by Ryanne Corey
He started toward her. “Julie—”
“No!” She thrust out her hand, planting it hard on his chest. “Don’t you dare come a step closer. You are…you are…” She didn’t have a lot of experience with swearwords, and nothing suitably insulting was coming to her. Finally she settled for a three-letter word instead of four. “You’re bad, and I’ll never let you hurt me again! I gave you everything, and you couldn’t even give me the truth. You couldn’t handle a happy ending, Billy. It would ruin your concept of a cold and hopeless world. You’d have to believe in something and someone, and that’s just too much trouble for a disillusioned guy like you. This way, you never have to stick your neck out. At least, not emotionally.”
“Julie, I was wrong. I’ve learned that in the past few weeks. I need hope and love as much as anyone else. I need you. Heaven knows you could do better, but I love you.”
“That’s the first time you’ve ever said that to me,” Julie said dully. “I’m just sorry it’s too late.”
Billy stared at her long and hard. He had never begged for anything in his life. He had taken things, found things, forced things, but never had he begged. His pride was in shreds; he would go down on his knees gladly, but the look in her eyes was unmistakable. Too little, too late.
He memorized her one last time. Childlike sun-colored hair, the simple cotton dress, the sunburned skin peeling on her small shoulders. Her eyes so big and dark they seemed to eat up her beautiful face. He’d put that pain in those eyes. Her disillusionment had been a gift from the master. “I’m so sorry,” he said, straight from his heart. Just like his mother had said to him, trying to apologize for things she could never change. “I’m so very sorry, sweet girl.”
And he turned and walked away.
Julie stared at his back, absolutely dumbfounded. “How dare you walk away like that!”
Billy stopped short, looking at her over his shoulder. “What?”
“Haven’t you learned anything?” Julie was just a half step away from a full-blown and well-earned temper tantrum. Hysteria was also creeping up on her, judging by the hectic rhythm of her pulse. “Don’t you have any idea what you have put me through? I have been suffering, I have been aching, I have been missing you like hell and you just give up?”
Billy turned slowly, his jaw hanging. The tiniest seed of hope whispered to life within his heart. “You told me to give up.”
“Do you do everything you’re told? Don’t you have a mind of your own? Aren’t you familiar with the concept of fighting for anything besides your own skin? Or am I not worth fighting for? What we had was real, even if your story wasn’t.”
“What are you saying?” Billy whispered, afraid to hope.
“I don’t know what I’m saying! I’m mad at you. You say you love me, but it didn’t stop you from hurting me.”
“Of course it didn’t,” Billy said softly. “Just because you love someone doesn’t mean you’ll never do something that might hurt them. It goes along with the risk you take.”
“Well, you’re not willing to take much of a risk if you’re already on your way home. What about hope, Billy? What about dreams? What about persistence?”
“I think I’m losing my mind,” Billy muttered, only half kidding. A new light came into his eyes, a light of cautious hope. He took one step toward her, and she didn’t jump over the side, which he considered a good sign. He took another. “Julie? Are you giving me a second chance?”
“I’m not giving you anything,” she retorted. “You’ll have to work for it. Long and hard, because I’m worth it! Damn it, I’m the most wonderful thing that’s ever happened to you, and it’s high time you realized it. Just once in your life believe in something!”
She was getting herself all worked up, and Billy knew of only one way to stop the poor child from hyperventilating. He put his hands on her arms, jerking her none-too-gently towards him. His mouth swooped over hers, cutting short her tirade very effectively. He kissed her long and hard, as instructed, his mouth slanting sideways in desperate hunger. Tongues danced, hot and welcoming, while their bodies fused with instant heat. Billy’s blood was on fire, wanting this woman, this chance, more than anything he had ever wanted in his life. He was afraid of allowing himself to believe in a miracle like Julie Roper, but it didn’t frighten him half as much as the idea of living without her.
When they broke from the kiss, Julie was crying. But she was hanging on to him with a death grip at the same time, so Billy allowed himself to hope the tears were happy tears.
“Why did it take you so long?” she asked, hope, anger and love washing through her like a tide. “I waited and waited…but you never came after me.”
“I was being upstanding,” Billy explained, wiping away her tears with shaking fingers. “Because I wasn’t worthy of you. Because I had hurt you so deeply, I needed to inflict the same pain on myself. Then I finally realized that being upstanding stinks.”
“I waited so long,” she said again, letting go of him long enough to slash at the tears on her cheeks. “I was afraid I wasn’t worth fighting for. I kept telling myself you would find me, but the days came and went, and… Billy, I’ve never hurt like that.”
“I’m so sorry,” he said, his heart aching in his chest. “You are worth fighting for, Julie. You’re worth living and dying for. I’m the one who didn’t feel worthy. I’ve always been separate from the rest of the world. For whatever twisted reason, I’d always found comfort in the fact I didn’t need anyone. I thought I lived every crazy day to the fullest, but I was wrong. I know now I never stopped long enough to let my heart breathe, to let any kind of hope to grow inside me.”
Julie placed trembling palms on either side of his cheeks. “Did you think I was any different? Harris was always telling me I had ‘everything.’ I couldn’t figure out what it was I was missing. Then I met you, and I had my answer. You were missing.”
“Give me another chance,” Billy said quietly, seeing her through suddenly misty eyes. “Give me just one more shot at happiness. I swear you’ll never be sorry.”
Words failed her, but she managed a shaky kiss on his lips. The shaky kiss turned into a confident kiss, and confidence burned into passion. They were suddenly gasping, twisting their bodies to find ways to be closer. The sun rained down on them, heating their skin. This sensual fire was a healing balm for two bruised hearts.
“It’s not just this, Julie,” Billy managed between gasping breaths. “It’s so much more than physical love. You have to believe—”
“Be quiet Billy,” said the not-so-innocent blond woman-child in a throaty, sensually charged voice. “I know what this is. The passion, the pleasure, the pain…it’s all a part of love. I learned that from you. And right now I need…”
“Right now?” Billy asked, a familiar, love-hazed smile glinting in his blue, blue eyes. “What do you need right now, angel girl?”
“Come with me,” she whispered confidentially, taking his hand. She led him down a narrow flight of stairs that descended into cool shadows, happily instructing him to mind his head on the low ceiling. He did as he was told, like a good boy. She stopped at the doorway of her living quarters, looking at him expectantly.
“What?” Billy asked.
“There’s a wonderful tradition of men carrying women over a threshold to begin a new adventure together.” She batted her long lashes at him. “Please?”
Again he did as he was told like a good boy. And then he laid her gently on her low bed and stopped acting like a good boy. He had known from the beginning that Julie was a woman who wanted to experience unfamiliar things. He had a few good ideas and did his best to gratify her wishes and dreams.
The sundress had billowed up above her knees when he’d laid her on the mattress. He encouraged the northbound direction, slipping his hands over her silky thighs and pushing the soft cotton even higher. He started at her ankles, kissing the exact spot where her pulse thundered and skipped. His fingers wove intricate patterns on
her skin as his mouth traveled upwards, kissing her knees, her thighs, leaving a trail of tingling fire in his wake.
Julie was gasping almost from the beginning, her hands tangled in his thick, cool hair for some kind of balance that didn’t come. She was tipping and swirling, riding a wave of delight and desire that eclipsed anything that had come before. She had no self-control and no desire to find any. She was simply flesh and blood, hypnotized by his sensual, clever hands and knowing mouth. He knew secrets she didn’t. He probably had a whole closet of them, enough to fuel the fire for a lifetime.
And she wanted to know them all.
“Billy?” she breathed. “Do something for me, please…”
He raised up on his elbows and stared down at this amazing creation of his desire. Julie’s glistening hair was spread across the pristine white pillow like a golden wedding veil. Her parted lips were damp, the color in her face hectic. One strap of her sundress had slipped over her shoulder, exposing the upper curve of her breast. “Absolutely. Positively. Anything.”
Still gasping, she gave him an adorable, lopsided smile and ruffled his tangled hair. “Such enthusiasm. You don’t need to be careful with me, you know. When we were in California, I know you were…cautious. You can let go, now. You don’t need to protect me like that. I don’t want you to protect me like that.”
He gave her his old familiar smile, cocky and just dangerous enough to be irresistible. “So, what you’re saying…?”
“You know exactly what I’m saying.” And with that, she grabbed his shoulders and pulled him down to her, kissing him with all the passion and fever trembling in her body. Her mouth opened and her tongue danced, hungry and wild. Billy was stunned for a moment, unable to believe this was the cool porcelain princess he had once been hired to protect. Then, mindful of her instructions, he “let go.”
He rolled over on the bed, keeping Julie’s body fused against his. He was the teacher now, and he intended to make her deeply aware of the fact. And the teacher began at the beginning. “Have you ever made out?” he murmured against her parted mouth. “Really made out?”
Julie’s eyes widened then closed as he gently kissed each hypersensitive lid. “Before you, I never did much of…oooh, that feels good…”
He pressed a smile against the pulse at the base of her throat beating like a trip-hammer. “You smell wonderful, like sunshine and flowers….”
He abandoned conversation, sliding his lips from her throat to her ear, delicately touching the soft folds. Ankles, throat, ears…all the places Julie would have never considered erogenous zones. He held her beautiful face between his hands as he returned to her mouth. He kissed her with the brief tickle of butterfly wings, he kissed her hard, he kissed her deeply and thoroughly. Julie couldn’t get enough of him, the wet silk of his lips, his skin, his tongue hungry on her mouth. Through the gauzy screen of growing passion she became conscious of his hands. He had pushed aside the remaining strap of her dress, exposing her heated skin almost to her waist. Immediately she wanted his hands and mouth there, but he seemed determined to avoid the sweet heaviness of her breasts. He trailed the tip of his tongue across the delicate skin of her collarbone, then pressed his mouth directly over her pulse. He suckled gently there, making Julie gasp and clench his shoulders with white-knuckled hands. Each touch set her nerve endings on fire, making her skin dance with tingling nerves. And technically, he hadn’t really done anything yet. Heaven help her….
Billy was suffering his own burning hunger, and deliberately heightened the sensation by pressing his hips against hers, pushing and rocking in a sexual pantomime. At the same time, he finally let his hands cup the full weight of her breasts, kneading slowly, lifting, drawing a circle of her nipples with his finger. Julie groaned with pleasure-pain, her head rocking from side to side on the pillow. Her hands were helpless, moving from his hair to his back to his hips, anything that might bring him closer still. Quite deliberately he worked her into a soft frenzy, a moment in time where thought and logic ceased to exist.
Julie gave a soft cry of frustration as his mouth loved her breasts with the same exquisite attention to detail his hands had. With less control his shaky hands pushed her dress higher, then slipped beneath the crumpled cotton. What he felt there made him groan.
“You aren’t wearing underwear. There’s nothing on under the dress,” he said hoarsely. “You’re killing me, Julie….”
Julie was so focused on her aching body, she hardly heard his words. He was not inflicting any physical pain whatsoever, yet he constantly heightened the wonderful sensual agony. She wanted this and more, wanted to keep pace with him while he led her through his astonishing sexual playground. They rolled side-to-side on the bed, never pausing in their hungry kisses. Their legs intertwined, hands clutched and hips rocked harder against each other. She loved what she was learning, loved the way her body answered to his. Still, their clothes got in their way….
She amazed herself when she gathered enough willpower to suddenly slip from the bed. Billy nearly beat the pillow senseless with the force of his frustration. “Honey…?”
“Watch,” Julie whispered.
She reached behind her back, finding the zipper of her dress. She pulled it down very slowly, though her hands were shaking badly with sexual need. Billy’s eyes widened as he realized precisely what she was doing. She held his gaze in the shadows, never blinking, never turning away. Her body began to sway gently from side to side, allowing the soft summer dress to slip to her waist, her hips…and down to the floor, the blue-and-white material billowing around her ankles.
Billy had no words. He had no breath, no control over the sexual chaos her actions inspired. The teacher became the pupil then, fully aware of how much raw hunger her body pulled from deep in his loins. Never breaking contact with her eyes, he rolled off the bed and removed his clothes. They went flying, landing here and there. At that moment he wasn’t capable of deliberate concentration.
Julie knelt down on her side of the bed, her index finger crooking with sweet insistence. “Come here, Billy Lucas.” Then, with a trembling smile, “Please.”
At that point, Billy surrendered.
He was down on the bed beside her with a sharp, in-drawn breath, anxious and desperate to feel her body against his. His hands were everywhere, his lips trailing kisses on her bare skin. He needed, he wanted, he loved. Never in his life had he known a hunger like this. He rolled Julie onto her back, their legs tangled. Her hands clutched fistfuls of the crumpled white bedsheet at either side of her hips. She gave herself up to loving, letting her last few coherent thoughts drift into the shadowy corners of the small, quiet cabin. She felt his awe of her natural sexuality and reveled in it. She wanted to be his equal in every way, wanted to please him and entice him even further. She basked in her power as a woman, a power that would have been sadly lacking had he been anything but her first—and last—true love. She gave herself with fierce abandon, reveling in the growing intensity between their hot bodies. They were perfectly matched in desire and emotion. They communicated perfectly, knowing precisely what the other needed, because they each needed it. Their bodies were damp and straining as they climbed closer to a blazing glimpse of eternity. They ceased to have identities beyond love and lover. Whenever Julie raised her lids and gazed into his fever-bright eyes, he felt as if she were taking off all her clothes again. He was astounded and fiercely grateful that she felt enough security in his love to abandon all caution. And somehow he knew it would always be this way between them, each forever finding a home in the other.
When he finally entered her, Julie was mindless and shivering. Her fists pounded the mattress softly, her head thrown back with passion. It had never been like this before. Billy’s strong protective instincts had kept a subconscious rein on his passions. Now, knowing she wanted and needed this as badly as he did, he finally let go of the last shreds of his control. His breath, like hers, came fast and deep, as if they had been running hard. Julie’s hands clu
ng helplessly to the smooth skin of his shoulders, fingers splayed over the erotic tension in his muscles. Ever so slowly he pressed deeper into her body, and deeper still. She writhed and groaned, trying desperately to get close enough. Somehow she knew this ecstasy was rare, that only those who truly loved could achieve such a perfect union. For a brief moment, she felt sorry for all the couples in the world who casually practiced the act of loving without feeling love for their partner. They hadn’t a clue what they were losing.
Her eyes misted up as his body rhythm became sharper, harder, more possessive. This was the final dance, being lifted again and again to dizzying heights. They gasped together, rocked together, pushed together, until they found the ultimate experience…that few seconds of anguished delight as they reached the highest plateau of physical demands. She saw him like a dream above her, loving the passion in his eyes, the damp smoothness of his skin, the weight of his body filling, completing and possessing her. White-hot rapture swirled into her senses, growing like a whirlwind. Still she held his eyes, watching him find the same burning enchantment almost simultaneously. His muscles grew taut, his breathing ceased and his body shuddered with the force of his release. Beneath him, Julie gasped and cried with a sweet delirium, tears spilling over her cheeks. This was life, this was rapture, this was the wistful dream and fantasy of every man and woman alive.
This was love.
Later, he moistened a soft cloth and wiped away the tracks of her tears. He had to continually touch her, clinging to her like a lifeline. He knew how fortunate they were, two people who had come so close to losing the most important gift either had ever been given. He was greatly humbled, so thankful that true love was capable of surviving the mistakes of foolish mortals. It had been much too close a call, and they shook with the force of their relief and joy. What fate had denied Billy for so long was finally granted. He had something and someone to believe in and belong to, a love that promised a lifetime of bright tomorrows.