by Hill, Joanne
If it was, she was sicker than she’d thought.
No. She mentally shook her head. She liked Barry. Liked everything about him.
Unlike Ethan.
He turned slightly, and her gaze skipped over him. The T-shirt sat nicely – his hips were lean, but nowhere near as skinny as Barry’s. For a second she imagined sitting behind Ethan on his motorbike, her arms around his waist; feeling, she was sure, completely safe.
He poured the coffee, opened the tab on the milk carton, and slid it across to her. “Sugar?”
Sage shook her head, and noticed the packet of coffee sitting next to the coffee maker. It was ethically sourced.
He took the bar stool across the counter from her, and didn’t add milk.
Bringing the cup to his lips, he took a sip, then gave her a half smile. She waited for him to say something. Clearly he didn’t mind the silence.
She minded. “This is—it’s good. Good coffee.”
He glanced at the packet. “Thanks. I like the blend.”
He took a sip.
She did the same. The radio seemed oddly quieter.
Finally, he said, “Look, Sage.” He set the cup down. “I want to say that...” He scratched his chin, looked away.
She waited, and he focused on his wristwatch for a moment.
She frowned. What on earth was he doing?
“You wanted to say what?” she prompted.
His jaw twitched, and he met her gaze.
Something clicked in her mind, then again, and more seconds passed.
There was a nervous twitch at his jaw.
Nervous?
He looked straight at her, but he still wasn’t speaking.
No. It was impossible. There was no way Ethan McGraw was…
He was nervous.
“Look,” he said. “I want to apologise for what happened when you and I—” He waved his arm around as if he didn’t want to say the words. Finally, he said, “When you and I were together at Jack’s that time and that thing happened.”
That thing. She took a long swallow of the coffee. Those minutes. “What did you want to apologise about? I mean to say...” Nerves were getting the better of her now but she wasn’t about to agree to anything lest there were misunderstandings. “Which part of the evening were you meaning?” It seemed to her there’d been misunderstandings from the outset with her and Ethan, and she wasn’t sure which one exactly he was referring to.
“About what happened,” he said. “With you and me. In Jack’s house.”
She willed her mind to blank and forget all about it, but it was never going to happen. As long as she lived, she doubted it would ever happen.
“It’s forgotten,” she said crisply.
Liar. For weeks afterwards, she’d run it through her brain, and it had started up again when he’d moved next door. She was never going to be able to let it go if he was right next door. The embarrassment. The humiliation.
“Is it?” He looked suspicious. “Because I haven’t forgotten about it.”
She squinted, embarrassment beginning to worm its way up her spine. That night, she’d hoped he’d gone home, skulled a few beers, fallen asleep, and woken up with no memory of it. That fantasy had kept her somewhat sane.
He gestured to her. “You’ve got something in your eye.”
“Oh, I do that when I’m thinking.” She took another sip. “Because, you know, that’s all in the past. That night is best left there. I’m a big believer in that.”
He was silent a moment. “Okay. Fair enough. But I just want you to know that I’m not normally a guy who goes around…” He ran his hands through his hair again, roughly. “Kissing women.”
She waited for him to add that it hadn’t been a bad experience, or something equally as charming. Instead, he drummed his fingers on the bench top.
“Well,” she said, “just so you know, neither do I go around kissing men I barely know. I think I was coming down with a virus.”
Something flickered in his cheek, then disappeared.
“Then,” he said, “I guess we just put it behind us as some bizarre aberration.”
“It would be the mature thing to do,” she agreed, even as the memory came back to her in full force of her with her arms around him, kissing him.
It had been in her dreams enough.
No. Her nightmares.
She felt heat rise up her body in embarrassment and hastily held the cup beneath her face so that what was left of the steam bathed her.
“So, ah, what are your plans with the house for the day?” she asked.
He glanced around. “Ripping out walls to start putting in the insulation. It needs a lot to get it up to standard. I don’t know how Robyn lived in this place. Her heating bill must have been astronomical in winter.”
“It was, but she didn’t have a lot of choice. Her landlord gave her cheap rent because of all the work that needed to be done. Of course,” she said, her chest tightening, “that ex-husband of hers was no—”
She stopped right there. Had Ethan been a bastard ex-husband as well? Between Robyn’s ex, and her ex, maybe Ethan had been just as selfish.
“Was no what?” he asked.
“Help,” she said simply. “He barely saw the twins once he left her. She raised them on her own.”
“I remember her saying.” He eyed her curiously. “And what about you? How did you get along raising Harry? From what I’ve seen, you did a good job.”
She focused on answering the question, and not on the fact he’d given her a compliment. “Well,” she began. “I loved her so much, of course, but it was hard. I’ve been studying for most of her life so she’s grown up with that environment.”
“A masters and the doctorate?”
She nodded.
“And you don’t want to do anything with them? Even,” he added with a grin, “teach?”
She grimaced. “Me and a class of kids who would rather be playing World of Warcraft, or whatever it is they’re into these days? Not particularly.” She screwed up her nose thoughtfully. “I guess being a single mother for such a long time, and working in daycare, gave me an understanding that there are women far worse off than me, and that surviving day to day and paying the bills is a struggle. I was luckier than a lot.”
“Things could always have been worse,” he murmured.
She pressed her lips together, and thought of how her life might have turned out if she’d stayed married. It might not necessarily have been bad, but she wouldn’t have had the freedom she had now. Mind you, Robyn used to think the same thing. Neither of them had had any desire to go down the wedding route again. Yet Robyn had, and was so contented
“Yeah,” she agreed finally. “Things can always be worse.”
She finished her coffee and checked her phone. It had just gone six-thirty. Harriet would still be asleep.
“I guess I should head back home,” she said, but even as she said it, she didn’t move.
She frowned. That was odd. Odd that she was here with Ethan, and there was something so peaceful about it. Well…maybe not peaceful, so much. Peaceful wasn’t having your stomach flip-flop every minute. But there was something there, something that went beyond the attraction she felt for him. That bizarre, quite unnecessary, undeniably inappropriate attraction.
“Have you got work today?” he asked.
She shook her head. “No, I’m off today—” Her phone suddenly began to vibrate, and she jumped.
“Early to get a call,” he mused.
“Probably Harry.” She checked the screen. “Except it’s not Harry. It’s Robyn.” She quickly read the text. Jack and I are heading over to Melbourne for two days but Mrs Parker just phoned and she sounds sick. She said she’ll babysit, but she can’t. Can you come over? We need to get to the airport by nine. Would rather not take the kids with us, lol, but no worries if you can’t.
At the same time, Ethan’s phone went off, and he checked it. He glanced up at her.
S
he said, “Robyn and Jack?”
“The happy couple.”
“Rob sounds desperate in her ‘it’s up to you’ way.”
“Jack’s actually begging. Oh, man.”
She stared at him and he stared at her. There was that night again, coming back to torment her. That one time they’d babysat the children. Robyn had asked Sage, and Jack had asked Ethan, they’d both refused to leave, and that moment had happened. Even now, the feel of Ethan against her was so damned intense...
Heat rose up her body to her face. Please don’t let him read my mind.
He was focused intently on his phone. He cleared his throat. “I’ll go and look after the children,” he offered.
“No, it’s okay. I can go. You don’t need to.”
He met her gaze. “We don’t both need to go.”
It was on the tip of her tongue to say she knew them better than he did, but that was irrelevant now. He was honorary “Uncle” Ethan to them. She was just Sage. Plain old Sage. Not even an aunt.
“I guess,” she said slowly, “we could both go, and take turns.” It was a big house. They could go and not even bump into each other, if they chose.
“Magnanimous of you,” he remarked coolly.
She rolled her eyes.
“What about Harry?” he asked.
For a second she’d thought he said ‘Barry’.
“She’s out of it. I’ll leave her a note.”
He rose to his feet. “We could always swing by and pick her up later and bring her over for the night. Fill up some of the bedrooms in that mansion.”
There was a lot about the way he said “we” that tugged at something that might have been heartstrings. The way he included Harriet, someone he barely knew.
He said, “I’ll call Jack, let him know.”
She got up, too. “I’ll just go next door and get ready. Is fifteen minutes okay?” It would take half an hour to get into the central city and then over the bridge to the house. They’d beat the peak hour traffic, and Robyn and Jack would still have time to get out to the airport for check-in.
He nodded, and there was a kind of smile on his face, although it might have been a grimace. “Sounds about perfect.”
Sage left a note and a text for Harry, and stuffed her bag with her current projects. She was in the middle of a report to the local board over pollution in the creek that bordered the park. It had crossed her mind, as she rifled through her drawers for a change of clothes, what the sleeping arrangements would be. She’d stayed a few times in the guest suite on the ground floor, with its own glorious bathroom and spa bath. She fancied a bath when all she had was a shower at her place. But there was another spare room on the children’s floor. Eight-year-old Eric had his own room, but James and Ruby shared, and were happy doing so, until they decided they’d had enough of each other. Which at five years old was probably a way off.
Would Ethan want the suite? Or the spare room next to the twins?
Now, she stood waiting by his truck, and heard his front door shut. It made sense for her to take the spare room, since she knew the children better. She’d known the twins since they were two-years-old, and there was a queen-sized bed there, so if Harry did come over they could share and not crowd each other.
Ethan strolled over, beeped his remote, and she opened the door and climbed in.
She stroked the seat as she sat down. It was leather. Barry would shudder. She stroked it again. Despite the moral implications of this thing, the truck did make her feel safe. A few months back she’d cycled in to Mt Eden to Barry’s place and nearly killed herself lugging the bike up the stairs to his flat so it didn’t get stolen. No one, she figured, was going to steal this thing of Ethan’s.
She also liked that it was muddy and a bit scratched up. He wasn’t having heart failure at dirt and knocks.
He swung up and set the keys in the ignition.
She clicked her seatbelt and turned to find him staring at her.
Confused, she said, “Am I doing it wrong?”
“No.” He shook his head. “But I’ve been thinking. You should have the guest suite downstairs. I’ll take the spare room.”
She eyed him with suspicion. “Really.”
“Sure. Makes sense. The suite’s a bit girly for me with all that pink.”
She arched her eyebrows. “It’s peach.”
“Is it? I never noticed.”
“Actually—” She would forgo the bath, she decided. If the kids woke up in the night, she’d be closer to them. “I’ll take the spare room.”
“Why would you do that?”
“In case Eric and the twins wake up in the night.”
“If they wake up, I’ll be just down the hall.”
“True,” she said. “But I’m a woman. You’re—” She tried to imagine how it would seem to a five-year-old, waking up in the dark, maybe after some horrific fairy-tale nightmare, to find someone like Ethan walking towards you.
“You’ll scare them,” she said bluntly.
“How the hell do you figure that?”
“You’re so big. And tall.”
“Jack’s big. And tall.”
“Not as much as you.”
“He’s only an inch or two shorter.”
“Yes, but you’re just so—” Stop before you gush, Sage, and spit out words like amazing. Powerful. Strong.
“Neanderthal?” he remarked.
She froze. How did he know that, when she’d only thought it about him once? Maybe twice. Heat rushed uncomfortably to her cheeks. “Look, I just think—”
“I think you’re being sexist.” He switched on the ignition. “Admit it.”
“Of course I’m not being sexist. I just love and care for those children.”
“And I don’t?”
She gritted her teeth. “Okay. I’ll take the guest suite.”
“Don’t force yourself.” He pulled away, reversed, and headed down the driveway to the road. “After all, I might want to take a dip in that bath.”
Her eyes bulged. Ethan. In a bath.
The images. Ones she couldn’t un-see, and if she was being honest…did she want to?
He stopped, indicated to turn left, then looked briefly at her. “You alright?”
She was tempted to say “my eyes, my eyes” but it was in such a good way. “We can decide when we get there.”
He turned out on to the road, and headed down to the Stop sign.
“Yeah,” he agreed after a while. “And I might not get much sleep anyway.”
“Oh? A lot of work to do?” she asked, wondering what kind of work he’d be doing away from his place. Or maybe he was under stress. Maybe he’d overcommitted and it was all falling apart. His stress levels could be through the roof. She peered discreetly down at his legs. Maybe the tension in those jean-clad thighs wasn’t so much muscle but pure stress. Maybe something was eating him up—
“Cricket test. At Lords. It starts around midnight. We’re playing the English. A night watching cricket is my idea of heaven.”
“You follow cricket?”
“I’m a sports nut. I still get around a squash court and play a bit of social rugby.” He pulled to a stop and waited for the traffic. Auckland was now beginning to wake up. He said suddenly, “You think I’m a cliché rugby and beer man?”
“I didn’t think you were any kind of man,” she muttered.
There was silence and she closed her eyes a second. “That came out wrong. What I mean is…well, you aren’t the person I thought you were. Sort of.” She looked out the window. They were heading down Dominion Road, the image of the Sky Tower in the distance. “I don’t know. I’ll shut up now.”
Silence filled the cab, seconds passed, then a minute, and she could bear it no longer. “Look.” She began again. “Let’s just figure our arrangement out when we get there. So it’s all clear in our minds.”
“Couldn’t agree more. I’m all about clarity. After all, we’re doing this for our friends.”
“For Robyn and Jack,” she said.
“Robyn and Jack,” he repeated. They were beating the red lights, she noticed. She never beat the red lights.
“Just one question,” he said.
“Ask away,” she quipped uncomfortably.
They pulled to a stop at an intersection. “Does Barry follow sport?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t think so.” She racked her brain, but he wasn't sporty. Even cycling was his way of getting around the town without emitting excessive carbon dioxide. “I think he might have played table tennis in high school,” she remembered.
Ethan just snorted.
CHAPTER FOUR
“You two are our saviours,” Robyn exclaimed as Jack shoved a suitcase in his car and slammed the boot. “And I know the children will love having you here. It’ll be a breeze.”
Ethan noted that Ruby had a tight grip on Robyn’s hand, while her brother, James, and step brother, Eric, looked a whisker off kicking each other.
Ruby sniffed.
Ethan glanced warily at the boys. “Don’t speak too soon. I was counting on them sitting with laptops playing mindless games. Not trying to take each other out.”
Sage walked briskly past him and pulled Eric and James apart with stern words.
Ethan watched Eric protest, then James, then Sage’s voice grew sterner. Eric sulked.
Ethan was beginning to think Sage was an angel in disguise, and vowed to let her have whatever she wanted. He was getting very cold feet very quickly about this situation.
You are unprepared to look after these people.
What were you thinking?
“Don’t go, Mummy,” Ruby suddenly wailed. She gave Ethan a dirty look.
Offended, he said, “Hey, Rubes, it’s me. Uncle Ethan.” He hoped he’d used a consoling tone. “You’ve met me before, tons of times. Do you remember my house out in the country? With all the trees and the sheep in the paddock?”
Ruby stopped wailing a moment, stared at him, then began to sniff despondently all over again.