He nodded, his throat too tight to speak.
Ava sniffed and fought tears welling in her eyes. “If you could find a way to love again…If you’d open your heart, you wouldn’t need to jump out of airplanes or swim with sharks to find excitement. Life would be exciting enough.”
****
The next night when Joel came home from work, he found his penthouse was empty. Ava was gone, and she’d left nothing behind. Not a pair of shoes, not a vial of perfume, nothing. But it wasn’t just her things she’d taken. It was something else. Something more vital. Something that drained his energy.
But this depression would go away. He’d get better, and the unwanted pain would cease. It had to be temporary. He’d gain control of his emotions. He’d go back to normal. That was what he wanted. What he’d always wanted since the moment Elizabeth and his child had died in that fiery, car crash.
Months and months after he’d lost them, he’d finally found a way to pull himself from bed and force himself back into life. He’d managed to survive, he’d had no choice.
Did he want to be that vulnerable again?
No. Hell, no.
He could shed his emotions again. He could remove his heartache and find the dark peace. If he could do it once, he could do it again.
And he would.
****
Four days later, Joel was 10,000 feet above the earth in his jumpsuit, helmet and goggles. His pilot circled, waiting for Joel to decide the right moment to free fall.
Joel shrugged with indifference. Now was as good a time as any.
Taking one final glance down at the earth below, with its wide expanse of the ocean and fingers of land. He nodded, ready for his twelve minute descent. But as Joel tightened his parachute about to dive into space, something unexpected happened.
His heart kicked against his ribs.
His palms went clammy.
His mouth went desert dry.
He was actually feeling. Fear was attacking his nervous system, sending him into the normal range of fight-or-flight.
Amazing.
Why now?
He’d spent years in an emotional cocoon. He’d been two miles above the earth too many times to count. He’d jumped thousands of times without feeling a thing.
He scratched his stubbly chin.
Then it hit him, like a man hits the earth after a dive with no parachute. Now, he had something to live for, or rather someone.
The buzz of the plane’s engine vibrated under his feet as he continued to stare at the land below and realized fear wasn’t something to be avoided at all costs. Neither was feeling.
Since Ava left, anger had been twisting him into knots. But anger didn’t lead him to do anything reckless. He could still step outside of himself, outside the emotion and decide what to do. He’d grown enough to do that.
Now, every cell in his body was on high alert, charged to the limit. And not because he was about to jump from a plane, but because of what he felt for Ava. What he would always feel for her.
Joel nodded again. Time to jump.
His fear of feeling wasn’t going to stop him anymore.
He could see caring hadn’t weakened him or made him act rashly, and it hadn’t made him back down from the challenge of the jump. Which meant emotion didn’t have to limit him either. His feelings for Ava wouldn’t make him weak and they wouldn’t interfere with his ability to care for her and protect her. If anything, not listening to his heart had clouded his judgment, which was why he’d allowed her to leave in the first place.
It wasn’t like anything he’d done to keep her at a distance had worked anyway. He couldn’t destroy what had been pounding in his heart. Some things shouldn’t be destroyed.
God, he’d been stupid to let her go.
But Joel knew what to do next. And he would do it. Just as soon as he soared through the sky, letting the free fall take him on the ultimate journey back.
Now as he dove like a bird with clipped wings, he realized his heart jabbed harder, not because he was falling to earth, but because he didn’t want to lose her.
Was it too late?
What if he’d pushed her away for good?
Chapter Nineteen
“Come on, Megan, we haven’t had a real date since the baby was born. Ava is happy to watch her.” Ava’s brother Rob pleaded with his wife at dinner, while Ava made swirly marks in her mashed potatoes.
“I’m more than happy.” Ava smiled. She loved being with her brother’s family and helping care for the baby, but at the same time it hurt. It was a reminder of the kind of life that wasn’t going to be hers now.
“I know you’d do a great job Ava. I just don’t want to leave her yet—” Meghan was interrupted by the doorbell.
Her brother rose and rushed toward the door. A minute later, Ava heard the door close and her brother’s alarm chirp. She continued to play with her dinner until Rob said, “Your prince has arrived. I told you he would come for you.”
Her head snapped up, and her gaze met Joel’s over the table. The lines around his black eyes had cratered. He looked like he hadn’t slept for days.
“You weren’t at Bethany’s. She wouldn’t tell me where you were. I called my pilot and tried here.” Joel leaned in doorway of the dining room. Too far away to touch.
“You looked for me at Bethany’s?”
The fact he’d looked for her at all was a total shock. Wait. Maybe he missed the hot sex. Maybe he was addicted to her body. Not enough. If he wanted her as a companion to sate his lust, forget it. In time, that kind of relationship would tear her apart.
“I won’t let you leave me,” he said.
“Why? If you came all this way to offer me the same thing, it’s not enough. We lost the baby for a reason, because we’re not supposed to be together.” God, she loved him. She must be a maniac to throw it away when everything in her said, “Fight for him, marry him.”
But he wouldn’t give her what she wanted. What she needed. And now that she’d fallen in love with him, she understood why. Because he’d already given his heart to Elizabeth and, like her, he only gave it once.
In a blur, the room cleared. Megan, the baby, and Rob abandoned their hot meals, leaving her alone with Joel.
“I never let you understand me. I owe you an explanation.” His voice was one decibel above a whisper.
She shrugged and leaned back in her chair. “If you feel the need to explain, explain. Then you have to leave.” If I let you stay, I’ll crumble away into nothing. I’ll be dust under your feet. The back of her eyes stung as threatening tears charged forward.
Joel came around the table and sat next to her. “You know I loved Elizabeth. I thought I could never give my heart again. You need to know why. Everything I lost. It was my fault. Everything that happened.” He pointed back at himself.
“What happened?” she asked.
He raked a hand through his hair. “Elizabeth and I had a passionate kind of love. We were two strong people with our own ideas, both never willing to give an inch. My father had just died. I was left with a failing business I needed to save and a wife who demanded constant attention. I thought she’d always be there.” He yanked in a few breaths.
She laid her hand over his. “You focused on the business. You were building it for both of you, she had to understand that.”
He flexed his jaw. “No. She never did. She thought I needed to balance my life, not just work and fall into bed at midnight. She said I had to quit being afraid I’d lose my father’s legacy. I should jump out of a few airplanes, go diving, do something else.”
Ava sighed. “She’d be proud of you now. You do all those things, and you’ve made your father’s business a dynasty.”
“Too little, too late. The night of her death, she tried to tell me something.” He paused and cleared the hoarseness from his throat. “Elizabeth asked me if we should start a family. I told her no way. I had too much on my plate. I couldn’t even care for her needs. No way in hell would I be a good fat
her. She kept pushing and pushing until finally she stomped out of the house. It was our pattern. She’d get mad, I’d get mad, we’d argue, and she’d drive off and come back later. Only that night she didn’t come back. A policeman knocked at the door…and asked me to identify her body.”
Ava gasped. Tears burned at the back of her eyes, while his eyes glittered with agony. He was no longer the emotionless man of ice. And “I’m sorry” was the only thing she could think of to say. Too weak. She squeezed his hand to let him know she was with him, and that she cared.
He found his strength. “She was hit by drunk driver going eighty miles an hour. He was in her lane, passed out at the wheel. He lived. She didn’t. The policeman told me she didn’t suffer, died on impact. It was in the coroner’s office I learned why she was so adamant about starting a family.”
“No.” Ava shook her head. She sniffed, trying to keep it together, to be strong for him.
“She was three months pregnant. I should have told her I could handle whatever God chose to give us. I shouldn’t have been so damned afraid to lose my father’s stupid business. If I would have been stronger…”
“You didn’t know what would happen. And what happened wasn’t your fault.” she said, seeing his eyes darken with guilt.
“Before I met you, I never wanted another child. I never wanted to feel anything. I didn’t think I could. But you broke down the emotional walls I’d built.”
“What are you saying?” Her heart beat double-time.
“Being away from you has been hell, every minute of it. And whether I wanted to or not, I fell in love with you.”
Her bottom lip trembled. Tears flooded down her cheeks in a gush. He loved her!
“I still love Elizabeth. I’ll always love her and the baby we lost. But I love you too. What I feel for you is even more consuming. You are the woman I’m meant to spend the rest of my days with. I want you there helping me raise our children. Tell me you want the same.”
She nodded. He yanked her to his chest and kissed her. When they broke free for air, she said, “I love you, Joel.”
“And you will marry me.”
“And I will marry you.” She nodded.
He traced her tear tracks, then kissed down their path. Then he lifted her hand and with a smile, he slid her engagement ring over her knuckle. “This is going to stay on your finger just like I am going to stay in your life. You’re never going to leave me again.” He sounded so fierce, she had to smile.
“Never,” she said, smiling and crying at the same time.
Wow. This was it. What she’d wanted. She’d have his babies, see his face on her pillow every morning, and make love with him every night. She’d grow old with him.
“How soon can the private jet take us back to New York? I love my brother, but this is his life. I want to go back to ours,” she said with a sniff.
“Now,” Joel said. Then he kissed her. She could taste her salty tears on his lips.
“Wait a minute.” Rob said from behind them, glaring in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest. “I don’t care if you own half of Park Avenue, if you hurt my sister again, I’ll tear out your heart. Got it, Stanfield?”
Joel grinned at him. “I won’t. Hurting her is like hurting me, only worse.”
Ava blinked back tears so she could better see the love shining in Joel’s expression. This was her changed man. Joel now showed and admitted his feelings. She sighed.
This was going to work. Going back with him was right.
“I’ll be okay, Robbie.” This time she would be. “You want us to stay and watch the baby tonight? We can go back tomorrow.”
Rob shook his head. “No, Megan’s not ready yet.”
“We’re getting married at the end of the month. I’ll send my private jet to pick everyone up,” Joel said, not checking to see if the date worked for her, for Rob, or for Megan.
Ava didn’t care. She wanted to marry him as soon as possible. She wanted their married life to begin.
With his arm anchored over her shoulder, with his cell phone in hand, Joel ordered his pilot to refuel. Then, not caring who was watching, Joel pulled her back into a hot kiss. Right in front of her family, hiding nothing.
Epilogue
Two Months Later
Ava barged into Joel’s office and plopped onto the edge of his desk. One of his hands moved from the keyboard to cup her knee. His sexy lips curved into a sensual smile of conquest that made her blood heat. His fingers glided up the inside of her thigh.
It was mid-October, and Ava had just finished her paperwork and booked the five-star hotel that would host their company Christmas party. The week after Ava had moved back into the penthouse, she decided to go back to work for Joel part-time.
Joel was happy to have her back in his life, both at home and at work.
Ava was thrilled with her decision. Life was almost perfect. She had one more thing to do.
Her hand closed over his. “Stop.” Her “stop” sounded more like a “please take me now.” She cleared her throat, and kept his hand clutched in hers, to keep it from roaming and distracting her.
“Why? Are you still tired? Has the doctor called yet?” he asked. A muscle beat in his jaw.
“Yes, to both. The blood test results are in. Want to do a drum roll on your desk?” She tilted her head.
She’d been feeling drained since they’d come home from their private island honeymoon. She’d begun falling asleep in his lap before the evening news. Not like her. Being the commander he was, Joel had ordered her doctor to run every blood test. The results were finally in.
Joel’s normally olive complexion was lighter, and his brow furrowed with fear. He rose and paced from his desk to his window and back again. Joel definitely no longer hid his emotions from her. In fact, he hid nothing.
“What the hell’s wrong?” he asked.
“My HCG hormone levels are high, very high.” She tried not to grin.
“What does that mean?”
“It means we’re having multiples, twins, possibly triplets. We have an appointment on Tuesday morning with Dr. Olivia.”
“Oh… ”
Wearing a seductive, triumphant male smile, he powered into her personal space; she grinned and straddled him with her legs.
A clear invitation to pursue.
His hands dug into her lower back meshing their bodies together. He kissed her forehead, then her nose, then he slid his probing tongue down her neck.
She moaned and arched. Hot tingles followed his touch.
“We…are supposed…to be working,” she said.
His fingers moved to circle her nipples, probably enjoying the feel of her silk bra. The red silk was his favorite.
“I don’t think your boss will mind if you take the morning off. Hell, we may need the whole day.” His eyes darkened.
He wore that prowling look she loved.
“Lock the door,” she said in a low, come-get-me voice.
“Stay planted.” He raced to the door and clicked the lock in place.
“I wouldn’t move for anything in the world.”
A word about the author...
There is nothing better than escaping your problems and living in someone else's world, falling in love again, seeing how a heroine overcomes her challenges to earn her man and her happy ending.
I'm a long-time member of RWA, and I love Romance. I love the temporary escape it gives me. I've always read, and I've always written stories, from grade school on. In high school, I'd write romances starring my best friends, where their dream crushes would finally fall in love with them.
I live in Colorado with my two girls, my loving husband, and a rescued hound who acts like my third daughter.
I'd love to hear from you. My e-mail address is:
[email protected].
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A Weekend Temptation Page 15