by Chloe Liese
I’d kissed her, stroked her hair. And prayed that I’d be able do what I needed to ensure that alternative never became reality.
It was five days until she graduated. Until I promised myself and her that I’d let her go, for the time being. She’d been accepted to a prestigious program in London—a research-based PhD for public and global health that was lavishly funded and crammed with people who loved the intersection of medicine, science, and humanitarianism as much as Nairne did. It was a perfect fit.
And even though I was happy for her, I still couldn’t get the weight of dread in my chest to dissolve. My promise to her as she slept on Christmas Day haunted me. There was no way she could know how hard I was trying to get out and make my way to her without it hurting her and burdening her with worry and guilt. But without telling her my intentions, was I risking her moving on? When I got out, would I be too late?
My cell rang and I knew that tone.
“Nella.”
“Turn on the television.”
We always talked matter-of-factly, so I didn’t think anything of her terseness. I found the remote in my living room and pointed it at the screen over the mantel. Antonio, being handcuffed and shoved into a car. Fraud. Racketeering. Alleged murder.
“Jesus,” I muttered.
“It’s out of our hands, Zeddo. I’ve called the capos to a meeting to elect the new boss. Be there tonight—eight o’clock.”
I stared dumbly at the screen. This didn’t make sense. In all my covert talks with law enforcement lately, I hadn’t heard a damn thing about this. No word of Antonio being under investigation. We agreed sometimes I should be kept in the dark about highly sensitive shit so that I didn’t run the chance of slipping up. That was one plausible explanation. But even so, Nella sounded too calm, too…unsurprised by this turn of events.
“Nella, what did you do?”
She chuckled and I heard her hit her cig. “Now, Zeddo, what kind of thing is that to ask me?”
Nella knew I ran our businesses in a way that didn’t disgust me, but she had no idea how deeply I betrayed our world to make it so. I could hardly explain that the feds didn’t tell me they had enough evidence to pursue this path. So, I had to suspect her influence through other channels.
“We both know you hated him. It’s not unreasonable to ask if you had something do with this.”
Nella laughed again. “’Tonio didn’t need anyone’s help damning his soul to a life behind bars, Zeddo. He did that just fine himself. Eight o’clock, caruccio.”
The line went dead.
Lupo’s was as familiar to me as my own home, but it still gave me the creeps every fucking time I walked in. It was déjà vu whipping open that door to a room of men who rarely gathered in one place, just like the very first night when I’d come and doomed myself. Cigarette and cigar smoke, the scent of burnt espresso grounds, the clink of tiny cups against saucers, and the melodic ricochet of Italian hit my senses and made my stomach turn.
Nella stood and wrapped her arms around me when the door slammed shut. Chanel No. 5 and cancer sticks. I hated that she smoked, but I’d long since given up trying to convince her to quit. I’d given up trying to convince her to make better choices about a lot of things, actually. I’d learned what areas in which I could bribe and strong arm her into complacency, and otherwise stopped caring.
“Zeddo. You look handsome, gnocco.” Her fingers sunk into my suit and she brushed my shoulders clean of some lint. “Tonight is very important for you and me. Are you ready?”
I glanced over her shoulder to the room. Many of the men smiled at me and tipped their heads. Others were pressed together, hunched over conversation. Convincing each other how to vote. Who to choose. My chest tightened in anxiety. My eyes found Nella’s. Caramels. Rich and deceptively light. There were so many contradictions in Nella, I never knew who I had in my grasp, which side would win out with her—the greed or the tiny sliver of goodness.
“Ready as ever.”
Nella kissed my cheek as she breathed in deeply. Then she leaned away and patted my cheek. Her eyes were still fastened on mine, but she directed her voice to the room. “The meeting begins now.”
Voices quieted. When Nella turned, I stepped to the side, at the edge of the line of tables, arms crossed and showing her the respect the underboss got, especially when the boss was gone.
“Our leader has been compromised,” Nella said. She strolled back and forth across the space, red stilettos clacking on the hardwood. “My informant says hope for his acquittal is unwise. Authorities have damning evidence on the hit Antonio unilaterally put out on an Irish mob leader, Bill Donnelly.” A sea of grumbles on that interrupted her. “I know. It angered me, too. This is why we have procedures, processes by which we approve, and sanction behavior taken on behalf of our syndicate. Antonio was…reckless. And it cost him. Whomever steps into his place must demonstrate themselves worthy of your trust, capable of judicious and prudent action that does not expose us to unnecessary attention.”
The men mumbled appreciatively. Nella exhaled and smiled slowly at the sea of capos. “Write your choice, set it in the dish. Bruno will tally them.”
I rubbed my eyes with my thumb and forefinger as I spoke up. “Why are we voting? You’re next in command. It should be you.”
Nella nodded politely. “Thank you for your vote of confidence, Zeddo. But there is talk among the capos. Disagreement.” She shrugged as she pulled a cig from between her cleavage and lit up, like it didn’t piss her off to her bones that her succession was being questioned, because she didn’t have the right equipment and the capos were sexist pricks. But she didn’t fool me. Nella was livid even as she spoke calmly on her exhale. “So, we vote.”
I wasn’t idiotic enough to ask who else was in the running. So, I stood there for a long moment, trying to figure out how to discourage the men from voting for me without being seen as openly disinterested. They knew I was unambitious, but outspoken antipathy for leadership in this situation would offend them at the least, if not raise outright suspicion. Unless I couched my deference for the role in a plea of fidelity to the natural next in line.
“Nella.” I cleared my throat. “There is no disagreement in me.” I stepped forward, kissed her cheek, and went to Bruno’s table. Scribbled her name in wet, black ink and tossed it open into the crystal bowl. “And I should hope our capos will find themselves in my position as well.”
I walked away and waited, hands in pockets as each man stood and voted. Bruno’s eyes tracked each man to each paper in the bowl. He was a real idiot about a lot of things, but the man had a photographic memory, and he knew I’d want an exact reckoning of who’d voted which way.
When the final paper was dropped, Bruno immediately began unfolding and flattening them, until two distinct piles formed. One was decidedly higher, and my heart pounded as I recognized the flourish of a cursive Zed on its top.
Bruno counted like they were cards, with a lick of his thumb. Turned and stacked them to the side, then moved to the other. I stood there, watching my life tunnel into the single moment I’d dreaded most. I couldn’t be the boss, the heartbeat of the body I was trying to poison. I was supposed to be escaping. It was supposed to be Nella. It had to be Nella.
Bruno snapped the pile down and glanced up at me. And when he did, I knew I was doomed. Nella’s gaze flicked from him to me, and fire danced in her amber irises.
“It’s Zeddo.”
Six
Nairne
When I heard the lock turn in the middle of the night, my heart thundered in my chest. I scrambled for the light. Rationally, I knew it was likely Zed. He was the only one with a key to my place. But PTSD overrode the higher rational function of my brain. I still feared being much less able to defend myself than I once was, since the Dark Days in Paris.
I heard footsteps down the hall and didn’t recognize them. Zed’s gait was even, almost neurotically rhythmic. These were sloppy and slow. My throat tightened and I rifled th
rough my nightstand for my small knife, the only weapon I kept.
“Who is it?” I called out.
The footsteps froze. When he cleared his throat, I sighed in relief. I knew that gravelly sound.
“Just me, innamorata,” he slurred. The door swung open and he stood there, grimacing in the lamplight. “Can you turn that thing off?” He swayed in, hand pressed against the wall.
I stared at him, using the light to scan his body for injury or his damned firearm unsafely tucked on his drunken person. “Where’s your gun? I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”
He hiccupped and waved. “Left it in the car.”
“You drove here?” I sat up in bed. “Zed, you’re blitzed. How could you?”
He squinted at me with one eye. “I didn’t drive here, N-Nairne.” He hiccupped again. “I said my gun’s in my car. My car’s at Lupo’s. Where I just got e-elected”—another hiccup—“boss.”
A roaring in my ears took over. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Images of throttling Nella flooded my mind. I’d never thought myself particularly violent, but I had an easy time picturing beating the piss out of her for this. She was meant to have been named boss. She’d said they’d likely pick Zed unless they had incentive otherwise, because while some capos didn’t mind a woman in charge, a good number of them still did. So, I’d given her months and plenty of money to make sure that he wasn’t chosen. What the hell had she done?
I tried breathing deeply as Zed swayed again and scrubbed his face. “Can you please turn off that light?” he grumbled. “It’s giving me a headache.”
“I’d say it’s probably the extraordinary amount of alcohol you consumed, Zed, that’s making your head hurt.”
He chuckled inside his hands until they fell. “Always a spitfire.”
Maybe Nella had a plan. Maybe the election was just a cover and she had some way of extracting Zed. I had to call her and demand an explanation.
Zed dropped onto my bed with a groan and stared up at the ceiling, still grimacing from the light. “Your room spins very nicely. Clockwise, which is how I prefer it.”
I leaned over him and loosened his tie. “Rooms always spin clockwise for me too when I’m tanked.”
His eyes drifted shut, dark lashes fanned out, and his face relaxed as I turned off the lamp.
“See?” he said. “We’re perfect for each other. Like a fairytale—the ones my mom used to read me. Real fairytales. Brothers Grimm. Morbid and sad. None of that Disney shit. The prince gets stuck in an evil forest, and the princess crosses the sea and never comes back.” He yawned. “No happily ever after.”
I unbuttoned his shirt, and somehow managed to haul him upright so I could take off his suit jacket, which reeked of smoke.
“Maybe that isn’t the end of the story,” I said quietly. “Maybe the princess finds a way to rescue the prince from the clutches of evil.” I pulled off his shirt, kissed his shoulder, then stroked his hair.
“Some princes can’t be saved, Nairne.” He dropped back and sighed as his face began to fall with sleep. “And I’m one of them.”
“Jesus. Christ.” Zed sat up slowly. Held his head between his hands and glared around the room. When his eyes found me, they slowly raked down my body like he couldn’t help but enjoy the view, even with a bloody monster of a hangover.
I sat at the desk in my room, wearing lounge clothes and my nerd glasses as he called them. He’d insisted that he was going to have his way with me wearing just them one of these days, and a little sinking feeling hit my sternum that he hadn’t. Now he only had a few days left, and he likely wouldn’t be free to make good on his promise.
“Good morning,” I said, trying to sound cheerful, despite the circumstances.
He grimaced. “Your voice hurts my head.”
“I’ve been told that before. Some people really can’t tolerate a Scottish accent.” I jerked my head toward the pain relievers and water I’d left for him. “Take those.”
“Thanks.” I watched his Adam’s apple with the same fascination I’d always had, as he threw back the pills and drank the entire glass of water. He set the glass down quietly on the table, like any noise pained him. “I have to shower. You still have those clothes I left last time?”
I stopped typing long enough to point at the top drawer of my dresser that I didn’t use because it was too high for when I was in my wheelchair. “Yep. In there.”
He kissed me gently on the cheek, then yanked the clothes out and disappeared into the bathroom. The water turned on and I pictured him under its hot spray trying to process what had happened last night. He had to be in shock. I was in shock. And I needed answers.
I craned back in my chair and listened for the shower curtain to snap open and shut. When it did, I pulled out my phone and dialed a number I’d committed to memory. It rang and went to voicemail five times before Nella picked up.
“I said only in emergencies.”
“This is one,” I hissed. “You promised me—”
“Fragola.” Nella sighed. “It’s taken care of.”
“You and I have different understandings of what that means. Is he safe?”
“Madonna Mia, you’re irritating. I love Zeddo. He’s my gnocco. Yes, he’s safe.”
“I want your word.”
Nella laughed. “You want a criminal’s oath? Fine, you have my word, whatever that means to you.”
Water splatted and echoed in my bathroom, that uneven crash of water being rinsed and shook out. Zed never showered long, and I didn’t have much more time.
“I want to see you. I need to know what’s going on.”
“You’ll see me soon, fragola, and when you do, all will be clear.”
I opened my mouth to respond but my phone beeped to silence, signaling the call had ended. I snapped it shut and tossed it aside. “Shit.”
“What?” Zed stood there, towel around his hips, shaking water out of his ear. He always did it after his shower—the right one. Another little thing I’d miss.
I smiled and turned toward him. “I’m trying to meet my advisor one last time, make sure all my work gets transferred over to London. They ran into an issue.”
He wiggled his finger in that right ear. “I’m pretty jealous of that guy. He’s seen a lot of your lovely face this past month.”
Zed didn’t know my advisor was fifty-five, with six children and mad love for his wife of twenty-three years. It was much more fun to keep him picturing whatever dashing competition he had in his head. “Not any longer. Today’s my last day. Just have to finish these edits and I’m done.”
I was about to ask him if he wanted to talk about last night when he set a hand on my shoulder and leaned over, squinting as he read. “What is this?”
I stared at the screen rather than meet his gaze, which I felt boring into me. “A speech.”
“I can see that. For what, Nairne?” He leaned closer, and the fact that his cock was behind only a towel and right next to my shoulder didn’t escape me. I reached back and stroked over the cotton, but he caught my wrist immediately. “Nairne?”
I glanced up. “My valedictorian speech.”
His face lit with a slow and genuine smile. “Why am I just hearing about this now?”
“It felt like boasting. I didn’t really know when to bring it up.”
Zed whipped off his towel and tortured me with a very beautiful view that he immediately took out of my reach. He stepped back and into sweatpants, then efficiently tugged his hoodie over his head. “The moment you found out would have been ideal.”
Before I could say anything, he scooped me out of my chair and carried me to bed. When he laid me down, he leaned over me and lifted my shirt. “I’m very upset about this,” he whispered against my stomach. One kiss right where sensation began to be uneven for me. It was intense and I jolted. Another kiss along my pelvis as he yanked down my leggings. “I could have been gloating for weeks now, and now I only get four days.”
I laughed until
it was a moan, as his mouth started torturing me. “I’m sorry, but wait, I want to talk about—”
“Shh, no talking right now. Unless there’s anything else you’re keeping from me, fragolina?” His tongue danced over my clit as he sank two fingers inside me.
“Oh, god.”
He turned my hips and spanked my arse. “You know better than that. No god here, innamorata.”
I nodded and didn’t bother arguing or smart-mouthing him, because what he was doing had me on a fast track to orgasm. I moaned again as he sucked my clit then released it with a pop.
“Tell me who you were talking to while I was in the shower.”
“My advisor.”
I lied well when I felt I had a good reason. Always had. I had no answers for what Nella had done and telling him the truth of my communication with her would only enrage him and possibly thwart my efforts. He had enough to deal with this morning, since his world had only worsened. He was ruler of a kingdom he was hellbent on destroying.
His hands paused and he stared up at me like he was scanning me for tells of dishonesty. “You’re either telling the truth or you’re a damn good liar, and if I weren’t about to be very late for practice, I’d have made this torture.” He tugged down his sweats and sank into me.
“What are you doing, Nairne? What are you up to?”
I scratched my nails down his back. “Loving you.”
“Goddammit, Nairne.” His touch was perfectly rough, wrapped in tenderness. “Tell me.”
He wasn’t going to give up, so I told him enough to quiet his worry. “I promise I’m simply trying to understand your world. To love you in it while I can. That’s all.”
“Anything you need to know, I can tell you. Whatever you’re doing, stop. And stay away from Nella. No more, you understand?” He drilled into me brutally.