I opened my eyes briefly, still not sure if I wanted to stop yet. I was hoping maybe I would be able to get my bearings and calm myself. Instead, my already high-strung emotions took a cliff-dive into overwhelming anxiety and panic as I saw a heavy, dark, fluttering mass floating behind and around Josh in the backseat, but not quite reaching me.
Bizarrely, in a way I can’t fully explain, the piercing feeling of fear and anxiety somehow began to intertwine with the fervent frenzy of electricity already dancing around in my gut. Eventually, they fused together into an even stronger feeling that was intoxicating and dangerous, and I let it propel me more forcefully into Josh’s arms.
The new emotion rapidly began to consume my mind and had almost erased the fearful image I had just seen, until a few seconds later. Goose bumps rose on my arm. I opened my eyes again, caught sight of the sinister shadow now looming directly over us and touching my arm, and was immediately jerked back into reality. I pulled away with a stifled scream.
“What? What’s wrong?” Josh’s voice held concern, but he was obviously still caught up in the moment as he leaned over to me, now in the passenger seat again, trying to kiss me once more.
“I’m sorry,” I muttered, pushing him away gently. My heart was beating wildly from both intense emotions that had managed to separate.
“I have to go, but I’ll call you tomorrow.” I tried to sound reassuring, but my rapid breathing wasn’t helping.
“But you’re hanging out with Kyra tomorrow, aren’t you?” He looked disappointed in more ways than I wanted to acknowledge.
“Yeah, but it won’t be that long. Besides, my mom might be home any minute from her date.” That woke him up.
“Hmm…” He laughed and sighed deeply. “Yeah, that might be awkward.”
He started his car and the engine rumbled as I opened the passenger door and stepped out. After I shut the door, he rolled down the window for me to lean in for one last kiss. I complied, although I kept my eyes open, anxiously eyeing his back seat.
A sly smile flickered across his face as he put on his seatbelt. “To be continued.” He pulled out of my driveway and drove off, and both the anxiety and passion deep down in my stomach that I hadn’t entirely suppressed boiled up again. It felt like two massive water-wrapped funnels whirling in, out, around, and against each other, trying to overpower and consume the other.
By the time I went to bed, my insides were tangled into knots.
The light of the morning relaxed some of the intense emotions knotting up my stomach, but last night’s apprehension about Josh persisted. Not knowing what was going to happen with him and our relationship or what I was going to do about it made me nervous. I always preferred to be in control of what happened in my life, despite how impossible that was most of the time.
When I pulled up to Kyra’s house at noon for lunch, I took a deep breath. I hoped I at least appeared normal and happy on the outside. Because on the inside, my nervousness and anxiety refused to release their stronghold, even as I pressed the doorbell and heard light footsteps dancing to the door.
The second the door opened, however, I was greeted by a beaming Kyra, her light radiating around her and out to me as a welcoming invitation. My disconcerting feelings vanished and were replaced by warmth and calm.
Lunch with the Finleys was an experience I will never forget. The five of us, Kyra, Mr. and Mrs. Finley, her younger sister, Lucy, and myself, all sat around their dinner table piled with juicy hamburgers and all the fixings, baked beans with bacon, homemade potato salad, and fresh fruit. As we ate and talked and laughed, they made me feel like I was not only an honored guest, but also a part of their family.
After I stuffed myself just enough to feel extremely satisfied but not sick, I relaxed in my chair and listened to funny stories of Kyra’s childhood told mostly by her dad while Kyra insisted he exaggerated too much. Sitting there, observing their joyful family banter, a wave of contentment and bliss washed over me suddenly. I didn’t want it to end. What surprised me the most, though, wasn’t the feeling. It was my firm belief that this calm, fulfilling emotion was way more gratifying than any of the strong, passionate feelings I had ever had with Josh.
When I finally got home around four in the afternoon, the joy from Kyra’s house lingered inside me and I smiled as I sat on my bed and surveyed my room. I went for my book out of habit but changed my mind, deciding I’d rather lie on my bed and simply savor the high as long as it lasted.
Hanna found me and sat down beside my feet, looking slightly confused at the fact that I was just lying there without a book or even listening to music. She seemed more intrigued than anything.
“So…what’s with the glazed eyes and silly grin on your face?” Her curiosity switched to a sigh as she rolled her eyes. “Please don’t tell me it’s about Josh.”
I chuckled, less at her teasing and more at the irony that my rapture was due to my friend and her family instead of my boyfriend. “No, it’s not Josh.” Oddly, saying his name failed to bring back the angst from earlier. “Actually, I have a new friend named Kyra. I just got back from having lunch at her house.”
Hanna cocked her head to the side with slanted eyebrows and a smirk. “What, were there magical mushrooms in the soup or something?”
I lurched forward to a sitting position with a belly laugh. “No…nothing like that.” I hugged my knees and breathed out the rest of my laughter. “Her family is just so nice and friendly. Just like her. I don’t know. I just felt so welcome and…blissful…while I was there. I guess I still kind of feel that way.” The corner of my mouth turned up in a half-smile. “Is that weird?”
“No, not at all!” she exclaimed, her eyes full of sincerity. “That’s great to have a friend that makes you feel that way.” She sighed and looked at the ceiling. “Man, I wish I had a cool friend like that. Instead, I’m stuck with you.” Laughing, she jumped out of my bed to avoid my punch. “Love ya, Sis!”
She strolled out of my room unscathed, and I rolled my eyes, smiled again, and fell back to my soft pillow.
It was dusk and the air was stagnant and bitterly cold as I shuffled hesitantly on Main Street at an old strip mall. I was alone, kicking at the misty fog covering my feet and listening to the sound of my shoes hitting the pavement. I paused to wrap a black cloak tightly around me but didn’t receive any warmth from it, so I kept walking, hoping to reach my destination soon before frostbite set in.
Suddenly, my eyes caught a glimpse of a brilliant light and I halted mid-stride, shivering and lifting my head to stare at a glowing man across the street. He gazed back at me. He had a quiet intensity about him, and although he didn’t say anything, I could tell he was hoping I would invite him over. It was as if he knew I needed him for some reason and wanted to help but had to wait for my invitation.
He seemed so kind and sincere, and I could practically feel the warmth emanating from him. I had the strong urge to call him over, but I was scared. I didn’t know this man or even what I would say to him. There was also something about him that shouted power and dominance, which honestly could just as easily have been an incentive as a deterrent. I fought with whether or not I would speak before eventually deciding I did want whatever help he could give.
I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I tried again, but it felt like I was straining against something. I pulled together all the strength and courage I could muster and tasted the hopeful words on the tip of my tongue.
The shimmering man across the street stretched out his hand and took one step toward me. His determined, confident look, however, quickly switched to alarm as a swift hand smacked coldly against my parted lips, smashing them against my teeth and causing them to bleed while another hand simultaneously squeezed my throat. I sunk into my cloak and crumbled to the ground helplessly.
I woke up with a jolt.
Chapter 9
FEELING JOYFUL AGAIN as I did Saturday at Kyra’s house, I skipped to my third hour, Computer Apps, where I’d have the
whole hour to leisurely work on my PowerPoint presentation. It was almost finished anyway. English and Trig had already been a breeze, and I wasn’t even that worried about my concerns with Josh anymore. I had talked to him on the phone the night before, and everything seemed fine between us. I told myself our physical issues would all work out.
Little did I know the day was about to get increasingly better. I traipsed into Mrs. Brown’s computer class to find an exquisite new addition to the classroom…and he was sitting just to the right of my assigned seat. At first I could only see him from behind, and I already knew he was the hottest guy I had ever seen at our school, and quite possibly the world.
It was mostly in his posture. He reclined back in his chair and tilted slightly to the right, leaning casually on his right armrest. Even from my limited view, he put off an air of confidence and relaxed aloofness that was alluring and sexy. He was wearing dark wash, boot-cut jeans, black Sketchers, and a black casual jacket.
I had to remind myself that I had a boyfriend in order to compose myself enough to stroll calmly to my seat. But I didn’t prepare myself enough for what I would see when he turned to gaze at me with his dazzling face. He had dirty blond hair that fell on his forehead in a messy surfer look. Though instead of looking like he didn’t care about his hair like Tyler, this guy looked as though a professional had meticulously messed up his hair for a photo shoot with a surfboard.
I could tell he was tall and thin yet muscular underneath his black jacket and green T-shirt, which, along with his flawless tanned face, made his deep green eyes stand out like emeralds. He reminded me of a blond, green-eyed James Dean if James Dean had lived in this decade. He had the same seductive attraction and suave attitude that appeared effortless. He even smelled intoxicating, though I wasn’t sure how much of it was his cologne and how much was just his essence reeking sexy.
He pivoted in his rolling computer chair to face me. “Hey, I’m Patrick…and you are?” He flashed a charming smile but held his position instead of reaching out his hand to shake mine as Kyra would have done. Although we had barely met, it felt like a tease and he was playing hard to get since I found myself longing to touch his hand.
I blinked as I tried to find my voice. “Um…Iris.” I smiled shyly and attempted to avert my eyes, which was difficult since his entire being was magnetic.
“Oh!” he exclaimed, raising his eyebrows and nodding in approval of my name. He leaned forward intimately. “So tell me, do you get reborn every spring?”
I stared at him stupidly, trying to figure out what he meant, but instead I got lost in his deep green eyes that matched the fitted T-shirt underneath his open jacket, revealing how lean and sculpted he really was.
“You know…because iris…is a flower?” he said slowly and flirtatiously, through an enticing grin that almost made me faint.
I kicked myself for not getting his obvious pun and waited hopefully for some witty reply to come to my mind as it usually did. But Patrick’s gaze seemed to make me absent-minded. It was as if his green eyes were my kryptonite, making all my defensive powers of wit and sarcasm useless. I was exposed and vulnerable. But for some reason, with Patrick…I liked it.
My cheeks were burning, and all I could muster was, “Oh!” I laughed, trying to sound flirty, but sounding a lot more like a nervous girl who’s never spoken to a cute boy in her life. “Actually, my mom didn’t name me after the flower. She named me Iris because of my—”
“Gorgeous violet irises?” he finished for me with that same flirtatious smile and those penetrating deep eyes.
I turned away smiling as I blushed at the familiar compliment. It was somehow much more powerful and special coming from this beautiful stranger, although it did seem somewhat unusual hearing him say the exact words the nurse used when I was delivered.
“Patrick Morris.” Mrs. Brown walked over to him with a packet. “They’re working on a PowerPoint about what describes them as a person.” She handed him the packet and he looked over it as she continued. “It’s seven slides. The first one is your name. The next five are five different characteristics you choose to describe yourself. The last one is a closing catch phrase or motto. Iris here can help you if you have any questions. You’re just about done with yours, aren’t you, Iris?”
“Uh…yeah. I just have to do the last slide.” Mrs. Brown began to walk off, and I swiveled back around in my chair to face my computer and launch my own PowerPoint. I could already hear most every other student clicking their mouses and punching away at their keyboards amid a low hum of chatter. As I clicked through the file folders to find my presentation, I glanced at Patrick who was eyeing me with a seriously mischievous smile, as though he were planning on turning my helping him into some scandalous affair.
The look was so serious and intense that if I didn’t know any better, I’d say some dark figure was hovering over him feeding him devious ideas. But there were no shadows close by. I assumed it was just lighthearted teasing and tried to brush it off. However, some foreign part of me I didn’t know existed wished his smile did imply something deeper, even illicit.
“So…” His mischievous grin widened as he slanted to his left and rolled his chair to mine until they crashed into each other. “What did you put in yours?”
“That wasn’t part of the deal,” I stammered, immediately feeling anxious at the thought of Patrick seeing anything personal about me, regardless of the fact that all the information in my PowerPoint was trivial and generic. I rushed to grab the mouse to minimize my assignment that was stuck on the first slide with simply my name in giant purple font.
“Oh no you don’t.” Playfully he lunged for the mouse as well, reaching it just after me, and let his hand rest gently on top of mine.
I gasped audibly at his touch and looked up at him with wide eyes and parted lips, despite my desire to act cool and nonchalant.
He seemed pleased but not surprised that his touch had such a strong reaction in me and kept my hand trapped under his as he slowly moved the mouse to view my other slides.
Helpless and flustered yet not exactly upset, I stared at him in awe. As he sifted through the rest of my presentation, he occasionally peeked at me out of the corner of his eye as though to make sure he still had me wrapped around his finger.
When he was finished, which seemed like a heavenly eternity, he released my hand and leaned back in his chair, observing me with his beguiling eyes.
“So, where’s the part about you being strikingly beautiful?”
From anyone else, the line would have sounded corny and rehearsed, but from Patrick, it made me feel like I was in an old romantic movie. Everyone else in the classroom disappeared, the noise of computers and loud teens melted away as string music began playing, and spotlights shone down on us, making us both glow, intensifying his captivating gaze.
Enjoying the thrilling high of the moment, I apparently gaped at him silently a little too long, because he chuckled softly. “We can add it as a bonus slide later.” He winked at me and rolled back to his own computer. “So how do I start this thing boss?”
I left Computer Apps and watched Patrick saunter off in the opposite direction of the cafeteria and eventually disappear around a corner. Strangely, I instantly felt some sort of release, as if we were both magnets and I was being pulled forcefully to separate from him until finally breaking free from his magnetic field and jerking away.
Still, although the magnetic force field was gone, I couldn’t help but remember his sexiness and charm. I scolded myself for letting my emotions and hormones get the best of me when I already had a boyfriend. Poor Josh. There really was no comparing them. Patrick surpassed Josh on every account as far as I could tell. Nevertheless, I repeated to myself over and over how much I liked Josh as I trekked to the lunchroom, trying to erase the provocative memory of Patrick and virtually succeeding.
“Hey, sweetie!” Josh found me and kissed my cheek the minute I entered the rowdy lunchroom. Thankfully, the familiar satis
fying feeling that usually accompanied his presence returned.
Once we reached the table, everybody else already there, but something was different about Nicole and Tyler. They were sitting closer together and flirting more than usual, almost as though they weren’t even aware of the rest of us.
“What’s with you guys?” I asked as I popped open the plastic lid to my wilted salad. For some reason I wasn’t hungry.
“Well, isn’t it obvious?” Lexi looked at me like I was an idiot and gestured to the clearly happy couple.
Nicole, realizing she was being talked about, twisted away from Tyler with an elated expression. “Tyler finally wised up and asked me out yesterday!”
Tyler tickled her side playfully as she squealed in delight. “Hey, I’ve always been wise. I was just waiting for the right moment.”
Nicole, Lexi, and I all rolled our eyes in unison. “Right!”
Tyler took Nicole’s hand and kissed it flirtatiously in a way that reminded me of Patrick. Shame immediately washed over me, and I chided myself for still fantasizing about him. There was no way I could tell any of my friends about Patrick. My infatuation would be too transparent, and they would no doubt judge me almost as harshly as I judged myself. I would just have to just pretend away my developing obsession.
Despite my determination in pretending Patrick didn’t exist, I was forced during the next few weeks to sit by him in Computer Apps. That led to more “harmless” flirting. I told myself it was harmless, anyway. It seemed nothing with Patrick was harmless. Somehow he always managed to say just the right things at just the right time, making me melt with one glance. I swore he knew he had tremendous sensual and alluring powers and it was his goal to use them against me. Whether that was a good or bad thing, I hadn’t yet decided.
Shadow Eyes Page 9