by Stacey Lynn
I laughed softly and did the best I could to dismiss the thoughts I knew were running rampant in her mind. She knew what kind of torch I carried for him. I tried to hide my embarrassment from her, knowing if she looked too closely she could probably still see how swollen my lips were from the scorching kiss he gave me when he plastered me up against the hallway wall.
“It was just a few drinks, no big deal.”
She didn’t believe me. I didn’t realize I was actually touching my lips until she gasped and stared at me like she’d just solved the global warming crisis. Pure exaltation filled her face as she started wagging her fingers at me. “You kissed him!”
I cringed and looked at Logan’s door, hoping her loudness wouldn’t wake him up. I knew he was too young, but the last thing I ever wanted him hearing about was his mom’s sexual escapades….not that there’d been any recently to share.
“He was up late – there’s no way he’ll hear us,” she said, reading my mind and still bouncing up and down in her chair.
“Tell me. You have to tell me what happened.”
I scrunched my nose trying to figure out how much to share. She worked for Jack too and I didn’t know what was appropriate since we both worked for him. He also knew she was my best friend and we told her each other everything. Surely he wouldn’t be too upset to know that I spilled what happened to her. It was a risk I was willing to take.
“I drank too much at the Irish pub next to Frenzio’s and he drove me home. He kissed me when we got to my door.”
“And….how was it?”
I looked back at the door, remembering how it felt when his large chest pushed mine against the wall, how hot it made me feel when he moaned into my mouth and held onto to the back of my neck with his strong hand. It was amazing.
“It was the best and absolute worst kiss of my entire life.” I groaned in frustration and then dropped my forehead into my hands on the table. “It was incredible. Hot, passionate….I don't think I've ever had a more powerful, mind-blowing kiss in my life.” I groaned again and shook my head, frustrated that I had allowed myself to get a small taste of Jack McMillan. After seeing the regret and remorse that filled his eyes when we finally pulled away, I knew he was never going to touch me again.
“Why was it the worst?” she asked softly. Surprised she wasn’t digging me for more dirt on the good part, I slowly took my head out of my hands.
“You should have seen the way he looked when the kiss stopped.” I opened my mouth and shut it again, not wanting to relive the worst part. “He told me to forget it ever happened and that he shouldn’t have done it in the first place. I’ve never seen him look so sick to his stomach.”
I got up from my chair and went to refill my coffee cup, replaying the scene in my head the entire time.
“Well that sucks. I’ve seen the way he looks at you when he thinks no one is looking. Personally I’m surprised it took him this long to make his move on you.”
I shook off her ridiculous statement. Before last night, Jack had never given any indication that he was at all interested in me. But if not, then what the hell happened last night? He couldn’t have been upset about Jessica. He never let a woman get to know him enough to care what they thought. Macy and I were potentially the only exception to that rule, and even then, he was always friendly but purely professional. Everything personal I learned about him was through Google and Macy’s connections through the country club. Besides the small glimpses he allowed people to see, he kept his private life and past locked up tighter than Fort Knox.
“I think you’re seeing things again.”
“And I think he likes you. And he adores Logan. I don’t know what caused him to finally make a move on you last night, but trust me; he’ll realize it was a mistake to push you away.”
I turned to her and smiled softly. “And what am I supposed to do then? How am I supposed to see him at his condo tomorrow, when I can still feel his lips on mine today?”
She shrugged simply. “Ignore him. Pretend it never happened just like he said. It’ll drive him crazy.”
“Maybe I should just forget it. I don’t want to be just another three-date girl, and I have Logan to think about. He’s crazy about Jack, and I’d hate to risk the relationship they have.”
Macy bent down and picked up her purse before slipping her ballet flats on her feet. When she reached the door, she turned to me with a mischievous smile. “Maybe it could end up being a great, happily ever after relationship and the reward would be well worth the risk. Ever think of that?”
Ever since his lips left mine that was the only thing I could think about.
I wasn't about to tell her that.
My silence apparently spoke for itself because she simply wiggled her fingers at me and started walking out the door. “I’m going to go home and wake Tate up so he can cook me some breakfast. Have fun at work tomorrow.”
She closed the door before I could tell her to shut up. Smart girl, I thought, and then frowned into my coffee cup. Ignore Jack and simply pretend last night never happened. I had been pretending for what seemed like forever that I wasn’t interested in him at all. How hard could it be just to keep on pretending?
I set my coffee cup down on the counter harder than necessary and jumped at my own annoyance for letting him affect me so much. It was just one kiss with a guy. It’s not like I hadn’t had my share of kisses and hook-ups over the years.
Go to work and pretend it never happened. I could totally do that.
Two hours later once my laundry was finishing up, Logan had eaten breakfast and we had both showered for the day, I was bored out of my mind playing my fifth game of UNO.
“How about we play something else?” I asked him, trying to hide my boredom. It wasn’t that I didn’t like the game. And I did absolutely love that my son could spend hours playing cards, board games and with his toys instead of solely focusing on our video game system, but I just wasn’t in the mood today. I needed something to take my mind off going to work the next day.
I laughed when Logan whined for just one more game.
“Puh-lease, mommy?” I couldn’t resist his chubby cheeks and smile.
“Okay. One more, but then I want to go do something. The zoo maybe?”
Logan’s face lit up like the Fourth of July fireworks. I took that as a yes, and dealt out seven cards to each of us for hopefully, my last game of cards for the day.
After he beat me in the last game, I sent him to his room to get his shoes on so we could head out to zoo. I was moving all the items from my clutch bag I used on the previous night’s date to my bigger purse when I realized that my car was still parked several miles away outside Frenzio’s.
As if on cue, someone knocked on my door. I opened it and smiled at Shane, Jack’s driver.
“Hey Shane,” I said politely.
He held out my key ring that I had given to Jack last night and smiled. “Mr. McMillan asked me to return your car today.”
My smile fell at the mere mention of Jack’s name. If Shane noticed, he didn’t mention it.
“How are you feeling today?”
I frowned slightly at his question. Shane and I have known each other for years, and I was pretty sure this was the most we had ever spoken. Normally it was just the pleasant hello and good evening when we passed in the entryway to Jack’s condo. I stiffened when I realized Jack must have said something.
“Fine…” I said slowly, suspiciously.
He smiled and handed me a brown bag in his other hand. I gave him a look, but then took the bag and opened it. Two gourmet cupcakes sat at the bottom of the bag. I knew with only a quick glance they were my favorite caramel apple flavored ones that came from the bakery near Jack’s building.
“Mr. McMillan asked me to deliver these to you. Said he hoped they make you feel better.” He arched an eyebrow in question as to what that could mean, but I didn’t tell him.
My stomach soured at the reason behind the cupcakes. Was he stil
l feeling guilty for the kiss and trying to placate me with cupcakes? Or was he concerned about the hangover he probably knew I would have?
Either way, the cupcakes were sure to be delicious, but now I wasn’t sure if I wanted them. I thought about telling Shane to take them back, but that would raise questions and it certainly wasn’t in line with our agreement of forgetting everything, so I thanked him and told him I would see him tomorrow.
“Hey Logan!” I called to my son who was still in his room, probably trying to teach himself how to tie his own shoes. “Mr. Jack brought you cupcakes!”
The easiest solution was to let Logan have both. He loved it when Jack spoiled him silly with delicious cupcakes and brownies from the gourmet bakery and he wouldn’t look at them wondering what receiving them meant, much like I was still doing.
Logan ran out of his room, shoes untied and on the wrong feet. It didn’t seem to slow him down any as he ran right up to me and took the bag from my hands before digging into it at the table.
“These are your favorite, mom.” He voice came out muffled, his mouth full of yummy goodness.
“I know. But you can have them both today.”
“You’re sharing with me?” He asked in between bites, a large smile on his small little face.
“Yup. But just this once.” I pointed a finger at him and winked. “Don’t expect it to happen again, okay?”
Within five minutes, he had inhaled both cupcakes, I had fixed and tied his shoes, and we were in my car on the way to the zoo. Maybe watching Logan enamored with the monkeys would take my mind off my weekend.
FOUR
I was a complete moron to think it would be easy to ignore Jack and the kiss that never should have happened. After I dropped off Logan at preschool on Monday, I hurried over to Jack’s condo to start cleaning and do the grocery shopping for the week.
When I arrived, he stayed in the doorway of the kitchen the entire time while he dictated to me everything he needed done for the week. He showed absolutely no sign of the friendliness we had always exchanged. Instead, he sounded frustrated the entire time, with his shortly clipped demands and one word answers to my questions.
I’m not even sure he looked at me…just sort of, through me. Or at a blank spot on the wall just to the left of me.
Monday night and the rest of the week weren’t any different. I bit my lip to keep from snapping at him and answered every request with the same simple “Sure, Jack” or “Yes, Jack” that I always did.
Every conversation left me tenser than the one before, wondering when one of us would crack and just bring up the stupid kiss so we could move on, or worse, wondering if he would decide he could no longer work with me.
Thursday rolled around and I was cleaning his master bathroom, which was always surprisingly clean considering a male bachelor lived there. Jack was meticulous with everything he did in his life. Surely his grooming habits would be no different. I shouldn’t have been surprised, but I always was.
I finished scrubbing the toilet and removed my yellow plastic gloves, when my phone pinged alerting me to a text message. It was Macy.
FYI; Jack left work in a rotten mood. Said he was going home. Thought you’d want the heads up.
I typed back a thanks for the warning message, snapped my phone shut and put it back in my pocket before picking up the cleaning supplies, wondering what he could possibly be in such a rotten mood about now.
It wasn’t long before the front door slammed open. I jumped in the kitchen when I heard it crash into the wall behind it and then jumped again when it slammed shut. Choosing to do what I had done every night for the last four nights, I kept my back to the doorway, my focus solely on making the dinner salad in front of me. I knew when Jack stepped into the doorway without even looking. It had been like that for me for years, like there was a shift in the air current whenever he was around.
I ignored him and kept my focus on the salad, not wanting to turn around and see the frustrated face that had become so familiar that week.
His deep voice jolted me. “When are you going to yell at me?”
I turned around slowly, crossing my arms protectively in front of me and leaned back against the counter.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I replied, hoping my voice sounded much smoother and calmer to his ears than it did mine. My heart jumped at the mere sight of him and lodged a lump in my throat so large it made swallowing difficult.
He shifted uncomfortably in the doorway but didn’t make a move to enter the large room. This was getting ridiculous.
“I have nothing to yell at you for, Jack.”
“I took advantage of you. You should hate me.”
I scoffed. I didn’t remember it happening that way at all. “You didn’t take advantage of me. I wanted…” I felt heat creep to my cheeks and I shut my mouth. The last thing I wanted was to let him know how much I actually wanted him. I closed my eyes and shook my head a few times to clear my thoughts. “You told me to forget it ever happened. I’ve been acting normally, just like we agreed.”
He growled and took two steps forward into the kitchen for the first time in four days. I didn’t bother trying to stop my eyes from wandering from his short messy hair, to his square jaw that was set like he was getting ready to demolish a competitor, down to his light blue button up shirt that had the top button un-done. He was missing his tie. I don’t know why I noticed, but I did. He always wore a tie. But two things shocked me most of all, while my eyes travelled slowly down his body, appreciating every single inch of it. The first, was that he didn’t make a move to stop me even though I was being completely obvious; and two, based on the tightness I saw along the zipper on his dark grey dress pants, he was clearly aroused.
I tried to swallow past the lump in my throat, but I couldn’t. I tore my gaze away and took a sip of my glass of water that was sitting next to me on the granite counter.
“Did you forget?” he asked with a voice that sounded much rougher than it did earlier.
I rubbed my tongue across the front of my teeth. “Did you? You’re the one that told me we should.”
A frown line appeared in between his eyes as he narrowed his gaze at me. I had no idea why this was making him so angry. I could understand the regret if he thought he was taking advantage of an employee, but anger?
He moved his hands to his hips, never once taking his eyes off mine. He still looked angry when he said, “No. I didn’t.”
In all my fantasies I had had that week, and all the dreams I envisioned of this moment, I always pictured Jack looking lustfully at me, admitting he made a mistake before carrying me off to his bedroom and making love to me for hours. My stomach dropped to the floor as I saw a fire in his eyes like he hated me for not being able to forget one simple kiss. I instantly had the sinking feeling that nothing about my relationship with Jack would be the same again, and not in the good way it played out in my fantasies.
“Do you want my two weeks’ notice then?” I choked the words out softly, barely audible and turned back to his salad, not able to bare another minute of seeing the anger in his stare.
I gasped when his hand grabbed my elbow, spinning me around and pinning me against the cold countertop. His arms blocked me in on the sides and the fire in his eyes burned brighter than before.
“I don’t want you to quit, Emma.” I cringed as he spit the words out vehemently. I felt his hot breath on my cheek from him standing so close. I wanted to tear my eyes away from him, but I couldn’t. My heart was pounding in my chest with so much force I was sure it was loud enough for him to hear.
I was almost afraid at his forcefulness, but that feeling was tempered by the desire I had for him as soon as he had walked into the kitchen and allowed me to gaze on his arousal.
“Then tell me what you want because I don’t want to keep seeing the regret in your eyes every time you look at me.”
“I want…” He started and stopped. He closed his eyes and took a deep brea
th. When he opened his eyes again, they were softer than before; his voice gentler, much like they had been last Saturday. “I want to know what it is about you that suddenly makes me feel completely out of control. I want to know why, when I saw you lean in to kiss Dean on the cheek last week I wanted to pummel him for having his hands on you.”
“I told you about Dean.” I interrupted him, but he just scowled at me and continued.
“I don’t get emotional, Emma, you know that. But ever since I touched your lips last week I feel like I’m a volcano ready to explode and I don’t know how to handle all this shit I’m dealing with.”
I made a face. He didn’t make that sound like a good thing; at all. I didn’t bother hiding my disappointment.
“Oh.”
“That came out wrong.” Slowly, one of his hands gently cupped the back of my neck. His hips leaned in just a little bit, just enough for me to know he was still aroused. Goosebumps flooded my body at the mere touch he gave me, making me crave more.
His thumb gently rubbed my bottom lip and he sighed. “I’m not good enough for you.”
“You’re intelligent, successful, and handsome. What else could I want?”
“I’m too old for you.”
“Seven years isn’t too big of a difference.”
“I’m dark and scary and incapable of caring about people.”
I scoffed. “You take care of Logan and me all the time. Quit cataloging your faults and tell me what you want Jack.” My hand slowly moved up the planes of his stomach, gently feeling his abdomen tighten as I travelled farther up across his pectoral muscles and around to his neck, much like how he held mine. They moved on their own volition and the only thing I could think about was how I desperately didn’t want him to push me away again. Not now. Not anymore.
He leaned down and rested his forehead on mine, then inhaled softly, and rubbed his nose into my hair. “You smell like peaches and cream and I haven’t been able to get this smell, or the taste of your lips, or the feel of your hips out of my head. I feel like I’m losing complete control but I can’t stop thinking about you, or wanting you.”