by Nicole Hart
“I’m calling you tomorrow,” he said as he turned to walk down the stairs.
“I’ll be waiting.” My voice shook, but a smile covered my face.
“Goodnight, Jess.” He stopped and turned around one last time.
“Goodnight,” I repeated and watched him, but he didn’t move.
“I need you safe inside before I can leave.” His eyes lingered, and then drifted down my body before lazily rising to lock stares.
“Okay. Bye, Logan.” I blew him a kiss before shoving the key into the lock and walking inside.
I turned around before shutting the door, hoping to catch another glimpse of him. And I did, because he hadn’t moved. He held up his hand with a hint of a wave that I reciprocated before closing and locking the door.
As I walked through the living room, heading into my bedroom to remove the shoes that I suddenly realized were killing my feet, I heard a familiar sound. The heavy breathing and quiet moans coming from Braxton’s room. Josh was here. I couldn’t help but giggle as I shook my head, retreating quickly to my room. I needed the radio on my dresser to drown out the sounds. Even though I knew this would be going on, I wasn’t interested in the play by play. I didn’t need to hear Braxton instruct Josh. Once was enough.
I flipped the radio on, keeping the volume loud enough to drown out the noise but low enough that I didn’t look like the bitchy roommate.
Keith Urban came through the speakers as I started to undress. I had always been a fan of country music, even though it reminded me of the love I never thought I would have. I could always relate to the heartbreak lyrics. I enjoyed the emotion it invoked, even when I didn’t want to admit it.
Blue ain’t your color.
That single line caused me to flip the station, but the memory had already begun to replay in my mind, and I couldn’t shut it off.
“Jess!” My little brother, Isaac, ran outside where I was watching Maxi play in the dirt. His face was covered in dirt of his own, but his pupils were wide, and the whites of his eyes were full of panic.
“What’s wrong?” It was bad. The fear was all over his face. I always worried there would come a day when my stepfather would lose his temper and hurt my mom more than usual.
“It’s Ben. He…he…w-w-won’t m-moo-move,” he stuttered, and I was reassured it was awful. He worked for years to overcome his speech impediment, but it still took over when he was nervous.
I ran into the house, straight to the boys’ room. I didn’t even attempt to get my mom. She was probably passed out anyway. I didn’t want the wrath of my stepfather if I knocked on their bedroom door and interrupted anything.
Ben was on the floor, his face was blue, almost a shade of grey, foam spilling from the sides of his mouth.
“Ben!” I screamed, kneeling down on the floor beside him, but he was lifeless. His eyes were closed, and I lifted his lids, but all I could see was white. I tilted my head close to his mouth to see if he was breathing, but my body trembled, and I couldn’t tell.
“Oh my God. Oh my God,” I mumbled over and over as I shook him, begging him to wake up. Breath. Cough. Something.
“What’s wrong with Ben?” Maxi muttered behind me. “Why is he all blue?”
“Isaac, what happened?” I didn’t know what to do. I was so confused and so scared.
“He w-w-wanted to try that brown st-stuff. He put it up his nose,” Isaac whispered. “I told him n-n-n-not to, but he told me to shut up and quit being a b-baby.”
The urge to vomit consumed me as my body started to tremble. This couldn’t be happening. I stared down at his lifeless body.
“Maxi! Isaac! Run next door to the neighbors and tell them to call the ambulance,” I yelled to them, holding Ben in my arms, rocking him. He was sixteen and so thin I could have dragged him across the lawn, but I was scared to move him.
“Daddy said we-we-we can’t talk to the neighbors. We’ll get in trouble, Jess. Maxi…Maxi don’t,” he begged both of us.
“I don’t care what he says, Isaac. Both of you, go! Now!”
“Come on!” Maxi yelled to Isaac, and they both ran out of the house.
“What the hell is all that screaming about?” Bill, my stepfather, yelled as he stomped down the hallway.
“He got into your dope!” I seethed at Bill, my body trembling, hatred running through my veins.
“Little motherfucker,” he grumbled and turned his back on both of us. I heard the shuffling of keys and then the door slam.
Sorry bastard.
I held Ben in my arms, praying he would be okay. The sirens drew near, and tears started to fall.
Chapter Thirteen
The sun blazed through my window, causing me to stir.
“Shit,” I whispered, rising up and grabbing my cell phone from the nightstand to check the time.
9:20 am.
I had forty minutes to be at work. I should have known better than to take a sleeping pill, but I couldn’t bear the memories to continue flooding over me after having such a great night with Logan. The only solution had been medication to knock me out. But this morning, I regretted it.
I stumbled to the shower, my head pounding. I hated that a simple over-the-counter pill caused this type of hangover, but it did. Every time.
I got ready in record time and jogged into the kitchen on my way out the door. I opened the refrigerator and grabbed the cream cheese.
“What are you doing?” Braxton mumbled from the sofa. I glanced over at her as I pulled the bag of bagels from the cabinet, her long hair in a side braid, cuddled with a throw pillow.
“I’m grabbing some food before work. I’m so late.”
“You’re eating?” she asked. I could tell she wasn’t trying to be rude or condescending, she was genuinely curious.
“I’m hungry,” I muttered, brushing off any explanation or further comment on the subject. “I gotta go.” I grabbed my purse and jerked the door open, closing it behind me before jogging down the stairs, all while nibbling on my breakfast.
Three hours into my shift, my sleeping pill hangover was gone, and I was having a great day. My tips were more than usual, and I just felt good all the way around.
“I like this chipper Jess! Looks good on you!” Nancy whizzed by me with a tray of drinks.
I didn’t reply, I only smiled as I hung my new order, shoving my most recent tip into my apron pocket.
The bell that hung on the entrance rang, drawing my attention to the door. My breathing hitched as I saw those beautiful eyes, but I didn’t have a clue what he was doing here. I ran my fingers through my hair, hoping to tame the top knot mess I knew I donned. With a crazy shift and a humid morning, it was inevitable. The coffee stain on the top of my uniform glared back at me when I glanced down at my appearance. It was small but noticeable.
But the smile on Logan’s face let me know he didn’t notice any of these things. I returned that grin and gave him a tiny wave, trying to contain my excitement.
“Hey.” His voice exuded a shyness that made my knees weak.
“Hey,” I repeated.
“I know you’re busy, but I just wanted to see you for a second.” He gripped the corner of the bar.
“Is everything okay?” I instantly worried something was wrong.
“Yeah, I’m good. Just wanted to see your face.” His eyes stared into mine as his crooked smile crossed his lips.
Damn.
“You’re almost too good to be true, you know that?” I whispered, leaning closer to him from the other side of the counter.
“I doubt that,” he muttered. The little crinkle between his brow was prominent as he shook his head.
“I don’t,” I reassured him.
“Isn’t it time for your break?” Nancy asked as she poured a cup of coffee beside me. It wasn’t. Not until the rush died down. But I decided to be selfish and take her up on her offer.
“Yeah, I think it is,” I said, giving her a wink out of Logan’s line of sight.
�
��Go.” She beamed and raised her eyebrows.
I knew I would feel guilty sitting at a table as Nancy worked, so I untied my apron and shoved it under the counter, a huge smile covering my face as I looked back up at Logan.
He was staring at me, and I wished I could read his mind. I wanted to see what he saw.
“Shall we?” I asked, crossing around the bar and looping my arm through Logan’s as we walked out the front door and sat at a two-person table outside.
“I hope you don’t mind that I stopped by.”
“Of course not.” I shook my head. I was so glad to see him, although I wished it weren’t in this environment.
We spent a few minutes making small talk, holding hands and just staring at each other. It was a crazy situation. So different from anything I had ever experienced. It was nice. But I knew it would have to end as I watched Nancy struggle with the lunch crowd that steadily flowed inside the diner.
“I should probably get back to it,” I mumbled, staring at Logan’s hand covering mine.
“Yeah, I need to check on my brother.”
“Is he okay?” I asked. His brother seemed more than able to take care of himself, and I felt like there was something to his statement. Although it wasn’t my business to ask, I did anyway.
“He’s fine, just going through some stuff.” His answer was short and to the point, and obviously, none of my business.
“Oh…” I felt like I need to keep my mouth shut and stay out of his family affairs.
“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to come across as rude. It’s just a long story, for another time.” He smiled, but there was a sense of nervousness about him. It was sudden and very distinct.
“It’s okay. It’s not my business.” I brushed off his comment, and the conversation. I didn’t want him to feel obligated to discuss something that really had nothing to do with me; we hardly knew each other.
“Listen,” he said as he stood, pulling me with him and wrapping his arms around me. A calm rushed over me as I leaned into him. There was just something so peaceful about Logan.
“How about you come to my place tomorrow night? I’ll cook for you.” He ran his fingertips down my neck and over my shoulder blades.
“You cook?” I asked, smiling.
“I do. Is that a yes?”
“Definitely a yes,” I replied as his lips pressed against mine for the first time that day. The faint smell of marijuana lingered in my nose and caused me to stiffen. I hadn’t smelled that odor in years, but it was recognizable, something you never forgot.
Logan didn’t seem like a drug user, and I got a little nervous for a second, but brushed it off, thinking maybe I was mistaken.
“Okay, I’ll call you later.” He grabbed my hand and pressed my wrist to his lips, just like last night at the restaurant.
“Okay.” I could feel the heat radiating off my cheeks as I reluctantly pulled away from him and headed back inside.
Maybe I was mistaken. But if I weren’t, it’s not like I could compare pot to heroin. However, considering my past, it was all lumped together. I mean, it was legal now in multiple states, for Christ’s sake. I needed to get a grip and not stress about things that didn’t deserve the worry.
I shook it off and concentrated on those postcard eyes.
Chapter Fourteen
“Are you sure you don’t want me to pick you up?” Logan asked as I held my cell phone up to my ear while trying to curl the ends of my hair. It wasn’t an easy task, but I loved the sound of his voice.
“No, you’re cooking. I can find it, I promise.” I giggled into the receiver, shaking my head at him. I was a city girl—I could find my way around. Besides, my tips had been good enough the last couple of days that I could afford to take a cab, which seemed to make Logan feel a little better.
“Okay, well, be careful. All right?” His concern for me was so endearing—no one had ever worried about me in the past. I grew up being the worrier, which had carried over into my adult life. The only person who ever worried about me, was me.
We said our goodbyes, and I finished getting ready, anxious to see his face. I let the marijuana scent from the day before go and decided to let it be. Logan wasn’t a drug addict. I knew that. I didn’t know him well, but that part I knew. I grew up surrounded by addicts—they weren’t hard to spot. He may casually smoke weed, but I refused to let that be a deal breaker…regardless of my past.
An hour later, I stood in front of Logan’s apartment building, and butterflies took flight in my stomach. I wondered how long this sensation would last—if it would end or just fade. This feeling was so new to me I wasn’t sure how to process it.
I read the number on the door twice to make sure I had the right place.
4503
As I tapped on the wood, I heard a bark on the other side, which surprised me. I grabbed my phone, checking my notes to make sure I wrote the address down correctly. Which I had.
A few seconds later, Logan greeted me.
“Bentley, stop.” He hushed the dog, who ignored his command. Logan smiled and ushered me in.
The cutest pug I’d ever seen sniffed my legs, circling me and snorting as he moved.
“Oh my God, look at you,” I cooed as I squatted down and started to rub his ears. His grunts continued as he closed his eyes and shook his head back and forth, basking in the affection.
“How am I supposed to compete with that?” Logan chuckled above me, as he shut and locked the door, twice.
I rose, leaning into Logan as he wrapped his arms around me. The peace that radiated off him covered me like a warm blanket.
“No competition.” I smiled, squeezing him harder. “He’s super cute, though”
Apparently, Bentley had enough of greeting his new visitor and decided his bed in the corner was the place he’d rather be.
I took a look around Logan’s place and realized it was the cleanest, most organized home I had ever seen. His hardwood floors were so immaculate I swear they sparkled. He had a bookshelf lined with novels, perfectly straight. His furniture was dark brown suede with matching tables, completely void of any clutter. There was nothing out of place. Nothing. I followed Logan to the kitchen—the pristine kitchen. He was cooking, yet there wasn’t a mess. There wasn’t even a dish in the sink. Nothing.
“Your place is really nice.” I admired my surroundings, drawn to the oversized bookcase. A man who reads…his sex-on-a-stick persona just got bumped up a notch. I wasn’t even a reader, but the thought of watching Logan read was beyond hot.
“Thanks, have a seat.” Logan pulled the stool out that sat against the bar area, connecting to his kitchen.
I took a seat and admired the view as he opened the oven and then moved to the refrigerator.
“Would you like a drink? I grabbed a bottle of red wine from the bar, or I have beer. Unless, you don’t want alcohol. I have water or soda. Up to you.” He was rambling, and I noticed his nervousness again.
“I’ll have whatever you’re having.”
Logan grabbed two bottles of beer, a brand I didn’t recognize, and opened them both with his forearm before placing one in front of me. I took a sip and suddenly felt the urge to touch him. I hopped off of the stool and walked up behind him in the kitchen, wrapping my arms around his waist. Logan turned to face me, lifted me off my feet and placed me on top of the counter. A little squeak escaped my lips at his unexpected gesture.
Logan stared at my lips before running his index finger over my chin.
“You still have your coat on.” His whispered voice warmed me as he slid my black blazer down my shoulders, exposing the fitted tank I had on under it, before running his fingers down my back.
“Not anymore.” My voice was soft, waiting for his lips to touch mine. I needed to be kissed. His large hands gripped my waist, circling it entirely as he leaned into me, my thighs gripping him, needing him closer.
“God, you’re beautiful,” he whispered, but I shook my head, my body stiffening, unab
le to accept his compliment.
“I’m serious, Jess. How do you not see it?” he asked, brushing his lips against mine.
“You’re too good to be true…you know that?” I pressed against him, craving his closeness. My hands went to his neck, pulling him against me.
“I think there’s probably still a lot we need to learn about each other.” This time, he shook his head, and I knew he was right. We had this amazing physical connection, and I liked him, but we didn’t know each other well.
“You might not feel the same way about me when you know more.” The word vomit spilled from my lips before I could stop it. I could smack myself for letting something like that come out of my mouth.
“Maybe that makes two of us.” His comment didn’t go unnoticed, but as soon as his lips met mine once more, my doubt fell away. For the time being anyway. I simply enjoyed the way he felt, and the way he made me feel.
The beeping of the oven broke our exchange, and neither one of us seemed very happy about it.
“I hope you’re hungry.” Logan smiled as he reluctantly pulled away and bent over the oven to pull out a dish I was convinced heaven smelled like.
“Starving.” In every way.
Chapter Fifteen
“That was amazing, Logan. Where did you learn to cook?”
We just finished cleaning the kitchen, and regardless of Logan’s protests, I helped. I noticed he had a very meticulous way of doing things. His dishes had to be perfectly aligned as he loaded the dishwasher, and I watched him fold the same dishcloth four different times as if he just couldn’t get it right. But it was obvious from his home, he liked things clean and in order. I couldn’t fault anyone for cleanliness.
“Um, I guess when I was a kid,” he said with hesitation as he shuffled me out of the kitchen. But not before turning the kitchen light off. Then on. Then off. Then on. And finally, off.