“The stables,” he replied.
Placing her napkin on her plate, she stood. “Excuse me.”
“No he isn’t,” Cody shook his head. “Unkewl Kade went widing. I saw him wide away.”
Jen glanced at her son then lifted her troubled gaze. “But he knew the barbeque was today. He wouldn’t do that.”
“He did, mom. I saw him,” Cody insisted.
Connor stilled. “What’s the date?”
Cole cocked his head and frowned. “The tenth, why?”
She watched Connor close his eyes and mutter a curse. Now her whole body was as tense as the strings of her violin. “What is it?” she asked in barely a whisper.
The cowboy opened his eyes and hit her with the most serious brown gaze he’d ever worn. “Three days from now is the anniversary of that soldier’s death.”
The whole table collectively inhaled and her stomach pitched. She had to find him. God, she couldn’t let him face this alone.
“Cody, when did Uncle Kade leave?” Kevin gently prodded his nephew.
“Just before Connow and Kewi and Bwandi got hewe.”
Connor set his plate aside and stood. “I think I know where he went.” He turned to her and nodded. “Come on.”
Not exactly dressed for riding, she practically raced to keep up with the tall cowboy. But didn’t care. She was going to find Kade. Had to find him. At least she had her boots on, her mind reasoned as they strode past an empty stall in the stable.
Connor cursed again. “Yep, if he’s on Itherael, I know exactly where he went.”
Unsure what all that meant, she just nodded and waited as the cowboy quickly saddled one of the faster horses. She’d thought about saddling hers, but didn’t want to waste time. Connor seemed to know what he was doing.
Swinging his large frame into the saddle, he wore a look of determination on his face that set her mind at ease. It was going to be okay. Connor knew his friend. Knew where to go. He’d take her to the man she loved and she’d make—
Her heart tripped and rolled in her chest.
The man she loved?
How…when did that happen?
“Give me your hand,” Connor said.
In her dazed state, she did as directed and large fingers clamped around her forearm, lifting her like she was a feather, and deposited her behind him in the saddle. Thank goodness her denim dress had a full skirt. Made straddling easier.
“Hold on. We’ve got a ways to go and we’re going fast.”
As they galloped over blackbrush, the mesquite and live oaks went by in a blur, Brandi tried to wrap her mind around her revelation.
She loved Kade.
It was true. The gorgeous, sweet, giving man accepted her. Made her feel good about herself. Wanted her to change nothing about herself. He was thoughtful and caring, always put himself last…and God, yes, she loved the man very much.
She had to help him get past this hurt. Help him feel as good as he made her feel, but she didn’t know how. Physically, yes, that she knew, but emotionally? Mentally? She wasn’t sure.
They’d been riding hard for over an hour and a half. She couldn’t feel anything from the butt down anymore, but didn’t care. Finding Kade was all that mattered. Thank God he had such a good friend in Connor McCall. Guilt clawed in her gut. She’d taken him away from his fiancée and the party. But something told her he would’ve been doing this even if she hadn’t been around.
Finally, she felt the horse slowing its pace and Connor called over his shoulder.
“Found him.”
She inhaled, then exhaled slowly, forcing her mind to clear. He was probably not going to be happy they’d intruded, but too bad. She was here and wasn’t going anywhere.
“Connor, what the hell are you doing here?”
“I could ask you the same thing, buddy,” her escort replied. “But I think I know, and we’re here to help.”
“We’re? What do you mean, we’re?” Kade’s tone was steel and full of dread.
He obviously hadn’t seen her behind the tall cowboy. Bracing herself, she set her spine, lifted her chin, then used Connor’s outstretched hand to steady herself as she slipped off the horse.
“He means me,” she stated, facing a very disgruntled cowboy.
Wearing jeans, a charcoal button-down shirt, gorgeous black Stetson and a very deep frown, the man bit back a curse. “Brandi? What are you doing here?”
“Looking for you.”
“Right, and now she’s found you, my job is done. Have a good night, you two.” Connor tipped his hat, turned the horse, and with a slight kick, sent the large creature into motion.
“Connor! Son-of-a-bitch. Get back here! Take her with you.” Kade raced forward.
His friend didn’t listen. Just raised a hand and kept riding away.
Her heart was thudding in her throat as she watched the agitated man slowly turn to face her. Jaw clenching and unclenching, he stared for a few maddening seconds.
“You shouldn’t have come.”
With crisp, efficient strides, he moved past her to a group of boulders, stopping in front of a large one battered by weather, and what appeared to be marks, as if someone had beaten it with a bat.
“Neither should you,” she said. “Your family is throwing the barbeque.”
He ripped the hat off his head, thrust a hand through his hair and muttered a few choice words. Twisting around, he set his very fine butt against the boulder and sighed, staring at the hat in his hand.
Since Connor marooned her, and there was only one horse, she felt confident Kade wouldn’t leave her, no matter how tough it might be to stay and face whatever problems arose. She walked over to stand in front of him.
She wanted very much to ask him what was wrong. To get him to talk, because she knew he needed to talk, to get everything out in the open and face his demons before he could heal. But by the tight set of his jaw and shoulders, she knew he was still too closed up.
He needed to be loosened.
And she knew exactly how to do that…
Without a word, she took the hat from his hands and set it on the boulder. When he opened his mouth, she put her finger over his lips and shook her head. It wasn’t time to talk, yet. It was time to feel.
Getting the impression the spot had meaning, she intended to add to the trend. Whether it was good or bad didn’t matter. She planned to add some very good memories to the place. Right now.
Cupping his jaw, she pressed into him, inhaling near his neck. Damn, he smelled good. So male...so Kade. She trailed her lips across his stubble, working her way to his neck where she sank her teeth. His inhale echoed around them, but he didn’t touch her, didn’t move, just clutched the damn boulder.
“It’s okay,” she said against his skin. “Let me in, Kade. Feel me.”
He shook his head. “No. I’m too broken.”
His words and rough, desolate tone slayed her—hit deep—and she had all she could do not to break down in front of him.
“I can’t. I won’t.” He grabbed her arms and tried to pry her away. “Brandi, please. Let go. You deserve better. Someone who isn’t tainted.”
She tightened her hold. “No. I deserve you. I want you. No one else, Kade. You hear me? No one else.”
“But, don’t you understand,” he said against her temple, his voice hoarse with emotion, sounding raw to the bone. “I’m not whole. I’m a broken man.”
She nodded, then kissed his jaw. “Use me, Kade. I’m your glue.”
He inhaled deep, then buried his head in her neck and held her so tight she could barely breathe. But, God, it was worth it. It was so worth it because he let go of his emotions. Let go of everything he’d been holding back. The man finally opened up and let her see his pain. He slid to the ground, but didn’t release her.
For several minutes they clung to each other, her straddling his lap, cradling his head to her chest as she reassured this special man she was there for him. Would always be there for him. It
was on the tip of her tongue to tell Kade her true feelings, but was worried it might somehow put more pressure on him, and she sure didn’t want to do that.
Somewhere between breaths, the embrace began to change. Needs switched and heat started to seep into their touch.
“Brandi,” he breathed against her neck, his hands, no longer clutching, now roamed freely over her body. “God, I want you…need you.”
That was it. She was toast. Soggy toast. She melted into him and gave herself over to the desire he invoked. Her fingers worked the buttons of his shirt while she kissed his neck and shoulder. “I want you, too, Kade,” she said, spreading open-mouth kisses to his ear where she closed her teeth around his lobe and tugged.
His body shuddered under her palms and, an instant later, two hands clamped around her, one snaking up to the back of her head, the other sliding down to cup her ass as he crushed her tight.
He tugged on her hair, and when she released his ear, he captured her mouth and devoured her strength. Slow, and with aching precision, the man kissed her to within an inch of her sanity. Again. God, he was so good at that maneuver. He drank, dipping deep, sweeping long until her toes curled in her boots, and she wondered briefly how she was ever going to get them off. Then it no longer mattered. He was dipping her back to trail kisses down her throat and chest, hands sliding up her body, sending heat to every peak and valley she possessed.
“This has to go,” he said against her neck.
She drew back and stood. Grasping both sides of her dress, she tugged the snaps open in one swift move.
A slow, hot smile spread across his face as he gazed up at her. “God bless denim,” he said, sliding his hands up her legs, brushing his thumbs over her center and groaning. “You’re wet.”
She smiled down and nodded. “Yep.” Then let the dress slowly fall off her shoulders before she set it on one of the boulders.
He sat there, between her legs, his gaze hot and dark as he took in her bra, panties and boots. “Mmm…and God bless cowboy boots.” He made to get up, but she pushed him back down.
“No.” She reached behind her back and unhooked her bra, watching his gaze darken and throat work in a swallow as her breasts bounced free. They felt heavy and ached when he gazed at them with such hunger. Leaning over him, she set the bra on her dress, then inhaled when his hands snaked up to cup her and brush a thumb over her nipples.
“Gorgeous,” he rasped before lifting up to take one in his mouth.
Her legs nearly buckled. Then he was sucking on the other one, and she was holding his head to her chest.
“Wait, not…oh…that feels so good,” she said into the quiet sky, the sun casting a golden glow behind his grazing horse.
He released her and spread kisses down her belly, hooking his index fingers in her panties as he slowly drew them down her spread legs. She lifted one to move it closer so he could work the lace over her boot. Then he sat back against the boulder and gazed up at her.
“Mmm…now that’s a beautiful view.” Warm hands glided up her exposed calves, lightly brushing behind her knees to skim her thighs, all in an assault to test her strength.
She was losing. Fast. Need shook through her legs so bad, she would’ve fallen if he hadn’t steadied her.
“Not yet,” he said, tugging her to stand over him.
Her palms hit the boulder. “Oh, Kade, I doubt I can stand. You take my strength,” she admitted, staring down into his handsome, desire-ridden gaze.
“Trust me.” He smiled, then cupped her ass and guided her knees to his shoulders. “Just hold on,” he said before putting his mouth on her.
Brandi inhaled and closed her eyes. Damn the man was good. Within seconds, he had her panting, using just his mouth. His talented, wicked mouth. Heat gathered in all the right places, and when he adjusted the angle and pressed closer, she lost control and burst.
When she finally regained enough of her faculties, he pulled her down on top of him and kissed her long and deep. He was hot and hard and oh so delicious her stomach fluttered. She trailed a hand down his torso, over his jeans to trace the bulge driving her mad.
He grunted and captured her hand, then drew back to stare into her face. “I won’t last, honey.”
“Then let’s get you naked,” she said, tugging free to slip his shirt off his shoulders before she leaned down to lick his nipple.
“Hey, minx,” he said, grabbing the back of her head and bringing her mouth to his for another of his amazing kisses.
When they broke for air, she fumbled with his jeans, but he grabbed her hands and pulled them away.
“Stand up.”
She did, praying she had enough strength to hold her weight while he quickly shed the rest of his clothes. Then he pulled a packet from his jeans, sheathed his glorious erection, and her mouth watered in anticipation. The man sparked a hunger, made her greedy for release, a release only he could provide.
He fixed his clothes and sat on them with his back to the boulder before guiding her over him again. Her pulse hiccupped. Ed hardly ever let her take top, saying she was too heavy. But Kade had let her take top several times, seeming quite happy with the position. Still, this…this was going to be different. He was sitting straight up. They’d be…
“Oh…” Her throaty cry mingled with his groan as she slowly sank onto his erection. “You feel so…perfect.”
He nudged her knees out a little further, and she moaned when more of him slid inside.
“Ah, hell yeah,” he muttered, voice strained and rough and deliciously hot.
His hand slid up to grip her hips as he leaned forward to capture a nipple in his mouth and tug.
“Kade.” Her eyelids fluttered closed, and she clutched his shoulders as she began to move. Had to move. Needed to move. Was going to die if she didn’t start to move…
A low, sexy sound resonated from deep in his throat. He released her nipple to spread hot, open-mouthed kisses over her collar bone, and then bit her neck in the spot behind her ear that he knew drove her crazy.
Breath caught in her throat while heat skittered down her spine, chasing the goosebumps that got a head start. She squirmed, her whole body tingling as they brushed, torso to torso. And when he released her neck, she opened her eyes and her pulse leapt.
They were eye level. So close she could feel his heart beating against her own chest. The connection was strong. His gray, smoldering gaze was open and frank, and she saw everything he couldn’t say. Felt everything. He held nothing back, showing it all. Her heart soared, and she let him see how she felt about him. Showed him all she had, gave him all of her as they moved, heartbeat to heartbeat, soul to soul…one wounded, healing human to another.
And as the emotions and touches and need became too much, she started to close her eyes...
“No,” he said with a shake of his head. “Don’t close them. I want to see you. Need to see you.”
She nodded, focusing on the need in his eyes, the hunger...the love. And as they rocked together, upping the pace, he brushed a finger over her center and it all became too much. Everything burst.
Brandi cried his name in a drawn out moan, watching the beautiful man as he followed her over the edge, her name on his lips, gaze to gaze, heart to heart.
They were going to be all right. Everything was going to be all right.
Who the hell was he kidding?
Kade sat in his truck, staring at the newspaper he’d picked up along with his coffee that morning. The front page article commemorating Sergeant Nylan’s death was enough to suck what little hope he had managed to dredge up the past few days.
He was done.
Brandi deserved better. He’d said it all along. Now, he just had to do something about it. Every time he tried, she managed to get under his skin, take hold and make him feel like there was a light at the end of his dark tunnel. That he could still offer something to the world. Her world.
He crumpled the paper in his fist. Who the hell was he kidding?
>
As First Sergeant, his soldier had depended on him, counted on him, and he’d let that soldier down. Whipping the paper across the cab, he cursed as it scattered on the floor. He’d let the soldier’s family down. The soldier’s daughter down. God, he didn’t want to let Brandi down. Didn’t want to be in a position where she needed him and he wasn’t there for her. He couldn’t deal with that. Could never live with that...
Pressing the balls of his hands against his eyes, he knew what he had to do. Always knew what he had to do. Now he just needed to grow a pair and let the woman go. She’d shared so much, gave so much, there was no way he could give that much back to her. She deserved someone who could. He removed his hands and straightened.
His gift to her was freedom.
“That a new way to read?” Connor appeared outside his door, a damn smirk on his face. “It’s easier if your eyes are opened, not smashed into her hands”
“I’m not in the mood, Connor.”
“I can see that.”
“Did you want something? I have to get to work.”
“Seeing as you’re sitting outside the station, I’d say you have the get to work part covered, buddy.”
Kade let out a long breath. Christ, he didn’t need this right now. He opened the door, forcing the tall cowboy to step back. “You’re right,” he said, grabbing his coffee before he slid from the truck. “Thanks.”
As he headed up the sidewalk, he silently cursed when his buddy fell into step and lumbered beside him. Damn McCalls. Stubborn. The whole lot.
“Won’t work, you know,” Connor stated, following him into the station, nodding to his sister-in-law sitting at her desk, her gaze snapping to them as they walked in.
In his office, he set his cup on the desk and clamped his jaw tight to keep the curse inside, then dropped into his chair. “What won’t?”
Connor shut the door and leaned against the filing cabinet. “Ignoring me. I’m a McCall. We’re like a bad habit. We don’t go away.”
“Don’t I fuckin’ know.”
Dumbass stood there and grinned that lop-sided grin. “Someone’s all riled up.”
“Connor, what the hell do you want?”
Her Uniform Cowboy (Harland County Series Book 3) Page 23