by Carol Finch
Ignoring the annoyed growl behind him, Bear-Claw focused his full attention on Rozalyn's lovely face. Suddenly his own expression became woebegone. "My cabin isn't going to be the same anymore. I had almost forgotten the pleasure of companionship . . . and the beauty of women. You are particularly beautiful." His index finger sketched the delicate line of her jaw and the creamy curve of her cheek before he bent to brush a light kiss to her brow. "Take care of yourself, flatlander. Meeting you has brought a certain warmth back into my heart. I wouldn't want anything to happen to you."
Rozalyn nodded mutely, allowing a smile to graze her lips. Then she moved toward Bear-Claw to return his farewell embrace. "You are a true friend. I am indebted to you for taking me under your wing and teaching me the ways of the mountains. Hawk and I will anticipate your return visit."
"As long as you wait a month ... or even two," Hawk grumbled, half-aloud.
Paying no heed to Hawk's sarcastic rejoinder, Bear-Claw gave Rozalyn a loving squeeze. "You are going to be a difficult woman to forget. . . ." He sighed and then reluctantly withdrew to pivot away. "Come. Help me saddle my horse, Hawk. No doubt the critter is no more anxious to make this journey than I."
Hawk was only too happy to accommodate his old friend if it would accelerate his departure. When he threw the saddle on the steed's back and tightened the girth, he glanced back over his shoulder to find Bear-Claw staring somberly at him.
"You have been more than a month without Roz, and now you have been living with her only as a friend." Bear-Claw's voice was low and deliberate; his narrowed eyes drilled into the younger man's. "It is best for all involved if you continue on this straight and narrow course for the remainder of the winter."
Hawk rose to his full stature, and he gazed at the rustic cabin from which a thin curl of smoke drifted to mingle with the gray clouds that hung so close to the mountain peaks. "I don't think I can," he breathed defeatedly. "The sight of her leaves me with a craving that I fear nothing can appease."
"And if you don't restrain yourself you will live to regret it ... if you're lucky." Bear-Claw's hand folded over Hawk's slumped shoulder, demanding his undivided attention. "I myself am living proof of what torture forbidden love can wreak. Why do you think I have lived like a hermit? Because I've spent the past few decades trying not to remember what I cannot seem to forget." His rueful gaze swung to the cabin on the hill, and a remorseful smile quivered on his parched lips. "I know what you are feeling for that girl, Hawk. I have been there. I didn't want to fall in love either. God, I fought it with every part of my being. But the longer I stayed with her, the more impossible it became to exercise self-restraint. I knew she wasn't mine to keep, should not have been mine, but we were young and reckless then. We thought love could conquer all."
Bear-Claw laughed bitterly as memories cut into his soul so sharply his bittersweet love affair might have happened only yesterday. Pulling himself into the saddle, he then stared long and hard at his young friend. "I have told you the reason Aubrey cannot forget his past, why he loathes the name of Beaudelair, and of my own connection to this complicated affair. If you are wise, you will profit by the mistakes of others. You can see what torment I have been forced to endure. I exist in a solitary fashion, make very little contact with civilization, and avoid all that might remind me of the past.
Whatever choice you make, you must be prepared to live with it, Hawk. You know inevitably the snow thaws and summer blossoms in these mountains. A foolish man blunders blindly ahead without preparing himself for the moment of impending doom. But it will come to you, just as it did to me. If you do not choose to deny yourself, then you damned well better make plans to deal with the pain that will most surely follow. You will spend the rest of your days wondering how you can live with memories that will most surely follow you to your grave if you fall in love with a woman you cannot have."
Bear-Claw's probing gaze and pointed words stabbed Hawk like a knife. He knew the old mountain man spoke from experience, but even as he listened to Bear-Claw's depressing sermon, he kept picturing a devastatingly attractive sprite with hair as dark as midnight and eyes that burned with a blue flame. Could he honestly get through winter wanting her as he did? Rozalyn made him feel every inch a man when he lay in her arms, and the mere thought of the passionate hours they'd spent set off uncontrollable sensations.
Somber green eyes fastened on the weather-beaten face above him. "Were the days and nights you spent with your woman worth the pain, the years of aching loneliness?" Hawk asked point-blank. "Could you have denied yourself the love you felt for her? Wasn't it worth the price you paid? If you had not surrendered to love, wouldn't you have spent the rest of your life wondering how it might have been if you had dared to follow your heart? Can you truthfully say that love, brief though it might have been, was not better than decades of emptiness?"
After peering down into Hawk's sincere gaze, Bear-Claw stared back through the window of time, past the bitter years of regret to that sweet, perfect time, that surpassed anything he had known since. For a long, pensive moment he was lost to blissful memories of an oval face that radiated with an angelic smile. He well knew why Hawk was having such difficulty keeping his distance from that blue-eyed beauty. Indeed, some things in this world were impossible to resist, no matter what the consequences.
"Even now, after all these years, I would be a liar if I said I could have walked away from her when her eyes bid me to stay," Bear-Claw confessed with a melancholy smile. Then he focused a concerned stare on Hawk. "But can you blame me for not wanting to see you and Rozalyn hurt when I know how it feels to suffer?"
"Can you blame me for wanting to share the winter with her, even when I know it is all I can ever have?" Hawk countered, his eyes misting with an emotion Bear-Claw had never before seen in them. "I have never wanted anything in life as much as I want her. I left her with you for three weeks, trying to forget, to convince myself that our separation was for the best. But the ever-present thought of her was the cause of and the cure for my torment. I tried to leave her with you for the winter, but my footsteps led me back to this cabin."
"It is that bad, is it?" Bear-Claw managed a soft chuckle.
"It is that bad," Hawk confessed, his eyes already drawn to the cabin and to the bewitching enchantress who awaited him.
"Then it seems you have made your choice and there is naught else to do but to learn to live with your decision. I pray you will have an easier time burying your memories, but I fear doing so will be more difficult than you can imagine." Bear-Claw reined his steed around and aimed himself toward his home. "I wish you and Roz happiness that will last a lifetime, even if it must be found in one season in the mountains."
As Bear-Claw blazed path through the drifted snow,
Hawk watched him depart, then, heaving a sigh, he wheeled toward the cabin. The mountain man's parting words dogged him at each footstep. He wanted Rozalyn with every fiber of his being, yet he knew she would be taken from him. Aubrey would never permit Hawk to keep what he had come to crave. Knowing that, Hawk realized he should keep his distance, but not touching Rozalyn would be torture. God! Why had he carted her off with him in the first place?
Chapter 22
When Hawk pushed open the front door, his mental tug of war evaporated in the golden firelight, for before the hearth lay a vision so tempting it stole his breath away. Bare, silky arms protruded from luxurious fur quilts, and long tendrils of raven hair spilled over them. Rozalyn's welcoming smile melted his heart and it was all Hawk could do to keep from tearing off his bulky coat and dashing into her arms.
She awaited his return, no longer able to deny her need for the man who had taught her soul to sing. Pride be damned, she had told herself while she'd spread the tempting pallet before the fire. She wanted Hawk and she was tired of keeping a tight rein on her emotions. It no longer mattered that she would lose him when summer came. She could think only of the present and of their sweet memories. Even if they had no future, she w
anted to enjoy this winter and the rapture she would find in his arms. Now was enough.
It had to be enough, she reminded herself.
Slowly, she drew away the fur quilt, revealing her bare flesh to Hawk's all-consuming gaze. Then she rose from the inviting pallet before the hearth and moved toward him, her eyes locking with his. Her heart was in her hands, and her love glistened in the sapphire pools fixed on his flaming green eyes.
"I have been waiting for you," she murmured as she unfastened his coat and eased it away from his broad shoulders. His buckskin shirt soon lay atop the discarded jacket, as did his breeches. Then her hands wandered over the expanse of his chest, and she felt his heart stampeding against her palm. When she lifted her gaze to study his craggy features, she saw a need in his eyes that matched her own mindless craving. "I have missed you . . . truly." Her fingertips tunneled into his crisp raven hair and curled about his neck to bring his head down to hers. "Make love to me, Hawk. I need you so. ...
When her sensuous lips parted invitingly, Hawk died a thousand times before his eager mouth found hers. He was like a man who'd been stranded in a blizzard without food or drink, a man who had a maddening craving for nourishment. He tasted her, savored her fervent response. Then his arms enfolded her, molding her slender body to his hard contours, as he released the pent-up passion that had tormented him for more than four weeks.
"God, woman, I thought I would die of wanting you," he whispered raggedly. His warm breath skimmed her cheek, while his hands rediscovered every inch of her. Hawk was trembling, so eager was he to lose himself in her sweet fragrance and her tantalizing body.
A provocative smile bordered Rozalyn's lips, and taking his hand, she backed away, leading him toward the fire. "Come, my handsome adventurer, show me how much you missed me. In turn, I will show you how very much I have longed for your company."
While Hawk obediently followed behind her, his eyes devouring her, he asked himself if this was the same feisty beauty he had met in St. Louis. Rozalyn had mellowed. Her spirit was still evident, that fascinating zest for life, but she was different somehow. Her stubborn refusal to admit there was something magic between them was gone. Now she confessed her need for their passionate lovemaking. Could it be that she finally realized . . .
All thought deserted Hawk when Rozalyn stretched before the hearth like a contented feline basking in the heat of the sun, and his body went rigid with an indescribable hunger. Like a powerful grizzly dropping down on all fours, he crouched beside her. His hands mapped the satiny curves of her hips, then glided over the taut peaks of her breasts. He groaned as his lips whispered across her quivering flesh, caressing, worshipping the feel of her. Ah, touching her was heaven.
Rozalyn felt that she was melting into the luxurious furs when he caressed her so tenderly, as if he were cherishing this moment. She did not wonder at his feelings. She just wanted him, yearned to become his possession. His hands and lips were weaving a spell that was filling her with ineffable pleasure, preparing her for the ecstatic moments to come. Her body arched toward his as she reveled in the rapture of his touch, sighing softly as streams of sweet agony spilled over her.
While he pleasured her, Rozalyn's fingertips splayed over his shoulders and the muscular terrain of his back. Then her adventurous hands tracked along his hips in a whisper of a touch that made Hawk's powerful body thaw like melting snow. When she came upon her knees to take possession of his lips, Hawk moaned beneath her fiery kiss. She had set his world ablaze and flames were spreading through him, engulfing every part of his being. Hands as gentle as a summer breeze feathered across his hair-roughened flesh, leaving not one inch of his body untouched by her tender caresses. Her moist lips trickled over his shoulders and her inquiring hands never remained still for a moment. They tempted and taunted, receding and then drawing him closer . , . and closer still.
Hawk could no longer deny the fire burning in him. His breath came in ragged spurts, his heart beat in frantic rhythm. When Rozalyn lay against him and slid her leg intimately between his thighs, a groan of tormented pleasure burst from his lips. This brazen temptress had used her wiles to seduce him and he now ached to ease the craving she had aroused. Like a lithe jungle cat, he eased back onto the fur pallet, drawing Rozalyn down beside him. His breath caught in his throat when a waterfall of glowing ebony tumbled across the plush quilt, to be highlighted by the dancing flames in the hearth. Hawk marveled at the soft texture of her skin in the glistening light. And in the depths of her blue eyes he saw raw emotion which held him spellbound. The moment was like something out of a dream, the same dream that had visited him each night for four agonizing weeks. And now that his vision had come true, Hawk didn't care if he ever roused from this rapturous fantasy.
His arm glided about her trim waist, and as he twisted to settle himself upon her pliant body, his kisses rained upon her flushed cheek. "Take me to paradise, Roz. I can no longer endure the hell of wanting you. I need you. . . ."
His husky words vibrated on her skin before his firm mouth parted her lips to drink deeply of a kiss that bespoke undeniable hunger and impatient need. Rozalyn responded fully to his ardent embrace, loving him so completely that she held nothing back. Her sigh of longing was answered when his lean, masculine body blended into hers. As she felt the sweet urgency of his manhood, she marveled at the sensations that flooded over her when he was within her. Heaven was living and dying in his arms, giving and sharing passionate pleasure.
Hawk clutched her tightly to him, his need so overwhelming that he could not control his emotions, which erupted, spilling over him and threatening to strip him of his sanity. Then his body moved instinctively into hers setting a sensuous rhythm that deepened their intimacy, and his questing tongue probed the dark recesses of her mouth. Their breaths mingled while their bodies became one.
It seemed their universe was aflame, the heat of their union igniting their nerves and muscles, inflaming their very souls. Hawk was a living breathing part of a fire that blazed hotter than a thousand suns. He knew no flame burned brighter than this all-consuming blaze. What had once seemed inconceivable became reality. The long weeks of craving had been worthwhile. He had discovered the essence of life, a euphoric pleasure.
And then, the split second before he feared he would sacrifice his last breath to the pleasure he had found, his soul took flight, soaring wild and free, gliding on the uplifting currents that fed passion's flame. He knew the ecstasy that awaited him, but knowing what lay on the far side of reality did not prepare him for the indescribable sensations that claimed him, numbing him to all that had come before this rapturous moment. His body shuddered in response to the soul-shattering emotions that gripped him, and for a time the world stopped spinning. Hawk couldn't draw a breath or still the furious beat of his heart. He could only cling to Rozalyn, riding out the tumultuous waves that tumbled over him, disorienting him.
Rozalyn felt his lean fingers digging into her flesh, but his fierce grip did not pain her. She was lost to passion's sweet release. In the wake of desire's stormfire, she found ultimate fulfillment. It was like a gentle rain trickling down upon the dancing flames, making them ebb and then sizzle into smoldering coals.
The only sound that reached her ears was the crackling of the logs in the hearth. The only thing she saw was Hawk's ruggedly handsome face which hovered above her. Her eyes locked with his fathomless green pools, and in them Rozalyn saw her world.
The faintest hint of a smile settled on Hawk's features as his index finger trailed across her kiss-swollen lips. The confession on the tip of his tongue tumbled free before he could give it a thought. "I love you, Roz." He felt her relaxed body go rigid beneath his, and for a moment he regretted his words. "I have never said that to any other woman—except one. That was a lifetime ago when I met a young beauty with incredible spirit and an adventurous heart, but she didn't believe me when I spoke from my heart. She thought I was only using her, as if she meant nothing to me." His lips feathered across Rozal
yn's, melting her tension. "What I felt for her then has blossomed into something far more engulfing than love, yet I know not what other name to attach to it."
Rozalyn was afraid to believe his hushed words. She had waited an eternity to hear them and now she feared she had only imagined them. Remembered pain came rushing back to fill her with doubt. She recalled how hurt she had been when Hawk had been bargaining with Aubrey. She had told herself over and over again that she could live with a one-sided love, that she would expect no more of Hawk than the passion he could give. Now his confession aroused conflicting emotions. She desperately wanted to believe him, but the voice of reason bade her to beware.
"You needn't speak of more than passion, Hawk. It is enough," she quietly assured him, battling for composure.
His hand curled beneath her chin, forcing her to meet his level gaze. "No, it isn't enough," he contradicted. "Not any more. Desire and passion cannot touch what I feel for you. Perhaps you do not return my deep affection, but I can no longer hide what I feel. It is tearing me to pieces to keep it bottled up inside me. I love you and I want to say it each time emotion overflows from my heart. Believe me, Roz. I make no false claim. I have no motive for voicing my affection other than to satisfy a need to do so."
Rozalyn stared up at him, and the naked emotion in his beguiling green eyes dissolved her fears. She lifted a hand and then traced the strong line of his jaw. "And I can no longer disguise what I have felt for you since the day we met. That first night ... so long ago ... I didn't want to believe love could truly be staring me in the face. But it was," she whispered. "I realized you were the man I had conjured up in my dreams, the faceless image that had finally emerged from the shadows. I couldn't get over loving you, even when I thought I had been betrayed. And I love you now, though I know my soul will wither and die when summer comes. But I accept whatever terms I am allowed. I want today and all the tomorrows that await me in your arms."