by Lexi Blake
Charlotte nodded as though encouraging her. “See, there you are.”
Charlotte wanted to see her inner bitch? Oh, she could give her that. “Yes, here I am. If having this office and working in this building means I have to put up with you taking me apart for your own entertainment, then I can certainly leave.”
“And you’re done again.” Charlotte stood up and straightened her jacket with a long sigh. “I apologize. You are more than welcome here. Please let me know if there’s anything else we can do for you. Drew is important to us, and he wants you comfortable here.”
She said it all with a smile on her face, but it was easy to see she’d disappointed Charlotte Taggart, and that meant something here. Charlotte was the alpha female at McKay-Taggart. If Charlotte didn’t accept her, no one would.
Not that it mattered. She wasn’t here to make friends.
“You know, I don’t appreciate whatever it is you’re trying to do. I get that you’re in the Drew camp, but have you thought about the fact that maybe you don’t have the whole story? That you’re judging me without knowing me at all?”
Charlotte turned but instead of anger on her face, there was pure relief. “That’s what I’m trying to say. I can’t know the whole story unless you tell me, and you’re all of a sudden twelve kinds of silent, and it is not looking good on you, girl.” She moved back to her previous chair. “Okay, hit me. What did he do? And then I’ll tell you how you fucked up, because this was really all on you. I don’t need to hear the story to know that.”
“Seriously? You want to put this all on me? Wow, you are not who I thought you were, either.” She could give as good as she got. And you know, anger kind of felt good. It definitely felt better than the horrible numbness that had marked the last week. Since that moment when she’d realized Drew was truly sending her away, she’d shoved all the pain deep and wrapped herself in a steady diet of work and sleep and trying to distance herself from the fact that she loved a man who couldn’t love her back. So getting pissed at Charlotte Taggart, who had her shit together and had a loving if sarcastic husband and three gorgeous kids and a business with a sterling reputation, felt good. “Mia talks about how you’re all girl power, but that’s bullshit.”
Charlotte grinned. “Oh, no. I’m all about girl power. Keep going. Tell me how I’m wrong.”
Somewhere in the back of her head she realized this was some kind of a trap, but again it felt good to rip into someone. She’d been so careful since she left Drew behind. All her anger had been tamped down and squeezed into a too-tight space, and it felt like it was going to explode now. “You want to judge me? Fuck you. You have no idea what I’ve been through, what I’m going through.”
“Nope. I don’t know because you won’t talk to anyone. It’s been frustrating. Tell me, have you talked to your friends? Your family?”
The question cut through her because for a few moments, she’d thought she would be able to answer this question differently. “I don’t have any family. My only family is dead, and my closest friend is a member of Drew’s family so I’m not going to burden her. Now, it’s none of your business, but I didn’t want to leave. Drew told me to get out. I was the idiot who fell in love with him.”
“And you asked to stay.”
Was she listening at all? “Yes, that’s what I said. I asked him to let me stay, but he’s a control freak and no one changes his mind about anything. He spent the night with me and shoved me on a helicopter the next morning because Drew doesn’t change.”
“Except you kind of changed him,” Charlotte argued.
“No, I didn’t.”
Charlotte shook her head. “He never introduced any woman to his family before he met you. That was a change.”
“He needed me to do his dirty work.” She was under no illusions as to Drew’s motivations for beginning their relationship.
“Did he? Really? Those were some thin arguments. I think he convinced himself he had to have some reason other than his own desire to bring you into his world. He’s bad at being selfish or thinking about himself at all, so he basically manipulated his own brain into a relationship he thought he shouldn’t have. I found that fascinating.”
“His actions speak louder than your psychoanalysis. He asked me to leave and told me he hoped I found someone I could be happy with in the future.” That had been a kick in the gut, mostly because she’d known what it really meant. It meant he intended to move on and didn’t want her to think he would be pining away for her.
Charlotte sat back, staring at her. “Did he drag you to the helicopter? Because I would be surprised if Case would let that happen. Case kind of lives to let the people Drew tries to strong-arm know they have a choice. I think it’s his way of rebelling against all dictatorial older brothers.”
“I wasn’t going to make him drag me out though he did threaten to do it.” Her anger was deflating, a horrible sorrow taking its place. This was why she’d stayed numb. She’d known the sorrow was right there under the surface. “I don’t know what you want from me, Mrs. Taggart. I don’t want to be entertainment for the office.”
Charlotte leaned forward, her face softening. “I want you to stop calling me Mrs. Taggart to start with. And the entertainment thing is because most of us are all married and settled in and we don’t have any more drama. It’s not a cruel thing. They’re interested in you because they care about Drew and because they’re starting to care about you. Mia talks about you a lot.”
Mia was nice. She still didn’t see what Charlotte’s point was. “It doesn’t matter. I’m not going to be here for long. I’m going to finish my research and try to figure out where to go from here. I’m thinking I might try Seattle.”
“Why didn’t you stay and fight?” Charlotte asked quietly.
“There was nothing to fight for.” Drew had made that clear.
“I don’t think you understand what I’m asking, Shelby. I wasn’t asking if you thought Drew’s love was worth fighting for. I was asking if you thought yours was. I meant what I said before. Maybe I should have said it more kindly, but I’ve lived with Señor Sarcasm for way too long. This is your responsibility. You walked away.”
“Because he told me to.”
“Fuck him. He’s a man and he’s not smart when it comes to things like this. You say you judged him by his actions, but what are those actions? Not the last day. You have to look across the whole relationship. Did he dictate everything to you? Never listen when you had something to say? Did he put his foot down constantly?”
Aside from lying to her about the contract, he’d actually given in on most of the things she’d asked him to do. He would put a price on his acceptance, but it was never a price she wouldn’t want to pay. Sleeping in the same bed with him. Staying with him.
Transactions made Drew feel safe, like he had something to bargain with because he couldn’t believe she would simply stay with him for no real reason. Drew had seen the world through the harshest filter and he needed control.
So why had he given in when it came to Noah? She knew Noah had scared the crap out of him, and logically it would have been better to keep Noah at arm’s length. Until they figured out what Iris’s plan was, Noah was a wild card. Drew hated wild cards.
But she’d asked and he’d given in.
“No,” Shelby admitted. “He did pretty much anything I asked of him. He gave me a bunch of rules and I broke them.”
“And he sent you away for that?”
“He got extremely mad when I continued looking into Hatch. He said some nasty things, but I don’t know. I worried that after being the one who found the dirt on Hatch, he might not be able to forgive me.” But that last night had felt like so much more than sex. It had felt like forever. She could still remember how he’d stared into her eyes, his hands tight on her body as he’d driven inside. They’d been connected. Deeply. Wholly.
&nbs
p; She hadn’t ever felt as close to another human being as she had to Drew.
“He told me he would destroy me.” And ten minutes later he was bargaining with her.
Charlotte nodded. “Wow, he really did it. How do you like that Audi? You know it’s in your name, right? He’s moving the condo into your name, too. His version of destruction is rough.”
He was soothing his conscience.
Or he was doing what Drew did. He was adjusting the transaction. He was trying to show his remorse, his affection, his hope. He was the kind of man who might try to show her how he felt by giving her things, by trying to ensure her comfort.
“He told me to go.” She couldn’t look past that.
“That doesn’t mean you have to. That just means he’s a dumbass, and a self-sacrificing dumbass at that. It’s all he knows.”
Because sacrifice was all he’d done for years. What had Hatch started to ask her before Drew had interrupted? He’d been defending Drew.
He’s fought for everyone. He needs one person to . . .
Fight for him? Fight with him?
She’d walked out because she’d accepted that he would want her to leave, believed it deep in her heart. No amount of logic could change the fact that everyone had left. Her father had left and started a new family. Her own family was all gone now, and somewhere deep down she was still a little girl whose daddy hadn’t wanted her so she was always waiting to be walked out on.
She’d told herself it had been for the best, that her mother had been happier without him. But Shelby hadn’t. And she wouldn’t be happier without Drew. Maybe this was a question of fighting for more than one person. Maybe it was a question of fighting for herself.
“He changed for you,” Charlotte said quietly. “A man like that will only change for one person. Well, maybe for his children, too, but the responsibility is always on you. A man like Drew can do great things, but he needs someone willing to stand with him, beside him, and sometimes against him. You do it all with love, and you do it because you’re building something with him. You do it because you are important, possibly the most important piece of him.”
Because she was his conscience. She forced him to examine the world in a way he hadn’t before.
“I’m the right woman for him. I always have been.”
Charlotte smiled, and this time it was brilliant. “Yes. Yes, you are.”
“He’s afraid he’ll hurt me.” She should have told him to fuck himself and then sat down and talked it out with him. Drew needed firm boundaries, but he also needed to know that when he screwed up, she wouldn’t leave.
“He will. He’ll hurt you and you’ll hurt him. It’s what people in love do, but you grow and learn and forgive and move on,” Charlotte said. “He’s thinking in terms of good times, but marriages aren’t simply about the good times. The bad times define who we are far more than anything else. What kind of partner do you want to be? Do you want to be the one who’s only around for the joy?”
She wanted to be the one he could lean on. How could she be that if she wasn’t with him? If she let things come between them. She’d given him a halfhearted plea to let her stay. She hadn’t shown him that she was strong enough to handle his world. Every single time she’d stood up to him, she’d won. Why had she lain down when it was most important?
Because she didn’t believe. Because she was letting the past drag her down.
It was dragging Drew down because Charlotte was right about that, too.
Drew had no idea how to have a real relationship. He thought he was in control, but he was about to find out that a relationship with her wouldn’t always go his way.
“Charlotte, I’m going to need a ride to Austin tonight.”
It looked like that dress was going to get some use. And her man was about to find out that when she took him down, he stayed down.
• • •
Drew stared at himself in the mirror and wondered if there was any way at all he could get out of tonight’s party. He’d dreaded the thought of it before he’d had Shelby, and then he kind of looked forward to it because she would be with him and she would enjoy the opulence. Without her, it all seemed useless. A full week in the new post-Iris lifestyle, and he was ready to head into his hermit hole and never come out. He’d talked more to the press in the last few days than he had in all his years as CEO of 4L. He’d had to force a smile, and he was bad at it. When he’d watched himself the night before, he’d looked like an idiot, and an uncomfortable idiot at that. Now he looked like an idiot in a tux.
He took a deep breath and forced himself to reach for the jacket. Tonight would be like all the other nights. He would force himself to move, force himself to talk. He wasn’t real. He was nothing but a robot moving through his days. The only person he wanted to talk to was the only one he couldn’t.
According to all the reports, she was working hard. Remy sent him a daily report on her activities. She went to and from work at the McKay-Taggart building. She stopped for the occasional latte, but her bodyguard reported that she rarely talked to anyone. Even him.
There was a knock on his door, and one of the people he didn’t want to see walked in. Hatch was wearing a tux, too. He was still living in the house, but they rarely spoke when they didn’t have to.
“What do you need?” Drew asked.
“So many damn things, but I don’t think I’m going to get them.” The last few weeks seemed to have aged Hatch. There was a weariness about him that never seemed to go away. “I need a damn drink, but then I have to start the sad-sack story all over again, and I don’t want to be the asshole who has a collection of one-day-sober chips.”
Drew stared at him for a moment. “What?”
He’d ignored Hatch as much as he could. Riley could force him to live with the bastard, but he couldn’t make him talk to him. Riley couldn’t make him love Hatch again.
He’d lost Shelby and Hatch all in one day. How much more would he lose before this was over?
“I’m in AA. Riley took me to my first meeting the day after the world exploded. I figure I can kill myself over this again or I can try.” Hatch ran a hand through his hair. “Sobriety sucks, but I’m not going to let you down again, Drew. I know you think you don’t need me, but you do. I’m not going to leave until I’m certain you’ll be all right.”
The idea of Hatch standing in front of a group and confessing his sins made Drew’s heart twist a little. “I’m all right now.”
Hatch closed the door behind him with a long sigh. “No, you’re not, and that’s another reason I’m not leaving. The FBI agents are downstairs. I tried to explain that it would have to wait.”
The feds wouldn’t care that he had a reception to go to. “Is Riley here?”
“We’re the only two left. Everyone else either went on to the hotel or is picking up our friends from Dallas. I should call the lawyers in. Give me an hour or so and I can have them here. I’ll call Riley, too. He won’t like the timing of this one bit.”
Oh, but Drew was sure it had all been timed perfectly. Iris certainly would know what was going on tonight. “Where’s Noah?”
Hatch had his phone out. “He went on ahead with Ellie and Riley. He said he was going to see if he could help. Mia and Case went to the airport to meet his brother, and they’re going to the hotel from there.”
Big Tag and his wife were coming in for the reception. It was a big night for the entire family, and Drew wasn’t about to ruin it all by dragging Riley back into his hell. Riley deserved a night to celebrate his marriage. “I can talk to them alone. I’ve got an hour and a half before someone will notice I’m not there. Tonight is about celebrating Riley and Ellie’s marriage. I won’t turn it into another circus.”
He started out of the room, Hatch hard on his heels.
“I think this is a bad idea.”
“I have plen
ty of those.” Like thinking he might be able to live without her. “I won’t say anything dumb. If it seems like it’s getting too serious, I’ll stop everything and we can call the lawyers in, but we’ll do it quietly.”
He wasn’t a complete idiot. He knew what he should and shouldn’t say. At least when it came to this. He walked into the room, his hand held out. “Gentlemen. What can I do for you today?”
The special agents stood in the middle of his living room wearing their typical dark suits and dour expressions. The lead agent shook Drew’s hand and nodded Hatch’s way. “I’m sorry to bother you, Mr. Lawless, but it seems we have a problem.”
Special Agent Johnson handed him a set of papers.
It took Drew very little time to figure out what it was. An order of protection. “So I have to stay five hundred feet away from my mother? That shouldn’t be difficult since I haven’t actually set eyes on her in person in twenty-plus years.”
Hatch took the papers out of Drew’s hands. “She got a fucking restraining order? Are you kidding me? If anyone needs a restraining order, it’s Andrew.”
“Ms. Lawless convinced a judge that you’re a threat to her. Honestly, with all the press surrounding this case, it’s not terribly surprising. You can get one of your own,” the special agent advised. “Look, I’m not sure what’s going on. I’ve got a lot of data to get through.”
“Some reporter loves you, man.” Special Agent Garcia shook his head and gave them a whistle. “She’s buried us in data about your mom. When we took on this case, we thought it would be high profile, but it’s getting freaky now. That Gates chick is quite the conspiracy theorist.”
Johnson gave his partner a slow look. “I don’t think we need to talk about that in present company.”
Garcia shrugged. “You’re probably right, but I am going to ask him a few questions she’s brought up.”
“Shelby Gates?” Even the sound of her name kind of made his heart speed up. He hadn’t realized she was actively feeding the FBI information.