by L A Cotton
“No, thank you.”
Well, okay then.
Dejection burned through me as Bryan snickered. I flipped him off and made my way across the lawn. Monroe caught my eye, glaring at me, but I ignored him.
“There you are.” Lindsey intercepted me just as I reached the house. “I was hoping you would come say hi to me.” She swayed slightly, clearly buzzed.
“Actually, I’m headed to the bathroom.”
Her eyes darkened. “I could come with you?” She licked her lips suggestively.
“I don’t think so.”
Her expression fell, confusion clouding her eyes. “You don’t want me?”
“I don’t even know you.” I moved around her before things got any more awkward and found the bathroom.
When I was done, I loaded up an ice bucket with some beers and a bottle of water for Lily and made my way back to them. But when I got there, Lindsey and a bunch of other people had settled around the firepit, turning our small intimate gathering into something much bigger. I internally groaned. She wasn’t going to let this thing go, and as I sat down next to Bryan, it felt like walking into the lion’s den.
“Now everyone’s here,” she announced, “I thought we could play seven minutes in heaven.”
A chorus of cheers and some boos rang out around us.
“That’s a kids game,” one of the guys protested.
“Not the way we play it.” She winked at him, grabbing a bottle and moving beside the firepit. “The two people chosen have to go into the boat shed.” Lindsey motioned to the small building at the edge of the water. “Then you have seven minutes to… get to know each other. If you choose not to do it, you have to drink this.” She held out a cup and people started pouring a small bit of their drink into it until it was full.
“That’s disgusting,” one of the girls said.
“Consider it motivation.” Lindsey winked. “Ready?”
It was lame, but it was probably her attempt at getting me in the shed. I hadn’t missed the way she positioned herself dead opposite me.
She placed the bottle on the ground and spun it. “Okay, here we go.” It passed me once, twice, three times, finally landing on Bryan and one of Lindsey’s friends.
“Bryan and Candice.”
“Fuck yeah.” He cheered. “Bring it to daddy.”
Everyone laughed, although some of the girls looked a little green. Candice didn’t look too fazed though as she stood up and said, “No tongue.”
“We’ll see about that.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the shed, to the sound of our laughter.
We all waited, talking amongst ourselves. Lindsey kept looking at me, hunger glittering in her eyes. She wanted me. But she was shit out of luck because I wasn’t interested. I knew girls like her. High maintenance, clingy, and possessive. If I went there, she would think it gave her ownership over me, maybe even my guys, and I wasn’t looking to play games. Not unless it involved shoulder pads, helmets, and the harsh glare of Friday night lights.
“I wonder what they’re doing?” Poppy said.
“Knowing Candice, she’ll be on her knees, giving him the hottest seven minutes of his life.” Lindsey and her other two friends snickered.
Eventually, they reappeared. Bryan was wearing a goofy smile, so I half wondered if she was right. But then I saw the smeared lipstick around his face and chuckled.
“Good time?” Lindsey asked.
“Heaven, baby.” He winked over at Candice and she gave him a small wave.
“I think I’m in love.” He dropped down and grabbed his beer, draining it. “Best seven minutes of my life.”
“You need to get out more.” I clapped him on the shoulder.
“Okay, next round.” Lindsey spun the bottle again. Anticipation crackled in the air as it started to slow, eventually landing on Cole, and Aaron’s sister Sofia.
“No way,” Aaron said. “No fucking way.”
“Rules are rules,” Lindsey smirked. “Or they can pass and drink this.” She waved the cup of puke-looking drink.
“I’m not drinking that.” Sofia stood up. “Come on, Cole. Let’s go.”
“Uh,” he hesitated glancing between his friend and his friend’s sister. “We’ll just talk.”
“I bet you will.” Someone snorted.
“Touch her and you’re dead. I mean it, Kandon.”
“Dude, she’s your sister, relax. I’m not gonna—”
“Let’s go, Cole.” Sofia called as she took off toward the shed.
“This game sucks,” Aaron muttered.
“Relax,” Poppy said. “He won’t disrespect her. He cares too much about you.” They shared a long look.
“Maybe you should have traded places with her?” Lindsey burst into laughter but no one else laughed. “What?” she added with a shrug, “it was funny.”
A few minutes later, Sofia and Cole appeared, both laughing.
“Everything okay?” Aaron asked his sister.
“Relax, we just talked.” She shared a secretive smile with Cole.
“So dull,” Lindsey rolled her eyes. “Okay… third spin.” She let the bottle rip again.
I wasn’t even paying much attention this time. Not until she said, “Kaiden, you’re up with… Lily.”
My eyes snapped to hers, but she seemed to shrink into herself.
“Oh, I’m not playing,” she rushed out.
“Sure, you are.” Lindsey sneered.
“No, I’m—”
“God, Lily,” another girl said, “don’t be such a drag.”
She glanced around at her friends and they all looked as shocked as she was.
What the fuck was it with this girl?
“I volunteer as tribute,” Peyton said, flicking her long blonde locks off her shoulder.
“You know the rules, Peyton.” Lindsey huffed. “Either she plays or she drinks.”
“I-I can’t drink that.”
“Why not? You think you’re too good or something? Just because your da—”
“Back off, Linds,” Ashleigh said. “If she doesn’t want to play, she doesn’t—”
“It’s fine, I’ll play.” Lily shot up, fixing her eyes on mine. She motioned to the shed and took off without me.
“I am so sorry,” Lindsey said. “I didn’t realize you’d get paired with the school frea—”
“It’s all good.” I stuffed down my pride and went after her. “Hey,” I jogged up beside her. “Are you okay?”
“Is she still looking?”
I glanced back. “Yeah, they all are.”
“God, I hate this,” she breathed.
“Wow, way to make a guy feel good about himself.” I let out a strangled laugh, rubbing the back of my neck.
“I’m not…” she let out a long steady breath, “this isn’t about you.”
“I’m not expecting you to kiss me or anything,” I said, a little too defensively. I didn’t know what it was about this girl, but she was already under my skin.
Which was fucking strange since no one usually got under my skin.
The boat shed loomed up ahead and I moved around her to open the door, shaking my head at my idiocy when she waited for me to go inside first.
“I haven’t played seven minutes in heaven since ninth grade,” I said, hoping to break the silence. She looked at me with those big blue eyes and her lip quivered.
“I’ve never played.”
Chapter Five
Lily
My heart raced in my chest, my palms growing slick with sweat. I was in the boat shed with Kaiden Thatcher.
Kaiden freaking Thatcher.
How had this happened?
Lindsey Filmer that’s how.
She’d been pushing me, taunting me, shining the spotlight right on me, and something just snapped. I didn’t want to be the weird girl who never partied or never played their stupid games. For one night, for one small moment in time, I just wanted to be a normal teenager enjoying a party with he
r friends.
Why was that so difficult?
“Lily?” Kaiden asked, his brows furrowed. “Are you okay?”
“I—” The words lodged in my throat as the room began to close in around me. “I’ll be fine,” I said, closing my eyes and inhaling a ragged breath.
Leaning back against the wall, I pushed my hands behind me, trying to focus on something—anything—but the need building inside me.
“Hey, if you’re uncomfortable, we can go.”
“N-no, I just…” My eyes fluttered open, colliding with his. “I’m scared of small spaces.” It wasn’t a total lie. “How much longer is left?”
I could do this.
I could be with him in here and just talk or stand in awkward silence. It didn’t matter. I just didn’t want to go back out there and give Lindsey and her friends another reason to make my life any more difficult than it already was.
“Five-and-a-half minutes.”
God, that seemed like forever.
My eyes shuttered again as I focused on my breathing. In and out. In and out. I should have known coming down here would trigger me, but I hadn’t been thinking about the consequences, only the fact that Lindsey was looking at me. She was looking at me and smirking as if she’d already won.
“Hey, I think we should go,” Kaiden said. “You seem really uncomfortable.”
“No.” My eyes flew open, pleading with him. “I’ll be okay… I just…” My breath caught as my fingers went to the loose wisps of hair framing my face. The air was thick and heavy, and I struggled for every breath. It was like being at the bottom of a black hole, unable to claw my way out. Blood roared between my ears as dark thoughts circled my mind. The ceiling could give way and bury us… The sliver of light from an old lamp could blow, plunging us into total darkness… I could stumble and fall, landing on any one of the tools laying around… I could pass out and Kaiden would have to carry me back in front of everyone.
“I can’t breathe,” I cried, tears trickling down my cheeks. “I feel like I can’t bre—”
Large hands cupped my face, dark-gray eyes pinning me in place. “You’re okay, Lily. You just need to breathe.”
“I-I can’t, I can’t—”
His mouth crashed down on mine, swallowing my shriek of surprise.
Kaiden Thatcher kissed me.
He was kissing me.
I let out a shuddering breath as he fixed his mouth over mine again, kissing me harder. Kissing me until I was breathing his air.
I’d never been kissed before, not like this. Never like this. The panic coursing through me slowly melted away, replaced with molten lava. I was on fire, burning from the inside out as Kaiden’s tongue gently pushed past my lips and curled around my own.
One of his hands found its way to the back of my neck, anchoring me to him. Grounding me. I didn’t know how to kiss or what to do, but my body knew. It knew, and as Kaiden kissed me harder… deeper… it responded. It unfurled like a flower reaching for the sun.
I didn’t even know I’d reached for him, but when he finally ended the kiss, touching his head to mine and drawing in a sharp breath, my hands were locked behind his neck.
“What was that?” I whispered.
“A distraction… did it work?” His mouth curved with an uncertain smirk.
“Yeah, I think it did.” Aware we were still tangled up in one another, I let my arms fall to my sides. He took the hint and stepped back, putting some space between us.
“You were having a panic attack?” he asked, and I found no judgment there.
“Yeah, it happens sometimes.” It had been better recently, but an anxiety attack was never far away. Small places, loud crowds, dark rooms—I had a number of triggers. But at other times, it was completely irrational. Sometimes it snuck up on me so quickly that I didn’t even know it was happening until my body was shaking and my heart was racing.
“Do you feel okay now?”
Ducking my head, I nodded. “I-I think so.”
How embarrassing.
“I’m so sorry,” I rushed out.
“Sorry? You don’t need to be sorry. I’m guessing it’s not something you can control?”
I peeked up at him and gently shook my head. “This is why I tend to avoid parties.”
“Well, you shouldn’t. I bet—”
“Lily, Kaiden?” Lindsey’s voice reverberated around the hollow space.
“I guess our time is up.” I gave him a small smile.
“Yeah.” He pursed his lips, but I was almost certain his eyes flickered to my mouth.
Did he want to kiss me again?
Who was I kidding? Guys like Kaiden didn’t want girls like me. They wanted girls like Lindsey or Peyton. Strong, confident, sexy girls who knew what they wanted and weren’t afraid to take it.
I wasn’t that girl.
I’d never be her.
All I wanted was to get through senior year and figure out what I wanted out of life.
“What do you want me to tell her?”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“About what happened?”
There wasn’t time to answer because Lindsey stuck her head inside and narrowed her eyes. “It’s called seven minutes in heaven for a reason,” she sneered. “What are you even doing in here?”
She glanced between us and then zeroed in on me. “Are you okay? You look funny.”
“I’m fine,” I said. “We should probably—” I motioned to the door and slipped around them both, inhaling a deep breath the second I got outside.
I didn’t wait for them. I was too embarrassed, too confused about what had just happened. Kaiden had kissed me. But it felt like more… it felt like we’d shared a moment.
Don’t do that, Lily. Don’t make it into something it isn’t. He was distracting you. That’s all.
“Hey, are you okay?” Ashleigh asked as I sat down and burrowed into her side.
“Yep, why wouldn’t I be?”
She studied me for the longest second, but then Kaiden and Lindsey reached us.
“So, dude,” his friend said, “how was she?”
I stiffened.
“Like I’m going to tell you.” Kaiden dropped down in his chair and stretched out his long legs. His eyes flickered to mine, but I quickly averted my gaze.
“You were down there longer than seven minutes,” his friend added. “Did she get on her knees and—”
“Bryan, I said leave it.”
“Jeez,” he whistled between his teeth. “You don’t have to be such an asshole about it. It’s only a question.”
“Yeah, I know,” Kaiden added, and my breath got stuck in my throat. Was he going to tell them? Was he going to out me to everyone?
But then he said five little words that meant far more to me than they ever should.
“But I never kiss and tell.”
“Ready to talk about what happened with you and Kaiden in the boat shed?” Poppy asked me as we lay side-by-side on my bed. It was our thing. Saturday mornings she always climbed into my bed and we just lay there, sometimes talking, sometimes not talking.
“Not really.”
“Is that a ‘not really, shut up, Poppy,’ or a ‘not really, but keep fishing, Poppy?’” She nudged my shoulder, chuckling.
“I had a panic attack.” The words spilled out.
“Oh, Lilster.” She rolled onto her side and wrapped her slender arms around me. “And you’ve been doing so well.”
I didn’t answer.
I should have. Because she eased back, looking at me with concern in her eyes. “You have been doing better, right?”
“I have.”
“But?”
“But I’ve been having… urges again.”
“Did you tell Mom?”
I shook my head.
“Your therapist?”
“I’ll call her if it gets out of hand, I promise.”
I’d ended formal therapy a little over a year ago, but I still checked in
with her now and again.
“You should tell someone.”
“I am. I’m telling you.”
She poked her tongue out at me and just like that the heavy atmosphere melted away.
“Thank you for understanding.”
It wasn’t that I didn’t want help, but if Mom and Dad knew they would go into full protective mode and I couldn’t live like that again. It was too much. The constant questions and over-analysis of every decision and action. I got it, I did. But I was also a young woman now. I needed to handle this in my own way. Or else how the hell was I supposed to go off to college without falling apart?
No, I had to stand on my own two feet a little.
But it was a thin line between wanting to push myself outside my comfort zone and wanting to hide away in my bedroom and never step foot outside again.
“So back to Kaiden… did you two kiss?”
“Poppy!”
“Come on, you can tell me. I am an excellent keeper of secrets.”
“Nothing happened,” the lie rolled off my tongue. “I freaked out and he talked me down. He was very sweet.”
“Sweet? That’s not what I’ve heard of the infamous Kaiden Thatcher.”
“What have you heard?” I glanced over at her.
“I asked around. Apparently, he’s known to lose his temper on and off the field, if you know what I’m saying. There was a big fight last season… I heard Dad telling Mom he’s worried.”
My brows furrowed. That wasn’t the Kaiden I’d met last night, the Kaiden who had kissed me when he saw me losing control.
“I wonder what happened with Dad and Mr. Thatcher?” I mused, and guilt washed over Poppy’s face.
“Oh no, what did you do?” I asked.
“Promise me you won’t tell them?”
“I promise.”
“I Googled it.”
“You Googled it?” I deadpanned.
“I mean it’s public knowledge, so it isn’t really snooping.”
She had a point.
“What did you find out?”
“When they were in senior year, the rivalry week pranks got out of control… I found a report that said Kaiden’s dad was kicked off the team and he lost his scholarship to college after things between him and Dad turned bad.”