“Oh, give me a break,” I snickered, eyes still on my notes. “I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one at this table who cares about her grades.” I looked up at Nicole with a raised eyebrow, then went back to my notes.
“Yes, but I study at home so no one has to know about it.”
“Hey,” Lexi interjected, eyes brightening with an idea, “you guys both have this science test today, don’t you?” I grinned triumphantly at Nicole as she avoided my eyes. We both knew what was coming. “How about I ask you both questions to help you study?”
I gasped in fake surprise and excitement. “We can make it a study competition since you did so much studying last night, Nicole! What do you say?” I shoved my notes across the table to Lexi without waiting for a reply.
“Fine,” she grumbled as she ducked her head in either embarrassment, defeat, or both.
By the time last period came, I was much more confident heading into my science class, thanks to Lexi.
Nicole was already in her seat, grumbling, “Well, thanks to you, I should make a two hundred percent on this test since I was forced to study twice.”
“Yeah, but based on your answers at lunch, I’m not so sure your first study session was successful,” I teased, smiling.
She smirked at me, but then swiveled back around in her seat to discreetly get out her notes one last time.
“Hey, Iris.” It was Josh’s tantalizing voice. I took a deep breath before turning around to face him, as though inflated lungs would save me from fainting or making a fool of myself.
“Hey.” I smiled, trying to remain cool and collected. “Are you ready for the test?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be.” He let out a short, nervous laugh, looking like he wanted to say more but was too uncomfortable or anxious. He just cleared his throat and pretended to review his notes. I thought that was odd. I mean, he was always kind of shy, but not that bad.
During the test, I had to shield my answer key with my arm, because Claire kept trying to peer over my desk to cheat. I could practically feel her breath and smell her designer perfume as she hovered over me. She even glared at me several times, the daggers in her eyes sending a clear message, “Why aren’t you letting me cheat, you freak?” I tried not to let it bother me and pretended not to notice, but what was harder to ignore was my anxiety from the fluttering shadow by her head, prompting her evilness and deceit.
Claire’s boy toy, Mike, also had a shadow hovering over him, which really wasn’t anything new as it was starting to become a permanent fixture in our classroom. Mike, however, unlike Claire, was far more successful in getting answers from his neighbor, Nicole. She was always so eager to fit in and be accepted. I rolled my eyes in disgust at her display of conformity, wondering what else she would do if asked by someone she thought was popular.
I was one of the first ones finished, so after turning in my test, I slumped back in my chair and shook my head slightly, letting my hair and bangs fall in my face in an attempt to shield my eyes from the shadows. Sadly, I was unsuccessful.
Shortly after Nicole got up to turn in her test, Mike did the same (big coincidence), and his shadow followed. When he sat back down, he twisted in his seat to face Claire who was not quite done with her test. She had on a low-cut top, and it was hard to miss where Mike’s attention was focused as a devious grin started to form on his shameless face. The shadow that was once beside him, prompting him to cheat, had turned dark. It fluttered hypnotically around his head and whispered in his ear as Mike’s face began to change. I closed my eyes, thankful that at least my ears remained shielded from the shadows’ whispers.
Claire eventually stood up to turn in her test, and I lifted my eyelids warily in time to see Mike’s hungry eyes follow her backside to the front desk and then back to her seat. Strangely, it appeared Claire was ignoring him. Her face stayed neutral, almost agitated, and she avoided his stare.
Whatever was going on, she must not have said anything to Mike, because he didn’t seem at all deterred. What had happened that made her so distant all of a sudden? Had she been like this Monday and Tuesday? The last thing I could remember was Friday, when they were flirting like crazy, discussing their plans.
After the bell rang, I shuffled out the door with Nicole, hanging back to talk like always before heading to the parking lot, when Josh called my name from behind. I swung around, and there he was smiling at me, acting all nervous, yet excited at the same time.
I glanced back at Nicole, who grinned at me and said, “I’ll just talk to you later, okay?” She then motioned for me to call her and turned to walk away. The click of her heels faded as she left us alone.
I stood there for a minute with bashful anticipation in front of Josh who was obviously uncomfortable, trying to build up the nerve to ask me something. He had his hands in his pockets and opened his mouth a few times, but then closed it, trying to rephrase whatever was on his mind.
At last, he ended up with, “So, how do you think you did on the test?” He looked at me with genuine interest, but I could tell that wasn’t what he had intended to come out of his mouth.
“Oh, I think I did okay. I didn’t get to study last night, but Lexi helped Nicole and me study at lunch today.” I paused and regarded him with a shy but reassuring smile, trying to make him feel comfortable enough to tell me the real reason he had stopped me.
“Good…good. Well…I wanted to ask you…if you would want to hang out with me this Friday?”
My heart began to beat wildly in my chest, and a surge of ecstasy ran through my veins, warming my entire body and making me feel light-headed. For a second, I was afraid I might either float away or pass out.
I smiled at him and was about to answer positively, but I must have lingered too long in my euphoric daydream, because he then added, “You can bring Lexi and Nicole, and I’ll bring my friends, Tyler and Sam. I was thinking we could go to the ice-skating rink or something. Unless that’s too lame or whatever. I just didn’t want to go to the movies since you can’t talk much.”
My initial disappointment at not being alone with him Friday night was brief and replaced by amusement, because I didn’t see Josh as much of a talker anyway. Except for this long ramble. But, who knows, maybe I was wrong.
“Ice-skating actually sounds really fun!” I was so thrilled and relieved that we were going out together at last that the destination didn’t matter to me anyway. Neither did the amount of people joining us. “I’ll ask Nicole and Lexi tonight to make sure they can. I’m sure it’ll be fine, but I’ll let you know for sure tomorrow.” I smiled again, uncertain what to do next. Did I hug him, shake his hand, wave goodbye? I seriously had an urge to kiss him, but I thought date zero might be too early for that.
By the way he was fidgeting, I could tell he was having the same wavering thoughts. I decided on a wave goodbye, but outstretched my hand more forward than sideways, which he mistook as a move to hold hands. When he took my hand and then realized that wasn’t what I had intended, we both felt awkward and tried to cover it up with an even more awkward hug, hands still clasped between us. All we needed to do was pound each other’s backs with our fists and we’d be frat brothers.
Nonetheless, as I danced to my car, I was left feeling amazing and light as a feather. I waited until I was home to call my friends and let them know the news, because it took all my concentration to drive. But this time, it wasn’t just because of the shadows.
When I finally did call, our conversations were probably the most “girly” I’ve ever heard, or at least experienced. They were incredibly long and filled with oohs and aahs, unnecessary, specific details, and random, hypothetical speculations.
Hanna apparently overheard the squealing and high-pitched chattering from my room and peeked her head in to see what all the commotion was about.
She waited on my bed semi-patiently for me to get off the phone, grinning with expectation. The moment I said goodbye and set my phone down, she blurted out, “So who is he?”
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“Josh…” I said his name slowly with a wide smile like a young girl revealing her crush’s name for the first time. “He’s in my science class with Nicole.”
“So, give me the scoop! Did he ask you out or what?”
“Yes, he did.” I beamed. “We’re all going ice-skating together on Friday night!”
“Wait, who’s we?”
I rolled my eyes. “Well, I think it was just going to be us, but I paused like a moron. So he invited Lexi and Nicole and said he’d bring his friends too, probably to make me feel better about going. It’s fine though. I’m so excited! Nicole and Lexi are too.”
She looked relieved and asked, “So this is date number one then?”
I could already tell by the look on her face there was more coming. After the horrific events of my fourteenth birthday, Hanna had taken it upon herself to become my protector and counselor. Not that my mother didn’t try, but she was busy a lot being a single mom with a full-time job. She didn’t always have a lot of time for girl talk.
“Is he a nice guy? He’s not like one of those jerks I used to date, is he?” She scrutinized me seriously, full of concern.
I wanted to laugh at the thought of Josh being compared to one of Hanna’s ex’s. She had dated some real creeps in high school and was often telling me her horror stories as warnings.
“Yes, he’s a nice guy,” I drawled in an exasperated sigh as a child would, reassuring her mother for the hundredth time that she’ll be careful playing in the neighbor’s yard. “Gosh,” I scoffed, “what do you take me for? You?” I tried to jerk away, laughing as she grabbed at my side and pinched me.
“Hey! You be quiet! You know I’m not like that anymore.” She gave me one last pinch on the leg for emphasis and then smiled at me. No, I thought. She wasn’t. Her transformation from who she had been before to who she was now was like a demon transforming into an angel. She wasn’t perfect by any means, but she was one of the most optimistic, cheerful, and kind people I knew. Comparing her to the hellion teenager she used to be just seemed unfathomable now.
Hanna stopped smiling and peered down at the bed thoughtfully, as if she were trying to figure out how she wanted to proceed. I could tell she was about to launch into a very awkward sex-talk. I opened my mouth to assure her I didn’t need such a speech but halted, paralyzed with my lips frozen open in a state of bewilderment. A faint, beautiful form of light had begun to materialize in the room, fluttering beside my sister.
Its sudden close proximity made me go rigid, and I pressed my lips together, trying to hide my shock and wonder. Closing my eyes, I trembled slightly and took a deep breath to collect myself. When I opened my eyes again and saw it whispering gently in her ear, I gasped in awe and waited with guarded anticipation.
I had seen what these mighty figures of light could do. As uncomfortable as its presence made me, whatever my sister was about to say had the power to change or even save my life. I would be a fool if I didn’t cling to her every word with the intensity and gravity of someone receiving parachute instructions before jumping out of an airplane.
“Just…promise me you’ll be careful,” she began, hesitantly. “You need to always be on guard and aware of what’s going on with you and Josh. Don’t let yourself get lost in the moment and forget who you are.” She paused and breathed deeply as though remembering something painful from her past. “There are things that go on in a guy’s mind that you can’t see or anticipate.”
Oh, if only she knew what I was capable of seeing. I did my best to assure her I would be okay and told myself I’d never have to worry about that kind of thing with Josh anyway.
But after she left, taking the bright light with her, a chill suddenly came over me. The image of the dark shadow whispering to Mike in Science as he stared at Claire flashed into my mind. I lay in my bed, contemplating my sister’s advice as her words began to fuse with the memory of Mike. The vision morphed until Mike was no longer in the classroom but a vacant, white space, standing with his back to me. He appeared so sinister, even from that angle with a pitch-black, shadowy storm whirling around his body. Then he began to turn around. Once his face became visible, I was unexpectedly filled with anxiety and foreboding, for the image in my mind had changed completely. It was no longer Mike turning to gaze at me with dangerously hungry and lustful eyes…it was Josh.
Chapter 4
OUR WHOLE HOUSE WAS BUZZING with excitement as giggling girls ran around beautifying and fussing, the estrogen so thick it was almost palpable. Nicole and Lexi were there primping alongside me, having decided to stay the night after our little excursion with the boys. But my mother was also doing her share of primping and giggling on her side of the house with Hanna giving pointers.
When I had come home from school that day and cautiously told my mom the news about my sort-of date with Josh and the plans for our outing, I expected the usual concerned-mom answer.
Instead, I got, “Really? Well, that’s perfect! I actually have a date tonight too!” Her enthusiasm was more fitting for a teen than a woman in her late forties. I would have laughed had I not been so shocked.
My mom hadn’t been on a date since she and Dad had divorced seven years ago. It wasn’t that I disapproved. I wanted her to go have fun and meet new people. After so long without dating, though, it took me by surprise.
Luckily, I was saved from having to listen to too much boring detail about this random guy from her work I’d never met by Hanna coming home. She was a much better listener anyway. Then my friends showed up shortly after, lugging in their bags of makeup, perfume, hairspray and accessories, giving me a legitimate excuse to ditch.
“So, Iris, do you even know these friends of his?” Nicole glanced at my reflection in the dresser mirror and then continued applying another fresh coat of powder. “I mean, are they cute? Are they cool? Are they worth this twelve dollar lipstick I bought today?” She paused long enough to wave the uncapped tube in the air, giving me a severe look through the mirror as though she seriously wanted an answer. “Because if they aren’t, I am so not going to be happy.”
She began applying the new lipstick, which was a deep red that stood out on her tanned skin, and gave herself a sexy smile when she was finished. By the smug look on her face, I was pretty sure she would’ve been happy with her new lipstick no matter how cute or ugly Josh’s friends were.
“I don’t really know.” I was busy with my own re-application of makeup. I hadn’t worn much eye shadow at school, so I was playing up my violet eyes with deep shades of green and charcoal gray along with dark black eyeliner. “I mean I’ve never met them before, but Josh says they’re cool.”
“Oh,” Lexi said, her voice thick with sarcasm, looking up at us from the floor as she dusted pink body shimmer all over her face and chest, “well as long as Josh says they’re cool, then that’s all that matters since he’s the expert on cool.”
I threw a pillow at her face, attempting to wipe the sarcasm off along with most of her shimmer. Naturally, I missed as Lexi skillfully ducked and stuck out her tongue to mock me. She giggled and nonchalantly brought the shimmer brush to her face.
I scoffed indignantly and was about to throw my other pillow, but her face suddenly contorted as a powerful sneeze exploded from her mouth and soaked her hand. As she looked at her open palm in disgust and reached for a tissue, I couldn’t help but giggle myself and dropped the matter. That’s what she got for making fun of my future boyfriend.
Returning to my mirror, I checked for smudges around my eyes but caught Nicole studying me with a slightly envious yet admiring and wistful gaze. “Man, I wish I had your eyes.”
“Yours are pretty too. A pretty dark brown. Brown is sexy!” I replied hastily, trying to make her feel better while also taking the attention off me.
“Yeah, but brown is so ordinary!” she groaned as she turned back to the dresser mirror to glare at her “ordinary” brown eyes. “Violet is unique. It’s cool!” She spun back around to me, sounding l
ike a child whining to her parents about the “cool factor” of a toy she desperately wanted.
“Being unique is not all it’s cracked up to be,” I stated uncomfortably, with a double-meaning only I understood.
“Okay, Miss Negative. Whatever you say.” She smiled at me to show there were no hard feelings, and I attempted to return it. But bringing up my uniqueness had forced me to think about the predicament I’d have to face in less than an hour—hiding my dark, shadowy secret from Josh, while at the same time, trying to get close to him.
Before leaving, we peeked in to say goodbye to my mom who was still fussing with a patient Hanna about what to wear. They paused long enough to give us full appraisals, and I modeled for them the violet, deep V-neck top Nicole had given me for my birthday, which I wore with my penguin necklace from Lexi, dark skinny jeans, and black flats. Once they finished their exaggerated oohs and ahs, we strutted out the door, their stamps of approval lightening our step.
We arrived fashionably late at ten after seven, not wanting to appear desperate, and entered the noisy lobby area of the ice-skating rink. The crisp scent of ice and old leather skates met us at the door as we looked around to find Josh and his two friends, Tyler and Sam, sitting and chatting with skates already on.
“Hey, Iris!” Josh raised his hand to wave us over, apparently a bit too enthusiastically for his friend who nudged him jokingly, causing red splotches to form over Josh’s cheeks.
“Hey,” I replied with just as much enthusiasm, and then glanced at his friends, waiting for Josh to introduce them. After a few seconds of silence, the same friend cleared his throat and nudged him again.
“Oh, sorry.” Josh closed his eyes and shook his head, looking painfully uncomfortable and embarrassed. “This is Tyler, and this is Sam.” He motioned to both as he said their names.
I began to introduce my friends but was interrupted by Nicole who stepped forward to take charge. As she introduced herself and Lexi, I took the opportunity to appraise both of his friends.
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