can’t spend my entire life doing what he wants me to do. He would be happy if I never got married and just stayed here forever and you know it.”

  “I know...”

  We went to the kitchen and have a late night snack. We didn’t talk about Danny or Dad just enjoyed time together as a mother and daughter. I told her about my trip. How happy Liz seemed and how funny Stuart is. My mom knew I loved Liz like a sister. I did worry about my mom as the stress of my life and my dad’s attitude seemed to be getting to her. I feel determined to try to relieve some of it if I could. So we talk about what we would look for at the mall.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Mom and I went to the mall. She seems really sad even though this is what we both wanted to do. Or so I thought. I could sense something isn’t right and it wasn’t long before she told me my dad has been bitching to her that I had to quickly run to Danny the second I got back from my trip. It breaks my heart that my mother is in the middle of this mess because my dad just won’t let it go. He wouldn’t say anything to me, but keeps complaining to her about everything I do. I tell my mom that I’m going to go ask my grandmother if I could maybe move in there. As much as I didn’t want to leave my mom, this truly broke my heart. I also mentally couldn’t deal with this every single day either. Deep down, I wish my mom would come also, but maybe if I’m living there, he wouldn’t know as much and would finally stop putting my mom in the middle.

  I did ask my grandmother and she told me I was welcome to live there, but when it came down to it, I just couldn’t do that to my mom. So I need to learn how to just live with the constant comments and pray that he would leave my mom out of it.

  That night, Danny came over to help me clean my fish tank. It is a huge 10 gallon one, and I feel grateful for the help. Crazy, but my dad actually is nice to him and didn’t make any comments at all. I figure once I wasn’t around or Danny left I would hear about him being over, something. Yet, he surprised me and never said a word. As soon as I could manage, I get my mom alone and ask her what on earth is
going on.

  “Is Dad taking new pills I don’t know about or something?” I ask seriously.

  “I talked to him. I couldn’t deal with it anymore. I told him if he didn’t back off and if he kept putting me in the middle that I was moving out.”

  “Oh, mom… I’m so sorry you are in the middle of this!” A tear slowly glides down my cheek.

  “I can’t deal with it anymore. He has to let go of it. This isn’t something he can control and he isn’t going to control me anymore either. Don’t be sorry. It’s not fair to anyone. I am not going to listen to this every day anymore. You are my daughter, you are my blood, and your happiness is all I want in this world. If he is going to continue to try to put me in a position to lose that, then I don’t want to be here either.”

  As close as my mom and I were, we weren’t the hug type or the ones who say they love you all the time type of family. Yet, at this moment in time we hug and I know that no matter what happens we would have each other and for now…that is all we needed.

  Chapter Fifteen

  My parents and their friends have begun to talk about moving to Tennessee. They’ve been to Nashville a couple of times and are planning to start looking for a house there soon. I’m not sure if this is a plan to try to get me to move away from Danny or something they truly want to do. It is much cheaper there and according to my mom, my dad is going to go there in a couple of weeks. My mom also tells me that supposedly my dad says he will buy me a house there, no matter who I marry.

  I’m not sure what to think… and I am pretty sure deep down, my dad believes that Danny wouldn’t move away from the kids, and this would be how he gets me away.

  Danny went away for the weekend and while he’s gone, my dog Toto gets really sick. My dad went with me to the vet and we wound up having to put her to sleep. Toto was my buddy, the one I cried to who was always there and losing her broke my heart.

  The vision I saw of my baby girl laying on a cold table struggling and then having to tell the doctor to let her go, was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. My mind will not stop replaying what I saw. I cried so hard for so long. I don’t know how I am going to face the days I will have to without her.

  This time in my life just melted me down to nothing. I did get depressed and feel guilty for not spending as much time with Toto as I should have. Too distracted by Danny. Yes, I did feel mad at myself for it, but when it’s too late…it’s just too late.

  After a few days of this, my parents and Danny came up with a plan to get me a puppy. We went to Long Beach and brought home a yorkie puppy I name Shamus and my dad lets my mom finally get another dog that she has wanted for so long. We got Shamus’s brother and my mom names him Mickey. We have never had puppies before. We’ve always had dogs that were older, so this is something that I don’t think we were prepared for. My dad is trying to do anything he can to make my mom and I happy these days.

  Danny came over tonight to watch movies.

  “She is being too nice lately,” Danny says quietly to me.

  “What does that mean?”

  “Wanda, she is just being really nice lately.”

  “I don’t even understand how you can be nice to her after what she just did in court!”

  Nothing, he had no words to say.

  Am I missing something here? My heart wants this more than anything but part of me senses that something is going on that I am missing.

  He is acting weird lately and I feel scared.

  “My dad thinks that I am running away by going to Tennessee.” He stares at me.

  I shake my head. “I can’t believe you told your dad about it.”

  “Well, if there is a chance that it might happen, I thought I should tell him.”

  “I wouldn’t say running away, because you wouldn’t be. We would have a chance at a better, easier life, if everything my dad said is true.”

  We spend the rest of the night not talking about Tennessee or our future, we just watch the movie.

  The next day, Danny didn’t call and I begin to worry more. He hasn’t been acting the same lately and I feel like at any moment I am going to wake up and find this is all a dream. He didn’t call me until the next night.

  We went down to the Woodmere docks to talk. Again, he is telling me that she is up to something and being so nice lately. How often are they talking? He’s supposed to call the lawyer today and of course, he didn’t. I wonder if divorce papers will truly ever be signed and the future we planned will ever come to be.

  My Diary Entries

  Today, everything exploded. Danny got served papers for not paying the proper support amount and it says that he owes $2,200 in back support. He has to go to court on August 31st, the same day that he now also has to go to court for custody of the kids. He is furious. I am furious and this nightmare continues to grow.

  His father received papers at their business that he is court ordered to keep records of all of his hours and what he is making. So he won’t be able to work any overtime anymore unless he wants them to take even more of his money.

  August 18th

  My grandparent’s 50th anniversary party was on and my parents told me that Danny could come with me. When he came to my house tonight, he looked so handsome. Tonight we danced and when we slow danced, all seemed right in the world for that moment. I looked him in the eyes and saw love. I wanted this day, this time to never end. Everyone accepted that we were together. After the party, he even came back to my grandparent’s house, so we could watch her open her presents, also to not have the night end.

  Today, I was able to not think of all that is coming up with court and our undecided future. For today, I could smile, I could laugh, and I could pretend that all is right in the world. Tomorrow… well, tomorrow in our life I never know what will happen.

  Chapter Sixteen

  August 31st

  Today is court day for the custody and about the money. She was there with her lawyer and of course, his doesn’t show up! Her lawyer claimed it all could have been settled today and they offered him $210 a week, but he said no. Now, he has to file an objection and the drama continues. He realizes now that she was only being nice until this court custody and money thing and now she won’t talk to him at all.

  He has to go get a blood test for the courts to prove that he isn’t doing drugs, or else he isn’t allowed to see the kids. He only sees them alone for now. It would be too confusing for them and we really don’t want them saying that I’m around all the time, it could make things even worse. He doesn’t deserve what is going on. I know that what he did was wrong, but all this money every week and the custody issues are just too much.

  Danny needs a car, so I took a cash advance on my credit card and my dad had found a car for $700.

  Danny found out that Wanda will accept $200 a week and no arrears, so he wouldn’t owe that back money to pay anymore. So once the custody part is settled then maybe just maybe we can get the divorce papers going. He is starting a second job driving a taxi to make extra money he needs to move out of his parents and get his own place, which one day hopefully, will be our place.

  All he does is work lately and we hardly get to see each other much. The waiting for the papers is starting to make me crazy. He got papers in the mail and they were separation papers, not divorce papers, so now we could be looking at another year or more of this nightmare until it will be final and we could get married. I just want to sit and cry.

  November

  Danny is to drive on Thanksgiving. I only got to see him for a short time. I went to my cousins and tomorrow I’m leaving for Tennessee with my parents and their friends to look at houses.

  There’s a place called Tulip Grove that would be perfect for Danny and I. My dad’s friend Norman wanted to look for land. He wants to get a trailer home. It is beautiful there. I didn’t want to leave, but I did miss Danny and worried about what might be going on back home.

  As soon as I got back, I went over to give him t
he gifts I’d gotten him and to tell him all about the places I saw. He told me that he is getting a new lawyer and has an appointment already set up for tomorrow.

  Danny saw the new lawyer who told him that we could change the separation papers to divorce papers. The bad news is the lawyer is $1200. Danny gave him $400 of it today. He has to bring at least $200 more in a couple of days to get things started, so he is going to working a lot of hours driving.

  December

  The holidays are coming and all Danny is doing is working his ass off to get money for this lawyer and the holidays. We barely get to see each other. His lawyer sent him a copy of a letter that was sent to Wanda’s lawyer stating that the first thing that needed to be done is to change the papers to divorce papers.

  Christmas Day

  Today is our first Christmas day together in so very long. In all our years, this will truly on be our second time actually being together on this day. I’ve been waiting weeks for today. With all his working lately, we haven’t had any time together. Danny promises me that today he wouldn’t work no matter what and we would have this day together. We were standing in my living room and he says to stay where I am. He has to go get my present from the car and claims it is heavy. He tells me to close my eyes because it’s too hard to wrap. A million things go through my mind of what it could possibly be.

  “Will you marry me?”

  I feel afraid to open my eyes. I thought I must be dreaming. When I open my eyes, there he is standing next to me, next to our Christmas tree of white lights and red bows, a Country Christmas tree this year.

  In his hand is an engagement ring.

  I am breathless. I blink my eyes several times, as this has been my dream for so long. I think I’m imagining all this. I look into his sweet, warm blue eyes and see it is true. This is it! “Yes, I will marry you!” I cry.