by B. M. Hardin
I consumed her words as if I hadn’t eaten in years. Her honesty surprised me. Her words shocked me.
How could she not love Jasper?
Despite the lies that had just come out into the open, before the issues about her, Jasper had seemed to be the perfect man.
But then again, hell I wasn’t sure who he really was.
After his little speech about his dead wife, I asked him to leave my parent’s house.
He went to Todd’s until we could figure out the next steps.
My next steps were a divorce, but he didn’t agree.
Jasper still thought that we had a chance at forever but that wasn’t going to happen if I could help it.
“He loves you. I know him. And I know that he loves you. I’m just some orphan that he used to love. You won’t have to worry about me going after him. He is your husband now. I just want him to help with the kids. You know, I went to have an abortion three times but I just couldn’t do it. I’d wanted to do it so bad but I just couldn’t. It would have made everything a lot easier but I couldn’t do it for some reason. And then I considered adoption but just because I didn’t love Jasper, doesn’t mean that I don’t respect him. So, he deserved to know.”
“How did you know where I worked?”
“I followed you here a few times.”
She and Jasper both had a stalking problem!
Damn lunatics!
“Forgive him.”
I looked at her as she turned her back to me and reached for the door. Without looking back she spoke again.
“You’re good for him. Forgive him.”
She fixed her shirt and stepped through the threshold but I opened my mouth.
“Are they boys or girls?” I asked her.
“Both,” she responded and closed the door behind her.
Her words replayed over and over again inside of my head.
Her words actually meant something but I wasn’t sure if they were supposed to.
From the looks of it, she knew Jasper a hell of a lot better than I did, and maybe her advice was worth following.
“Hey, you okay?” Zara asked, walking into my office a couple of minutes later.
I felt like I hadn’t talked to her in years when it had only been a few days. With all of the drama going on in my life, we hadn’t had the luxury of conversing regularly.
“I’m here.”
“Oh, things can’t be good if the only thing that you can say is that you’re not dead. More problems with Jasper?”
“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”
“Well, I’ll be ready to listen whenever you are ready to spill the beans. But I have something to tell you. I’m moving…to California.”
I looked at her.
No, she couldn’t leave. I needed her.
She was one of the only people in my life that I trusted and that I could confide in.
“Why?”
“I just need a change. I just need to go. A change of scenery and people will be good for me. I really just want to go. I’ve been getting everything together and I’ll be leaving tomorrow.”
A sharp pain kicked my heart and I felt as though I was going to pass out.
I needed her to help me get through everything that was about to go on in my life. I needed her by my side just like I had been there for her.
“Please stay,” was all that I was able to say as she walked over to me and gave me a hug.
I stood and hugged her tightly.
I loved her to death.
But more than anything, I wanted her happy.
“As long as you call me every single day and set me up a room for when I come to visit, I guess you can go,” I smiled at her.
Just then there was a light tap on the door.
Simon.
“Can I get one of those hugs too?” Simon smiled and hugged Zara. Next he reached out his arms toward me and I embraced him.
“Did you tell her yet?”
“Oh so you knew?”
“Of course. But Zara wanted to be the one to tell you,” Simon smiled.
The three of us chatted and reminisced for a few more minutes and soon Zara said her goodbyes.
She promised to try to stop by my parents before she left and I watched my dearest friend close the door behind her.
“So how are you? How is everything going? What did they say about the house? How is Jasper?”
“Things are fine. We’re looking for a new house though. But other than that, things couldn’t be better,” I lied to him. I was becoming really good at this lying thing.
Oh hell…I was turning into Jasper.
Simon stared at me and I smiled at him.
“You’re lying about something.”
“What? What are you talking about silly?” I asked him still smiling. I relaxed my muscles in my face just a little bit, just so my smile didn’t appear to be forced.
“I know you Storm. I know you like the back of my hand. Something’s wrong but fine, you don’t have to tell me right now,” Simon said and took a seat.
“So, that night of the fire, why were you and Vivian at the house?” I asked him, changing the subject.
“Oh, Jasper had invited us to dinner. He said that it was a surprise and that we all could use some bonding. I thought it was a good idea, with you and I being as close as we are.”
Aw, how sweet.
Personally, though Jasper had tried to hide it, I knew that he had an issue with how close Simon and I were.
He never said much about it but he cringed every time Simon touched me and I could see the look on his face when Simon and I shared a few laughs and a dance at our wedding.
I’d assured him that there was nothing but a friendship between Simon and I, but I had a feeling that he didn’t believe me.
I was impressed that he had taken the initiative to contact Jasper so that we could all bond.
It was things like that that told me that Jasper was all in this and that he really wanted us to work.
But despite the good, Jasper had a problem.
Well actually a whole list of problems.
Simon and I continued to talk a little and he actually stayed around the daycare for the rest of the day.
Simon was a graphic designer, one of the best in the city, so I guess he felt as though he could take a day off whenever he needed to.
After every child and all of the employees were gone, I closed up and Simon and I headed out of the building.
To Simon’s surprise, Jasper was sitting on the hood of my car, waiting.
I wasn’t surprised at all.
I already knew that he was a stalker.
Jasper looked at me suspiciously, but his face softened once Simon greeted him.
They talked briefly about nothing and then Simon went on his way.
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
“We need to talk.”
“Why?”
“What do you mean why? I miss you.”
I knew that Jasper missed me because I missed him too but that was beside the point.
The point was that Jasper was a man full of lies and he had deceived me, tricked me into marrying him.
And I wasn’t sure if this time I could forgive him; no matter what his second wife said.
“Can I at least take you to dinner? Please?”
I took a deep breath.
Jasper’s eyes drifted down to my finger to see if I was still wearing my wedding ring.
I was.
In a way, the sight of it seemed to give him just a little bit of hope.
I nodded my head and Jasper smiled at me.
But just as he was about to head to his car his phone started to ring. He looked at it but he didn’t answer it. The ringing stopped but immediately started up again.
“Is that her?”
Jasper didn’t answer me but I closed my car door and headed over to his patrol car instead.
“Come on, we need to go to the hospital.”<
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***
I stared at the twins as they laid fussily in their incubators; one boy and one girl.
I wasn’t sure if they looked like Jasper or not, at least not yet, but just the thought of the possibility made me emotional.
These were supposed to be our kids.
This was supposed to be our moment but instead I was sharing theirs.
“Are you okay?”
Jasper walked up behind me and touched the small of my back.
Instantly, I moved from within his reach.
I hated him.
I really felt like I hated him.
He was my husband and he was supposed to be having a baby with me, not her.
“Storm look at me.”
I shook my head.
“Look at me,” Jasper said and forced my body to turn around in his direction.
He wiped the tears from my eyes but that didn’t stop them from falling. I was so emotional.
The pain and hurt that I was feeling at that very moment was the only thing that I could seem to think about.
How could he do this to me?
Why was this happening to me?
I really thought that Jasper was the one and that we had everything that we needed to last forever.
This, these babies by another woman, his ex-wife number two, was not in the plan.
“I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I can’t believe this is happening. I wish I could take it back. I wish I could take it all back. And who knows, they may not even be my kids,” Jasper said.
“They are yours Jasper.”
“You don’t know that. I’m not sure if the dates add up.”
“Jasper I spoke to her. They are yours.”
“You what? When did you speak to her?”
“It doesn’t matter. You just had two kids, and not by your wife. That’s what you need to worry about.”
The more I tried to talk, the more I cried.
A fake smile couldn’t cover up the hurt, not this time.
“Excuse me, Mr. Armstrong, but we have a problem.”
The nurse’s words caused us both to look in her direction.
She saw my tears and became sidetracked for only a matter of seconds but shortly recovered her concentration.
“Sir, she’s gone.”
Jasper and I looked at each other and then back at her.
“She must have planned it. After bringing the babies here and once you left the room, she asked me to run to the cafeteria to get her a few things. When I returned all of her things were gone. She was gone and this letter was on the bed.”
Jasper took the letter from her hand and we both read it together.
The babies are yours. I will not come back for them. This is proof that I am giving up all of my maternal rights to them. I can’t take care of them. Well, I can, I just don’t want to. I just want to be free. Free from you and free from them. You and your wife can give them a much better life than I ever could. This is goodbye. I would say that I love them or that I love you but I don’t. I just don’t. Oh, and I didn’t name them. Tell your wife they are hers. She came name them as she pleases. Goodbye Jasper…Shannon.
Jasper stood frozen and I could barely breathe.
Is this really happening?
I turned to face the glass to look at the twins. They were now sleeping. They both looked peaceful and they even looked happy.
I was trying to digest everything that was happening and I wasn’t exactly sure what to do.
How was I going to go home with two babies that I didn’t push out myself?
How was I going to explain them?
What would Mama have to say about it all?
At the end of the day, her opinion was really the one that I was worried about.
And other than that, accepting the role as their mother meant that I had to forgive Jasper and that we wouldn’t be getting a divorce.
He would need me.
I wouldn’t be able to leave him with two kids to raise all by himself.
And what about them?
They needed a mother.
Jasper didn’t say a word but I knew that he was going to do the right thing. They had already lost their mother and I knew that if he was even just a little bit of the man that I thought that he was, he was going to be the best father that he could possibly be.
I turned back to my silent husband, took a deep breath and grabbed his hand.
He still said nothing but I knew that he knew that at this moment I was choosing him.
I was choosing us and I was choosing those babies.
I took another deep breath and we both walked closer to the glass.
Of course the boy was going to be a junior. Now I had to find the perfect name for the girl.
My little girl.
***
“Where are you going?”
“Oh, we bought another house. Jasper used his savings and purchased us the perfect home.”
That wasn’t all that big of a lie, but Mama didn’t need to know everything.
Not just yet.
“Really? That’s wonderful. When can we come over and why isn’t he here helping you get your things?”
“Oh, he’s working and since we didn’t have much, there was no point in waiting on him to do it.
“So everything is okay between you two?”
“Yes Mama. He was just kind of uncomfortable being here, which is why he left. You know men,” I lied.
“Yes, I know men,” Mama said and helped me gather the rest of my things and put them into the car.
With her waving in my rear view mirror, I wondered just what her reaction was going to be to the twins.
I was sure that she would have a whole lot of unnecessary things to say, and whether I wanted to hear them or not, I was sure that she was going to say them.
But to be honest, whether she liked my choice or not, I chose what was right for me.
The twins were scheduled to leave the hospital today. Jasper was at the hospital with them waiting to be released.
It was all happening so fast that I still couldn’t believe that we’d gone from about to get a divorce, to about to take home a new baby boy and girl.
Jasper of course signed the birth certificates. Shannon hadn’t stuck around to sign anything or even name them so the kids were all ours.
Though they weren’t my kids naturally, I was going to be the best mother to them that I could possibly be and we both agreed that I would be the only mother that they would ever know.
Jasper was so disappointed and furious with Shannon for her decision and for the first time, he didn’t mind showing it or being completely honest about it.
He couldn’t believe that she was the same woman that he’d always been there for. He couldn’t believe that she would abandon her kids. But most of all, although he never mentioned this part, I was sure that he couldn’t believe that she’d said that she hadn’t loved him.
I could tell that he felt some type of way.
In a way I felt bad for him, but I still couldn’t give him my sympathy. Everything that was happening was a result of the lies that he’d told and the choices that he’d made. The sad part was that now two little children would be the ones to have to deal with the consequences.
Thank God that they had me.
Of course the boy had been named after Jasper and he’d left naming the little girl up to me. I’d named her Kylie Lyvette Armstrong.
The name Kylie meant a lot to me for sentimental reasons and Lyvette was Mama’s middle name.
I’d given her the name that I’d always said that I would name my first daughter.
And I stuck by my word…in a sense.
Jasper had revealed the location of the house that he’d purchased and had given me a key.
It was a little ways from our old house, but closer to my place of business.
So, I guess it worked out fine.
The house…the house was stunning!
I s
miled as I pulled up at.
It was very different from the one that I’d purchased for myself but overall it was a wonderful family house and I was looking forward to raising our kids there.
I was set to undergo a quote on quote adoption process. Though I was married to the birth father of the children and being that she had given up her rights, basically, I still wanted to have some legal rights to them and I found out that there were processes in place for instances such as this one.
Though most likely I would stay with Jasper forever for the sake of them, I still wanted to have at least some kind of say so if things didn’t go as planned.
No, Jasper and I weren’t one hundred percent fixed and just because of the recent situation, that didn’t mean that all of his lies were out the window. We still had a long way to go but I couldn’t turn my back on those kids.
They needed me.
The house was fully furnished already and I was in shock at Jasper’s taste.
You could definitely tell that he had an ass load of money somewhere.
Speaking of, I was unsure of how I felt about that piece. I’d tried my best not to even think about what he’d told me happened with him, Shannon and his deceased wife.
It was just a lot to take in.
I’d asked him how much money she’d left him and he’d said that he’d collected a million dollar life insurance policy and with all of the other assets and cash that she’d had, he’d collected what he called a few million dollars.
He’d stated that he hadn’t expected the insurance policy to even be up for grabs but that somehow he’d been granted it anyway.
But he also said that other than buying the house, he’d never even touched it.
After bringing in the items from my car, I headed to the nursery that Jasper had prepared the day before as I sat at the hospital with the twins.
He’d done an amazing job.
It looked like something out of a magazine.
One side of the room was all pink and the other side was all blue.
I looked in the corner to see that he’d bought enough pampers for five babies instead of two. I could tell that he’d purchased everything that he’d thought that a baby could possibly need and even things that they would probably never even use.
Oh my, this was really happening.
This wasn’t a dream or a nightmare turned fantasy, this had really become my life.