“How do you think they did that in such a tiny space?” I whisper in Finny’s ear.
She rocks her hips a little and says, “I think we could make it work.” She giggles when I grab her hips to keep her still. If she keeps that up, I’ll embarrass us both.
She reaches down between us and wraps her fist around my dick. I hiss in a breath.
“Shh,” she whispers.
“Don’t, Finny.” I grab for her hand and try to stop her. She pulls her hand back up and rocks her heat against my dick. “Don’t do that, either,” I say.
I roll so that I dump her into the tiny spot beside me and we face one another on our sides. I slip my fingers under her t-shirt so I can cup her naked hip. She kisses me and it shoots straight to my toes, and my heart starts to trip.
I lift my head and groan. “I should get up.”
She reaches down and slides her hand into my boxers, wrapping her tight little fist around me. “Some parts of you are already up,” she says impishly.
“Finny,” I complain quietly. I don’t want Sam and Peck to hear me beg.
“I want to come so bad,” she whispers in my ear.
I freeze. “You do?”
She nods.
“Well, damn,” I say. “Let me help you out.”
“No…” she says slowly, staring into my eyes. “We’re not ready.”
I slide my hand up her side, slowly lifting her shirt. “This okay?”
She rucks her shirt up over her boobs in answer to my question.
“So pretty.” I groan and bury my face in her soft skin, dropping kisses here and there. Then she cups her boob in her hand and pulls my head toward her pert nipple.
She takes in a quick breath when I lap at it with my tongue. I give it a quick suck, and the sound of her breath nearly has me coming in my boxers. I nibble and kiss and suck until she’s squirming in my arms. Her nipples have been kissed hard-tight and they strain against my chest when I pull her against me.
“Can I touch you?” I ask. I hover over the waist of her pants, my palm flat against her belly, my fingers pointing toward her heat.
“Please,” she says. I slide my fingers into her panties and work my way between her lower lips, finding her hot and wet and slippery-sweet. She kisses me while I find her clit, and she bites down gently on my lower lip and stops moving when I find the right spot.
“Right there?” I whisper.
She nods.
I rub in a small circle, guided by the movement of her hips.
Then I feel her pull out the waistband of my boxers. I freeze for a second, waiting to see what she’s going to do. She holds my waistband out with one hand and spits into the other, and then wraps her slick fingers around my dick.
My mouth falls open and I have to remind myself not to make noise. She pushes me to start moving my fingers against her clit again when she rocks her hips. She kisses me, smothering my raspy exhales. It’s only seconds later and I’m ready to come, but I hold back. Her breaths are quick against my lips, and she makes a little noise. It grows slightly louder, but I’m pretty sure only she and I can hear it. It’s the sweetest sound I’ve ever heard. Suddenly, she cups my face with the hand that’s not wrapped around my dick and she looks into my eyes.
Then she comes apart in my arms. I spill into her tiny little fist, and she smears the head of my dick with it and keeps pumping, while she shivers and trembles in my hold. I stroke her, growing softer as her body eases a little. “Wow,” she says, when we’re both still.
“Yeah.” I bury my face in her shoulder, kissing her collarbone, and working my way up her neck to her face. “Wow,” I say like an idiot.
Suddenly, we hear clapping from the other bed. “Hell yeah!” Sam calls out. He does a few cat-calls, and I feel Finny bury her face in my chest. I palm the back of her hair and ask her if she’s all right.
Her head shakes against me and I realize she’s laughing. “At least we didn’t rock the bus,” she says loudly.
“Not everybody can be as awesome as me,” Sam crows.
“I don’t know,” Finny whispers to me. “That was pretty amazing.”
She fixes her panties and rolls over the top of me to get out of bed. She comes back with damp hands from where she just washed them and passes me a warm wet cloth. I clean up really quickly and she throws it into a hamper.
She climbs back into bed with me and puts her head on my chest. “Can we go back to sleep?” she asks.
I nod and hold her close to me. “You didn’t have to do that,” I tell her.
“I know.” She kisses the stubble on my chin. “That’s what made it so wonderful.”
She settles against me. Our heartbeats collide. I finally have the key to that door labeled Happiness, and it’s standing right there, gaping wide open in front of me.
Finny
Tag is still under me, and he’s making little soft snuffly noises. I ease off of him slowly, trying not to wake him. He shifts, and I pause my movement until he settles again. I open the curtain and back out of the tiny space. I clean up really quickly and put on some clothes that might look presentable.
I leave a note for Tag so he won’t be surprised when he wakes up and finds me gone. I tell him where I’ll be and hope he comes and finds me.
Then I leave the bus and go to the hotel on the corner. I know which room Marta and Emilio are in, and I knock softly on their door. Marta greets me there and I see her gently bouncing Peck’s baby on her shoulder.
“That one wants his mommy, huh?” I ask her.
“I’m trying to hold him off because I know she’ll want to feed him.”
Sammy is sucking on his little fists. I hold out my arms to take him. He comes to me and I pop a pacifier into his mouth, but he’ll have none of it. He’s getting more and more fretful.
I text Peck really quickly and tell her if she doesn’t come and feed her baby quickly, I’m going to give him a bottle.
BE RIGHT THERE, she texts back.
“She’s on the way,” I tell Marta. I look around and see Benji asleep in his portable crib. “Did you get any sleep last night?”
She yawns. “Not much. One or the other was up most of the night.” She smiles at me though. “How was your night?”
“Good,” I say cryptically.
“Oh, yeah?” she asks. She grins wide. “How good?”
“We didn’t do anything,” I whisper, my cheeks growing hot.
“I think you’re lying, mija,” she says. “I think you did everything.”
I blush. “Yeah, we kind of did…” I squeeze my eyes shut tight. “And it was wonderful.”
She just smiles at me.
“Where’s Melio?” I ask.
She nods toward the bedroom. “He’s sleeping. He helped with the grandbabies last night.”
I grin. “He did?”
“He has decided that he wants to be called Melio instead of Grandpa.”
I shrug. “That fits.”
She shrugs too. “I don’t think anyone will care. You girls never called him Daddy. It was always Melio.”
“Yeah, but he knows he’s Dad in our hearts.”
“He does.” She smiles.
Benji starts to stir, so I go and get him and change his diaper. I’m all thumbs because I haven’t done it much, but Marta helps me. She warms up a bottle, and I sit and feed him.
“I think I’m going to go to church,” I suddenly blurt out.
She smiles. “You don’t say…”
“What do you think?”
“I think church is important to Tag, even if he doesn’t want to talk about it right now, so it’s probably a good idea.”
“I saw one on the corner, and since it’s Sunday…”
She nods. “Okay. Let me change my clothes and I’ll join you.”
My heart squeezes at the very idea that she’ll go with me.
“It’s non-denominational,” I say. “Do you think it matters?”
She pats the top of my head as sh
e walks by. “I think what matters is what’s in your heart, mija.”
Tears prick the backs of my eyelids and I don’t even know why.
Marta comes back out just as Benji burps loudly in my ear.
“You ready?” she asks.
“You sure you want to go?”
“I’m positive,” she says.
Well, I’m not completely positive, but I think this is what Tag needs. And I’m going to try to give it to him.
I grab Benji’s bag just as Peck comes in to feed Sammy. She takes him and sits down. We tell her where we’re going and she stares hard at me for a long moment. Then she nods. “I’ll join you there as soon as I get him fed.”
I feel like I’m going to cry all of a sudden.
Marta and I walk down the street together, and I feel solemn and resolute as we enter the church doors. We slide into a pew and I let the feeling of church wash over me.
I hope Tag wakes up in time to join us, but it’s okay if he doesn’t, because I have his son in my arms and we’re in the one place where he needs for us to be.
Tag
Someone shakes my toe and I pull my foot in, but my knee bumps the roof of the bunk bed and I grumble.
“Dude, get up,” Sam says. “We need to be somewhere.”
“What?” I lift my head. “Where’s Finny?” I look around, still trying to get my bearings.
“Get up, dude,” he says again. He’s staring down at his phone and texting. “We need to go.”
“Go where?”
He grins at me like a fool. “You’ll see.”
I get up and get dressed, and we step out of the bus together.
“This way,” Sam says as he points down the street.
“Where are we going?” I ask.
He grins at me again. “You’ll see.”
Something is up, but I have no idea what.
“So, what’s the deal with you and religion?” he asks me.
I shrug, and heat creeps up my cheeks. “No deal. It’s just…never mind.”
“No, tell me.”
Emilio joins us in the street, and he says, “Tell me too. I’m curious.”
I jam my hands into my pockets. “When I had nothing at all, and I felt like I was in this dark hole, my faith sustained me. Faith is what’s left when everything else has been stripped away.”
Emilio nods and claps me on the shoulder. “Good enough,” he says.
We walk up the steps of a tiny little church that’s a few blocks from the venue, and I can hear organ music playing inside. My heart fills up with love, because religion is the only thing that sustained me for quite some time. I’m still confused, though, about why we’re going to church—until we step inside and I see Finny sitting beside Marta in a pew, and she has my son in her arms.
She smiles up at me and it’s like my heart cracks open. “What are we doing?” I whisper to her as I slide in beside her.
“We’re going to church,” she whispers back.
I kiss Benji on the forehead and he kicks his little feet at me. Emilio goes to sit on the other side of Marta, and Sam scoots into a pew behind us. A few minutes later, Peck and their baby join them, and pretty soon the rest of them come too. Star and Josh, and Logan and Emily arrive with their little girl. Emily lays a hand on her pregnant belly and Logan looks down at her, and they don’t look displeased to be here. Lark and Wren arrive, and Wren comes and kisses me on the cheek. Then Star shoves the side of my head and I know that we’re all right. We’re going to be fine.
“Why is everyone here?” I whisper to Finny.
She cups the side of my face and tells me, “This is what family does, Tag.”
My heart does that cracking-open thing and I have to wipe my eyes. “But no one here is religious, are they?”
She smiles at me. “Does it matter?”
“I guess not,” I say, more to myself than to her.
For the next hour, we listen to a sermon about the importance of being kind, and I watch as Sam and Logan bow their heads during prayer, looking so reverent and earnest, and I’m flummoxed by it all, but it feels right to me.
They do the altar call, and I drag my sweaty palms against my thighs.
“You should go,” Finny whispers.
“You want to go with me?” I ask her.
She nods. I take Benji from her and we go hand in hand with my son in my arms to the front of the church. I drop to my knees and Finny kneels beside me and takes my hand. The preacher says a few words and I look over at Finny. “I’m going to ask your dad if I can ask you to marry me,” I tell her.
She blinks hard, but she nods. “Okay,” she whispers, and she squeezes my hand. “He might say no.”
He’d be a fool not to, I think. I chuckle.
We listen as the preacher prays over us, and a sense of peace settles over me. I lost my faith a little when Julia left me and then she wanted to give our baby away. But I’ve found it again. And it’s all because Finny has led me back to it.
“I’d say yes,” she whispers, looking at me out of the corner of her eye, her head still bowed.
My heart soars.
Finny
We walk out of the church and find Jason and a few other members of security standing on the steps. He’s wearing a cast on his arm, but he looks fit and healthy.
I throw myself at him. “When did you get here?”
“Just arrived. Couldn’t let you go to church without me, could I?”
“I’m glad you’re back at work.” And I really am. He’s like family.
He picks up my hand and puts a wad of rolled up money in my palm, then closes my fist. “I never did give you the money you earned that night at the bar. For the homeless.”
I had completely forgotten about it. I see the donation box on the wall of the little church, and I shove the bundle of money inside.
Emilio winks at me and gives me a nod of approval.
“That was a beautiful service,” Marta says.
I nod. My heart is still in my throat over the way they all showed up at church for Tag. My family is awesome. And some day, I hope he’s going to become a even bigger part of it.
Star points off into the distance. “Look, there’s a carnival!” she cries. She squeezes Josh’s shoulder. “Can we go?”
I can see a roller coaster in the distance, and a Ferris wheel—and my heart stops.
“You guys go ahead,” Tag says. His hand squeezes mine. “We’ll go back to the bus.”
“Come with us, Finny,” Star says. She looks from me to Tag and back.
“We can go,” I say quietly. I step onto my tiptoes and pull Tag’s head down to mine. “I can handle it.”
“You don’t have to handle anything,” he tells me. “We can just go back to the bus.”
“I’ll take the babies if you all want to go,” Marta offers.
I shake my head. “We’ll take him with us.” I hold Benji close to me. “You guys can come too.” I hope they come.
No one but Tag knows about the fair incident with my mother.
He looks hard at me. “Are you sure?”
I nod. “I’m sure. I’ll be fine.”
We walk hand in hand toward the fairgrounds, and Emilio pays the entry fee for everyone. We buy cotton candy and walk through the fun house, taking time to look at ourselves in the big mirrors, wowing over the way our bodies get distorted. We look at the animals and laugh when Sam steps in cow manure. We ride a few rides, and then we get to the Ferris wheel.
“We’re going to skip this one,” Tag says. “You guys go ahead.”
I square my feet. “I’m riding this one,” I say. I will do this. I will not be stuck with a terrible memory for the rest of my life. “I can do this.”
Tag stares into my eyes. “You don’t have to.”
“I do,” I say firmly.
Tag passes over tickets for us, and we get into the little car.
I get in and Tag reaches to take Benji from me. “I want to hold him,” I say.
He doesn’t try to take him from me, but he looks worried.
“I’ll keep him safe,” I rush to say. “I promise not to let anything happen to him.”
The realization of the truth of this settles deep inside me. I have an instinctual need to protect him. I don’t know where it came from or how it started, but I would die to protect this kid that’s not even mine. My insides suddenly stop roiling quite as much.
The car moves and we go up a bit, stopping as Emilio and Marta get in the one below us. Our family takes up most of the ride, because there are so many of us. Then we start to move. I clutch Benji tightly to me and I don’t even realize I’m crying until I feel his little shirt grow damp.
“You okay?” Tag asks.
I nod. The wind blows my hair back as we go around and around, and a sense of peace washes over me. “I think I get it now, Tag,” I say.
“What do you get?” He brushes wisps of my hair back from my face.
“This is what falling feels like,” I say.
He brushes the wetness from my cheeks. “I think I love you, Finny,” he says quietly.
“This is what falling feels like,” I say again. I lean back against the seat and I know that I would never let anything happen to Benji. I would never torment him or make him hurt, and I know that I could be a good mother to him. “I want to marry you,” I say. “Like, really soon.”
He grins and looks over the edge of the ride. I look over too. “Emilio,” he calls out. Emilio looks up. “Can I have your permission to ask Finny to marry me?”
Emilio looks at Marta and she just smiles at him and nods. He cups his hands around his mouth and calls back, “If you ask her and she doesn’t kick you in the nuts, you can take that as a yes!” He grins at me.
I sit back and look at Tag. His eyes are shiny with tears.
“So, are you going to kick me in the nuts if I ask you to marry me?” he says.
I grin at him. “Try me and see.”
“Will you marry me, Finny?” He looks down at Benji. “Well, us.” He smiles. “We’re kind of a package deal.”
“I wouldn’t have you any other way,” I say.
“So is that a yes?”
I feel like my heart is going to explode in my chest. I nod. “It’s a yes.”
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