by Nicole Helm
Vivvy pulled off Nate’s T-shirt and imitated his slow, careful study of her body. She let her fingers trail up his chest, trace the curve of muscle. She kissed his chin, his jaw, a rough, scratchy contrast to the soft skin of his neck.
“You’re rough and tough, but you have soft spots, too.” She nuzzled into his neck as she began to undo his pants.
Once she had him fully naked, she touched him lightly, kissing, nibbling. Everything remained light, teasing. Two people who had all the time in the world. So strange when she knew it would end. It would have to end.
But it didn’t matter now. It didn’t matter at all.
He tipped her chin up and kissed her. It wasn’t heated or demanding as it should have been. No, Nate was exercising supreme control. Everything was dreamy and languid. Everything was new, and yet it was Nate. So it wasn’t new at all. It was perfect, and it was right.
When he reached for a condom, Vivvy placed a hand on his arm, swallowing against the loud thump in her chest. “Nate, have you ever…” She had to swallow again. It was such a foolish thing to think, to want, and yet despite all the fears and concerns screaming at her, she couldn’t ignore the burning desire to be with Nate. Just Nate. “Have you ever had sex without a condom?”
“Uh.” He cleared his throat. “No, but Vivvy—”
“It’s just, I’ve been on the pill for years,” she rambled on, talking over his concern. “But, I’ve never not used a condom. Don’t you wonder what it might be like? Just us?”
“Well, yeah, but—”
“Then let’s try it.” She squeezed his arm. “You know I’m not being stupid about this. I wouldn’t suggest it if I didn’t take the pill every day and—”
His mouth silenced hers, his arms encircling her waist. She straddled his lap and reached to guide him into her. It was different. The sensation of him being inside her with no barrier, and he just held her there, his forehead resting on her shoulder as he filled her, as they became one.
She wrapped her arms around his neck but didn’t move. She wanted to savor this moment, remember being together completely, because she knew she’d never have it again. There was too much in the way.
Nate tilted his head down and took her breast into his mouth, the wet heat stirring through her. She began to rock against him, slowly at first, but the building spread of need overpowered the desire to take things slow. His fingers dug into her hips, urging her quickened pace.
It was everything she’d never allowed sex to be with anyone. Intimate, full of emotion, and a desperate longing to be one. She said his name against his lips, his hands sliding across her back, holding her as flush against him as he could while still allowing the delicious friction of movement.
She met his gaze, and though he didn’t say anything, she felt the weight of his emotion as though he’d spoken it. Things about caring and future and love. In words, she might have pushed them away, but in this moment she gave into them, into him.
When the orgasm crashed through her, he thrust deep one last time. Their panting breaths in sync, Vivvy held Nate to her chest, Nate’s arms tightly banded around her waist.
Neither wanted to move, and they didn’t for a very long time.
…
The steaks were ruined. It was totally worth it.
Maybe Vivvy was still leaving in the morning, but Nate was no longer convinced that had to be the end of things. There were ties connecting them, and he wasn’t letting her cut them that easily.
Something important had happened. They weren’t talking about it—they were too busy stuffing their faces with the brownies Nate had picked up for dessert—but the importance lingered in the air like a heavy weight.
Vivvy was lying upside down on the bed, her hair dangling off the edge. She dropped pieces of brownie into her mouth while he rested on a pillow at the head. If he knew anything about her after the past few days, he knew if they were going to talk about the elephant in the room, he was going to have to be the one who brought it up.
That was fine. He just hadn’t figured out how to bring it up without her running out.
He had to be honest. She’d been so surprised that he was scared, probably as surprised as he was that she was scared. They seemed to be feeling the same things while convincing themselves the other was on a different page.
No wonder relationships didn’t work out in this world. People were downright crazy, even when they weren’t.
“I have a question for you.”
She propped up on her elbows, uncertainty lingering in her expression. “Okay.”
“I was just thinking hypothetically, and I mean really, really hypothetically speaking… What do you think we would have to do to make a go of this?” He had the silly urge to squeeze his eyes shut. At least then he wouldn’t have to watch her run screaming in the opposite direction.
She frowned and looked down at the plate of brownies. “Well, I guess one of us would have to be willing to give up our life.”
“Which is why, I guess, even hypothetically speaking, the situation blows.”
“Yeah, it does. But, we’re not willing to give that up. So, it is what it is.”
“Yeah.” Giving up Harrington wasn’t an option. He couldn’t do it, even for whatever this was with Vivvy. “Blows.”
She chewed on her bottom lip, eyebrows furrowed. She opened her mouth as if to speak, then snapped it shut.
“What?”
“It’s nothing.”
He sat up, leaned toward her. “That was something. What was it?”
She chewed her lip again, poked the brownie crumbs around on the plate. “I don’t…” She let out a long sigh. “There is the possibility, a very small, shot-in-the-dark possibility, if everything goes right with the show pitch and you and Ryan are on board and it goes into production and everything, I could ask to stay on.”
He tried to look into her eyes, but they were glued to her plate. “What does that mean?” Was his heart beating a little faster? Was that hope bashing around in his gut?
“It means I’d be part of production. I’d be in Demo during filming. With my savings, it’s possible I could be in Demo more permanently as long as the show would run.”
He didn’t know how to react to that bombshell, and she wasn’t giving him any indication of how he should act. Vivvy in Demo as part of her job? She was saying, kind of, that it was an actual possibility.
“Is that what you want?”
“No!” Vivvy swallowed, kept staring hard at the crumbs. “I don’t think so, anyway.”
“Then you shouldn’t do it.” As he watched her face, all uncertainty and confusion, he knew he couldn’t push this. Not right this second. She needed time.
Well, he could wait. It might not be his strong suit, but pushing Vivvy wouldn’t get him anywhere. She could leave, they could get a little space from each other, and if the feelings stuck around…
There could be a future for them after all.
Chapter Thirteen
Vivvy sat on the bottom corner of the bed, immobile. She’d gotten up with the sun, sneaked out from under Nate’s arm, showered, and readied herself for a day of travel.
She’d spent the next hour sitting at the edge of the bed. She should have woken him up, watched the fog lift, and enjoyed the last few hours with him. They could’ve had breakfast together.
She should have done something, but then they’d have to do the good-bye thing, and she really didn’t know how to do it. Sneaking out seemed like the best option. All of her stuff was in her car; all she had to do was leave.
But she couldn’t. There had been too much unspoken hope last night to sneak away.
Vivvy glanced at her watch and winced at the time. Whatever she needed to do had to be done fast. She had to be on the road to Wichita in less than fifteen minutes or she would miss her flight.
Which was a little too tempting. She didn’t miss flights or appointments or anything. Knowing it was even a far-fetched thought in her brain was
enough to make her get moving.
She walked over to the side of the bed and studied Nate’s sleeping face. Well, what little of it that wasn’t buried in pillow. Feeling only moderately foolish, Vivvy traced his hairline, down the stubble on his cheek. She tried desperately not to think about tomorrow morning.
LA. Her apartment. Empty.
She poked Nate’s shoulder. He stirred, but didn’t open his eyes. Because emotion was welling up inside of her and she was afraid that it could turn into tears at any moment, she bent down and brushed her lips across his cheek.
“Bye, Nate.”
He stirred again and she stepped back, because standing so close she could smell him made it tempting to let her lips return and linger. His eyes fluttered open.
“What’re you doing?” he mumbled in a slurred, sleepy voice.
“I, um, have to go.” She linked her hands together, a conscious effort to keep from reaching out to touch his sleep-tousled hair.
He pushed into a sitting position, rubbed his eyes, then squinted at her. “You’re all ready to go. You’re just going to…” He rubbed his eyes again, scratched a hand through his hair. “Hold on.”
“I’m sorry, it’s just I’m in a bit of a time crunch.”
He stared at her as if she’d said something awful, and it made her heart sink. “I’m sorry,” she offered, not sure what she was apologizing for. The need to get the hell out? That wasn’t something she was able to control.
“Vivvy, you…” He shook his head. “Give me a minute.” He swung his legs over the side of the bed. “I don’t think, under the circumstances, just saying good-bye here is going to cut it.”
“I’m…” She wasn’t going to apologize again. If he didn’t like the way she was dealing with things, that was not her problem. She was doing what she had to do. “I have to go. I can’t miss my flight. You have all my contact information if you have any questions about the show, and I’m sure I’ll be in touch.” She said the words in a detached rush, but she didn’t move. She waited for his reaction, his response. She should move, she should leave, but she stared down at his scowling face.
“In touch about business.”
“Yes.” She cleared her throat and made herself look at him. “I had a very lovely time. I, um, I’m sure we’ll see each other again.”
His scowl faded into an expression she couldn’t read, or maybe just didn’t want to, and then he held out his hand. She swallowed, and though her mind screamed at her not to take it, she felt her arm moving of its own volition until it rested against his, palm to palm.
Slowly, his fingers curled around her wrist and he pulled her closer. She couldn’t resist the pull or the way his eyes held hers. When she was standing next to the bed, knee-to-knee with him, he stopped pulling.
“I’m going to miss you.”
She’d never be able to do that. Be so open with her feelings. She was just too scared of them and what they might convince her to do. The words choked her even as they warmed her and she bent down and pressed her lips against his.
It was a simple kiss. No, not simple. That wasn’t the right word. It was a gentle kiss, a good-bye kiss, full of all the things she didn’t know how to say. She stood back up, but he held her there, his arms around her waist. The lump in her throat was threatening her ability to breathe. “Bye, Nate,” she managed, and stepped away from the circle of his arms.
“Vivvy—”
“I’ll be in touch.” She couldn’t let him finish. She had to get out and leave things with good-bye. She couldn’t possibly talk about what might happen after, because…
Because why? her brain demanded, even as she pushed out the door. Maybe her hand was shaking as she reached her car, maybe she wasn’t even sure of her reasoning for sprinting to safety, but no matter what her brain told her, mistake or no, she had to flee.
Any possible future with Nate rested on this show’s getting made. She couldn’t entertain thoughts of what it might be like to really be together until she could make their vision of this show happen. Right now all her focus had to be on getting that done. Nate was a distraction until the moment Lee and Gerry smiled at her and gave her the go-ahead.
Vivvy made it to her car, she made it driving through Demo, made it to the Wichita airport and all the way to LAX without crying. When she stepped into her small apartment, it felt cold and sterile. The lump in her throat and the burning in her eyes finally won and tears spilled over.
She was home, and she was completely alone.
…
Nate sat in the cockpit of the customer’s Cessna, having accomplished nothing. The altimeter still wasn’t fixed, and Bob wanted to come collect the plane tomorrow.
He could not afford to piss Bob off. Bob had been Nate’s first big customer and remained the most loyal. Even the possibility of this TV show didn’t change how much Nate owed him.
But Nate had spent all day in some kind of weird fog. He refused to believe it was all due to Vivvy. That wasn’t it at all. She’d only been around a handful of days. He certainly didn’t feel some kind of void because she was gone. Not when, with the right amount of time, he was sure he could convince her to come back.
No, there was other stuff, too. His parents were getting along. Or at least, getting along in Jed and Annie Harrington’s weird world. At the same time, Jed wasn’t poking his nose around at Harrington, either. He was giving Nate wide berth.
It was nice, but weird. Weird enough to make things feel off.
Then there was Grandpa. While Jed and Annie were pretending they didn’t hate each other’s guts, Grandpa was sinking further into oblivion. He’d had a fall during one of his disappearing acts last week. Mom said he’d refused all meals the past two days. Things were getting worse, and it put Nate on considerable edge.
Nate sighed, realized he was losing the light and he’d either need to give up the ghost of trying to get something accomplished today or at the very least get out of the plane and turn on the overhead hangar lights.
He should have flown today. Should have done something to clear his head. The normal morning fog hadn’t lifted after Vivvy’s abrupt good-bye. Flying could have cured that, but he’d promised himself he’d finish the Cessna before he went up again.
So much for that. So much for a lot of things. Maybe it would be best if he just cut his losses and headed home. Watch a bit of the game, go to bed, then get up ass-crack early to finish the altimeter before Bob showed up.
Nate hopped out of the plane and shoved his arms into a fleece jacket. The cold snap the weatherman had predicted had fallen with a vengeance, and Nate was likely going home to an igloo of a house since he’d neglected to turn the heat on before he’d left.
He should go to town or drive over to Addington. Be around people. Instead, he drove home, trudged into his house, made some dinner, flipped on the Royals game and tried to remember if this was what his life had been like before Vivvy.
Like a damned week ago. There had to be something wrong with him to be thinking she’d somehow changed his life. Change didn’t happen in five days. He was pretty sure he’d read something about a bad habit taking a few weeks to settle in. Vivvy was definitely a bad habit.
A bad habit on speed.
When he sank into his pillow a few hours later, he could still smell the floral mix of Vivvy’s perfume and shampoo. Well, fuck.
He stared up at the ceiling. Considering, he looked over at his nightstand where he’d tossed his cell phone.
Nate picked up the phone, turned it over a few times in his hands. Hell. One text couldn’t hurt.
…
Vivvy was at a loss. After allowing herself a few minutes of tears, she’d gone on a rampage. She’d unpacked, done laundry, gone grocery shopping, run a few errands, gone to the gym, come home, and showered. She’d spent the handful of hours she’d been home in a flurry of activity, and now she was sitting on her couch in her pajamas, not quite sure what to do with the rest of the evening.
It
was seven o’clock, at least two more hours before she could try to go to sleep. She could work, but she wasn’t ready to face thinking about Nate or watching any of the video she’d taken. At least not with the clear, objective head she’d need. No, work would wait for tomorrow.
What did that leave for tonight? Watching TV? Nothing on. Surfing the Internet? Nothing caught her interest. Going for a walk? She’d already showered.
She could call Ellen. Confide in someone. Get someone else’s opinion on this whole disaster.
Vivvy flopped onto her back. She was a mess. Maybe she needed to meditate to get back in the right headspace. She just didn’t have the energy to find center at the moment.
Her phone buzzed on the end table. Maybe it was work and she’d have an excuse to think about Nate without having to think about how she felt about Nate.
Sighing, Vivvy picked up the phone and then felt her heart flip when she saw who the text was from. Nate. Her fingers trembled into action as she brought the text into view.
Do U wear those sexy pajamas at home, or just trips?
The laugh bubbled up in a strange shaky exhale as she looked down at herself. She was wearing the flannel pajama top, and hadn’t washed it with the rest of her stuff because… She grimaced at how pathetic she had been.
It still smelled like Nate.
Wearing them tonight. Vivvy paused in her typing, chewed on her bottom lip. What was the harm in being completely honest? She was half a country away. Still smell like you.
Vivvy pushed send, felt her stomach upturn. What a stupid thing to say. Why couldn’t she have responded with something casual, something less foolish? Why couldn’t she be smooth with some kind of sassy comeback instead of—
The message blinked up. Good. Lying on pillow you slept on last night. Not so crazy.
This time it was Vivvy’s heart that upturned. What on Earth were they doing? She knew they’d be in contact for the show, but this was a lot more than that. She should end the texting right now, and not respond. Not until she knew for sure things would work out, things could work out.