“Liam called your dad today. I guess he got the number from your phone. He invited him to come stay in our guest house out back until he can figure things out. Your dad was going to surprise you in the morning.”
Listening to every word, digesting it all, the sweetness of what Liam did, and Sam . . . just as I ruin the summer for both of them. The reality of the situation makes me sick, and I run to the bathroom and vomit because there’s nowhere else for the acidity in my stomach to go. Why would Liam do that if I was just a game between him and Sterling?
“Where is she?” I hear Jade frantically ask from the kitchen.
“Bathroom,” Sam says. The two of them are in the doorway of the bathroom as I continue to hang my head into the bowl that God knows how many people have wrecked tonight. The thought makes me feel like throwing up again. “What happened?”
“She confused a surfing conversation for intimate details of Liam and Julia’s sexcapades.” She’s my boss, Jade. Come on. Not that she didn’t already catch us butt naked in the hallway, but I was sort of hoping she was too drunk to remember that scene.
I rest my head on my arms that are flattened against the toilet seat. “Just, shit,” Sam says, covering her mouth.
“Then she ratted Liam out on something I’m not getting into.” Thank God Jade just kept her mouth shut. I did not consider the fallout of what could happen if Samantha doesn’t already know Liam’s news. I’m such an asshole. I was so mad, but still, how could I just yell that out? It was totally out of line.
“I was just a game to them,” I mutter to Sam and Jade.
“A game?” Sam asks.
I shrug. “I don’t know. Sterling said something about Liam winning this one.”
Sam rolls her eyes. “I think you should talk to Liam,” she says.
“I was a game. It’s so clear now. He was playing pranks on me, setting me up for disaster dates with Sterling. It’s so obvious that I don’t know how I didn’t figure this out sooner.” My life is a fucking reality game show.
“I didn’t know anything about this,” Jade says. “I’m so sorry, Jules.”
“I’m going to go find Leelee and Dylan to make sure those two aren’t making out behind the maple tree again.” Sam disappears from the bathroom door, and I hear the slider in the kitchen open and close.
“Just to top this all off, I’ve ruined their party and made the biggest scene I’ve ever made.” Dylan can keep a girl at ten, and I can’t keep a guy at twenty-two. I can’t even get one who truly likes me. Yet, here I am, crossing off good-looking guys. They’ve probably crossed me off their list anyway.
“Um, remember Greek Week, our first week of college . . . that frat party when you threw up on that chandelier? You ‘made it rain,’” Jade kneels down beside me and rubs her hand up and down my back. “I’m pretty sure that was the biggest scene you’ve ever made.”
“True,” I groan.
“You want to stay at my place tonight?”
“Yes, please.”
She helps me up to my feet and grabs a wad of toilet paper, rinsing it under the sink. “Can you just clean the chunks off your face before you get into my car?” My shoulders drop, and I deadpan, staring into her cheery, bright eyes. I can’t believe she’s amused right now. Can’t she see my life is ending?
* * *
After cleaning up my face up for a minute, I leave the bathroom and make a beeline for the front door. “Meet me in the car. I’m going to get some clothes for you upstairs,” Jade says. “Which room is yours?”
“First one on the right after the breezeway.” I walk outside and duck into the passenger seat of my car, watching the flicker of lights glowing from behind the house. How did I blow this so badly? I’m my mother—a total, stupid fuck up.
After a few long minutes, Jade makes her way outside and to the car, dropping down into the driver’s seat. “Sorry it took me an extra minute. I just wanted to let Cleary know I was leaving and make sure the girls were all set.”
I rest my head on the side window, feeling the cold of the glass soothe the ache that’s beginning in my temples. I wish there was something cold for my chest too.
“It’s going to be okay,” Jade says.
She’s just saying that because she has to. It’s written in the best friend guide book, or it should be. That may be the only thing I can write truthfully. Clearly, I don’t know shit about men, how to date, or how to keep a guy.
“I embarrassed myself and said something I should never have said. There’s no way this is going to be okay.”
“Is it true, though?” Jade asks. “Are Liam and Dylan brothers?”
“Yeah. I saw some DNA results. I was snooping, I should say.”
“Wow. I wonder if Samantha knows.”
“No clue. Liam just found out today.”
“Yikes.” I know.
During the slowest ride back to Jade’s apartment, I realize I don’t have my phone, and the fact that Dad is probably driving through the night to surprise me causes more apprehension. I’m sure he’ll call Jade if he can’t reach me, but I hope he doesn’t show up at Sam and Daniel’s house at the crack of dawn.
A WEEK LATER
Jade digs her toe into my shoulder, and I look up, finding her dressed and ready for the day. Crap, what time is it? “Dude, it’s been like a week. What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know,” I mutter, wiping the drool from my chin.
“You have to be getting uncomfortable on my floor.”
“Well, you won’t let me snuggle with you,” I say, turning away from her.
“And you won’t let me make out with Cleary in private here, so we’re even.” She has a point. I can’t deal with the dog-licking-privates sound. “Are you meeting with Sterling this morning?”
“I don’t know.”
“Okay, that’s it.” Jade grabs me by the arms and pulls me off the ground, falling backward with me onto her bed. “Have you been eating rocks this week?”
“Why can’t you just leave me here to rot?”
“I don’t want anything rotting on my floor,” Jade replies.
I twist my head and look at her with half-lidded eyes. “Shut up.”
“Get up and get in the shower, please, for the love of God. Then, get your butt down to the beach and talk to Sterling. He’s expecting you, remember?” Through a certain third-party person who has her nose in everyone’s business—Jade—I agreed to meet Sterling this morning, but now I don’t want to.
“I changed my mind about meeting him.”
“No, you’re going to go hear what he has to say. I said so,” she says, sternly.
Well then, if she said so, I suppose I have no choice but to listen to the scary version of Jade. I’ll let her think I’m going because she’s being demanding, but I do want to hear what he has to say, I think. Jade pushes me up to my feet, and I trudge over to the bathroom to take a shower because it has, in fact, been a few days. I’m bored out of my mind without a job. It’s been raining and kind of chilly almost every day this week, so it hasn’t been hard to camp out here. Plus, it makes avoidance much easier. Sam dropped off my phone earlier in the week. She told me to take a few days to reconsider coming back but asked me to let her know by the end of the day today. I guess Liam has been picking up the extra slack. Good. Extra time with his long-lost brother. That’s exactly what he needs.
I shower and tie my hair up, refusing to look at my miserable reflection before leaving the apartment. As if I weren’t already in my own personal hell, the sun nearly burns my eyes after being inside for so many days. It’s like I have perma-hangover, but I haven’t had a thing to drink since that stupid party.
I need coffee before breakfast and since Sterling should be at the stupid beach, he won’t be at the stupid bakery. Stupid ass. I pull up front, happy I don’t see his stupid Jeep. Stupid, stupid, stupid.
Walking in, I’m thrilled there’s no line, and I place my order with the happy girl who has sunshine pouring
out of her eyes. Dude, you’re working at seven in the morning. What’s there to be happy about? She hands me my coffee and pastry, which I carry over to the cream and sugar stand, fixing up my large cup of caffeine.
“I knew it,” I hear. Noooo. Why? Because that is how irony works.
I turn around, finding Sterling with a serious look stemming from the straight line drawn across his lips. “Thought you were going to be at the beach?” I ask him.
“You’re always late, so I figured I had time for coffee.”
“Always?” I argue. “We went out twice.”
“That would be considered always.”
“What do you have to say? You can save me a trip to the beach,” I tell him.
“I wanted to say I was sorry.”
“Well, now you’ve said it. Feel better?”
“No,” he huffs. He takes my arm and drags me outside and in between the two store fronts where some tables are lined against the walls. “Look, Liam and I have been friends for a while, okay? And I’m sure you’ve noticed there aren’t a whole ton of young women who live here during the summer season, so it isn’t unusual to cross paths with the same crowd. Liam has a cold personality and comes off a little strong, so anytime we’ve been interested in the same girl, they’ve usually swayed more to my side. It wasn’t technically a game, but I know it’s always pissed him off.” I want to say it’s Liam’s fault for being a dick to so many people and that Sterling is right in this situation. “But it wasn’t like that with you. I really liked you.”
“Meaning you didn’t just want a one-night stand with me to add another notch to your bedpost?”
He looks a bit taken aback by this accusation, seeing how little I do know about him, but I sort of went off of what Liam said, even though I shouldn’t exactly be believing anything anyone has said to me. “I would have said it kind of differently, but yeah.”
“Thanks for your honesty.” I can’t help rolling my eyes as I drown his voice out with the steaming first sip of coffee.
“It’s true. I liked you more than that, okay?” I don’t say anything as I hold my gaze on his, waiting for the rest of his explanation because I know there’s more. “I got jealous when I saw Liam talking to you. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him light up when talking to any woman around here before.” I feel relief in my chest, but then it diminishes, as I realize how little any of this matters right now. I said stuff I can’t unsay, and I did things I can’t undo. Whether I have something to be mad at Liam for or not, he has a good reason to never forgive me for what I did. “Anyway, he was into you, and I couldn’t stand the thought of someone as sweet as you preferring Liam over me. I knew that was the case when we had pizza. It was like your body was there, but your mind was somewhere else.”
“Probably on chowder or something stupid like that,” I jest with a straight face.
“Well, I’m glad to hear you weren’t thinking about any backdoors while we were eating, at least.”
His quick rebuttal makes me laugh a little. “Touché.”
“Guppy, I like you, I do. What I should have said the other night was that Liam deserves a win. He’s had a tough road, and he’s a cold jackass for a reason, but he’s a good-hearted jackass.”
I inhale sharply through my nose, letting it out slowly through my mouth, trying to unwind the knot of tension in my chest. “I’m sorry I hurt you,” I offer.
“I forgive you, but just promise me this . . . if you end up working things out with him, don’t be like, sucking face in front of me or anything. I might not be able to stop myself from joining in. Liam’s hot shit.” My head falls to the side, waiting for his laughter, but he holds in his composure for a long second. “I’m almost not kidding.” Now, thankfully, there’s a laugh because I’m not sure I’m up for any type of threesome talk at the moment.
“Liam’s at the beach, probably on his knees and taking—”
“A railbang?” I add in.
“Wow, I am impressed by your surfing lingo. Now, we just need to get you on a board.”
“I still can’t swim, remember?”
“Liam will teach you, then you gotta get on a board and surf with us in the mornings. Okay, girlchacho?”
His term of endearment makes me feel a little better, or at least a little less bad. Not sure which yet. “So does this mean we’re friends, eh?” I mock his accent.
“Definitely,” he says with a smirk. He wraps his arm around my shoulders and places a kiss on the top of my head. “Now get out of here.”
Whether Liam wants to forgive me or not, I’ll at least feel better after apologizing for outing him publicly with private information. It’s so unlike me to do something low like that, and it’s been eating away at me and continues to do so the entire twenty-minute ride back to Kennebunkport.
I pull into Sam and Daniel’s driveway, knowing I owe them an explanation as well. But first, I need to talk to Liam. Heading down the path and over the small footbridge, I see a few guys surfing, and I plop down on a rock to wait for him.
The sun feels nice this morning after my hideout in Jade’s apartment, but at least I had some real time to think.
Dad was supposed to arrive the morning after that traumatic party, but as his poor luck goes, the radiator blew before he even crossed the state line. He had to get towed back home and wait out the weekend for the shop to open. Then they told him it would take a few days to get the part in. Last I talked to him, he was planning to try again this weekend, but if Sam and Daniel don’t want me back after my unnecessary time off, that’s going to kill Dad’s plan. I’m just grateful the bank let him stay in our house for an extra week.
Liam and everyone else he’s with are all coming in with their boards, and I wait until he’s had a moment to shake the water from his hair and stop smiling at the brunette he’s laughing with.
Something in my chest tightens and hurts. Why would Sterling have said all of that if Liam hadn’t truly seemed upset? He seems to be doing fine now. I hate the thought of Sterling forcing me to witness this scene so I’d come running back to him, but he didn’t look like he had been plotting. Every word he said sounded sincere, but who knows. And who is the brunette?
Liam leans into the girl and gives her a hug, running his hand up and down her back. I can’t see his expression, but her eyes are closed, and she’s sort of beaming.
I stand up, realizing now isn’t a good time, and maybe it’s just a bad idea altogether. However, after having time to think over the past few days, I’ve decided to stay and keep at it with Dylan. Sam told me I was the first nanny he’s warmed up to in longer than she can remember. Hearing that meant a lot to me, especially since it didn’t seem like he was warming up to me at all.
Heading back to the path, I hear quiet thuds in the sand coming up behind me, but I don’t turn around, knowing it could be any one of the people surfing. Plus, I don’t want to see him with her. I know I had no claim on him, and we were playing “games” for a week, but I let my guard down, and I left my heart exposed.
“Well, if it isn’t the bitchiest ray of sunshine in the world,” I hear.
Ouch. That’s what he’s saying in front of this girl? I know I deserve some wrath, but not that.
I continue walking as if I didn’t hear him, but he grabs my arm, forcing me to stop. He spins me around to look at him, and now I have to sit here and stare into his sunlit, sea-green eyes and the new freckles that have appeared all over his nose. Always the hot guys . . .
There are no words coming to me, and I just stare at him like a weirdo. “Did you talk to Sterling?” he asks.
“Yes.” I keep my answer short, still unsure of what else to say. Sorry might be a good place to start.
“I’m glad he cleared things up then.”
“Look, I’m so sorry for reading your mail and then announcing it. I was so wrong and should never have done that. I don’t want to blame it on the wine, but I was upset and just lost control of my mouth, I guess.”
He crosses his arms over his bare chest, which melts into his partially unzipped wetsuit. “I was pretty pissed at you for doing that, but after I calmed down, I realized it felt good to hear it out loud after all these years.”
“How did it all happen? I felt so shocked when I read the letter, but to me, it kind of all made sense afterward.” I’m not sure if he wants to talk about it, but I’m obviously more than a little curious to know the whole story.
“There’s not much to it, really. My dad left when I was ten—never called, wrote, sent money, nothing. He was just gone. It destroyed my life and my mom’s. We were poor, she didn’t have a job, and we barely had enough money for food. Every night of hunger, every day we had to figure out how to fix a leak or a clogged toilet in our crap apartment, I blamed him. I’ll never forgive him. My mother was forced to work early mornings, all day, and late nights just to keep us going.”
“I wouldn’t be able to forgive him either.” While mom didn’t leave us high and dry, the feelings can’t be much different. Dad has been paying the consequences of her departure for years, and watching him unhappy has hurt me more than anything.
“Anyway, he got in touch with me a few years ago and confessed a bunch of shit, but he was drunk. He said he had a new family, but I shouldn’t feel bad because he left them too. At the time, Sam still had his last name, so I did a lot of searching and found a record with my dad’s name on Sam’s address.” I can’t help looking at him the way I feel—broken. A parent leaving causes more damage to an innocent child’s soul than anyone could ever imagine. “I lived just a few towns over so I came here to introduce myself to her. I just needed to know who she was and if she was okay, but before I could get a word out to her, I saw Dylan running around behind her. I was speechless.”
Everything is piecing together, sadly, heartbreakingly. “So how come you didn’t know until just now that he was truly your half-brother?”
“The next thing out of Sam’s mouth was her asking if I was there to apply for their housekeeping position. Having a mother who runs a popular cleaning company seemed like fate at the time. I told her about my experience, even though it was a little fluffed, and Dylan ran over to me, asking if I’d play with him, which he never did with other people, as I found out later. It was all history after that, but I couldn’t get myself to admit to the truth of who I was and why I was really there.”
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